1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people—whether they're employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
4. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts—your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
5. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
6. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
7. Most dogs are immortal.
8. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
9. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
10. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
Anyone know any others?
Despite having shot and badly wounded the villain you have a strong sense that they should go on trial rather than be finished off, thus allowing them to escape and perpetrate further mayhem.
- A man armed with a pistol is quite capable of taking out a team of SWAT/Assassins/gangsters wearing body armour and carrying automatic weapons.
- Pretty girls prefer ugly poor men with a sense of humour to good looking rich men.
- A flare pistol is an accurate weapon.
- You can conduct significant car chases through many cities in the world without the police apparently noticing.
A woman surprised in the bedroom under any circumstances will use a hand that could be employed waking a partner, pushing an alarm switch, or reaching for a weapon to hold a sheet in front of her breasts.
Despite the fact that next to nothing of global importance has ever happened in the US, that's where aliens will land.
Any personal problem in one's life can be solved in five minutes in a heart-to-heart talk with one's mother on a garden swing chair.
Any important black woman not in a comic role has a skin shade reminiscent of very milky coffee.
Any black man will either spend his life on the edge of a manic episode, or staring at the camera with an expression of eternal victimhood.
Nobody at an American university ever opens a book (admittedly, there is evidence to support this).
Quote from: fsn on 08 October 2015, 07:21:16 AM
- Pretty girls prefer ugly poor men with a sense of humour to good looking rich men.
By god there is hope for us!!!!!!!!
Quote from: fsn on 08 October 2015, 07:21:16 AM
- A man armed with a pistol is quite capable of taking out a team of SWAT/Assassins/gangsters wearing body armour and carrying automatic weapons.
To expand on that point......
Six or more bad guys armed with automatic weapons couldn't hit the proverbial barn door, let alone the hero.
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 08 October 2015, 09:47:14 AM
To expand on that point......
Six or more bad guys armed with automatic weapons couldn't hit the proverbial barn door, let alone the hero.
Cheers - Phil
I think, because criminal associations are pretty illegal, they don't have a health plan/ periodic checkups. All those goons probably have bad eyes, shaky hands and all that, and nobody to check them out! 8-} 8-} 8-} 8-}
The never-emptying magazine on any kind of weapon...until it becomes time for a dramatic change in the fight.
Only in films will you ever find the 'L' shaped bed sheet.
Grenade goes off next to hero -he carries on unscathed; grenade goes off anywhere within a 20m radius of villains henchmen or enemies of the hero and they all drop like flies.
Norfolk has mountains. (Check the film Reign of Fire where the survivors of the attack on London move to the mountains of Norfolk.)
A decent villain has to have a English accent.
On the *ahem* front, I am constantly surprised that a couple meet, have a drink, sex then wake up the next morning half dressed. What self respecting man spends the night with a woman and she wakes up wearing her bra and her makeup perfect?
However fast you are driving, there's always another gear to go up into.
No-one ever uses the toilet - except to take drugs or to ready a weapon.
Any soldier with "a girl back home", isn't going to make it out of the film alive.
A colt peacemaker revolver is a highly accurate firearm, that despite being called a six shooter can fire 30+ rounds before reloading.
Americans are intelligent !
WW2 was fought entirely by the Americans with a few British being given cameo roles.
All women of importance to the plot are highly attractive.
Directors will go to great lengths to get most historical aspects of a film right, but will always make a glaring mistake.
The person in charge is always an idiot
The richest or poshest, or most religious person is always guilty of crime.
Police never have the fire escape covered.
Quote from: fsn on 08 October 2015, 10:49:14 AM
Any soldier with "a girl back home", isn't going to make it out of the film alive.
And most of the time he gets the 'i'm leaving you for someone else' letter before he dies
Spitfires were the fastest things in the sky, and the most important figure in the Battle of Britain was Vera Lynn.
