Sam and Louis lived in a retirement home. One day they were sitting in the lounge, and Sam turned to Louis and said, "Louis, I'm ninety years old, and I'm full of aches and pains. You're about my age. How do you feel?"

      Louis replied, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

      "Really? Like a baby?" Sam asked, puzzled.

      "Yes," replied Louis, "I've got no hair, no teeth—and I think I just wet myself."


At my age....when I see a pretty young woman,I wonder what her mom looks like


•When you get old, your secrets are safe with your friends. They'll never share them because they can't remember them.


•At my age, I don't want to eat health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.


•You can't be young forever, but immaturity can last a life time.


•I'm done with wild oats. Now I'm into prunes and All Bran.


•Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.


•You know you're getting old when you look in the mirror to shave and realize that the face you're looking at is your father's.


•I knew the romance was gone when I drank champagne out of the old girl's slipper and choked on a Dr. Scholl's insert.


•The paper sent a reporter to interview me on my 90th birthday. "What's the secret to longevity?" he asked. "Simple," I said. "Keep breathing."


•Isn't it nice that wrinkles don't hurt?


•I knew I was getting bald because it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.


•I started out with nothing ... I still have most of it.


•I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.


•Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.


•It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.


•Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.


•It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

....I forgot what I was going to say.

Some goodies there, Mark !
Some of them are too close to the truth, though.
Cheers - Phil.

The other day I said to one of my work mates "Senility's a bitch" and he replied "weren't they a 1980's heavy metal band?" 

No fun being over 55 and realising that four orgasms a night are your limit now.

If only there was someone else there at the time. 


They don't call me Nobby for nothing - FSN

 
(One of your best, Nobby !)
Cheers - Phil

You think my arms are up to the job of doing it myself at my age?

Quote from: FierceKitty on 22 November 2014, 01:20:39 AM
You think my arms are up to the job of doing it myself at my age?

I should hope so, at 5 seconds a time its only a  20 second work out  

 

Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 22 November 2014, 04:37:55 PM
I should hope so, at 5 seconds a time its only a  20 second work out  

Maybe when I was fourteen!