1) Superglue: a chemical compound which instantly and indissolubly bonds fingers to tools, but has the adhesive qualities of water when used to stick figures together.
2) Gatling gun: dietary supplement machine used for producing jams in crises, adding useful nutrition to troop sandwiches.
3) A dream opponent: one who's almost as good as I am.
4) Six: what always happens to enemy troops' combat rolls when I've stacked every tactical advantage on the side of mine.
5) Aztecs: can't say; don't remember. I think they were something that was to be produced after the banana orcs, the range of armed tobacconists for the alternative history "small shops war", the Hase tank-destroyer (rough design came off the drawing board just after breakfast on 8th May, 1945), and the redesigned range of latrine-cleaners for the War of the Serbian Succession.

Over to you, comrades. Five contributions suggested per poster.

Good things about the hobby

1. Good fun with good friends

2. Great fun trying to find the final piece of the jigsaw - when researching a new project/theatre/genre etc

3. There's always a period you haven't done that needs doing

4. There's always a new rule set on the market that needs playtesting

5. The internet - think how hard it was to find like-minded individuals before then? You actually had to run the risk of telling people you played with toy soldiers...


Not so good things about the hobby - that lead to bankruptsy, few friends and delusions of granduer

1. Propensity to collect far more shiny-shinys than is absolutely neccessary (see women and handbags/shoes/jewellery for definition) and an absolute failure to paint far less a month than that which is incoming

2. Propensity to 'need' the next new shiny-shiny even though its a kickstarter concept/not due for release for at least two years

3. Propensity to declare 'this rule set is broken' 'or 'its not a great representation of real warfare! What about the ballistic penetration of an AP round in inclement weather with a chasing wind on an autumn day in december... etc etc' when actually its down to their poor dice rolling/poor battle plan that was/is at fault.

4. Propensity to fiddle with rule sets that weren't broken in the first place which when introduced break the rule set

5. Propensity to 'think' wargaming is sexy in female circles and that wargamers are babe-magnets. Generally speaking wargamers that believe this also seem to think that not bathing/washing or using deodrant, wearing a heavy metal t-shirt and being grossly over-weight is sexy too.

6. Gluing one's fingers together and then slicing them open needing a trip to A&E after using superglue and/or rebasing old army you haven't used for ten years to new rule set you'll use once and then declare its broken first time you get walloped (see 3 & 4)

1. Dice: six-sided objects tha always land in the join in the terrain, a piece of scenery or the floor - no matter where you roll them.

2. Paint: self-coloured liquid that coats fingers, clothing and the work-bench but rarely exactly where you want it.

3. Tiger tank: something to bounce British shells off.

4. Rule mechanic: someone who has learned the rules by heart - but not the spirit of the game.

5. Convention: a place where, if you stand long enough, you will meet everyone you ever knew.

1) Dice - usually six-sided cuboids, which for me appear to only have the numbers 1-4 on them.

2) Cheese - Broken lists full of unkillable kit (basically anything FOW German/Russian after 1943).

3) Wine Gums - Food of the gods.

4) 'Wobbly Bottom Lip Moment' - when EVERYTHING your opponent has tried has failed; then, when you are about to smash you opponent to smithereens it is usually the point where your force will mysteriously disintegrate.

5) Brownie Points - Unquantifiable amounts of recognition for amazing tasks husbands have carried out in order to gain time out with the boys. Difficult to gain, impossible to quantify, lost in an instant.

1) 1" - The basic unit of ground scale that is of an undefined distance and can vary according to your or your opponent's immediate needs.  Impossible to accurately measure on the table top in either case, even with precision manufactured metrication tools.

2)  Fair play. - That indefinable quality of a gentleman and player that allows the effective functioning of the 1" metric.

3)  Rulebook.  -  Tome of wisdom under which you will notionally run a game.  In fact you will give it a quick read once or twice, and 'get by' in your first few games, using assumptions and guesses about how said rules work, enshrining those assumptions, usually drawn from other rulebooks, into your own version of 'the rules'.  The rulebook will then be carried as baggage and never referred to excepting in a frantic fluster at being challenged on how they work during your first tournament game with strangers.

4)  Figures.  Small effigies of warriors painted under the assumption that the quality of said painting bears a resemblance to how long these figures will remain on the table before having to be referred in failure to 'the box'.

5)    The Hobby. - The constant background hum of thoughts about the next battle or project, over which everything else in your life happens.  Once The Hobby has you, you'll never give more than 95% effort to anything else you ever do.

1. Looking at normal day to day objects and working out what you can use them for or make from them

2. Paint - the stuff in little tins or bottles that inevitably runs out or has dried up at 10pm on a saturday night when you have 5 models to finish.

3. Superglue - Useful for sealing the cut after cutting yourself on the scalpel cleaning flash off figures

4. The fact that however many figures you buy you will always be a few short to complete a unit.

5 The fact that however many units you have you will always be a couple short for the scenario in the Book/Magazine. (See number 6)

6 The inability to understand the difference between "Need" and "Want"

7. The ability not to notice what the time is while painting / gaming until 2am - normally when you have to be up early the next day.

8 The fact that when you complete your last unpainted figure you die.( Hence number 9)

9. Lead pile - the large collection of unpainted lead that all wargamers need to ensure longevity of life

10. The realisation that you must spend far too much on your hobby because at major conventions you are on first name terms with most of the traders.

1) Beard:
Definition A: Any one who builds a army, not to look nice, not to fit into a theme, not because its a challenge or because they like the background and history but just because it has A higher chance of winning games.

Definition B: Any one who realises you missed something and because 'Tecnically' you moved to another Unit/Phase you can't go back
                                   

2) Smug git:
Definition A - Any one who celebrates a victory over you
Definition B - Any one who sits quietly after a victory over you

3) loser:
Definition A: Any one thinks your a 'smug git' because you beat them.
Definition B: A kid a lot less inexperienced than you at wargaming but because they know the (newer) rule set better than you, they must be better than you..

4) Fart :
Definition A - A gas released into the wild to release tension during a game or to distract the opponent.
Definition B - That gamer who thinks he's better because he's been gaming longer even tho he knows none of the new rules.


5) Hobby Loser -
Definition A: A name that is surprisingly hurtful, usually used to described A Smug git, a loser, a fart or a beard or any one who thinks of them selves as superior to other gamers.
Definition B:  Thay gamer who keeps stupidly missing things and gets up set when I tell them "it's unfortunate but you declared next phase" and I won't let him go back.