A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll

take to fly from San Franciscoto New York City?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute...'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
  values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, how about you?'
Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure.  What was her maiden name?'

  -----------------------------------------------------------------------

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did all
  of my intelligence come from?'
  The father replied. 'Well son, you must have got it from your
  mother, cause I still have mine'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
  'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce
  Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a
  week.'  'That's very nice, your honor,' the husband said. 'And
  every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,'
  -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    An old man goes to a Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
    curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
    The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
    words that were used to put the curse on you.

    The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and
    wife.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
        1. All the DNA is the same.
        2. There are no dental records.

  -----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
   'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
    'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

    'A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?'

    'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------

   This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde
   wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity
   gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, 'How do you
   get into those pants?'

   The young woman looks him over and replies, 'Well, you
   could start by buying me a drink.'

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed
    a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and
    twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit,
    so I sought my husband's advice.
    'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an
    all-in-one?'
    'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

 

 
Cheers - Phil.