MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER

"After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?"

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:

"I don't care what you've discovered, you didn't call, you didn't write."

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"A ceiling you paint? Not good enough for you the walls, like the other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"You're not hiding your report card? Show me!

Take your hand out of your jacket and show me!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"Again with that hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like all other kids?"

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"Okay, so I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off already and go to sleep!"

PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is long past your bedtime!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"Your senior photograph and you couldn't have done something with your hair?"

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:

"Desert, schmesert! Where have you really been for the last forty years?"

BILL GATES' JEWISH MOTHER:

"It would have killed you to become a doctor?"

BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"Well, at least she was a nice Jewish girl, that Monica.

 

Sorry but didn't Moses have a Jewish mother.   

So was Einstein...

And my great-great-great-grandmother.

There is a Huegonot (or how ever you spell it) too...

I've always liked the advice for Jewish mothers: buy your son two sweaters. Then, when he wears the blue one, give a deeply wounded sigh and say "So the green one you didn't like?"
I told this once in the car to the rest of the lift club. Everyone else laughed, but the driver, who was Jewish, just shook her head and said it was too true to be funny.

A friend back in my university days was Jewish and his gran used to have a wonderful malediction, pronounced against those of whom she severely disapproved.

"So-and-so should be a candelabra, god forbid, to hang by day and burn by night!"