Italian Jokes

[Orcs]

Q: Why did the Mafia cross the road?
A: Forget about it.

Q: How can you tell if an Italian is in the Mafia?
A: His favorite dish is broken leg of lamb.

Q: What is a four-letter word in Italian for goodbye?
A: "BANG"!

Q: What do you call an Italian who marries someone Polish?
A: A social climber.

Q: What do you call an Italian hooker?
A: A pastatute.


Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.

Q: What does FIAT stand for?
A: Fix It Again, Tony!

Q: What do you call a Roman with a cold?
A: Julius Sneezer

Q: Why are polish jokes so short?
A: Its so the Italians can understand them.


Q: What's a sure-fire way to know you are Italian?
A: You are 5'4", can bench 350 lbs, and you still cry when your mother scolds you.

Q: What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pockets?
A: Mute.

Q: What does FIAT stand for?
A: Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

Q: Did you hear about the 21 year old Italian girl who knelt in front of the statue of Madonna?
A: She said: "You who conceived without sin, let me sin without conceiving!"

Q: What's an innuendo?
A: An Italian suppository.


Q: What do you call an Italian with an I.Q. of 180?
A: Sicily.

Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?
A. So they can look like their mothers.


Sophia

Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her.
"Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

First Day At Harvard
Vinny Calabrese, right off the boat from Italy, was excited about being accepted at Harvard University.

On his first day on campus, he was walking around looking for the library.

He saw an upperclassman standing by a tree, walked up to him and said, "Hey piasano, coulda you tella me where isa da library at?"

The upperclassman said, "Here at Harvard we never end sentences with a preposition. Would you like to rephrase that question?"

"OK, fora you, no problem, Piasano," said the Italian. "Tella me, do you know where isa da library at, youa asshole?"

Italian Businessman

A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS...and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'"

ntonio
Old Antonio, is a tight ass with his money, reckons he is going to take all his money with him when he dies.
Maria, his good wife of many years, protests profusely, "Antonio, you cannota take da money, what about me and da children?"
Antonio replies: "Screw you bitch, its my money and I earned it!"
So duly on the day of Antonio's funeral, Maria and the kids are crying over pappas coffin, when one of the children speaks up: "Momma you didn't give pappa the money did you?"
Maria replied: "Yes I gave the dead bastard his f***ing money, it's in a cheque, let's see him cash that!"

Ships
You know how American ships' names begin with "USS", which stands for "United States Service."

Then there are British ships, which names begin with "HMS" for "Her Majesty's Service."

So why do Italian ships' names start with "AMB"?
"Att-sa My Boat!

[Heedless Horseman]

 
Must want some cavalry head swaps.