That's all you're going to pick up round here mate walking like that  

...if you're lucky, we'll leave Safety Sal for you - once we've taken all the Top Totty...



Oh - and best get another bottle of the good stuff, now that Techno's landed - stick this one on my tab - mad lemmey was kind enough for the last one 

Nah, make it paint-stripper - he won't notice the difference.

Oh thanks Ray.....But I'll stick to the scotch !
Can someone fetch one of Ray's 'specials'.....I'll get that one.
Cheers - Phil.

"Make mine a Spiced Morgan's on ice." says the latecomer. 

"And the TMP'er I brought along from the office christmas party will have a babycham...and a taxi!"

What's going on? I go to the bog for five minutes, come back and everyone's chatting about cocktails and the Costa Blanca. The place has gone soft. Hand me that chair-leg..... 

Fecking lightweights...all gone to bed, have we ladies?

(downs lager, moves towards the bottle of the good stuff, with intent)

I only got in from work an hour ago, so I'm concentrating on eating before drinking.  Have we got any crisps left behind the bar?

No mate - sorry...but you could ask for that packet of dry roasted peanuts that's top-left on the card - in the hope that you buying it will reveal a bit more of the totty underneath 

Listen, I've spent ages renovationg the place, don't trash it too soon!

Do you like the new water feature (as I hold your head under it).

The only water-feature in this place is in the loo....

Oh is THAT what it's for...

Other than what's in the beer.

 

Sneaks in and puts Exlaxs in whisky and settles down near bar with warming mulled wine.

The only reason it's warming is because Techno has set fire to your chair!

I never !
Some big boys came in and did that, and then ran away.

That's your excuse, but explain the scorch marks...

No, actually, don't!

What....The ones from the time I engulfed myself in a petrol fireball ?
Definitely my crowning glory in being Mr Accident-Prone.

Cheers - Anne Idiot ('Cos the above's true.)

ooops! sorry 

 

There wasn't any damage done Lemmey....Which was very fortunate..
I did something particularly stupid !
Just the smell of singed hair and eyebrows.....And my better half shouting "What the hell was that," when she heard a loud " WHOOMPH" as the petrol ignited.
Would have made a brilliant photo ! 

Cheers - Phil