A Reminder that theres always someone worse off than you ......

[Last Hussar]

I was sent this by a collegue, who got it from a mate, who got from...  you get the idea.

I read this on facebook yesterday, it took a while as I couldn't see for the tears in my eyes,

Enjoy!!


A story as told by a mate , you know who you are.

Well I had a curry and went to the cinema in the bay with my then girlfriend, it was packed. Halfway through the film I got the meat sweats and that faint feeling you get when you know your heading for trouble. A bubbling sensation started in my undercrackers and I knew an arse explosion was imminent. I shot up out of the seat and then everything went into slow motion, nobody got out of their seats fast enough and I was trumpeting in their faces and dancing up and down. I was dizzy as hell and the journey to the loo was the longest of my life. Once in I felt that increased urgency alongside a relief that I was out of the public's eye. However, the cubicles were full. The clenching I had to do would have pulled the cock off a rhino! Eventually a lad came out and I pushed past to get in not a moment too soon. The knot in my cream joggers wouldn't come undone; I believe I started to cry at this point. As I yanked them down I glanced into the toilet bowl as you do, it was blocked with dumpage and bog roll, I pulled the flush and went to sit down. Before my cheeks touched the seat I went inside out in releasing my bowels. It was like someone had stood on stepladders and was emptying a bucket of wet teabags into a pond!

Then it got far far worse, the loo blockage hadn't cleared and the first sensation was cold water kissing my ballbag, then the water billowed forth over the seat and other peoples nuggets filled my joggers around my ankles and a few went out under the cubicle door along with the soup water. Someone asked if I was ok due to the screaming and swearing. I wasn't! I knew they were other peoples as my own discharge was 99% liquid! The bowl did not go down and I sat in the water still creating a soup jacuzzi with my squealing areshole. It sounded like a fight between donald duck roadrunner! As I scooped the turds out of my joggers they just simply collapsed into the material, I was absolutely soaking in excrement. After doing what I could I headed out, still sobbing.

If you have been to the red dragon centre at the bay you will appreciate that the walk from the cinema loo to my car was the longest walk of my life. It was a Sunday night (Doormans night off) so I saw every mother fucker Id ever known in my life on that walk. 'H##### hows it going' they would cry, a thumbs up and a head down was my response. My trainers were squelching and the stains were blatantly obvious to all. Luckily everyone got out of my way, usually whilst muttering 'Oh my f***ing god!' as they veered off. Finally, I got to my car lay out a Tesco carrier bag on the seat and got in. Its over you would think, poor guy I hear you say. No it wasn't! As I bent my leg to let the clutch out I literally cut in half a mahoosive poo that had attached itself to the back of my knee! Half splattered up my hamstring and a the other more solid part fell down my calf where it became nestled in the elastic of my bottoms rolling around the ankle area until I got to my hosepipe in the back garden where I spent the next hour,still sobbing!

[sebastosfig]

Hmmm. Clearly not funny, but still, I feel better. Yes, someone clearly had the worst day of his life

[Leon]