Jokes

Started by Orcs, 21 October 2019, 10:42:07 AM

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Duke Speedy of Leighton

Family   

    Juliana Soong (mother)
    Noonien Soong (creator)
    B-4 (older "brother")
    Lore (older "brother")
    Dr. Altan Inigo Soong (brother)

Children   

    Lal (creation/"daughter")
    Dahj Asha (neural progeny/"daughter")
    Soji Asha (neural progeny/"daughter")
You may refer to me as: Your Grace, Duke Speedy of Leighton.
2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner

Last Hussar

Quote from: Techno 3 on 14 May 2024, 02:32:02 PMData had an evil twin called Lore, so he wasn't the only one of his kind. :D
Cheers - A Sad Git. :P

I knew when I wrote the post there was an "evil twin" episode.
I knew there was a very good chance sone sad git would post that.

However,  I didn't know they would actually sign off as "sad git"!
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

GNU PTerry

Last Hussar

They should make a sequel to an 80s teen movie, but with hobbits.

They could call it "Second Breakfast Club".
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

GNU PTerry

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

FOG IN CHANNEL - EUROPE CUT OFF
Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021

FierceKitty

Quote from: Last Hussar on 26 July 2024, 08:47:57 AMThey should make a sequel to an 80s teen movie, but with hobbits.

They could call it "Second Breakfast Club".

Set not in New Zealand but at Tiffany's.
I don't drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.

Raider4

Found an ancient - like 2002 - text file on my PC while rummaging around. Contains PC-related haikus. No idea where they came from. Enjoy:



"To replace "your computer has performed an illegal operation" - and now
featured in the Japanese version of Windows;

Gosh that file was big.
And very important too.
But now it has gone.

--------------
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

--------------
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

--------------
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

--------------
Windows has now crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

--------------
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

--------------
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

--------------
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

--------------
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

--------------
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

--------------
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

--------------
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

--------------
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

--------------
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Disc. All blank."


Ithoriel


QuoteFound an ancient - like 2002 - text file on my PC while rummaging around. Contains PC-related haikus. No idea where they came from. Enjoy:

The posting of these
Computer haikus today:
Much joy and gladness.

:) :) :)

There are 100 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who can work from incomplete data

Raider4


Steve J

Very good  ;D  ;D  ;D !

Duke Speedy of Leighton

You may refer to me as: Your Grace, Duke Speedy of Leighton.
2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner

Last Hussar

Tell a New Yorker you spent the evening at the Met, and they will assume you saw a play.

Tell a Londoner you spent a night with the Met, and they will assume you were arrested...
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

GNU PTerry

Orcs

Jokes as poor as that you need to be arrested!.

Nobby! "chew his coat", "Yes even if he is wearing it"

 
The cynics are right nine times out of ten. -Mencken, H. L.

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Last Hussar

More of an observation.
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

GNU PTerry

FierceKitty

Judge: Your witness, prosecuting counsel.

PC: Miss Suzie Mae, you know why you are here, and who I am, right?

Witness: I sho' do. Have done these last forty years, and, boy, are yo' ever a disappointment to me an' yo' momma. Yo' ain't done one thing right since yo' was 15. Yo' only got through law school 'cos yo' poppa bought them a new dining hall. Yo' ain't niver gonna be anythin' mo' than a two-bit mouthpiece in a swamp town like this an' all.

PC: Be that as it may - you know who my learned colleague for the defence is, don't you?

Witness: I do, an' he ain't no better, cheatin' on his lady wife ev'ry Friday ev'nin' with them bitsa trash at Mike's bar. I'se embarrassed tuh be in the same courtroom wid yo'  two losers.

Judge: Both counsels, approach the bench, if you would be so kind....(sotto voce) If either of you clowns asks her if she knows who I am, I'll send you up for twenty years hard labor, is that clear?
I don't drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.

d_Guy

Less a joke and more a scene from our legal system.
Encumbered by Idjits, we pressed on

Raider4

I assume Americans would struggle with the British phrase "I could murder an Indian tonight".

Or "Can I bum a fag please?". 

d_Guy

Quote from: Raider4 on 15 February 2025, 07:06:30 PMI assume Americans would struggle with the British phrase "I could murder an Indian tonight".

Or "Can I bum a fag please?".

Maybe. Those who have "BritBox" streaming to perfect their English, likely not. :D
Encumbered by Idjits, we pressed on

Last Hussar

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

GNU PTerry

d_Guy

Encumbered by Idjits, we pressed on

Steve J

@ Last Hussar: This made me laugh out loud ;D  ;D  ;D !!!