Nobody between 1400 and 1700 dressed in anything but dull brown and grey in Europe; likewise every barbarian tribesman.
Crusaders were heavily bearded.
Bad guys prefer to communicate with each other in unidiomatic and heavily-accented English.
Anyone in a turban is either entirely treacherous or 184% loyal.
Legionaries wore ill-fitting biker jackets instead of armour.
Women in movies where they might have hoped for the embraces of Sean Connery or Timothy Dalton are willing to settle for Roger Moore.
Every second man in France is Gerard Depardieu.
People in positions of authority - whether army officers, corporate managers, or political leaders - are generally either stupid or evil or both.
(See also the "Fury" thread: http://www.pendrakenforum.co.uk/index.php/topic,12878.msg178620.html#new )
Chris
Nothing - I already knew every thing.
IanS
- When the accent of character does not fit the rest of the crew, he is either the villain (certainly if English), comic relief, or token minority.
- Firearms have a secret compartment to allow double capacity of the actual magazine.
- Snipers always get headshots, or are terrible shots.
- The military is incapable of defending the nation against zombies.
Quote from: Subedai on 08 October 2015, 10:07:40 AM
A decent villain has to have a English accent...
and every other Englishman has to sound like Bert from Mary Poppins!
Yes, the Zombie one always puzzles me. They shuffle along going 'nnnnnhhhhh.' Obviously that's what the cavalry should have been trained to do before 1914. That would have solved the machine gun problem.
Quote from: FierceKitty on 08 October 2015, 08:47:59 AM
Despite the fact that next to nothing of global importance has ever happened in the US, that's where aliens will land.
But if they landed YONKS ago......They landed (or crashed) in the Antarctic.
Cheers - Phil
OK, random brain dump:
Nobody ever fumbles their words, or hesitates when speaking.
Bullets send people spectacularly flying.
Hand weapons like swords and knives kill people instantly. In fact, bullets do to.
You can harmlessly knock someone out with a heavy object or gun butt.
The Roman army (or any ancient army really) never fought in formation.
'The enemy' (Japanese, 'Red Indians', Nazis, black people, anyone from the Middle East, etc.) are simply bullet sponges to be mercilessly despatched without much care or thought.
WWI was fought solely between America (with a few Canadians), and Germany.
WWII was fought solely between America and Germany or Japan.
An American won the Battle of Britain.
An American found the Enigma machine.
America won the Vietnam War.
Vietnam is a war not a country.
Bullets are easy to dodge.
Breeze blocks, house bricks, car doors, desk lockers, internal domestic walls, and pretty much anything else will stop bullets.
The English are the most evil people on the planet.
America is horrendously susceptible to asteroids, alien invasions, caldera eruptions, and tsunamis.
Cars can survive jumping a river gorge.
Refrigerators are immune to atomic explosions.
Women never talk to other women, unless its to discuss a man.
American police officers are trained to be able to identify any drug, chemical, powder or substance by taste.
Internet connections never play silly b*ggers and have a 'go slow'.
(Probably more true for TV shows.....Especially those sponsored by 'computer companies'.) :D
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Luddite on 08 October 2015, 03:11:18 PM
The English are the most evil people on the planet.
That is true. :P
It's a phase. They've been through "Commies", "gooks", Japanese, Germans, Brits and now it seems to be Russians and Ukranians.
All WW2 German infantry is armed with MP40 Schmeisser.
WW2 German tanks look identical to post-WW2 American tanks, just with different paintwork.
Ground attack aircraft have guns registered to hit the ground exactly 2 m away from any target.
Hand grenades are filled with petrol to make fireballs.
Car doors and dry walls stop machine gun bullets.
All machine gunners are taught to shoot to the enemy to their front, not along the enemy lines.
All modern combat takes place at 50 m range.
RPG warheads travel at 100 mph.
All scabbards are lined with metal to produce scraping sounds.
And finally something I was actually taught at film school:
You only need to unbutton two buttons to take off any shirt.
