The Problem with Speaking English

[Orcs]

1.Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2.Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3.Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4.Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5.Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you

[Zippee]

I think you'll find if you distil the "us" you speak of to separate the Scots from the English, then the statements you list all become false (unless you Scottish)

[fsn]

I work in Liverpool. Lots of people don't speak English - they speak Scouse. This is totally unintelligible, but may be a distant cousin of Gnomish.

[Techno]

I told you, Nobby......

There's the tiniest hint of Scouse in your speech now. 

Cheers - Phil

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

God I hopes not......

IanS

[Tawa]

The other half is from Liverpool.
When we first got together I asked if she had any Scottish or Irish in her.......

[Leman]

Very likely if she's a scouser. Proper Celtic city it is. My Mrs was pure Irish descent so both my kids are half Irish - what a DNA cauldron they have.
I only didn't live in Merseyside between the ages of 9 and 22, so if Ian's from the Wirral and doesn't sound like a scouser then either he wasn't born there, went to private school or is just fibulating. I can't tell the difference between John Lennon's accent and Paul O'Grady's - one's from Allerton and the other's from Birkenhead.

[Subedai]

One of my sons has a friend who's from the Wirral who absolutely hates it if someone calls him a Scouser. I can't tell the difference in the dialects at all.

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

Each area of Merseyside has a slightly different accent. I don't have a pronounced scouse accent cause Mum was from Barnet, and I spent three years living in Ilkley. I can do one though, great for annoying offshore call centres.

IanS

[Leman]

Love it  . Must try my best Speke speak next time the sub-continent calls.

[Malbork]

One of my sons has a friend who's from the Wirral who absolutely hates it if someone calls him a Scouser. I can't tell the difference in the dialects at all.

This is not surprising as he is a Woolyback 

[Westmarcher]

I once had to call some large corporate business or govt. department (can't recall - it was so long ago.) and to get through to a human being, I had to answer a few questions asked by a machine. Although I speak with a West of Scotland accent, having worked for a lot of English based companies in the past, I usually have no difficulty in communicating with my fellow Brits. However, no matter what reply I gave to the machine's questions, it could not understand the number 3. So, when asked again for my ref. number, in utter desperation, I replied in my best cockney accent (saying 'free' instead of 'three') - and, finally, my answer was understood!   

[Leman]

This is not surprising as he is a Woolyback 

If he's from the Wirral he's a Tunnel Rat. Woolybacks are from places like Wigan and Bolton.

[Malbork]

I've been away too long Leman 

When I was at school in the 70/80s we used Woolyback for those from the Wirral too.

[Roy]

Re: Scottish accents.

Once had to ring up the Yorkshire Bank in Leeds over an issue with a cheque. I ended up speaking to a Scottish bloke and I couldn't understand a word he said due to his regional accent - I had to get a family member to interpret for me. It was obvious that the bloke was peeved at all the rigmarole that ensued.

[Ithoriel]

Phoned a help desk in York recently. Guy with thick Yorkshire accent answers, mutual incomprehensibility ensues. That despite my having lived in Yorkshire for four years in the past. You know you have communication problems when you realise that the words you've just asked the other person to repeat four times translates as,"I'm sorry, I'm having trouble understanding your accent."

Never thought I'd find myself wishing I'd had to phone a centre in Mumbai or Pune!

[d_Guy]

By way of a public service announcement be aware that we in the States only attempt to speak English when you lot show up for a visit!


Please place commas in the above as you see fit.

[FierceKitty]

By way of a public service announcement be aware that we in the States only attempt to speak English when you lot show up for a visit!


Please place commas in the above as you see fit.

What excuse do the English have for their own neglect of the language? Thatcher can't be blamed forever....

[Lord Kermit of Birkenhead]

What excuse do the English have for their own neglect of the language? Thatcher can't be blamed forever....

Danmd suferners talkin estuury

IanS 

[Sandinista]

The other half is from Liverpool.
When we first got together I asked if she had any Scottish or Irish in her.......

Are you Scots/Irish?

cheers
Ian