Right - who spilled my pint?
You did you drunken sod... Now me Tayto's are all soggy!
*draws rapier
It was an act of mercy... you were drinking Stella... :o
She's with me.
You lookin' at me pal ? >:(
I couldn't even find yer pal. :P
(Pushes chair back noisily and stands up !)
(You can tell it's Friday afternoon can't you !) ;)....Keep going Ray !!
Punches Leon with the raipiers hand guard for daring to suggest I would drink lager.
Now, now, what's all this then ?
Flexes knees, twirls truncheon menacingly!
Quote from: Last Hussar on 10 August 2012, 04:39:33 PM
Right - who spilled my pint?
If ya spent less time yapping and more time drinking there'd be nowt to spill...
Quote from: Leon on 10 August 2012, 05:04:07 PM
It was an act of mercy... you were drinking Stella... :o
=D>
Runs up the stairs to the balcony and grabs a suspiciously handy rope.
Now, I wouldn't have done that if I were you! Drops truncheon, draws light sabre, lops right arm off inebriated felon. " He viciously assaulted my light sabre with his biceps, me lud!" He scribbled hurriedly in his note book.
Runs out of bar room door to fetch vermin control gun !
Sits in corner with half of in shadow, menacingly, slowly sipping from shot of something that, when spilled, starts burning through the table; raises eyebrow...
Ain't you got no 'omes to go to? he drawled as an amused grin momentarily crossed his face, his light sabre purring contentedly in his hand.
Techno returns (after checking the chickens) and calls into the bar....
"Oi !...You lot in there....I'm locked and loaded....Come out if you think you're hard enough !"
Call that a gun? He said, now this...........this is a GUN!
Quote from: Techno on 10 August 2012, 06:57:14 PM
I went to GW, and all I got was this lousy sweater... :D
Now calm down please. The floor has just been given a fresh coat of armypainter sorry varnish and I have brought Pimms,Babysham and an introductory game of Flames of War for everyone to partake in
Quote from: Fenton on 10 August 2012, 07:22:18 PM
...Pimms,Babysham and an introductory game of Flames of War for everyone to partake in
Well it's all gonna kick off now...
Throws a dagger, pinning the FoW to the table.
"IABSM you cur."
Unpacks M41A pulse rifle ...
cocks .44 Magnus (he most Powerful handgun in the world)
"Go ahead you armypainters, make my day"
Before I was just amused............. Now I'm ANGRY!!!! :d =) :d :d 8)
Pulls dagger out of table.....At third attempt.
"Someone will have to explain these rules then....
Can I put the gun down now, it's getting heavy ?"
I've got the dice, "Are you feeling lucky, punk? Well, are you?"
This is starting to sound like my previous employment in Manchester...
Quote from: Leon on 10 August 2012, 07:42:39 PM
This is starting to sound like my previous employment in Manchester...
Manchester...says it all 8)
Starts second drink, nods knowingly at the bouncers, then places bets with the barman...
Quiet in here tonight...
What time's the quiz starting ?
And that's when it all kicked off!
Barmaid leans over the car to respectable couple who have just entered: "Brawling or non-brawling sir and madam?"
And exactly whose car did she lean over?
Quote from: Techno on 10 August 2012, 08:55:07 PM
What time's the quiz starting ?
When Cardinal Fang finally shows up
Maybe thats the Car that the barmaid is leaning over and thats why the quiz hasnt started yet
Dashed predictive text, it was meant to be bar not car!
But he she scratches mine again...
Who's round is it ?
While we wait then... try this one.......
Make a stack of 9 two pence pieces...
Now.....Lay one of each of the coins 'of the realm' flat on the table in front of the stack.
So you should have a 1p, 2p, 5p, 10p, 20p, 50p, £1 and a £2 piece.....FLAT on the table.
Now....Without standing any of the 'flat' coins up.
Which coin, do you reckon, comes exactly to the same height (as near as dammit) as the stack of 2p's ?
Now check it, and see which coin really IS the same height.
Bet most of you get it wrong....unless you've seen it before. ;)
Quote from: Techno on 10 August 2012, 09:33:33 PM
Who's round is it ?
