Things You Would Never Know Without the Movie Industry

[Leon026]

- When the accent of character does not fit the rest of the crew, he is either the villain (certainly if English), comic relief, or token minority.
- Firearms have a secret compartment to allow double capacity of the actual magazine.
- Snipers always get headshots, or are terrible shots.
- The military is incapable of defending the nation against zombies.

[capthugeca]

A decent villain has to have a English accent...

and every other Englishman has to sound like Bert from Mary Poppins!

[Leman]

Yes, the Zombie one always puzzles me. They shuffle along going 'nnnnnhhhhh.' Obviously that's what the cavalry should have been trained to do before 1914. That would have solved the machine gun problem.

[Techno]

Despite the fact that next to nothing of global importance has ever happened in the US, that's where aliens will land.

But if they landed YONKS ago......They landed (or crashed) in the Antarctic.
Cheers - Phil

[Luddite]

OK, random brain dump:


Nobody ever fumbles their words, or hesitates when speaking.

Bullets send people spectacularly flying.

Hand weapons like swords and knives kill people instantly.  In fact, bullets do to.

You can harmlessly knock someone out with a heavy object or gun butt.

The Roman army (or any ancient army really) never fought in formation.

'The enemy' (Japanese, 'Red Indians', Nazis, black people, anyone from the Middle East, etc.) are simply bullet sponges to be mercilessly despatched without much care or thought.

WWI was fought solely between America (with a few Canadians), and Germany.
WWII was fought solely between America and Germany or Japan.

An American won the Battle of Britain.
An American found the Enigma machine.
America won the Vietnam War.
Vietnam is a war not a country.

Bullets are easy to dodge.
Breeze blocks, house bricks, car doors, desk lockers, internal domestic walls, and pretty much anything else will stop bullets.

The English are the most evil people on the planet.

America is horrendously susceptible to asteroids, alien invasions, caldera eruptions, and tsunamis.

Cars can survive jumping a river gorge.

Refrigerators are immune to atomic explosions.

Women never talk to other women, unless its to discuss a man.

American police officers are trained to be able to identify any drug, chemical, powder or substance by taste.

[Techno]

Internet connections never play silly b*ggers and have a 'go slow'.
(Probably more true for TV shows.....Especially those sponsored by 'computer companies'.)
Cheers - Phil

[fsn]

The English are the most evil people on the planet.

That is true.  

It's a phase. They've been through "Commies", "gooks", Japanese, Germans, Brits and now it seems to be Russians and Ukranians. 

[Aksu]

All WW2 German infantry is armed with MP40 Schmeisser.
WW2 German tanks look identical to post-WW2 American tanks, just with different paintwork.
Ground attack aircraft have guns registered to hit the ground exactly 2 m away from any target.
Hand grenades are filled with petrol to make fireballs.
Car doors and dry walls stop machine gun bullets.
All machine gunners are taught to shoot to the enemy to their front, not along the enemy lines.
All modern combat takes place at 50 m range.
RPG warheads travel at 100 mph.
All scabbards are lined with metal to produce scraping sounds.

And finally something I was actually taught at film school:
You only need to unbutton two buttons to take off any shirt.

Cheers,
Aksu

[Leon026]

People use Bing as their number 1 search engine
Shooting as petrol or gas barrels will make them explode

[ronan]

By god there is hope for us!!!!!!!!

That's what I was going to write !

[capthugeca]

You only need to unbutton two buttons to take off any shirt.

Must try that out on Mrs Capthugeca later.  


Hey, Aksu, which two buttons?

[fsn]

The cuffs.

[Orcs]

Must try that out on Mrs Capthugeca later.  

HMMM!  Not sure thats a good Idea, I can just here one or all of the following  following from Mrs C:-  

Why are you taking your shirt of?
Put That chest away

Or if your really in trouble

WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT TRICK ?? (Impying another female) - This will be made even worse when you reply " A bloke I know !!"  

[Last Hussar]

50m range?  Thats almost twice as far as reality!

Anything that has wheels is made of a surprising element called 'explodium', and any sudden impact causes the vehicle to explode - I saw a trailer for (I think) a Conquistador movie, a 16th cent cannon fell of a ledge and exploded on impact!

Similarly 'Bulletproofium' renders thin car doors and wooden tables impenetrable.

CCTV is all High definition, and can easily be used to identify people (I've seen CCTV, which obviously cant be real, where the best we could come with was "probably black".)
CCTV that isn't hiDef can easily be enhanced, possible due to hidden pixels.
CCTV in Enemy of the State can be rotated in a 3d CG environment to see what is in the bag behind Will Smith's body

People keeps pants on during sex.

Police interviews rely on shouting at people that you know they did it.  No lawyer ever objects in court to this happening without him there.

A vaguely credible supposition will lead the murderer to tell everything.

To get from the White Cliffs to Nottingham you need to go via the part of Hadrians Wall in the Housesteads section.

It is easier to shoot the 1 inch guard rail rather than the 6 foot man standing behind it (see also bulletproofium)

Human muscles are not only powerful enough, but arranged in such a way on the Archemedian principle, that you can pull a man up to your level with just one hand.

Locks can easily be picked with a paperclip

[Orcs]

People keeps pants on during sex.

But I've heard you always keep your socks on!!