Best bad jokes...

[Maenoferren]

What do you get if you cross a motorway with a bicycle?

Squashed!

What do you call a monkey in a dynamite factory?

A Baboom

[Last Hussar]

I know a joke about premature ejaculation, but you'll see it coming.

[Nosher]

One from Mock the Week

My wife slipped into something slinky over the weekend Only trouble is it only seems to work going down the stairs

[capthugeca]

Two economists were chatting together at a nudist resort. One turned to the other and asked, " Have you read Marx?"
The other replied, " Yes from these wicker chairs"

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?".He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to the bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Do you get my drift?".

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

Now did you know all male tennis players are  into the black arts , for example Goran, even he's a witch.

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster"

Sorry 

[DanJ]

Where can you find a legless tortoise?

Where ever you put it down.

[Nosher]

Two fish in a tank and one says to the other - "how the hell do we drive this home?"

[Leon]

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to the bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

Sounds a bit like Milton Jones?