Make a stack of 9 two pence pieces...
Oh to be rich...
Unless you've already had ten pints, Who cares? They are all worth a peanut (it used to be peanuts, but inflation........).
Quote from: Fenton on 10 August 2012, 09:37:03 PM
Oh to be rich...
No, no, no....we all have to club together to do this...Come on...Change on the table.
Are we going for a curry after this ?
A hundred pints of lager and four popadoms?
I come out to the pub for a nice quite pint and I find the place full of bloody northeners :o
Not me, oim frum Ampshurr loike.
True i'm exiled to the cold northern barrens, but my heart still belongs to the chalk.
Pine of pale ale Tolworth old chap?
What sort of a brawl is this? I step out for a mere three and a half hours and the place quietens down. I've been in noisier libraries. Stand up and take your medicine - he said, producing a bottle-opener.
Watch out Luddite he's tooled up!!!!!!
Feck me - you lot started early ;)
Cider me up, landlord... :D
Time for this...
(NSFW...language...)
Goddam nursery squabble.
You want a baby cham to go with your bottle opener then :-*
Okay, there's a tenner for the whip, a pony for any damage, and 37p for any reconstructive surgery you lot might need. Now, who's next.
Wakes up......
Crawls from under table, bleary eyed.....Sees everybody slumped, fast asleep in their chairs.
Removes nice fat permanent marker from behind the bar, and ever so carefully starts drawing twirly mustaches on those that haven't got one already.
Wipes fingerprints from permanent marker.....Places permanent marker in Last Hussar's hand and leaves :d....Silently closing the door behind him.
Same time next week chaps ?
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: republic of tolworth on 10 August 2012, 11:38:26 PM
Watch out Luddite he's tooled up!!!!!!
Yeah, I've got a spanner - show me the works.
Okay, signs of a good night, I've come back with more cash than I started the night with, everyone check your wallets! :-\
*storms in like a blind bull*
YEAAARGHHHHH !!!
Um.. where's the fight? Where did everybody go? :(
Quote from: mad lemmey on 11 August 2012, 02:18:06 PM
Okay, signs of a good night, I've come back with more cash than I started the night with, everyone check your wallets! :-\
I thought we were discussing this on another thread ?
Where are the two tenners I gave you to get the drinks in, while half of the party had gone for a pee ?
(Good move, I thought !)
And where
did you keep disappearing to Lemmey ? ;D ;D
Quote from: Aart Brouwer on 11 August 2012, 02:43:25 PM
*storms in like a blind bull*
YEAAARGHHHHH !!!
Um.. where's the fight? Where did everybody go? :(
Aart !...We
told you what time we were meeting !
Where on Earth did you get to ?
Bad ferry crossing ?
Cheers - Phil
I'm saying it twice coz I'm still seeing everything in double still!
I'm saying it twice coz I'm still seeing everything in double still!
I got home to find I have a house full of Poles!
Looks like tonight might get interesting :-\
And why do I have marker pen all over my 'tash?
[Draws himself a monocle]
Blimey , a chap plays a wargame on Friday night, and you lot kick off like a bad spaghetti western...
I'm quite impressed that Phil has a Bren though. :o
Quote from: fred 12df on 11 August 2012, 06:49:04 PM
I'm quite impressed that Phil has a Bren though. :o
Don't be Fred !
It's not what you know.....(altogether now)....It's
who you know.
I think I can probably get a light sabre for next week, if M fancies his chances... ;)
Now...For next Friday's fun and games...Since everyone was too mean to empty their pockets for 2p pieces.
Would everyone bring along an
ordinary box of matches ?...Not Swann Vestas, or big boxes of Cook's matches.
Cheers - Phil. (And I'll bring along some solvent to get rid of the extra mustaches....But it'll cost you a pint...Each !)
Right - that was just a warmup right? After all...
(I can't stand Elton John) m/ <) m/
You look like Elton John!
(Be thankful I didn't go with my first instinct, which was "Do you kneel for him?")
X_X
Quote from: Last Hussar on 11 August 2012, 09:28:53 PM
You look like Elton John!
