Cracker jokes please

Started by Last Hussar, 25 December 2024, 08:33:10 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1 2
User actions

Last Hussar

25 December 2024, 08:33:10 PM
Ladies and Gentlemen.  And Orcs...

If you have them to hand, please will you post any Christmas Cracker jokes from today.

Please post only actual Cracker jokes, not ones you have made up.

They will be forming a quiz round in 51 weeks time!
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

GNU PTerry

fsn

25 December 2024, 09:32:59 PM #1
What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itis.

Why do Christmas trees like history?
Because the present is beneath them.


Lord Oik of Runcorn (You may refer to me as Milord Oik)

Oik of the Year 2013, 2014; Prize for originality and 'having a go, bless him', 2015
3 votes in the 2016 Painting Competition!; 2017-2019 The Wilderness years
Oik of the Year 2020; 7 votes in the 2021 Painting Competition
11 votes in the 2022 Painting Competition (Double figures!)
2023 - the year of Gerald:
2024 Painting Competition - Runner-Up!

Steve J

25 December 2024, 09:36:57 PM #2
Why did the scarecrow win the competition?

Because he was out standing in his field!

Ithoriel

26 December 2024, 04:12:46 PM #3
Q: What does Santa use to grub up his potatoes?

A: A hoe! Hoe! Hoe!
There are 100 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who can work from incomplete data

Gwydion

26 December 2024, 04:33:15 PM #4
Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snowball.

What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa's workshop?
A rebel without a Claus.

Raider4

30 December 2024, 01:55:53 PM #5
Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa walking backwards

Q: How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A: Merry Christmas to ewe

Q: Why did the orange take a prune to the Christmas party?
A: Because it couldn't find a date




Note: When our local pub had it's pre-Xmas quiz they had a round of cracker jokes. It did not go down well.

Raider4

30 December 2024, 02:03:03 PM #6
Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not arrive on time?
A: One day my prints will come

Q: What do elves learn at school?
A: The elf-a-bet

Q: Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?
A: Ireland. Every day it's Dublin

Q: What do you call a bee that can't make up it's mind?
A: A maybe.

Ithoriel

30 December 2024, 03:21:30 PM #7
Q: What are snowmen before they grow up?

A: Chill-dren
There are 100 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who can work from incomplete data

DHautpol

30 December 2024, 03:30:06 PM #8
QuoteWhy did the scarecrow win the competition?

Because he was out standing in his field!

I quite like that one.  :)
2016 Painting Competition - 1 x Runner-Up!
2018 Painting Competition - 3 x Runner-Up!
2023 Painting Competition - 1 x Runner-Up!
2025 Painting Competition - 1 x Runner-Up!

d_Guy

30 December 2024, 03:40:40 PM #9
Oh. I thought this was going to be jokes about my people.
Never mind.
Encumbered by Idjits, we pressed on

Raider4

31 December 2024, 09:31:54 AM #10
Q: What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
A: Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

FierceKitty

31 December 2024, 10:00:57 AM #11
Quote from: Raider4 on 31 December 2024, 09:31:54 AMQ: What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
A: Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Awww, that's a bit sad.... :-<
I don't drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.

Last Hussar

08 January 2025, 04:10:46 PM #12
Just to confirm - these are all actual jokes from crackers? That is you can confirm provenance, not just Christmas jokes?

This will be the earliest I've ever written my round for the Pub Christmas Quiz!
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

GNU PTerry

Raider4

08 January 2025, 04:11:53 PM #13
Confirm. All of mine came from crackers. 

Steve J

08 January 2025, 04:28:13 PM #14
Mine was from a Xmas cracker at the works Xmas do. There were some other great jokes, but I can't remember them!
User actions
Print
Go Up Pages1 2