Jokes

Started by Orcs, 21 October 2019, 11:42:07 AM

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Duke Speedy of Leighton

You may refer to me as: Your Grace, Duke Speedy of Leighton.
2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner

Orcs

The cynics are right nine times out of ten. -Mencken, H. L.

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Ithoriel

Filched from Reddit

Q: What's the difference between the US Capitol and Mordor?

A: One does not simply walk into Mordor
There are 100 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who can work from incomplete data

Duke Speedy of Leighton

You may refer to me as: Your Grace, Duke Speedy of Leighton.
2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner

steve_holmes_11

If we are going there:

    Two Donald Trump supporters die and go to heaven.

    God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, "Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?"

    God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232."

    After a few seconds of stunned silence one guy turns to the other and whispers, "This goes higher up than we thought."

Westmarcher

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

Heedless Horseman

A nurse walks into a bank , totally exhausted, after an 18 hour shift.
She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a Rectal Thermometer out of  her purse, and tries to write with it.
When she realises her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says,
"Well, that's just great... some asshole's got my pen."


(Pinched from fb )
(40 Yrs ago. I should have been an Angry Young Man... but wasn't.
Now... I am an Old B******! )  ;)

Orcs

The cynics are right nine times out of ten. -Mencken, H. L.

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

Quote from: Heedless Horseman on 18 March 2021, 03:50:18 AM
A nurse walks into a bank , totally exhausted, after an 18 hour shift.
She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a Rectal Thermometer out of  her purse, and tries to write with it.
When she realises her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says,
"Well, that's just great... some asshole's got my pen."


(Pinched from fb )

Lest's keep it tasteful  :d :d :d
FOG IN CHANNEL - EUROPE CUT OFF
Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021

Techno II

That's a very old variation...of a very old joke

I think we should keep Covid 'jokes' as FAR away from the forum as possible
It will be far too painful for a lot of folks.

Phil .

steve_holmes_11

Quote from: Heedless Horseman on 18 March 2021, 03:50:18 AM
A nurse walks into a bank , totally exhausted, after an 18 hour shift.
She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a Rectal Thermometer out of  her purse, and tries to write with it.
When she realises her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says,
"Well, that's just great... some asshole's got my pen."


(Pinched from fb )

Maaaaa-tron!!

Ithoriel

Thought I'd posted this a day or three ago but apparently not.

What is the difference between a stoned Highland Cow and a small Japanese poem?


One's a high coo, the other's a haiku :)
There are 100 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who can work from incomplete data

Big Insect

Supplied by my younger brother (aged physically 59 but in spirit he's still only 6!)

How do you sex an ant?
Throw them in water
If it sinks it is girl ant
If it floats it is boyant

:'( :'( :'(
'He could have lived a risk-free, moneyed life, but he preferred to whittle away his fortune on warfare.' Xenophon, The Anabasis

This communication has been written by a dyslexic person. If you have any trouble with the meaning of any of the sentences or words, please do not be afraid to ask for clarification. Remember that dyslexics are often high-level conceptualisers who provide "out of the box" thinking.

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

PHIL - ban Mark for that one.  ;)
FOG IN CHANNEL - EUROPE CUT OFF
Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021

Techno II

Nah....We'll just ask Nobby to chew Mark's coat. ;)

Cheers - Phil. :)