Come here & say that...reaches for lightsabre...
Watch it - don't ignite your wig.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 11 August 2012, 11:14:46 PM
Watch it - don't ignite your wig.
Phil - lay down some suppression with that Bren...I'm going in :d
All I can see in my minds eye, after all the posturing...
Dont mess with me...
You and whose army?
This army
Quote from: nikharwood on 11 August 2012, 11:17:51 PM
Phil - lay down some suppression with that Bren...I'm going in :d
EEEEEK !!Who do I target first ??
What's Luddite's 'This army' from ?
Cheers - Phil.
Ermmmmm Bren Gun....Luddite?
Shouldnt you be using a bow and arrow or something to keep in character?
Nik....Nik !..Where have they all gone ?....
I don't like it.....It's too quiet. :-S
Quote from: Techno on 12 August 2012, 03:31:31 PM
Nik....Nik !..Where have they all gone ?....
I don't like it.....It's too quiet. :-S
Same here...
Let's split up, ok? :P
Cheers,
Aart
We need to stick together, strength in numbers and all that... You guys keep an eye on the door, I'm gonna go restock the bar. :D
Quote from: Techno on 12 August 2012, 12:49:53 PM
What's Luddite's 'This army' from ?
Cheers - Phil.
Sucker Punch: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978764/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978764/)
Quote from: Aart Brouwer on 12 August 2012, 03:33:03 PM
Same here...
Let's split up, ok? :P
Cheers,
Aart
But I thought you loved me...
When all this is over me and the Mrs are going to retire to a little place we know...
Quote from: Last Hussar on 12 August 2012, 04:27:13 PM
But I thought you loved me...
That's all we need....Someone having an emotional crisis when we've got a battle to fight !
I think we should all stay put until Captain Nik gets back.
You.....You don't think...........
Something's happened ? :-S
Quote from: Leon on 12 August 2012, 03:36:36 PM
Sucker Punch: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978764/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978764/)
Thanks Leon !!
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Techno on 12 August 2012, 05:17:09 PM
That's all we need....Someone having an emotional crisis when we've got a battle to fight !
I think we should all stay put until Captain Nik gets back.
Well, I'm not gonna wait here. We'd be sitting ducks!
Cheers,
Aart
First rule of a Jedi Knight - Never go back to a bar where you've shown them your light sabre!
Nik, I recognise that pair of legs on the table - Leon , LEON! What did I tell you about taking your trousers off in a brawl????
Quote from: Aart Brouwer on 12 August 2012, 07:04:42 PM
Well, I'm not gonna wait here. We'd be sitting ducks! :
Cheers,
Aart
:o :o :o
Oh..sorry....You said
SITTING......Thought that was an odd expression ! ;)
No...I'm staying here....I'm not lugging this damn gun around the countryside any more !
On the other hand....I
could join Lemmey in the bar and keep the car park covered.
Jumps out from behind overturned table with SMG in each hand
Quote from: Fenton on 12 August 2012, 01:00:57 PM
Ermmmmm Bren Gun....Luddite?
Shouldnt you be using a bow and arrow or something to keep in character?
Whatever gets the job done old boy.
And indeed the marvellous Bren will keep more people employed in its manufacture, so that'll please General Lud. :D
Hic, wazza bar fight, I'sh workin' my waysh backsh along hic, thesh opticsh!
Quote from: Techno on 12 August 2012, 08:49:08 PM
On the other hand....I could join Lemmey in the bar and keep the car park covered.
OK, meanwhile I'll head them off at the pass!
Cheers,
Aart
I think I've got lost. :-[
Some rotten bogger has taken down all the signposts. ~X(
What was the name of the pub we were in to start with ? :-\
Can you still find your pint? If so your not that lost. :)
Thought I'd drop in for a lunchtime pint, seems empty in here,
Who left that sodding Bren lying there?!
We're out in the beer garden enjoying the sunshine. come out and find us!
You mean 'hiding' in the beer garden!
Oh yeh I get the message!
*meanwhile as no one is in the bar sounds of charity box being 'checked' can be heard*
Quote from: republic of tolworth on 14 August 2012, 01:25:27 PM
Thought I'd drop in for a lunchtime pint, seems empty in here,
Who left that sodding Bren lying there?!
