Little Mary comes home unexpectedly and sees Mummy in the bedroom with an unclad and non-paternal male. She observes quietly, and hastily withdraws upon hearing Daddy coming home too. Mummy flings clothes on, lover hides in the cupboard.
A little later, Mary goes to the cupboard and says "Want to buy a dolly, mister? Only one hundred pounds."
"No. Go away."
"Or I tell Daddy...."
Lover reluctantly purchases Barbie. Ten minutes later, Mary returns.
"I've got another dolly here. Another hundred pounds. And I think Daddy is angry because he was late for his rugby practice."
All good things must come to an end, however, and five minutes later the lover judges it's safe to make a break for it through the window.
Later Mummy finds Mary gloating over her profits.
"Where did you get all that money, then?"
"I made somebody buy two old Barbies for two hundred pounds."
"That's greed and extortion, Mary. Terrible sins. Go and confess right now, before God strikes you down."
Mary goes to the confessional.
"Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
"Anything you want. Just don't sell me any more $%%$#^ Barbies!"

That's a bargain price for vintage Barbies. The poor child is being taken advantage of.

Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation...

"Well", says the boss, "if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff."

The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.

Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.

"You're working well and all, but we're missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?"

The cannibals swear that they are innocent.

The boss believes them and leaves the office and they all turn to their leader.

"You idiots!", he screams. "Who ate the cleaner?"

One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.

"You fool!", shouts the leader,"For weeks we've been feasting on project managers and human resource staff, and then you go and eat someone they'll actually miss!"

An American Football player who used to play linebacker is so badly injured they have to remove 75% of his spine.

Now he's a quarterback.

NO MORE - please stop.....