I would like to wish Ithoriel the best in his forth comming opperation. I hope hea has a speedy recovery and there are no issues with the subsequennt examination.
He requested levity in the other post. So a few jokes dedicated to Ithorial are in order.
Two five year old boys are standing at the potty to pee.
When one says, " Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"
" I've been circumcised." Says the second boy.
" What does that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
" How old were you when it was cut off?"
" My mom said that I was two days old."
" Did it hurt?"
" You bet it hurt, I couldn't walk for a year!"
The Emperor of Japan advertises for a new bodygaurd. Three swordsmen apply: one is Japanese, one is Chinese, and one is Jewish. To test him, the Emperor lets a fly loose in the room and tells the Chinese swordsman to kill it. The swordsmansweeps down his blade and chops the fly in two. The Japanese swordsman is given the same test. He swings his sword twice and manages to cut the fly into quarters before it hits the ground. The Jewish swordsman is then given a fly. He chases it around the room, swings his sword a few times, then sits down with the fly buzzing around his head. "Why have you stopped?" ask the Emperor. "The fly is still alive." "Yes," replies the Jewish swordsman. "But now it's circumcised."
A surgeon retires from his long career as a specialistin circumcision. Throughtout his career he has saved hundreds of foreskins as mementos and now wishes to turn them into a souvenir. He takes his specimens to a leathersmith and asks him to make something out of them. A week later the surgeon returns and the leathersmith presents him with a wallet. "All those foreskins and you only made me a wallet?" exclaims the surgeon. The leathersmith replies, "Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase."
One-liners
What happened to the short-sighted circumcisor? He got the sack.
When they circumcised him, they threw away the wrong bit.
Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20 percent off!
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these biscuit purchases. What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
Guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I have some salad stuck under my foreskin."
The doc squints at him a moment, then says, "Lettuce see
I just can't work out what sort of op Ithoriel is having.
Man goes to his doctor and says, "I want to be castrated."
"Are you sure?" says the doctor.
"Yes, I want to be castrated."
So the man goes into hospital and has the operation and wakes up afterwards in the recovery room. There's a patient in the next bed.
"What are you in for?" the man asks him.
"Oh, I'm here to be circumcised."
"Ah," says the man, "That's the word... "
There's a difference?
Good luck with it.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
The thought of it is bringing tears to my eyes! And I am not crying!!
Best of luck. :-SS X_X
Chad
Truss me, I'm supporting Ithoriel.
Quote from: Dour Puritan on 29 July 2014, 02:08:41 PM
Truss me, I'm supporting Ithoriel.
With him to the very end!
I think this thread should be cut short! :o
If he was stuck in a submarine we could always send down four skindivers.
I thought that was what you used to circumcise a Blue Whale. :-\ :D
I applied to be a rabbi. I was told the wages were poor but you got plenty of tips
"Your flags are made from WHAT!!!"
:d
Hope all ends well...seriously! :)
They are experts, fear not. Very few cock-ups after the operation. ;)
;D ;D ;D ;D
Ha- I was trying to explain to my new boss that my time off next week was authorised, but hardly knowing her I was a bit vague about what the operation was. In the end she said "What, you having it lengthened?"
"um no, the opposite."
My wife wasn't happy I told her!
;D X_X ;D
Cheers - Phil
This hasn't helped my frame of mind
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/07/25/circumcision-led-to-penis-amputation-claims-man-suing-alabama-hospital_n_5619820.html (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/07/25/circumcision-led-to-penis-amputation-claims-man-suing-alabama-hospital_n_5619820.html)
X_X X_X X_X
Cheers - Phil
I haven't even got the nerve to look so that I could say I can't look.
I looked.
There's only a sliced banana pictured ....and some text which I think may be of somewhat dubious provenance. ;)
Cheers - Phil
Is that a banana or are you just pleased to see me?
There you go Techno
http://www.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2014/08/judge_dismisses_suit_claiming.html (http://www.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2014/08/judge_dismisses_suit_claiming.html)
"Just a little off the top please..."
Uh-Oh.....
Dare I look at that one ?
Cheers - Phil
No point Phil - it's in English.
ianS
It's not the language I'm bothered about, Ian.....It's whether there are any vomit inducing piccies ! ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Not that I can see, Phil, and I'm probably even more squeamish than you.
Quote from: Techno on 12 August 2014, 07:44:36 AM
It's not the language I'm bothered about, Ian.....It's whether there are any vomit inducing piccies ! ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Wimp ;)
ianS
I can supply one :d
NO !.......Absolutely......Definitely.....NO ! ;D ;D ;D
I look like a porn star down there - well its thick and black
Bucket for Phil... :d
:-& :-& :-& :-&.......Awwwwww.....TMI. ;D ;D ;D ;D
Memo to self...... Ask the boss why Norton (for the very first time) blocked a 'pop-up' on the forum this morning....Coincidence ?......I think not !! ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
It wasn't me!
I freaked this morning, spoke to my GP by the phone, now re-assured.
Stitches DON'T heal you (anywhere). They are there to hold the skin together while the body heals.
You know how you get a cut on your arm, and it scabs over? Then you knock the scab off, and it bleeds a bit more, but the wound and new scab is smaller. This keeps happening, until your arm is healed?
Well yeah.. finding blood on the old chap... PANIC!
... and breathe, LH.
Yep, nothing like blood there to panic a man. In the process of "rough and tumble" play with my toddler son I picked him up and chucked him up in the air (and caught him again!) to much giggling and laughter from both. Less laughter from me when I found out I'd ruptured blood vessels and passed blood in my urine for several days :-&
Nightmare!!
Op successfully completed.
Slightly disconcerted when the surgeon said he'd "tidied up a couple of other things while I was in there" - made me feel like a house renovation :)
All went well but have even more sympathy with Last Hussar!
On now to the business of healing up.
Thanks for the support, sympathy and jokes!
Glad to hear it, Ithoriel. Not something I'd have cared to face. :o :o :o
Heel well sir, cobblers! I meant heal well! :D
Good to hear it went well :) :) :)
Do we want to know what "tidied up a couple of other things while I was in there" involved :-/ :-& :-/
Quote from: paulr on 21 September 2014, 08:01:19 PM
Good to hear it went well :) :) :)
Do we want to know what "tidied up a couple of other things while I was in there" involved :-/ :-& :-/
Probably not Paul. Possibly over-sharing to go that far. Enough to say it was minor stuff and worth doing.
Well, if it was anything like mine reduce the testosterone to the nuts are smaller than cricket balls, and shorten the old chap so it fits into XXXL condoms.
:d :d :d