Forum barfight

[Hertsblue]

They're not rock cakes, they're genuine dwarf battle-bread loaves, imported direct from Ankh-Morpork! 

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Yeah, but you know the use of Dwarven Drop Scones are illegal under the Genuia Convention!!

Even more illegal to leave that one propped over the door!

[fsn]

Barman! Barlady! Bardog!  (Worst superhero team ever.)

Barkeep! BaaaaARKEEP!

What an odd echo. As if this place has been long deserted, nay abandoned. Never mind, these neglected bottles of malt whisky look as if they need a good home and will make good Christmas presents ... for me! Huzzah! Should have brought a bigger bag. What have we here? Bottles of bourbon. Hmmm. No, my sinks don't need unblocking.

Where is that accursed beer dispenser? Probably off polishing his 6pdr again.

Those peanuts look a bit stale ... but waste not ... hang on. One of them moved. I'll not bother.

Still no sign of that pint puller. Perhaps if I rustled this £5 note ...

Memories of this place. They didn't manage to get the stain out from when Fenton brought the transsexual pole dancer in. The lingerie was a bad idea. Fenton looked ridiculous. 

BARRRRRRR-KEEEEEEPER!  *cough* *cough* Man dying of thirst here!

There's where Lemmey carved his initials into the bar, using Orcs teeth. Happy days. Still, Orcs shouldn't have left them in a glass on the bar. Oooh! He was mad! I'm still not sure in what language "FU" is the initials for "Mad Lemmey".

Perhaps I should go to the loo and make a lot of noise? Nah. I'd rather pee on the floor here than use those toilets. Everyone feels that way. On a good night you can be paddling around like you're on Southport beach. Things got better when Lemmey stopped using sawdust and started using toilet blocks. Piney fresh.

Wonder if they've beefed up the security? Last time there were two grannies with gimlet eyes and knitting needles sat at the end of the bar. Could clear the bar in seconds just by declaring they were feeling a little frisky and would go home with any man who bought them a gin. They were talking about putting in CCTV. Unfortunately they got it wrong and didn't put in Closed Circuit Television, but signed up for five years of Cold Corpse Television, basically a web cam in the morgue. Was funny watching Lemmey trying to work out who was sleeping on the tables in the snug.

Right, last time and then I'm going to the Starbucks. Or I could just drink water from a puddle.

Barkeep. BARMAN! STAFF! SERVICE!

Oh dear! They might have thought I was shouting. I'll just have to pretend it was another customer who left. Will they notice there only one set of footprints in the ... shall we call it a carpet? I'll just say it was someone who's been on a diet.

Perhaps I should just leave. Or would that be rude?

What to do? What to do?

[Fenton]

...

Memories of this place. They didn't manage to get the stain out from when Fenton brought the transsexual pole dancer in. The lingerie was a bad idea. Fenton looked ridiculous. 

BARRRRRRR-KEEEEEEPER!  *cough* *cough* Man dying of thirst here!

It wasnt my fault The Barkeep said I had been risen to the Order of the Garter and should wear the paraphernalia at all times to show how important I was

[Techno]

What to do? What to do?

Ring the bell on the bar, Nobby......But not too hard....It'll probably fall to pieces.

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

Hi Barman - pint of whalop, brush for the dust and a bale o hay for t'camel - Ta La.

IanS

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

What?

Oh, you lot again.
Shandy all round is it girls?

Watch the peanut, it's just slowing down.

[fsn]

Ummm ... half a snowball, please. Not too much advocat.

It makes my ears warm - FSN

[Ithoriel]

<Ithoriel strolls in wearing a top hat with a ticket in it saying "10/6", dunks fsn's head in the teapot and hums "Twinkle, twinkle little star."

[fsn]

Burble! Blub! Gurgle! Snurt! Splatter!

Good job that teapot was empty! - FSN

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

That's what you think!
You've finally found trap 4 of 5, the chlorine filled teapot!

[Techno]

Why's FSN got a mouse on his head ?....I didn't think pets were allowed in the bar.

[Ithoriel]

Why's FSN got a mouse on his head ?....I didn't think pets were allowed in the bar.

fsn isn't a pet ... he's a working animal!

[Ironduke]

I run in, don't care what's happening but see a chance to indiscriminatly discharge my pepper box, which I do, the kick throws me back out the door and into the safety of the inky black night

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Wondered where the pepper went.
Put it back with the salt please!

[fsn]

*snort* That clears the tubes wonderfully *snurt*

indiscriminately discharge my pepper box

Is he allowed to do that? I thought House Rules, Section 18c, Paragraph 12 Alpha says "All pepper boxes are to be discharged with discrimination". Just below the bit about hockey sticks only being wielded above shoulder height. Like this ...

*Wields walking stick above shoulder height, and failing to make contact with anyone spins around until quite dizzy*

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Urh!

It's lacrosse sticks at that height, hockey used in overhead stabbing.
Like thiiiiiiiissss.....aaaaaaggggghhhhhh....
W
E
E
E
E
E
E
E
.
.
.

*THUNK*

Who left the fan on?
Good thing I landed on this soft pile of coats.


Hmm, sure they just moved, is that where Nik's been hibernating?

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

Na - you just crushed FSN....

IanS

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Yuck!
Pass the disinfectant?

Techno, stop drinking it!

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Not much mess in here from last night chaps, just a few broken tables and a bit of lead to dig out the walls (send it to The Dark Lord, he can melt it down for Picts).

Better do a stock take on the bar...
Oxo.

Job done.
Cointreau trio anyone?