Dealing with cold callers...

[Ithoriel]

WARNING: Threadomancy in progress!

<phone rings>
Him: Hello, my name is Kip. I'm phoning on behalf of BT (Yeah! Right!)
Me: I'm sorry I didn't catch that. Who are you calling on behalf of?
Him: BT
Me: Nope, sorry, still not catching that.
Him: BT .. British Telecom
Me: Oh! BT! Sorry, I'm having a problem with your accent.
Him: Sir ...
Me: Seems only fair, you're probably having a bit of a problem with mine.
Him: Sir, we have been monitoring ... blah, blah ... internet ... blah, blah, hacking ... blah, blah ... IP address ... blah
Me: Sorry did you say IP?
Him: Yes, your IP address has been hacked ...
Me: Sorry, what's an IP address?
Him: Sir your IP has been hacked ...
Me: Well, all that IP means to me is Intellectual Property and I can't think that's what you're talking about.
Him: Sir, may I continue?
Me: .....
Him: Sir, may I continue?
Me: I was waiting for an explanation of "IP address"
<call dropped>

Very poor effort on my part. A score of approximately 180 (seconds) is well below my best.

[Orcs]

I have on occasion managed to wind cold callers up  so much they call me some very rude names.

I also know some very rude Punjabi words that they don't like. 

[d_Guy]

Never. Ever. Answer. Phone.
Possible interdimensional trap.

[Leman]

As above. I have an answerphone so listen to recorded messages, then swear at them with no comeback. If I am caught off guard my response is usually along the lines of, Brian? that's an unusual name for someone from the Indian sub-continent and leads me to suspect that this is a somewhat nefarious operation. Cheerio!

[SV52]

I insulted one so badly, he called me back sometime later to complain about my attitude.  Victory!  He received much worse the second time.

[Nirnman]

As to blowing a whistle at the cold caller, the police advised my wife to do that at some obscene callers we had had trouble with.

Have also had that so-called BT call about IP address being compromised and that my service would be terminated (I do not use BT as ISP)
so usually just hang up and surprise surprise still have Internet.

[Sunray]

I tend to lapse into the Gaelic. A very belligerent Gaelic.    

co' to 'annd ? (who are you?)  

cad ma  mhaith leat ?  What do you want ?  Delivered in a sharp challenging tone, like a sentry who had just shifted his working parts to the rear.  

After a few exchanges they hang up and go check the dialling codes.

Simple  

[Womble67]

To be honest it depends how I feel, sometimes I might wind them up sometimes I just hang up one thing we can agree on there a bloody nuisance.

Take care

Andy

[Westmarcher]

Totally agree, of course, that they are a bloody nuisance and I confess I, too, have played a few 'pranks' on them myself in 'retaliation' for bothering me.   

However, although my opinion of these people is very low (and not without cause), now and again I wonder what is going through some of these callers' minds. For example, I've been in jobs that I've absolutely hated (never involving scamming, harassing or tricking people, I must emphasise - that's not my character) but I've put up with them in the short term because I had a mortgage to pay and a family to feed. Perhaps I am being too naive or hopeful that there must be some good in most people but I like to think that surely a small number of these callers are fairly decent, have tried to get respectable employment but found that all they can get is this hellish job.*

*Even so, I'll still treat them in the same way as the other scum and hang up!     

[Techno]

I'm not sure whether I've mentioned this before, re the pains in the posterior that interrupt us.

But do the rest of you find that cold/spam/scam calls come in 'waves' ?

I'll go for weeks, or even months, without a single one......Then I'll get 3 or 4 a week, for a few weeks...Then they just stop again.
Haven't had one for AGES.....which probably means I'll be getting a lot of them soon !!

Cheers - Phil

[Ithoriel]

Short answer Phil ... YES!

Currently getting BT IP address calls couple of times a week.

[Techno]

Aha !!

Not just me then, Mike !

Cheers - Phil.

[Heedless Horseman]

TOO many times! The IP address thing rattles me...until I realise it is a more  'technical' approach to the same old scam. I actually fell for 'Virtual PC Doctor' MANY years ago...(was tired and naïve about  scams). I think they use me for TRAINING now...am getting  'Microsoft Technical Dept'. AGAIN!!!   

Many more years ago, I had to park my car in a free car park in the Toon. Got busted into so many times...nothing left to nick...it was just PRACTICE!     Still wish I could have caught one of the *****...invitingly close to the river!!!      

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

Problem with the IP address one is that it's from a robot..

[Westmarcher]

Many more years ago, I had to park my car in a free car park in the Toon. Got busted into so many times...nothing left to nick...it was just PRACTICE!     Still wish I could have caught one of the *****...invitingly close to the river!!!      

Going further off at a tangent here (well, that's what we do, isn't it?). When I worked as a Broker Sales Consultant in Financial Services, I travelled all over Scotland. When I parked the car to go for lunch I would often leave my briefcase open on the passenger seat so that would be thieves could see that it was just boring pensions and life assurance brochures and applications, ball point pens, diary, note pad .... and a pair of scissors. Ironically, the scissors were part of my kit for breaking into my own car - yes, it was that easy. The reason I had to acquire this dubious skill was that, on occasion, I would return to the car after a meeting only to find that I had locked myself out with the car keys sitting in the ignition laughing at me. The technique doesn't work on modern cars nowadays - car locks are more sophisticated now - but I was still able to use it to help a workmate get into her own car some 15 years after my last sales job ..... at least, I think it was her car .....she did say it was hers ....