OK, you have the chance to pass three petty, small minded little laws. What would they be?
Here's mine;
1. If you have a cough/cold it is illegal to leave the house or go to work or any other place where you might infect other people.
2. If you work in a shop, or on a till/checkout, it is illegal for you to lick your fingers in order to open a plastic bag.
3. Its illegal to make the title of any email, 'just a quick question', or to leave the email title blank.
1. Make it illegal to have main beam headlights on in built up areas. Also, clamp down on morons who insist on having their spotlight/foglights on as well when it isn't foggy. (This is actually illegal already, but doesn't seem to stop half of them.)
2. Make it illegal to cold-call people even if it's just for 'market research'. I haven't had an accident, I've never used PPI, and I'm not planning on 'exposing' myself to foreign currency any time in the future.
3. Make it illegal for banks to put a block on my card, just because they've seen a 'suspicious transaction', leaving me stuck at the petrol station unable to pay for my fuel. If my card gets knicked, I'll phone you and tell you, I don't need you to jump the gun just because I bought something off eBay from a guy in the States.
>:(
Quote from: Leon on 15 February 2012, 06:07:30 PM
3. Make it illegal for banks to put a block on my card, just because they've seen a 'suspicious transaction', leaving me stuck at the petrol station unable to pay for my fuel. If my card gets knicked, I'll phone you and tell you, I don't need you to jump the gun just because I bought something off eBay from a guy in the States.
That happened to me just before Christmas!!!! >:(
I was so angry with the bank they gave me fifty quid compensation :)
Quote from: Rob on 15 February 2012, 11:39:42 PM
That happened to me just before Christmas!!!! >:(
I was so angry with the bank they gave me fifty quid compensation :)
:(
They didn't give me anything! >:(
;)
1. Soliciting should be illegal.
2. Advertising through phone calls, spam calls, and prank calls should be illegal.
3. Spam email, or blank messages should be illegal.
Have had way too much of that junk!
Peter - all three of those ARE.....
Enforcing it is the problem - particularly from international locations.
Should make debt collection agencies illegal.
IanS
Quote from: ianrs54 on 16 February 2012, 09:04:12 AM
Enforcing it is the problem - particularly from international locations.
IanS
Sadly.....Think you've hit the nail on the head there Ian. >:(
Cheers - Phil.
It should be illegal in the UK to use the following phrases (ex-colonial types can speak as they please :) )
- "Math" when you mean Maths
- "Off of" when you mean off
- "Get go" when you mean beginning
- "Fries" when you mean chips
- "Regular" when you mean medium or normal
- "Grande" when you mean large
Punishable either by hanging or a £10 fine - haven't quite decided yet
Quote from: Luddite on 15 February 2012, 04:34:37 PM
OK, you have the chance to pass three petty, small minded little laws. What would they be?
2. If you work in a shop, or on a till/checkout, it is illegal for you to lick your fingers in order to open a plastic bag.
Sadly, Luddite, it is actually impossible to open a plastic bag without licking your fingers. Try it sometime. So;
1. Plastic bags should be illegal for any use whatever (particularly the thin filmy ones they use for fruit and veg)
2. It should be illegal to play any form of i-pod/walkman or other noise-generating gadget in a public place even with earphones.
3. Anyone pronouncing the word "skedule" should be horsewhipped (unless they can produce hard evidence of colonial origin).
Bugger - two references to colonials....
Luddite has a lengthy debate going over at BKC Forum - lets not get it replicated here!!!
Little Laws:
1. Shop assistants talking to their colleagues while serving you... unforgiveable. There's plenty of people out there looking for jobs - sack these people on the spot! I have walked out of shops before today leaving my shopping in situ when this has been done to me.
2. Unwanted, un-solicited phone calls, emails, junk mail. Found my own punishment for these. All hard junk mail goes back in the post marked return to sender (without a stamp), phone calls I answer politely tell them to leave me alone ONCE of they ignore me I put down the phone and leave them to gabble, after all its costing them to call me... Dies anyone have a suggestion for junk mail?
3. Sportsmen spitting - no need for it. They have now progressed to blowing snot from their nose by holding one nostril shut and hocking through the other. Bad enough when we had close up TV, but in HD its just disgusting. Dock them a weeks wages for EVERY offence
Quote from: Nosher on 16 February 2012, 11:44:11 AM
Dies anyone have a suggestion for junk mail?
I've been doing this for years Nosher mate:
Junk mail arrives from Company A & Company B: both have return slips & pre-paid envelopes.
You take the return slips & remove any identifying mentions of you.
You put Company A's slip into Company B's pre-paid envelope - and vice versa. Post.