Ooooh...Ta !.....Just pop it behind the bar....I'll pick it up in a minute....I wondered where it had gone. ;)
Time for a post work pint or 3 8)
Its Friday! Anyone about!
SOCK!! :ar!
Yeah that's a sock on your head, alright. Weirdo.
Evening all! Mine's a double bloody Mary, heavy on the Tabasco, easy on the celery and two pairs of knuckle dusters please.
SLURP!
THWACK!
That's more like it! :)
A snakebite and blackcurrant with a shot of pernod please :-&
Celery? Blackcurrent??
Them's fighting words !! :-w
Cheers,
Aart
A man who does not appreciative celery in his bloody Mary is neither an Englishman nor a gentleman!
Although celery salt is permissable in dire emergency!
Have at you sir!
*Sound of knuckles cracking*
At this point I'd like to make sure any reader understands that all above was said in jest, Aart is of course a gentleman, even if his dislike of celery means he should be taken outside and thrashed with it until he understands it's integral role in a decent bloody Mary! :) ;)
OUCH.
Who left the Bren gun there - I've just tripped over it.
Aart can't help being foriegn. I'll hold your coat so you can educate him.
Ooops sorry....
I've forgotten something.
I'll just pop home and get it !
Whatever you do....
Don't trip over this if I leave it switched on !
Somebody shrink this s*dding pic down for me PER-LEASE !
Quote from: Techno on 17 August 2012, 10:18:34 PM
Somebody shrink this s*dding pic down for me PER-LEASE !
There you go :)
Thanks Nik !! :)
May Nik's force be with you ;)
So, Nik can shrink another man's weapon...
:o :o :o
Quote from: Last Hussar on 17 August 2012, 11:18:53 PM
So, Nik can shrink another man's weapon...
:o :o :o
:D ;D @ the connotation
Quote from: Last Hussar on 17 August 2012, 11:18:53 PM
So, Nik can shrink another man's weapon...
:o :o :o
With just one look, apparently ;)
Y'know - I'm pretty pleased about that too... :)
Quote from: Sandinista on 17 August 2012, 08:52:19 PM
A snakebite and blackcurrant...
Bah, you've been gone from Boro too long! That's a Diesel now... :D
Quote from: Techno on 17 August 2012, 10:18:34 PM
Whatever you do....
Don't trip over this if I leave it switched on !
How many weeks can Techno keep getting his weapon out without us having to resort to censorship...
:-\
Quote from: Last Hussar on 17 August 2012, 11:18:53 PM
So, Nik can shrink another man's weapon...
:o :o :o
I need to ask his help - get mine down to a less intimidating size! (I love being African, I tell you)
Quote from: mad lemmey on 17 August 2012, 09:12:31 PM
A man who does not appreciative celery in his bloody Mary is neither an Englishman nor a gentleman!
Although celery salt is permissable in dire emergency!
Have at you sir!
*Sound of knuckles cracking*
At this point I'd like to make sure any reader understands that all above was said in jest, Aart is of course a gentleman, even if his dislike of celery means he should be taken outside and thrashed with it until he understands it's integral role in a decent bloody Mary! :) ;)
At this point I'd like to reassure te readers that Aart is indeed a gentleman, that his footman has taken Mad Lemmey outside and given him a proper whipping, and that said Lemmey is now at home tending to his torn breeches and sore ego. :>
Cheers,
Aart
Will your footman leave my butler alone! ;)
Quote from: nikharwood on 18 August 2012, 12:12:52 AM
Y'know - I'm pretty pleased about that too... :)
Since when is the Nikster jealous of another man's weapon?
Was happenin, bro? 8)
Cheers,
Aart
P.S. *whacks Techno unconscious*
Quote from: mad lemmey on 18 August 2012, 08:56:24 AM
Will your footman leave my butler alone! ;)
Only if your butler leaves my sheep alone! [-( :P
Cheers,
Aart
When you stop rustling my cattle... <)
Quote from: Aart Brouwer on 18 August 2012, 08:58:29 AM
Since when is the Nikster jealous of another man's weapon?
