Petty, small minded little laws?

[Nosher]

Got to love TV shouts

Mine are usually at biased rugby presenters like Jonathan Davies, Brian Moore and Mike Stephenson and any kissball player/pundit/manager as they all spout meaningless drivel.

I drive the good lady mad with my 'virtually ref' commentary of rugby/cricket matches. That said I am 9 times out 10 saying what the commentator says five seconds later. Always knew I chose the wrong career path

[Leon]

Are you sure they are illegal in the states?
Everyday, at least 5 people i don't know come to the door. 

Have you tried answering the door topless with a bloody knife in one hand and a chicken in the other?   

[goat major]

that might start to attract even less desirable visitors

[goat major]

Right... further heinous crimes

- Farmers who drive tractors along main roads to get from one field to another during rush hour

- The driving of jeeps/hummers/land rovers etc by people who clearly live in towns. To apply to own a 4x4 you must prove you own a field.

[Leveller Mutineer]

1. Reading the Daily Mail
2. Believing what's written in the Daily Mail
3. Telling other people what you read in the Daily Mail

[Leveller Mutineer]

Or

1. Starting a sentence with "I'm not racist, but.....".  Because we all know what's coming next.
2. The 'comments' section attached to stories on news websites.  If I wanted ill-informed, bigoted, idiotic comments from dullards whose only skill is the ability to use a computer keyboard without any knowledge of grammar, spelling or the way sentences are constructed, I'd go down the pub.
3. An upward inflection at the end of a sentence when it's NOT a question.

[goat major]

3. An upward inflection at the end of a sentence when it's NOT a question.

three cheers for that man!!!

[Leveller Mutineer]

Or even..

I work in a shop.

1. Anyone who walks into a small independently owned shop and attempts to pay for an item priced under a pound with a twenty pound note.  Especially first thing in the morning.
2. Anyone who lets me get halfway through putting their items through the till before they realize that there's four other items they need.  No that's ok everyone else behind you can wait.
3. After asking all those questions, saying that you'll be back when you've got some money.  WHO GOES SHOPPING WITHOUT MONEY!!!  You've got all our advice for nothing now you're off to the shop down the road.  We know you are.  Last time you did it I followed you.

All punishable by death through the Californian method (continual poking in the genitals by the blunt end of a surf board).

[Leon]

To apply to own a 4x4 you must prove you own a field.

I was living out in the sticks in Cornwall when I bought it... 

[Rob]

- The driving of jeeps/hummers/land rovers etc by people who clearly live in towns. To apply to own a 4x4 you must prove you own a field.

All persons who have nothing better to do do than be critical of other peoples love affairs with a gorgeous vehicle should immediatly be given a frontal lobotomy and and have all their fingers chopped off so that they can no longer be so tedious. 

bloody cheek

[Luddite]

Rob, i'm afraid if you don't own that field you're on it's a £1000 fine and 10 minutes in the Aggro-Dome.

Self-incrimination is no defence.

[Rob]

I perhaps ought to keep it a secret that we also have 2 V8 Range Rovers.

Oh No did I say that out loud? 

[Orcs]

1 Children should banned from supermarkets. The amount of times I have nearly run over some misbehaving brat while pushing a fully loaded trolley when they suddenly run accross the aisle in front of you....... .  I know if I hit them, thier parents will blame me as its not thier little darlings fault. No its not ..... ITS YOUR FAULT FOR NOT KEEPING THEM UNDER CONTROL.

2 Parents who allow thier little darlings to pick up other peoples figures or traders stock at wargames shows should be put in thumbscrews after being made to purchase everything said little darling has touched.

3 In summer the supermarket freezers should be kept with only a single layer of produce at the bottom. Thus improving the view as young ladies reach for the item.  .    Note law 1 also has to be in place or it might well be my fault when the little darling is run over.

[Luddite]

3 In summer the supermarket freezers should be kept with only a single layer of produce at the bottom. Thus improving the view as young ladies reach for the item.  .    Note law 1 also has to be in place or it might well be my fault when the little darling is run over.

Don't work for RyanAir's PR department do you?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-17036830

[FierceKitty]

three cheers for that man!!!

Entirely agree. But this thread has lost the path; we're listing offences, not laws.

[Leon]

2 Parents who allow thier little darlings to pick up other peoples figures or traders stock at wargames shows should be put in thumbscrews after being made to purchase everything said little darling has touched.

Haha!  I was at a show last year, happily chatting with a customer, when I looked down to find his young lad was systematically going along my display trees, smushing them between thumb and forefinger one at a time.   

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

Similar - once handed the loaves in my trolley to pensioner to "squash", as she hadn't done those two.....

IanS

[DanJ]

It should be against the law for retired people to enter a bank, post office, buiding society etc. between the hours of 12 and 2.  They've all day to get their stuff sorted out, I've got half an hour.

[Techno]

I perhaps ought to keep it a secret that we also have 2 V8 Range Rovers.

Don't worry Rob...
We've got more than enough fields to cover for you here in the Preselis.....We definitely need our Discovery here !
Shall we say £1000 per annum for each 4x4....Cash for preference 
Cheers - Phil

[Hertsblue]

It should be against the law for retired people to enter a bank, post office, buiding society etc. between the hours of 12 and 2.  They've all day to get their stuff sorted out, I've got half an hour.

Speaking as a retired person, Dan, I agree entirely. Used to drive me crackers.