Both companies then not only get junk mail themselves - they are paying for the privilege. Enjoy. :)
Quote from: Nosher on 16 February 2012, 11:44:11 AM
Does anyone have a suggestion for junk mail?
If you're in the UK then register on the Mailing Preference Service Website http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/mpsr/ (http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/mpsr/) and the Telephone Preference Service website (for junk calls) http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/tps/index.html (http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/tps/index.html)
It definitely works - takes a month or so then junk mail will stop from any 'legitimate' company.
Right i'm on a roll now!.... We must immediately do something about the following;
- Shops/Hotels/Airlines etc should be banned from introducing self service tills on the basis that this is improving customer service. Is it bo**ocks.
But given that they already exist we need an interim law to ban....
- People who use self service tills when they have no ability to use a touch screen, no understanding of the concept of a bar code and lack the necessary motor skills/intelligience to use a credit card or type in a pin number
1) Brits sneering at Americans to be sent for life sentences in deepest Nebraska unless they've actually visited the States.
2) Brits sneering at US English to spend five years in solitary confinement (unless they have a solid grounding in linguistic history) with only postings on this forum and The Sunfor reading matter'
2 (a)) Without page three.
3) Directors filming gratuitous non-nude scenes to be deprived of their lens-licences.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 16 February 2012, 09:58:03 AM
Sadly, Luddite, it is actually impossible to open a plastic bag without licking your fingers. Try it sometime. So;
But sir, i riposte with a flourish!
It is indeed quite possible to open a plastic bag without covering your hands in slobber.
1. Give the shop assisstand a small wet rag to moisten said fingers. Still disgusting of course as the pad will no doubt harbour bacteria, but at least the assisstant isn't basically spitting on my food in front of me.
2. Take the plastic bag, and at the top where it is failing to open,
stretch it a little. It wrinkles, breaks the surface tension and allows you to open the bag easily.
Further petty rules
1. It is illegal to stop in the doorway of a shop or supermarket. Why do women and old people in large groups do this?!?!!? >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
2. It is illegal for TV stations to make the adverts 120 decibels louder than the programmes its transmitting.
3. It is illegal for a (typically feminine pointless smellies product) manufacturer to put the following on its adverts; '67% of 14 women agree'. IF its using statistics to back up its ridiculous, lying claims about the new 'madeupetrese' or 'handwavium' ingredient, it has to have a scientifically conducted survey of at least 10,000 random people.
4. It is illegal for any product to have more than one layer of packaging.
OK, i'm up to 7 now. Broke my own OP... :-[
Quote from: FierceKitty on 16 February 2012, 01:00:02 PM
and The Sunfor reading matter'
2 (a)) Without page three.
The Sun
Front cover - young celebrity in her panties
Page 2 - Kill the peodos
Page 3 - Phwooaar...have a bang of the tits on that. Chelsea is 16 today eh? You would wouldn't you?
Pages 4 to 14 - Kill the peodos
Pages 15-17 - Up yours Delors! Europeans are all monsters.
Pages 18-20 - Kill the Muslims.
Page 21-30 - Sport. With tits.
The sooner this filthy Murdoch rag is closed down the better.
Quote from: goat major on 16 February 2012, 12:37:28 PM
If you're in the UK then register on the Mailing Preference Service Website http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/mpsr/ (http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/mpsr/) and the Telephone Preference Service website (for junk calls) http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/tps/index.html (http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/tps/index.html)
It definitely works - takes a month or so then junk mail will stop from any 'legitimate' company.
The TPS is decent, although it won't stop all the calls unfortunately. It only covers companies who are directly selling you something, and only those within the UK. We still get piles of market research, PPI , 'had an accident', bank charges, etc. etc.
Quote from: Luddite on 16 February 2012, 01:02:28 PM
2. It is illegal for TV stations to make the adverts 120 decibels louder than the programmes its transmitting.
3. It is illegal for a (typically feminine pointless smellies product) manufacturer to put the following on its adverts; '67% of 14 women agree'. IF its using statistics to back up its ridiculous, lying claims about the new 'madeupetrese' or 'handwavium' ingredient, it has to have a scientifically conducted survey of at least 10,000 random people.
Yep, those two bug me sufficiently enough to be passed as law.
Quote from: Luddite on 16 February 2012, 01:02:28 PM
3. It is illegal for a (typically feminine pointless smellies product) manufacturer to put the following on its adverts; '67% of 14 women agree'. IF its using statistics to back up its ridiculous, lying claims about the new 'madeupetrese' or 'handwavium' ingredient, it has to have a scientifically conducted survey of at least 10,000 random people.
absolutely agree as well. What they also don't tell you is that there is nothing stopping the small number of people surveyed from being employees/relatives/drinking buddies of the company selling the product - which is why the results are invariably good. Try reading Bad Science by Ben Goldacre for a very entertaining critique of this sort of nonsense
I drive the wife mad with my 'TV shouting'.
