Greetings,

this thread will be run like a diary of my many happenings here in the UK. Not without some punch lines and attempts at somewhat resembling a sense of humour.

We all know Germans do not have such and should you find anything funny in this thread it is entirely my wife's fault! Having said that I must admit my wife is originally Chinese and British after passing her UK citizenship test in 2006. Hence I conclude without a passport you British are as boring as we Germans are.

But without further ado let me start these ramblings and what would be better than to tell you the tale of how I arrived here? It was December 2nd 2010 and it started to snow at about 3am in the morning. I am quite sure of this since I went to bed at 1am (German time) and woke up due to excitement at 3 when it had started to snow.

As we Germans are Masters of planning I simply took two trains earlier and arrived 4 hours before my flight (on time actually) at Frankfurt Main just when the big board switched my flight to "cancelled". Nevertheless we Germans are not easily disheartened and besides the huge queue my query was handled within 40 minutes.

Although the Lufthansa representative clearly was of Turkish ancestry (appearance, name and actually having a sense of humour despite the situation) she was eager and competent, rebooking my flight, changing my luggage arrangements to check through (as opposed to having to collect my stuff and re-check in) while negotiating with a particular persistent German couple at the other counter.

They were quite unhappy they had to hold on to their baby child on the previous flight as both baby chairs had been occupied. For them it seemed unfathomable that an organisation such as Lufthansa cannot provide 300 baby chairs per flight just in case they might be used and that their average of 1 per flight was not only exceeded but actually higher than most other airlines. Finally after 20 minutes of discussing the couple insisted on a baby chair which Lufthansa could not guarantee and my advisor (the nice Turkish lady) gave them the alternative on staying on the ground instead.

My amended schedule took me to Dusseldorf first, a nice city actually where my EX lives. Not that I have much experience there except horizontally but the airport was handling things pretty well and even gave us free drinks. Arriving at the plane the pilot advised us that de-icing had a queue of over 1 hour and we should go back to the lounge rather than sit in the cold plane. We had to wait another hour IN the plane (which makes 2 hours in total) and while my hand luggage was catapulted into the belly of the Dornier the seat next to me was free and the overhead compartment literally empty.

Now here came the first display of German flexibility. While waiting in the cold plane one of the passengers suffered a diabetic emergency and after some consideration he pilot ordered the cabin crew to release some of the snacks so the lady would survive. Since the other passengers were not diabetics in need we were refused any refreshments or even food.

With a delay of over 2 hours we arrived at Manchester and apologies for anyone living there, the place is not worth seeing. I have seldom seen such a conglomerate of incompetence which you will hopefully understand after my elaborations.

First of all we were not cleared to enter until AFTER the flight to Edinburgh had boarded and most of us were stranded instead on THAT plane. Not that I would like to arrive at about 8pm (instead of 3pm initially planned) but the true horrorstory was not yet developing.

I managed (with 10 others) to arrive BACK at the Lufthansa representation (after an unguided tour of the airport) when they collected us to spend the night in a hotel. Still no harm done and I told the Miss about my day. Only now I realised that the baggage (mis)handling had caused a damage to my belongings in excess of 100 pounds. Not that my baggage except the handluggage had been released so I was without the most basic human pleasantries such as a toothbrush and underwear. At least I could change my socks....

In the morning after an overpriced dinner and without a breakfast we were shuttled to the airport 20 minutes before our departure. The check in actually went smooth and fast until me and my stupid question whether my luggage had arrived in Edinburgh (as scheduled) or whether it would be on the flight now. The lady managed to track my luggage in the Lost and Found where it was left after not being collected. No one ever told us we had to collect the luggage, besides mine was fully checked through and should have been flown out under any circumstance.

Overtaking Usain Bolt on my way to security I managed to arrive at the lounge 5 minutes after scheduled take off, just to read we were delayed an hour. After another 90 minutes the flight was cancelled outright and the whole lot re-booked (again) to the flight leaving at 2pm (which was also cancelled later on). I had decided I had enough and after verifying the excuse (Edinburgh Airport is closed) was not true I had my luggage taken out of the plane, brought through security and went on the train. Actually this was the last train that was going throughout the UK!

What could be more fun than standing 5hours in a train with about 300 drunks and the rest of the train getting wasted over the free drinks the railservice had provided? My wife insisted on an immediate shower besides I was proven sober and I finally arrived in "my" flat at 3:30pm one day late.

In the next episodes you will learn about my encounters with british beer, my opinion on your females, my first exposure to gaming clubs and also a rant about the cuisine.

Happy New Year and yes this IS supposed to entertain you lot.

And after all that you still came?

Doing what the Fuhrer could not

Regarding the cuisine - not enough sausages for you?    

Quote from: Sandinista on 31 December 2013, 01:56:25 PM
Regarding the cuisine - not enough sausages for you?    

