The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

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I once had to pose nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

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Bill walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged man standing at the counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with hearts.
He then takes out a scent bottle and starts spraying perfume over them.
Bill's curiosity gets the better of him and he walks over to the man and asks him what he's doing.
"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'" says the man.
"Why on earth are you doing that?" asks Bill.
"Because I'm a divorce lawyer." replies the man.

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So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?"
The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?"
I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

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The head of the Cotswold hedgehogs went to see the head of the local rabbits for some help.
"Hey rabbit, wonder if you can help us", he said
"I'll be glad to try, Spikey", said the Rabbit.
"The thing is, like it is now, at night, we are losing far too many fellow hogs to those devilish machines with bright eyes that move like thunder along the smooth black walkways... I was wondering, your species seem to be very good at dodging them, you never seem to get squashed".
"Aaah" said Briar, "I will tell you how we do this, and come with me now and we will demonstrate the technique to your tribal members". Looking pleased, the hedgehog gathered his inner circle together and they walked the short distance with the rabbit to the A419, nearby.
"Now", said Rabbit, "this is what you do... If you see those two bright lights heading towards you as you are crossing the road, just make sure you sit down right in between the two of them - then you will be fine".
Just to prove it, the rabbit ran into the road in front of a speeding car, and to the shocked hedgehogs' delight emerged unscathed and re-joined the group.
Spikey was keen to demonstrate the new technique so as soon as the next pair of lights appeared he ran into the road and squatted down between the lights...

There was a nasty squelching noise and the hedgehogs turned to look at rabbit...who said,
"Blimey, you don't see many Reliant Robins around these days do you".

I thought a hedgehog had a fighting chance against one of those things.

 

Very good!

First rule of Chinese Whispers Club is
You don't talk about Tiny knees wizard pup

Not bad ! 
Cheers - Phil

The first rule of Anarchists' Club is we don't have any rules.  Come to think of it, we don't have a club either.    

Mollinary

The hedgehog is a classic!

Another set of great jokes to brighten up a dull afternoon 

Quote from: mollinary on 04 August 2015, 01:11:25 PM
The first rule of Anarchists' Club is we don't have any rules.  Come to think of it, we don't have a club either.    

Mollinary

Why do anarchists drink coffee? 'Cos proper tea is theft!

Your coat, Sir. 
Cheers - Phil

I believe you mean "would I like a beer?", to which I say "yes thanks!" And await my just reward

I've poured it into the pockets of your coat.....Enjoy ! 
Cheers - Phil

Fortunately I've experienced that before, and have no worries drinking quickly enough to catch it before it runs out!

QuoteWhy do anarchists drink coffee? 'Cos proper tea is theft!

Thank you, this has just gone to number three in my list of favoutite jokes

I don't think I've ever seen a review of fight club.  I wonder why.