'Look! 36% of 8 women agree!! They've just passed it round the office and a couple of them said it wasn't bad...'
>:(
Illiciting the usual scowl and 'will you shut up about those bloody advert?!' from my better half.
:D
Quote from: ianrs54 on 16 February 2012, 09:04:12 AM
Peter - all three of those ARE.....
Enforcing it is the problem - particularly from international locations.
Should make debt collection agencies illegal.
IanS
Are you sure they are illegal in the states?
Everyday, at least 5 people i don't know come to the door. :o
Got to love TV shouts ;)
Mine are usually at biased rugby presenters like Jonathan Davies, Brian Moore and Mike Stephenson and any kissball player/pundit/manager as they all spout meaningless drivel.
I drive the good lady mad with my 'virtually ref' commentary of rugby/cricket matches. That said I am 9 times out 10 saying what the commentator says five seconds later. Always knew I chose the wrong career path ;D
Quote from: peterdong on 16 February 2012, 02:46:03 PM
Are you sure they are illegal in the states?
Everyday, at least 5 people i don't know come to the door. :o
Have you tried answering the door topless with a bloody knife in one hand and a chicken in the other? :-\ :D
that might start to attract even less desirable visitors
Right... further heinous crimes
- Farmers who drive tractors along main roads to get from one field to another during rush hour
- The driving of jeeps/hummers/land rovers etc by people who clearly live in towns. To apply to own a 4x4 you must prove you own a field.
1. Reading the Daily Mail
2. Believing what's written in the Daily Mail
3. Telling other people what you read in the Daily Mail
Or
1. Starting a sentence with "I'm not racist, but.....". Because we all know what's coming next.
2. The 'comments' section attached to stories on news websites. If I wanted ill-informed, bigoted, idiotic comments from dullards whose only skill is the ability to use a computer keyboard without any knowledge of grammar, spelling or the way sentences are constructed, I'd go down the pub.
3. An upward inflection at the end of a sentence when it's NOT a question.
Quote from: Leveller Mutineer on 16 February 2012, 03:52:45 PM
3. An upward inflection at the end of a sentence when it's NOT a question.
three cheers for that man!!!
Or even..
I work in a shop.
1. Anyone who walks into a small independently owned shop and attempts to pay for an item priced under a pound with a twenty pound note. Especially first thing in the morning.
2. Anyone who lets me get halfway through putting their items through the till before they realize that there's four other items they need. No that's ok everyone else behind you can wait.
3. After asking all those questions, saying that you'll be back when you've got some money. WHO GOES SHOPPING WITHOUT MONEY!!! You've got all our advice for nothing now you're off to the shop down the road. We know you are. Last time you did it I followed you.
All punishable by death through the Californian method (continual poking in the genitals by the blunt end of a surf board).
Quote from: goat major on 16 February 2012, 03:25:04 PM
To apply to own a 4x4 you must prove you own a field.
:-[
I was living out in the sticks in Cornwall when I bought it... :(
Quote from: goat major on 16 February 2012, 03:25:04 PM
- The driving of jeeps/hummers/land rovers etc by people who clearly live in towns. To apply to own a 4x4 you must prove you own a field.
All persons who have nothing better to do do than be critical of other peoples love affairs with a gorgeous vehicle should immediatly be given a frontal lobotomy and and have all their fingers chopped off so that they can no longer be so tedious. >:(
bloody cheek
(http://i1238.photobucket.com/albums/ff494/rob-field/Picture013.jpg)(http://i1238.photobucket.com/albums/ff494/rob-field/Picture014.jpg)(http://i1238.photobucket.com/albums/ff494/rob-field/Picture015.jpg)
Rob, i'm afraid if you don't own that field you're on it's a £1000 fine and 10 minutes in the Aggro-Dome.
Self-incrimination is no defence.
:D
I perhaps ought to keep it a secret that we also have 2 V8 Range Rovers. :-S
Oh No did I say that out loud? #-o
1 Children should banned from supermarkets. The amount of times I have nearly run over some misbehaving brat while pushing a fully loaded trolley when they suddenly run accross the aisle in front of you....... >:(. I know if I hit them, thier parents will blame me as its not thier little darlings fault. No its not ..... ITS YOUR FAULT FOR NOT KEEPING THEM UNDER CONTROL.
2 Parents who allow thier little darlings to pick up other peoples figures or traders stock at wargames shows should be put in thumbscrews after being made to purchase everything said little darling has touched.