Sausages, Sauerkraut, Bread... not to mention a decent beer or even gingerbread.
(for the record: I do love Haggis and Ale and I am the living examples Germans do not die when without the goods from home). You all know I do have a sense of humour and imho if people keep complaining how bad the UK is compared to their home then they should go back.

Quote from: Sandinista on 31 December 2013, 01:56:25 PM
Regarding the cuisine - not enough sausages for you?    

Like me he's in Edinburgh - surely you know from the newspapers that we live on a diet consisting entirely of haggis and deep-fried Mars Bars

And Battered Sausages surely

We love out deep fried stuff over here to

Quote from: Ithoriel on 31 December 2013, 02:02:40 PM
Like me he's in Edinburgh - surely you know from the newspapers that we live on a diet consisting entirely of haggis and deep-fried Mars Bars

In that case we should actually meet for a beer one of these days. Stewart make a fine German style Hefeweizen and yes it does go well with Haggis.

That sounds typically British organisation. I'm surprised you survived, let alone stayed!
Having said that, the forum would not be as fun without you.

Quote from: sebigboss79 on 31 December 2013, 02:01:39 PM
imho if people keep complaining how bad the UK is compared to their home then they should go back.

Reminds me of when I was a trainee manager in a pub in Neasden back in '97, I was doing the noon - 7 shift, only 2 old Irish blokes in all afternoon and all they would say to me was how crap England and the English were and how wonderful Ireland was. After about 5 hours of this my patience had evaporated so I turned round to them and said "If Ireland is so f****** good why don't you f*** off back there you miserable Irish c****" just as the Irish owner walked through the door  Oops new job for Ian time 

Happy New Year to you too Seb.....(And yes it was amusing..though I'm sure it wasn't for you at the time.)
Ian...That's one to add to "Great moments in bad timing !"....
Cheers - Phil.

Quote from: Sandinista on 31 December 2013, 02:12:45 PM
Reminds me of when I was a trainee manager in a pub in Neasden back in '97, I was doing the noon - 7 shift, only 2 old Irish blokes in all afternoon and all they would say to me was how crap England and the English were and how wonderful Ireland was. After about 5 hours of this my patience had evaporated so I turned round to them and said "If Ireland is so f****** good why don't you f*** off back there you miserable Irish c****" just as the Irish owner walked through the door  Oops new job for Ian time 

   

Quote from: Techno on 31 December 2013, 02:16:21 PM
Happy New Year to you too Seb.....(And yes it was amusing..though I'm sure it wasn't for you at the time.)
Ian...That's one to add to "Great moments in bad timing !"....
Cheers - Phil.

Same to you mate. Not that I have received any compensation by now but it is and was out of question whether I am staying or not. Here I was able to do my Master, my admission for PhD is in the works and most of all I have a wonderful wife finishing her PhD with good job prospects soon.

Since my first trip to Scotland in 1992 I love this country and its people. Imho any place is always a sum of good and less good aspects and I have chosen my residency according to my preference. So in conclusion I must accept and deal with what I do not like. To be honest there are acceptable alternatives and my quality of life has not lessened since I changed residency.

My heart felt simpathies for your journey, I agree about Manchester, it has nothing gto recomend it, however I am put in mind of a very un-similar experience I had a couple of years ago, going on holiday.  We had arranged to meet a friend of ours for a canoe trip at 3pm in a beach bar in Spartchori on the island of Meganisi, Greece the journey was to consist of:

Get up in Lancaster (NW England) about 4 in the morning.

Drive to a long stay carpark in Liverpool

Get the carpark shuttle to Liverpool Airport

Get an EasyJet flight to Previza airport on the west coast of Greece (the airport is part of a military base, it's only open a few days a week and it's where some plane spotters were arrested a few years before)

Get a local taxi (pre booked on the internet) to the town of Madouri on the island of Lafkas

Locate a bakers' shop (which our friend had forgotten to tell me either the name of or directions for)

Store half our luggage in the bakers (who didn't speak a word of English but who should have been expecting us) and pick up the canoe left by our friend over a week before from the bakers' garden by the beach.

Pack the canoe with the other half of our luggage

Paddle 6km across the Ionian Sea to Maganisi

Find the village of Spartochori, located in one of three big bays on the north side of Meganisi while bobbing up and down on said Ionian Sea

Find the correct bar

Meet our friend, who'd been off doing another trip the whole previous week and had been uncontactable.

Drink beer

I remember looking at my wife as I started the car and saying "what can possibly go wrong?"  And do you know, NOTHING DID go wrong, everything clicked into place perfectly and we got out of the canoe on the beach at Spartochori at 2:55 local time, walked into the bar and Jo had the beers ready 

Blimey!
If any one of those links had failed, it would have been disastrous!