Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.


My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta matches.
His little face lit up when he found he could walk again, perhaps I should have removed the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.


Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!


Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV, when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen. 'What would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?'
I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please.'
She replied, 'You're having soup, I was talking to the cat!'

Ferb

 

Good ones; they work when translated to Dutch