International Terror Alerts!

Started by Leon, 02 November 2010, 03:50:45 AM

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Leon

02 November 2010, 03:50:45 AM
 :D ;) ;D

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the B'stards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
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Nosher

02 November 2010, 08:24:16 AM #1
Great start to my mornings work tied to the workstation pumping out report after report to appease funders and giovernment office! ;D
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

Frank Carson

capthugeca

02 November 2010, 09:54:03 AM #2
Well done, Leon.

In one posting you've managed to insult practically your whole customer base.  ;)

Just what I needed this morning.  =O

Thanks

Hugh
Life is too important to be taken seriously.

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

02 November 2010, 01:08:48 PM #3
Well Gordies are well known for their tact and diplomacy (and dat ull get me barred  :o)  ;D
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Leon

02 November 2010, 01:12:52 PM #4
Quote from: capthugeca on 02 November 2010, 09:54:03 AM
Well done, Leon.

In one posting you've managed to insult practically your whole customer base.  ;)

Just what I needed this morning.  =O

It's a good job I put it in the 'Fun Stuff' section then...  :D ;)
www.pendraken.co.uk - Now home to over 10,000 products, including nearly 5000 items for 10mm wargaming, plus MDF bases, Battlescale buildings, I-94 decals, Litko Gaming Aids, Militia Miniatures, Raiden Miniatures 1/285th aircraft, Red Vectors MDF products, Vallejo paints, Tiny Tin Troops flags and much, much more!

nikharwood

05 November 2010, 10:48:43 PM #5
Luvvit  =O

lentulus

06 November 2010, 03:41:52 PM #6
Quote from: Leon on 02 November 2010, 03:50:45 AM

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.



Of course we do.  We just take the US levels and divide by 10.

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

06 November 2010, 05:23:27 PM #7
Binery 10 ?

IanS
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Leon

08 November 2010, 04:05:17 PM #8
Quote from: lentulus on 06 November 2010, 03:41:52 PM
Of course we do.  We just take the US levels and divide by 10.

8)
www.pendraken.co.uk - Now home to over 10,000 products, including nearly 5000 items for 10mm wargaming, plus MDF bases, Battlescale buildings, I-94 decals, Litko Gaming Aids, Militia Miniatures, Raiden Miniatures 1/285th aircraft, Red Vectors MDF products, Vallejo paints, Tiny Tin Troops flags and much, much more!
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