FSN Goes to the Pantdraken

[Orcs]

Well done FSN !

[Westmarcher]

As they say in my neck of the woods .... WTF? .... that was rerr !  *   


* (rare)

[d_Guy]

/quote]
Dude, thanks for subtitling!

d_Guy

[DanJ]

Most excellent sir, most excellent

And a very Merry Christmas

[fsn]

Scene 5: No. I give up on that one.

The effects of the Old Painters were beginning to tell on FSN. He stood beside a tree (TRD48 or 50, he wasn't sure) and tinkled a little tune.

"Oh!" The distinctly female voice was a little shocked. FSN whirled. She was beautiful. Long blonde hair fell below her shoulders, her heart shaped face was, to his eyes, perfectly symmetrical and ... just lovely. Her eyes were large and blue, and her lips full and reddened, but not enough to be slutty. She wore a white dress that left her dimpled shoulders bare, and fell in curve accentuating folds to the ground. Around her, she had draped a white cloak. All in all FSN thought she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

"I was looking for someone to marry, but you don't seem to measure up." Said the vision. Pointed looking to where he was not only flying without a licence, but had the nose out of the hanger doors.

"Oh! I'm terribly sorry!" He stammered, righting his confusion. It was then that he notice the vision was accompanied by two outriders. One was a striking red head, wearing a very attenuated costume that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police would have just recognised as being akin to their ceremonial outfit. The other was a dark haired, dark eyed girl in a skimpy outfit that was topped off with a cute little sombrero to indicate Mexican origins.

"You can call me Millie." Said the vision in an authoritative tone.

"Evening." Called Bert. "And what might we call your delightful companions, Milady?"

"Millie! Call me Millie!"Millie stamped a delicate foot. She recovered her poise with an effort. "These two aren't members for the Forum yet, so they don't speak and don't have names. They're friends of the Duck, and have been telling me about a terribly exciting idea of armies based upon the signs of the Zodiac."   

"What a clever idea." Said FSN enthusiastically, beginning to feel a warm spot that may have indicated that the hanger doors may have been closed a little too quickly and had nipped at the cockpit.

"I'm looking for a husband." Declared Millie. "He has to be ... oh, I don't know, male, youngish and with clean feet."   

"It's good to be picky." FSN was convinced that the problem had travelled from the cockpit to the bomb bay.

"Hmmm." Said Bert suspiciously. "Do you know a chap called Lad?"

"No, I don't know that I do." Millie changed stance to further emphasise her femininity. He tribute to America's neighbours did the same. FSN began to be worried that if he took off, he may lose part of his undercarriage.

"'bout your height. 'bout your age. 'bout your weight. 'bout your looks. In fact," he added like a TV lawyer about to introduce a surprise witness, "he could be your double."

"Oh. Sounds nice." Said Millie, oblivious of the accusation. "Does he game? I'd love a man who can field an army of the undead!" And so saying, she shucked off her cloak and launched unbidden into song.

     "The French are like to die, my love,
     Tactics made by fools,
     So I prefer a man who picks,
     From the undead troop type pool.

     Hotchkiss on the land
     May be quite continental,
     But zombies are a girl's best friend.
     Hotchkiss may be grand
     But I think that you'd be mental
     If you fought with that
     When the undead land upon your map.
     Men grow cold
     turn Zombie I'm told,
     And we all will be undead in the end.
     But vampire or mummy,
     My outlook is sunny!
     Zombies are a girl's best friend.

     There may come a time
     When your foe gets a laser,
     But zombies are a girl's best friend.
     There may come a time
     When some chap in a blazer
     Thinks you're awful nice,
     But he measures short and tricks the dice,
     He's the guy
     Whose voice is high,
     As he knows all the rules he can bend.
     You can show this elf lord
     That he's made of cardboard!
     Zombies are a girl's best friend."

FSN missed the last verse. The very sophisticated, yet sensuous movement of absurdly lovely female bits had the effect that he had feared, so he had withdrawn behind the tree, to emerge a little later, a small tear in his eye, and he feared a small tear in his wingroot.

Bert clapped and whistled, and even took some of the cigarettes out of his mouth. Millie nodded her thanks to the enthusiastic applause and gracefully donned the cloak that her companions held for her. Every movement was grace and style with Millie.   

"Well, thank you very much." Said FSN, extending a hand.

"Have you washed that in the last 3 minutes?" Inquired Millie. "No, thought not. I'll just be on my way then." And with a whoosh of white cloak she was gone, elegant, graceful and everything that a woman should be.  FSN thought he heard a snicker from Bert.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Well, she was a very womanly woman. No Dixon!" Said Bert thoughtfully. "I thought it would be nice to wish her good luck."

"Yeesss?" FSN was, like the rest of you desperately trying to work out where Bert was going with this.

"Well, when I was in Suez ..."

"With Lieutenant Kerr ..."

"Indeed, with the much beloved Lieutenant, I was taken off the table after a nasty Minifigging incident with a recoilless rifle. I was accidentally stashed with a box of Anubis Troops (FEY1) and we got to chatting, you know? 'Nice paint job – what were you dipped in', that sort of thing, and they told me about how before a battle the priest (who was only part time, normally being one of Pharoahs undead tomb guards - FEY3) waved this good luck charm over everyone and wished 'em life. Bit Tumbling Dice if you ask me, them all being undead, but there you go, and I thought it would have been nice for you to have wished the young lady luck."

