lightbulb

Started by FierceKitty, 25 December 2021, 09:27:03 AM

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FierceKitty

How many Scots does it take to change a light bulb?


One. He climbs up the ladder, d'ye see, and an' pu's i' in the socket. I dinnae see wha' all the fuss is aboot!
I don't drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

 That is terrible  :'(  :'( Someone chase that Kitty out
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Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021

Ithoriel

How many people does it take to replace a light bulb in a Modern Art gallery?

Two.

One to change the bulb and one to say,"My two year old could do better than that!"
There are 100 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who can work from incomplete data

Orcs

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but the bulb has got to really want to change.

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

What did the lightbulb say to the switch?
You turn me on.

How many board meetings does it take to get a lightbulb changed?
This topic was resumed from last week's discussion but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. That's a hardware problem.

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to do it and five to stand around and say, "Man, you've got such awesome muscles. You're so cut."

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's a very obscure number, you probably won't have heard of it.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
One one, but it takes six visits.

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None of your damn business!

How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to change the light bulb?
"Many hands make light work."

What do you get when you cross a thought with a lightbulb?
A bright idea!

How many Einsteins does it take to change a lightbulb?
That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.

How many managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.

How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What does it matter? We're all gonna die anyway.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many can you afford?

How many Hollywood executives does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but you have to promise creative control and an $80 million budget and that someone on the level of Tom Cruise will star.

How many graduate students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes nine years.

How many jazz musicians does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A-one, a-two, a one-two-three-four!

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward the maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

How many Mac users does it take to change a lightbulb?
You have to replace the whole motherboard.

How many Redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to do it, post it, and not get credit for it; one to repost it as they did it; and one to state that the video is actually fake and it never happened.

How many magicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Depends on what you want to change it into.

How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
WHO WANTS TO KNOW?

How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two... but they have to be reeeeaaally tiny.

How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

How many nihilists does it take to change a lightbulb?
There is nothing to change.

How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

How many doctors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
That depends on whether it has health insurance.

How many jugglers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but it takes at least three lightbulbs.

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It turned itself in.

How many screenwriters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh God, now they want to change the lightbulb?!

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.

How many televangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?
But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
If the lightbulb needed changing, the market would have already done it.

How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?
Toucan do it.

How many sociologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine — the system has to change.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it, and one to sniff the first ones' butt.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.

How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
They always use candles.

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take a change to a lightbulb?
None, they just let it burn out and follow it around for a few decades.

How many Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?
At least 15. One to change the lightbulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but nobody knows how they got in there.

How many mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, because they will get you to do it.

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier. "Do you have any two-watt bulbs?"
"For what?"
"That'll do, I'll take two."
"Two what?"
"I thought you didn't have any."
"Any what?"
"Yes, please!"

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Sex.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten. -Mencken, H. L.

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well. - Robert Louis Stevenson

jimduncanuk

Quote from: FierceKitty on 25 December 2021, 09:27:03 AMHow many Scots does it take to change a light bulb?


One. He climbs up the ladder, d'ye see, and an' pu's i' in the socket. I dinnae see wha' all the fuss is aboot!

I'm a Scot and I just don't get it. Sure he wasn't Welsh.
My Ego forbids a signature.

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

Quote from: jimduncanuk on 25 December 2021, 11:49:30 AMI'm a Scot and I just don't get it. Sure he wasn't Welsh.


Unlikey they only have gas lamps in Wales, or candels.....
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Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021

Westmarcher

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

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Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021

Last Hussar

Conversely, How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, its a software problem...
I have neither the time or the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

GNU PTerry

OldenBUA

Just another one.

How many gods does it take to change a light bulb?

Just two. One to hold the light bulb, the other to turn the world.
Water is indeed the essential ingredient of life, because without water you can't make coffee!

Aander lu bin óók lu.

FierceKitty

27 December 2021, 02:34:56 AM #10 Last Edit: 27 December 2021, 02:37:25 AM by FierceKitty
QuoteJust another one.

How many gods does it take to change a light bulb?

Just two. One to hold the light bulb, the other to turn the world.

I thought only one, who says LET THERE BE LIGHT.
I don't drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.

FierceKitty

How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fish.
I don't drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.

Heedless Horseman

'How many Gods does it take to change a light bulb?'

Be it known unto thou! There be'eth a God of Lightbulb and Electric... and He shalt be known by Many Names. Reverence Him in your pleas... and He may Illuminate your presence! Blaspheme... and be cast into the Pit of Darkess!

(40 Yrs ago. I should have been an Angry Young Man... but wasn't.
Now... I am an Old B******! )  ;)

DecemDave

How many wargamers like me does it take to change a light bulb?

None - we are too busy planning light bulb changing projects and collecting light bulbs of all known shapes, colours, wattages and fitment types to actually ever change one.

paulr

Lord Lensman of Wellington
2018 Painting Competition - Runner-Up!
2022 Painting Competition - Runner-Up!
2023 Painting Competition - Runner-Up!