How Projects Are Born

[Ithoriel]

Came across this when working as a project manager and have been trying to find a copy for a while, finally found it again today.

I can't help feeling my wargames projects go through a similar process! From "no one makes the figures, the main texts are not available in English, there are no rules" to "I can proxy this (almost), there are some (unreliable) texts in English, I can (probably) modify/ write rules."

How Projects Are Born

Programmer to Module Leader:
"This is not possible. **Impossible**. It will involve design change and no body in our team knows the design of the system. And above that nobody in our company knows the language in which this software has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion the company should never take these type of projects."

Module Leader to Project Manager:
"This project will involve design change. Currently we don't have people who have experience in this type of work. Also the language is unknown so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we should avoid taking this project."

Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:
"This project involves design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also not many people are trained in this area. In my personal opinion we can take the project but we should ask for some more time."

1st Level Manager to 2nd Level Manager:
"This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have worked in this area and some who know the language. So they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project but with caution."

2nd Level Manager to CEO:
"This project will show the industry our capabilities in remodeling the design of a complete system. We have all the necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in-house training in this area to other people. In my personal opinion we should not let this project go by under any circumstance."

CEO to Client:
"These are the type of projects in which our company specialize. We have executed many project of the same nature for many big clients. Trust me when I say that you are in the safest hand in the Industry. In my personal opinion we can execute this project successfully and that too well with in the given time frame.

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

Utter cycnic - remember it well....

[mmcv]

Sounds about right, though the modern iteration includes "we don't have the skills in house but we can outsource them for cheap to our team of international experts" while the engineers cry into their coffee knowing there's going to be months of poor communication and shoddy work followed by them having to redo it all while management are screaming in panic and asking why noone told them...

[Steve J]

It all sounds way too familiar from my time in the design industry!

[Ithoriel]

Sounds about right, though the modern iteration includes "we don't have the skills in house but we can outsource them for cheap to our team of international experts" while the engineers cry into their coffee knowing there's going to be months of poor communication and shoddy work followed by them having to redo it all while management are screaming in panic and asking why noone told them...

One of my projects (this one is bound to go down in flames let's give it to the guy who was outsourced to us) involved two Indian programmers who replaced the one local guy I'd asked for. One was a programming whizz who couldn't communicate the other a good communicator who couldn't programme. They cost my project £350 a day each, local talent would have been £750 a day. My guys saved the project fifty quid a day, between them had the skills I needed and were backed by the rest of their 50 strong team back in India if they got stuck. We had solved 98% of the outstanding problems with the system and were within a week or so of solving the remaining 2% (1 item) when management decided to can the project and  spec, source and install a whole new system. Go figure

[mmcv]

One of my projects (this one is bound to go down in flames let's give it to the guy who was outsourced to us) involved two Indian programmers who replaced the one local guy I'd asked for. One was a programming whizz who couldn't communicate the other a good communicator who couldn't programme. They cost my project £350 a day each, local talent would have been £750 a day. My guys saved the project fifty quid a day, between them had the skills I needed and were backed by the rest of their 50 strong team back in India if they got stuck. We had solved 98% of the outstanding problems with the system and were within a week or so of solving the remaining 2% (1 item) when management decided to can the project and  spec, source and install a whole new system. Go figure

You do occasionally get lucky and get a good outsource, but they are few and far between. Contractors on the other hand cost twice as much and yet often seem to be no better for it. Think a lot of it comes down to people who are brought on to build something but not required to stick around to maintain it, so once you look more closely you start to notice a lot of gaffer tape and wobbly bits...

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

Remember in IT Nothing works, its never to time, allways costs more and my addition it's never original.

[Ithoriel]

Yup

Cheap, fast, good - pick two!

[mmcv]

Yep

[Ithoriel]

Divided By A Common Language

A general  is ordered by the US Secretary of Defense to gather together a Navy Lieutenant and Captains from the Army, Marine Corps, and Air Force to discover why the services have trouble communicating with each other. He begins by saying that their first project task is to "secure" a certain building, and asks each of them to go home and prepare a list of steps for the project management plan and bring them to the meeting the next morning.

The Navy List is:
-- Unplug the coffee machines
-- Turn off the computers
-- Turn out the lights
-- Lock the doors and leave the building unoccupied"

The Army List is:
-- Assemble the company
-- Appoint guard mount and Sergeant of the Guard
-- Take control of all exits
-- Make sure no one gets into the building without a pass
 
The Marine Corps List is:
-- Assemble the platoon and supplies
-- Approach the building along three axes
-- Bring the building under mortar and SAW fire
-- Assault the building under covering fire
-- Sequester surviving prisoners
-- Establish lanes of fire
-- Prepare artillery calls
-- Repel counterattacks

The Air Force List is:
-- Contact real estate agent
-- Negotiate 1-year lease
-- Be sure to get option to buy

[mmcv]

[steve_holmes_11]

In the wargaming hobby, all the chararacters in the first script are the same person.

Yet they still disagree and sabotage each other's work.