Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"

Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"



Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs.
Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.
Police say the dangerous practice is now called "E by gum"



A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."




A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"





A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral.
True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.

When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were thin".

He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the bloody "e" out, you've left the bloody "e" out!"

The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.

Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".

The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud:

"E, she were thin".

 

Chad

  Luvvem...

'course you're going to have to translate these for those unfamiliar with Boycott-land 

Apologies to all from foreign shores if you don't understand what's funny  ere.

Rob - you intimating that english speaking forigeners have no sense of humour ?

IanS 

Quote from: ianrs54 on 01 March 2012, 09:29:41 AM
Rob - you intimating that english speaking forigeners have no sense of humour ?

IanS 

No, just that northerners can't speak English. 

I talks it betterer dan wat you doze.......translating into Esturary for those missguided enough to like that far Sarth.

IanS

Quote from: ianrs54 on 01 March 2012, 12:20:38 PM
I talks it betterer dan wat you doze.......translating into Esturary for those missguided enough to like that far Sarth.

IanS

No, no, no, Ian...(Gor blimey Guvna)...It's "Darn SarF." No "th" there in 'Estuary speak' !
How about accents we like (that aren't our own) ?......Scottish Highlands for me....I just love the soft lilt !
Cheers - Phil.

One of my colleagues has a pure Brigadoon accent. His students, mainly Thai, Chinese, and Korean, must be reduced to suicidal discouragement at times.

Of course Lancastrians have a soft spot for Yorkshiremen...they call it Morecombe sands

Quote from: Maenoferren on 02 March 2012, 08:12:11 PM
Of course Lancastrians have a soft spot for Yorkshiremen...they call it Morecombe sands

And we the same for our Lancastrian bretheren - its called Robin Hoods Bay

Even Yokies are better than the Prodige Eaters, D***mn sarfeners, Welsh(anything degotatory is too rude), etc...

IanS

not to mention anyone that doesnt live in your street, damn foreign johnnys, the lot of them!!

No, No, No, No..again....Ian.
It's Darn SARF....But in Estuary, people from Darn Sarf are Suvveners.  
Sheesh - Phil

And wemember children, if one wants to tork pwoperly, one has to pwonounce things pwoperly...
For example....Sex is NOT something that oiks indulge in to pwoduce offspwing...It's what well spoken people have their coal delivered in.
In despair - Bwyan Sewell.
(With huge apologies to our friends not in the UK who will probably struggle to understand the gibberish I've typed out - Phil.)

Likewise.....Air....Hair, lair (A greeting )
Cheers - Phil