The Ultimate in Wargaming

[fsn]

Gentlemen of the Forum (Again Ladies, I think this is not something for you. Please excuse us.)

I have devised the next generation in gaming. It covers one of the few gaps in the wargames market.  Sometimes, sitting on the toilet can be a dull business, terminating in an unpleasant cleaning process that none of us really enjoys. What can be done to alleviate he boredom of the keen gamer?  You can't roll dice, they just skittle away under the sink. Games books are fun - but you're through puberty now and are looking for something a bit special.

May I present the Commando Comics Optimisation Cylinder (CCOC). Let me explain. Remember Commando Comics? Remember those line drawn war stories in which the Brits always won and our enemies could be reduced to a few stereotypes? Capture those times whilst going through the motions with the CCOC! The CCOC is easy to install, but relieve those tedious hours communing with nature. Simply take your CCOC and place it on top of your toilet roll. Now, just a quick tug and your face will light up! As the toilet roll spins, the CCOC spins in a counter direction, randomly selecting a result of your battle with the dastardly Huns!


This example is "Tank Battle!", in which a Sherman Firefly takes on a horde of Pz IVs. Will you score a hit -  "Cop that Jerry", or miss - "he has the luck of the devil!" or will your tank get hit "Time to bail out"? As you draw off more paper, simply count the number of time you score a hit before they overwhelm you!


As the roll gets smaller, the CCOC spins faster, so you can't rig the result - and no looking!

Also available -"Snipers in the Snow", "Get that E-Boat!" and "Spitfire Ace". Coming next month "Night Fighter", "Tank Buster!", "Q-Ship Queen" and "The Grenadier."

Note: Copyright FSN. I am also developing a two CCOC game, using cylinders of different diameters to generate two results per tug.

[Ithoriel]

You, sir, are mad as a fish ... I love it, when will it be available commercially

May I suggest further titles

-"Stink the Bismark"

-"The bums of Navarrone"

-"The Battle of Arras"

[fsn]

 

FK will be after Korean Turdle Ships!

They CCOCs are available now! Only £4.95 plus £1.37 P&P, and I'll e-mail you the special CCOC sheath.

[Fenton]

I know its not WW2 but how about the Battle of Pottyiers

For WW1 the battle of Verdunny

[fsn]

In play testing, it's been surprisingly addictive. 

[Nosher]

CCOC sheath.

hasn't Durex secured the copyright on that?

[burnaby64]

Waterloo, anyone?

[Steve J]

Completely and utterly mad, but I love it .

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

Nobody but nobody has EVER  accused FSN of being sane - then he has an excuse - all the chemicals in the air in Runcorn

IanS 

[fsn]

Surely we've missed the obvious one - WWI Ypres -  or as the Tommies called it - "Wipers" 

[Fenton]

Of course all these great victories start off at the Woolwich  ARSEnal

[Techno]

Awesomely good fsn !!
Remember to 'tm' the name.....and get in touch with the patents office as soon as.....
Cheers - Phil

[burnaby64]

And then there's the, possibly apocryphal, sentence from a history of the Risorgimento: "The Italians held the Po while the Austrians evacuated."

[fsn]

 

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Fsn , genius!