Cheers,
Aksu
People use Bing as their number 1 search engine
Shooting as petrol or gas barrels will make them explode
Quote from: petercooman on 08 October 2015, 09:06:53 AM
By god there is hope for us!!!!!!!!
That's what I was going to write !
;D
Quote from: Aksu on 08 October 2015, 04:45:52 PM
You only need to unbutton two buttons to take off any shirt.
Must try that out on Mrs Capthugeca later. =P~
:-\
Hey, Aksu, which two buttons?
The cuffs.
Quote from: capthugeca on 08 October 2015, 06:27:39 PM
Must try that out on Mrs Capthugeca later. =P~
HMMM! Not sure thats a good Idea, I can just here one or all of the following following from Mrs C:-
Why are you taking your shirt of?
Put That chest away
Or if your really in trouble
WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT TRICK ?? (Impying another female) - This will be made even worse when you reply " A bloke I know !!" ;D ;D
50m range? Thats almost twice as far as reality!
Anything that has wheels is made of a surprising element called 'explodium', and any sudden impact causes the vehicle to explode - I saw a trailer for (I think) a Conquistador movie, a 16th cent cannon fell of a ledge and exploded on impact!
Similarly 'Bulletproofium' renders thin car doors and wooden tables impenetrable.
CCTV is all High definition, and can easily be used to identify people (I've seen CCTV, which obviously cant be real, where the best we could come with was "probably black".)
CCTV that isn't hiDef can easily be enhanced, possible due to hidden pixels.
CCTV in Enemy of the State can be rotated in a 3d CG environment to see what is in the bag behind Will Smith's body
People keeps pants on during sex.
Police interviews rely on shouting at people that you know they did it. No lawyer ever objects in court to this happening without him there.
A vaguely credible supposition will lead the murderer to tell everything.
To get from the White Cliffs to Nottingham you need to go via the part of Hadrians Wall in the Housesteads section.
It is easier to shoot the 1 inch guard rail rather than the 6 foot man standing behind it (see also bulletproofium)
Human muscles are not only powerful enough, but arranged in such a way on the Archemedian principle, that you can pull a man up to your level with just one hand.
Locks can easily be picked with a paperclip
Quote from: Last Hussar on 08 October 2015, 08:04:41 PM
People keeps pants on during sex.
But I've heard you always keep your socks on!! :d :d
Your missus is a liar
Quote from: Luddite on 08 October 2015, 03:11:18 PM
Nobody ever fumbles their words, or hesitates when speaking.
I disagree here. Something that annoys me is overcompensation in the opposite direction: US scriptwriters in particular are so afraid of their dialogue's seeming composed or written that they exaggerate inarticulacy, and confine vocabulary to a very narrow range. I know many people who speak FAR better than they'd be allowed to in a movie, and I'm not only talking about English literature graduate students (who, God help us, often
do speak down to Hollywood dialogue standards these days).
Quote from: capthugeca on 08 October 2015, 06:27:39 PM
Hey, Aksu, which two buttons?
Serious mode on: This was used as an example of how you want to edit out all the things you don't have to show, the viewer will get the idea with minimal cues. So when editing an undressing scene, it is enough to show the guy unbuttoning the (usually) top two buttons, you can then cut to another shot with the shirt coming off. Since that is what the viewer is expecting, you don't want to linger on the first shot and bore the viewer.
Actually this is sort of one of the few useful bits I picked up from art uni: don't spend time doing stuff that a viewer is not interested in looking at. At least that is my excuse when someone asks "why didn't you paint (insert missing detail here) on your figures?"
Cheers,
Aksu
That's what Orcs tells the ladies about foreplay.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
Quote from: capthugeca on 21 October 2015, 06:37:12 AM
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments but not to watch the road if you're chatting up a bit of crumpet..
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English with exaggerated accents to each other.
Roundshot explodes on impact.