"So you said ..."

"You ankh her!" 


Techno was alone. On returning to his cave he had carefully stacked his air instruments in their racks, noticing that his air guitar needed a new air on a G string. He stripped off his party outfit, and dressed in his more usual garb – what FSN had called his "Raggy Phil" outfit.

He was annoyed that he hadn't been able to perform. He was also annoyed that no-one would listen to him play his air guitar.  He began to sing a little song to cheer himself as took out the miniature he'd made of FSN and a scalpel.

    "I once did amazing sculpting
    With fingers all scabby and green
    When the others heard, in so many words said, *stab*
    The best I've seen. *stab, stab*
    The best, *stab, stab*
    The best, *stab, stab*
    The best I've seen.

    So I can't make a truck,
    Or a panzer or a DUKW
    But I'm a wiz with an Elven gown.

    So I took my amazing sculpting,
    To a shop in Nottingham town,
    And in that place, they said to my face, *stab*
    The best in town. *stab, stab*
    The best, *stab, stab*
    The best, *stab, stab*
    The best in town. "

At this point, Techno put his head on his arms, nicking an eyebrow slightly with the scalpel that he should have put down first. He was a very miserable Techno. As he sat there, cursing fate, FSN and everyone in general who didn't appreciate Prog Rock, he became aware of a small light in the corner of the room.  As he watched it became larger and larger, and brighter and brighter. Techno was a little afraid as the light took human shape, and then with a sound like a semi-inflated balloon being rubbed on a cat's belly, the light was gone to be replaced by a figure in a long pale blue ball gown. Tiny glass slippers peeped out from beneath the full blue skirt, and the slim white arms were clad in long white gloves. The hair was a perfect coiffure, set off by a headpiece of sapphires, which matched the delicate chain of gems around the slim neck.

"Hello, Leon." Greeted Techno. "Why the blue dress?"

"My green one is in the wash." Admitted his visitor. "Why are you going around with an expression like a squeezed tea bag?"

"Oh. No-one wants to hear me play the air guitar." Leon thought about this, his finger on his chin. Techno thought he looked very intelligent, but found the lipstick a bit unnerving.

"Well, " said Leon brightly, "you have the solution in your own hands!"

"I do?"

"You do. Just sculpt what you want to happen."

"And then you will do something magical to make it come true?"  Leon smiled and snapped his delicate gloved fingers. The ball of light returned.

"Dave," Leon said into the ball, "get ready for an emergency job will you?"

"Freikorps off!" Came a small tinny voice from the light. Leon smiled a tight smile, that showed he had a little bit of lipstick on his teeth.

"Be a good chap, Dave, otherwise" his voice took on a tone of menace "that chain can be shortened." The reply was inaudible to Techno. "Yes, I know there will be puddles, but that's your choice isn't it?"

Leon watched Techno as he worked. He was tempted to stroke the sculptor's head, but BUM it! These gloves were new – and doeskin. He'd have to get them cleaned afterwards and there was the wedding to go to. Techno, oblivious to this internal monologue, continued to work. 

[fsn]

Will Millie find a mate? Can Lad and Millie be in the same room together? Will Techno get to show of his Flying V in public?

I don't know. I've got a headache.

Join us tomorrow for the final episode of "FSN goes to the Pantdraken".

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Great lyrics..

Please can someone please explain the plot? Or at least tell me which Panto we are all in this year?

[Techno]

I understood almost all of that !  
(But I only use the Flying V air guitar when I play along to Wishbone Ash.)

So.....I've now met Princess Leon, from Star Wars ?
What an honour !

Looking forward to the final scene, Matey......Then I'll do my song.

Cheers - Phil

[Westmarcher]

I've got a headache.

That's funny .....

.... too! 

[fsn]

Plot? There's meant to be a plot?

OK ... well FSN has had another one of his reactions and has met up with Bert again. They have arrived in a non-specific panto, in which everyone knows the main goal is to get finish on a wedding. They have met with a number of typical panto characters - principle boy, pantomine dame, a trio of buttons and now the female lead.

Lad and Millie appear to be the same person, but they're candidates for the bride and groom.

Techno has been ostrich eyed because of his air-guitar playing.  He's plotting his comeback with the aid of Leon.

[Leon]

As a random aside, while we were setting up the tables for Battleground this year, the other half of the sports hall was being used by a Uni group doing interpretive dance.  So we had to listen to 'All About That Bass' around 25 times as each one of them took a turn at interpreting it...

[Westmarcher]

As a random aside, while we were setting up the tables for Battleground this year, the other half of the sports hall was being used by a Uni group doing interpretive dance.  So we had to listen to 'All About That Bass' around 25 times as each one of them took a turn at interpreting it...

Whoa! 

Plot? There's meant to be a plot?

Oh, yes there is!   

[Sandinista]

Has this ever happened?

"Techno put his head on his arms, nicking an eyebrow slightly with the scalpel that he should have put down first"

Cheers
Ian

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Ahhh, makes some sense now!

[Techno]

"Techno put his head on his arms, nicking an eyebrow slightly with the scalpel that he should have put down first"

No.....Not yet ! 

Cheers - Phil