Dad Jokes For Fathers Day

Started by Ithoriel, 19 June 2016, 09:00:47 PM

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It's Father's Day today, so here's a big list of jokes to make your dad laugh:

1. Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
2. Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake.
3. I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
4. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
5. I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.
6. I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
7. Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
8. Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.
9. Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
10. I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.
11. I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.
12. A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore
13. Just got a job playing triangle in a reggae band. I stand at the back and ting.
14. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
15. My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
16. Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
17. I used to have a problem where I couldn't stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I'm over it now. Happy Days.
18. My wife's working in a bowling alley.
     Ten pin?
     No, permanent.
19. Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
20. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
21. Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.
22. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
23. I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.
24. Did you know that owls can't breed in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
25. When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down
26. Dad: I've just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome.
     Mum: Is it common?
     Dad: It's Not Unusual
27. My wife asked me if I could please stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybe.
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is entirely optional!

Steve J

2017 Paint-Off - 2 x Winner!


You've got too much time on your hands Mike.
My Ego forbids a signature.



Lord Speedy of Leighton

You may refer to me as: Lord Speedy of Leighton.
2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner


 ;D ;D ;D ;D - this explains why I'm a Tim Vine fan.
The artist formerly known as Dour Puritan!


They are brilliant and awful at the same time.

Perfect Dad jokes!

;D ;D ;D
Lord Oik of Runcorn (You may refer to me as Milord Oik)

Oik of the Year 2013, 2014
Prize for originality and 'having a go, bless him', 2015
3 votes in the 2016 Painting Competition!
2017-2019 The Wilderness years
Oik of the Year 2020
7 votes in the 2021 Painting Competition

15mm is dead. It just doesn't know it yet.


 =D> :-bd =D>

Can I (be lazy and just post pictures of jokes) join in?  :D

X_X ...


Give me strength !
;D ;D ;D ;D

Cheers - Phil

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021


'Cos I'm thin and weedy.  :P

Cheers - Phil


One from Reddit

Two turbines on a wind farm are talking and one asks the other,"What music are you into?"

The second turbine thinks for a moment and says,"I'm a big metal fan!"
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is entirely optional!


I haven't returned anyone's coat for ages.

I'll make an exception for the post above.  ;)

Cheers - Phil

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

Very very well chewed I hope.

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021