A paraprosdokian is a statement with an unexpected ending.

[Orcs]

Some of these are ..............

�   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 

�   I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 

�   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.   

�   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

�   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 

�   If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

�   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.     

�   War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

�   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

�   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.   

�   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

�   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

�   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 

�   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

�   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

�   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
 
�   I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay cheques.

�   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

�   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

�   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.   

�   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"   

�   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

�   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

�   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

�   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

�   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 

�   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

�   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

�   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

�   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

�   Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. 

�   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

�   I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.   

�   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. 

�   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

�   I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

�   I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila. 

�   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. 

�   You're never too old to learn something stupid.

�   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.   

�   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.   

�   Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever. 

�   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

�   If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

�   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.     

[Techno]

Wonderful !!
Cheers - Phil.

[Nosher]

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.

[Hertsblue]

Some pearls of wisdom in there - and some very old ones too. 

[Leon]

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

[mollinary]

Leon,

It has taken me years to get it, but I finally know how you clock up so many posts!   

Mollinary

[Albie Bach]

�   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

To steal ideas from many and sell them to others is called being a consultant.

[mollinary]

Albie,

I'll have to correct you there, in my experience the correct quotation would be "To steal ideas from many and then sell the same ideas back to them is called being a consultant""

Mollinary

[Albie Bach]

 

[Leon]

Leon,

It has taken me years to get it, but I finally know how you clock up so many posts!