could somebody have a quick look at this?

[J.S.]

Seems like a British historian (Hugh Sebag-Montefiore) needs some students for grinding work in the Bavarian War Archives for a future book on the Battle of the Somme. I could imagine worse ways to get some additonal money, so I'm going to apply for the job. To spare myself the embarrassement of grammatical errors in a job application (even if it's just for a side job), I thought I might ask you guys if you could have a quick look at this:

October 11, 2013

Dear Mr. Sebag-Montefiore,                                       

I'm writing you, because I think that I am skilled in all the necessary qualifications for the job. I have already obtained a Bachelor of Arts degree and started my Master studies in history last winter semester. Having thus far worked in both the Bayerische Hauptstaatsarchiv and the Bayerische Wirtschaftsarchiv in Munich, I was also able to gather considerable experience in the field of archival work. From both places I received excellent job references which I could hand in later, if so desired. Moreover, most files I worked with in the BayHStA consisted of material from the late 19th or early 20th century. Thus, I'm fluent in reading old German Sütterlin Schrift, even handwritten postcards, letters et cetera. I'm equally fluent in English and well acquainted with the British style of writing narrative history, which is among my favourite kinds of private lecture. The First World War in particular has always been among my chief interests. In fact, one of the first history books I've ever held in my hands was a work on the Battle of the Somme which my grandfather gave me as a present. I am therefore convinced that the work on your project would be both an exciting and rewarding experience and looking forward to hear from you.
Yours faithfully,
Jeremias Schmidt

So please don't let me down guys, I'm counting on you as I have no other native speakers at hand 

[Ithoriel]

I would say "I am writing to you" rather than "I am writing you" and "I think I have the necessary skills and qualifications for the job" rather than "I think that I am skilled in all the necessary qualifications for the job"

The first seems to me an Americanism and the second seems a little stilted to me.

What you wrote is OK but I think my versions are slightly more natural to British ears.

As for the rest, it reads perfectly well to me.

Good luck, I hope you are successful!

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

I agree with Ithorial.
The rest is great.
I would definitely include your references and Cv with it?

[mollinary]

                                                                                                                                                                                             November 11, 2013

Dear Mr. Sebag-Montefiore,                                       

I understand you are seeking a research assistant for your next book.   I believe I have all the necessary qualifications for the job, and would therefore like to apply.  I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in ?insert subject? from ? University and began my Master studies in history at the same university last winter.   Having thus far worked in both the Bayerische Hauptstaatsarchiv and the Bayerische Wirtschaftsarchiv in Munich, I was also able to gather considerable experience in the field of archival work. From both places I received excellent job references which I can forward to you, if that would be helpful. Most files I worked with in the BayHStA consisted of material from the late 19th or early 20th century. Thus, I am fluent in reading old German Sütterlin Schrift, even handwritten postcards, letters et cetera. I am equally fluent in English and well acquainted with the British style of writing narrative history, which is among my favourite areas of private reading. The First World War in particular has always been among my chief interests. In fact, one of the first history books I ever held in my hands was a work on the Battle of the Somme which my grandfather gave me as a present. I am convinced that the work on your project would be both an exciting and rewarding experience, and looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Jeremias Schmidt

Hope this is some help!

Regards,

Mollinary

[J.S.]

Thanks a lot guys!!

I would definitely include your references and Cv with it?

I don't know whether Mr. Sebag-Montefiore is able to read German, so most certificates would be kind of useless. But I guess you are right, I better include them right from the beginning.

[Fenton]

I would include them...you not losing anything by doing do


And if you do get the job I will be extremely envious

[Leon]

Good luck with it, I hope it works out!

The changes given above look good to me, only one small one in your last sentence:

"I am convinced that the work on your project would be both an exciting and rewarding experience, and I look forward to hearing from you."

OR

"I am convinced that the work on your project would be both an exciting and rewarding experience, and I am looking forward to hearing from you."

[mollinary]

Oops,

Just noticed, there should be an "am" in front of "looking forward to"  in the last sentence.


Mollinary

[mollinary]

"I am convinced that the work on your project would be both an exciting and rewarding experience, and I am looking forward to hearing from you."

Leon,

Not sure you need the second "I" in that sentence,  I think the one at the beginning is sufficient - but I am sure an English teacher will. Be along shortly! 

Mollinary

[Leon]

"I am convinced that the work on your project would be both an exciting and rewarding experience, and I am looking forward to hearing from you."

Leon,

Not sure you need the second "I" in that sentence,  I think the one at the beginning is sufficient - but I am sure an English teacher will. Be along shortly! 

Yeah, I'm not sure either, I read it through a few times, and it seems to read easier with the second 'I' in place?  I prefer the first option I gave as a sentence though, seems to sound nicer.

[Fenton]

"I am convinced that the work on your project would be both an exciting and rewarding experience, and I am looking forward to hearing from you."

Leon,

Not sure you need the second "I" in that sentence,  I think the one at the beginning is sufficient - but I am sure an English teacher will. Be along shortly! 

Mollinary

would look forward to hearing from you not suffice?

[mollinary]

would look forward to hearing from you not suffice?

Works for me!   Complicated language, what?!

Mollinary

[J.S.]

Thanks for all the advice so far. Unfortunatelly I forgot a lot of things I learned in my English Writing classes. But that's the way things go..use it or lose it. Anyways, I'll spend the money on a Pendraken 1866 army if it works out  

[edited/redundant]

[Fenton]

I have never heard of sending pictures with applications

[J.S.]

What?  
But ok, then one thing less to worry about. (maybe that's why i found no English term for "Bewerbungsfoto" [literally application-photo], there's no such thing)