Gross jokes - open with care.

[Ferb]

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone.
Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her.
Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt.
The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she lurches forward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
Buford pulls his coveralls back up and says to Buck, "You're right, that 'hind-lick' manoeuver works like a charm."

===================================================================================

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.
"I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" he said to the bartender.
"We got her!" replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and grabbed two bottles of beer. He stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!"
The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.
"How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked the miner.
"I don't," replied the whore, "I just thought you might like to open those beer bottles first."

==============================================================

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

A. He worked it out with a pencil.

===============================================================

According to a news report, a certain private school recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of middle school girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators.

==================================================