3 In summer the supermarket freezers should be kept with only a single layer of produce at the bottom. Thus improving the view as young ladies reach for the item. :d :d. Note law 1 also has to be in place or it might well be my fault when the little darling is run over. ;D
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 17 February 2012, 12:03:04 AM
3 In summer the supermarket freezers should be kept with only a single layer of produce at the bottom. Thus improving the view as young ladies reach for the item. :d :d. Note law 1 also has to be in place or it might well be my fault when the little darling is run over. ;D
Don't work for RyanAir's PR department do you?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-17036830 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-17036830)
;D
Quote from: goat major on 16 February 2012, 03:54:05 PM
three cheers for that man!!!
Entirely agree. But this thread has lost the path; we're listing offences, not laws.
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 17 February 2012, 12:03:04 AM
2 Parents who allow thier little darlings to pick up other peoples figures or traders stock at wargames shows should be put in thumbscrews after being made to purchase everything said little darling has touched.
Haha! I was at a show last year, happily chatting with a customer, when I looked down to find his young lad was systematically going along my display trees, smushing them between thumb and forefinger one at a time. :'(
Similar - once handed the loaves in my trolley to pensioner to "squash", as she hadn't done those two.....
IanS
It should be against the law for retired people to enter a bank, post office, buiding society etc. between the hours of 12 and 2. They've all day to get their stuff sorted out, I've got half an hour.
Quote from: Rob on 16 February 2012, 11:21:52 PM
I perhaps ought to keep it a secret that we also have 2 V8 Range Rovers. :-S
Don't worry Rob...
We've got
more than enough fields to cover for you here in the Preselis.....We definitely need our Discovery here !
Shall we say £1000 per annum for each 4x4....Cash for preference ;)
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: DanJ on 22 February 2012, 02:22:47 PM
It should be against the law for retired people to enter a bank, post office, buiding society etc. between the hours of 12 and 2. They've all day to get their stuff sorted out, I've got half an hour.
Speaking as a retired person, Dan, I agree entirely. Used to drive me crackers. ~X(
Quote from: Luddite on 15 February 2012, 04:34:37 PM
1. If you have a cough/cold it is illegal to leave the house or go to work or any other place where you might infect other people.
Huh. You persuade my employer to pay people when they're sick, and I'll stay home with my runny nose.
Cheers, Martyn
--
Once rang in sick and wuz told - "git to that dat skool and infect em all", beauties of workin supply.
ianS
Quote from: Raider4 on 22 February 2012, 05:06:40 PM
Huh. You persuade my employer to pay people when they're sick, and I'll stay home with my runny nose.
Cheers, Martyn
--
Section 4 of my petty little law;
4.0 Payments to absent staff
Staff will be paid double time for their infection-based absence.
This will benefit the employee who will be able to relax and recover faster, free from stress.
This will benefit the employer, who will only be losing 1-2 working days from one employee rather than dozens of working days from all the other employees that would have been infected by this unclean individual.
And while we're on work...
It shall be illegal for a manager to refer to a policy as a strategy, and vice versa.
It shall be illegal to call the department 'Human Resources'. I am a person, not a resource.
It shall be illegal to moan at me for not turning my PC monitor off overnight 'because it wastes energy', when the heating is on despite it being 12 degrees C outside, forcing me to open the windows to try and reduce the office temperature to below 38 degrees C. >:(
It shall be illegal to organise meetings between 12 and 1pm (lunchtime) any day, before midday on Mondays, or after midday Fridays.
Quote from: Luddite on 23 February 2012, 10:36:17 AM
It shall be illegal to call the department 'Human Resources'. I am a person, not a resource.
HR is very last century. Those at the cutting edge are now HCM (Human Capital Management). I wish i was joking
Quote from: goat major on 23 February 2012, 10:38:00 AM
HR is very last century. Those at the cutting edge are now HCM (Human Capital Management). I wish i was joking
Oh....For
goodness sake !
Cheers - Phil (Occasional equine waste disposal operative....Horse S*it shoveler to everyone else ;))
That'd be a good thread....Made up pseudo names for jobs and chores...Waddaya reckno guys ?)
Me - i ainmt advanced from "Personel" .
IanS
At least Human Resources is accurate from an organisational perspective.
To a comapny, 'humans' are 'resources'.
I have no idea what 'Human Capital Management' means. Employees are NOT capital.
Good grief. >:(
There really is no end to the bovine coprolites...
ITs actually Orwellian Newspeak in action. People who do this should be publically shamed...
True, but are we, as the Japanese suggested 'wage slaves'?
Or are we 'wage prisoners'?
Most people i think are economically imprisoned - particularly if you bought the mythical idea of 'ownership' and have the millstone of something like a mortgage.
There are many laws i'd enact around the rights of the worker (mostly restoring and building on hard-won rights that have been systematically been removed over the last 30 years), but i don't think they'd be petty, small minded, or little. :D