Forum barfight

[fsn]

"There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium
And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium
And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium and barium.

There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium
And phosphorous and francium and fluorine and terbium
And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium,
Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and caesium"

... and I'm still not wearing the g-string. 

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Job's yours!

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

And whoever got the coat out from behind Nik's security field, well done, but could you remove the soiled boots you left on the bartop?

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

I know it's the Bakeoff final tonight, but whoever is throwing rock buns, they are not meant to have actual rocks in them! 

[fsn]

So I shouldn't use crockery in these cupcakes then?

[Hertsblue]

They're not rock cakes, they're genuine dwarf battle-bread loaves, imported direct from Ankh-Morpork! 

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Yeah, but you know the use of Dwarven Drop Scones are illegal under the Genuia Convention!!

Even more illegal to leave that one propped over the door!

[fsn]

Barman! Barlady! Bardog!  (Worst superhero team ever.)

Barkeep! BaaaaARKEEP!

What an odd echo. As if this place has been long deserted, nay abandoned. Never mind, these neglected bottles of malt whisky look as if they need a good home and will make good Christmas presents ... for me! Huzzah! Should have brought a bigger bag. What have we here? Bottles of bourbon. Hmmm. No, my sinks don't need unblocking.

Where is that accursed beer dispenser? Probably off polishing his 6pdr again.

Those peanuts look a bit stale ... but waste not ... hang on. One of them moved. I'll not bother.

Still no sign of that pint puller. Perhaps if I rustled this £5 note ...

Memories of this place. They didn't manage to get the stain out from when Fenton brought the transsexual pole dancer in. The lingerie was a bad idea. Fenton looked ridiculous. 

BARRRRRRR-KEEEEEEPER!  *cough* *cough* Man dying of thirst here!

There's where Lemmey carved his initials into the bar, using Orcs teeth. Happy days. Still, Orcs shouldn't have left them in a glass on the bar. Oooh! He was mad! I'm still not sure in what language "FU" is the initials for "Mad Lemmey".

Perhaps I should go to the loo and make a lot of noise? Nah. I'd rather pee on the floor here than use those toilets. Everyone feels that way. On a good night you can be paddling around like you're on Southport beach. Things got better when Lemmey stopped using sawdust and started using toilet blocks. Piney fresh.

Wonder if they've beefed up the security? Last time there were two grannies with gimlet eyes and knitting needles sat at the end of the bar. Could clear the bar in seconds just by declaring they were feeling a little frisky and would go home with any man who bought them a gin. They were talking about putting in CCTV. Unfortunately they got it wrong and didn't put in Closed Circuit Television, but signed up for five years of Cold Corpse Television, basically a web cam in the morgue. Was funny watching Lemmey trying to work out who was sleeping on the tables in the snug.

Right, last time and then I'm going to the Starbucks. Or I could just drink water from a puddle.

Barkeep. BARMAN! STAFF! SERVICE!

Oh dear! They might have thought I was shouting. I'll just have to pretend it was another customer who left. Will they notice there only one set of footprints in the ... shall we call it a carpet? I'll just say it was someone who's been on a diet.

Perhaps I should just leave. Or would that be rude?

What to do? What to do?

[Fenton]

...

Memories of this place. They didn't manage to get the stain out from when Fenton brought the transsexual pole dancer in. The lingerie was a bad idea. Fenton looked ridiculous. 

BARRRRRRR-KEEEEEEPER!  *cough* *cough* Man dying of thirst here!

It wasnt my fault The Barkeep said I had been risen to the Order of the Garter and should wear the paraphernalia at all times to show how important I was

[Techno]

What to do? What to do?

Ring the bell on the bar, Nobby......But not too hard....It'll probably fall to pieces.

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

Hi Barman - pint of whalop, brush for the dust and a bale o hay for t'camel - Ta La.

IanS

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

What?

Oh, you lot again.
Shandy all round is it girls?

Watch the peanut, it's just slowing down.

[fsn]

Ummm ... half a snowball, please. Not too much advocat.

It makes my ears warm - FSN

[Ithoriel]

<Ithoriel strolls in wearing a top hat with a ticket in it saying "10/6", dunks fsn's head in the teapot and hums "Twinkle, twinkle little star."

[fsn]

Burble! Blub! Gurgle! Snurt! Splatter!

Good job that teapot was empty! - FSN