Was happenin, bro? 8)
No, no, no...you misunderstand me: I am happy that the effect I am having is that of shrinking another man's weapon...I would be more concerned if I was somehow causing it to enlarge. That is the job of the Totty thread.
Right - who wants some? Ker-thwack to anyone still in range...
Quote from: nikharwood on 18 August 2012, 09:21:11 AM
No, no, no...you misunderstand me: I am happy that the effect I am having is that of shrinking another man's weapon...I would be more concerned if I was somehow causing it to enlarge. That is the job of the Totty thread.
Right - who wants some? Ker-thwack to anyone still in range...
I think we're the only ones left standing - back to back as we should.
No shrinkage here, I am happy to say. Care for a pint? 8)
Cheers,
Aart
Cheers,
Fancy a sambuca chaser?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 18 August 2012, 09:54:30 AM
Cheers,
Fancy a sambuca chaser?
Thanks, Lemmey, but I think I'll go Dutch. I'll have a Bols Jonge Genever for a chaser. Just top up the little glass to the brim, I'll drop it into the pint, then swallow the lot in one go. And fall over, probably. ;)
Cheers,
Aart
That's the way - not like these young 'uns who consider dropping a shot of Jagermeister into some Red Bull adventurous.
Feckin' lightweights. Everyone knows you have to add more alcohol to other alcohol to make it betterer. :d
Btw - anyone seen my kidneys. They appear to have broken off diplomatic negotiations with the rest of my body...
Quote from: Leon on 18 August 2012, 12:59:52 AM
How many weeks can Techno keep getting his weapon out without us having to resort to censorship...
:-\
I'll tell you now....I will
not be posing with with my log splitting chopper next week !
Quote from: Aart Brouwer on 18 August 2012, 08:58:29 AM
Aart
P.S. *whacks Techno unconscious*
I was wondering where the lump on my cranium had come from....You're dog meat Pal >:(
Quote from: FierceKitty on 18 August 2012, 02:02:39 AM
I need to ask his help - get mine down to a less intimidating size! (I love being African, I tell you)
If you'd like to make an appointment with my receptionist FK. ;)
I'd better buy some more haemostats..... Only got the one.....Doesn't sound like that'll be enough !
Cheers - Phil.
#Grabs Aart and Nik's heads in true Indiana Jones style and smacks them together.
L-) L-) L-)
Sends his batman to help Techno's butlet beat up Aart's footman
Right, I'll have a double double whisky, doubled.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 18 August 2012, 11:20:17 AM
Sends his batman to help Techno's butlet beat up Aart's footman
Right, I'll have a double double whisky, doubled.
Damn civil of you LH.....Jeeves is getting a trifle on the doddery side nowadays....He can always do with a little assistance when it comes to dealing with 'oiks'.
He can't wield a Zimmer like he used to, but he's been a dashed faithful servant !
Here we go then....Pint of whiskey. Anything for your batman ?
Cheers - Phil.
Why does this barfight remind me of this....
He'll have his normal half of Mackesons, old bean.
#Dips Niks paintbrushes in PVA
I sneak in as it's quiet and switch lids on peoples spray varnish and primer, then sit back with my cider and wait for the fun :d
Quote from: Sandinista on 18 August 2012, 03:51:47 PM
I sneak in as it's quiet and switch lids on peoples spray varnish and primer, then sit back with my cider and wait for the fun :d
Sandinista, there are limits on a wargaming forum. And miniature paint spray caps are OFF LIMITS. ~X( #-o X_X
Even as a joke! :(
;)
Cheers,
Aart
Sips cider, trying to look innocent ^#(^
Quote from: Sandinista on 18 August 2012, 04:25:05 PM
Sips cider, trying to look innocent ^#(^
We know where your Pendraken army lives... :-w :d
Cheers,
Aart
Quote from: Aart Brouwer on 18 August 2012, 06:19:48 PM
We know where your Pendraken army lives... :-w :d
Poles are currently in an envelope with Royal Mail :(
Quote from: Sandinista on 18 August 2012, 03:51:47 PM
I sneak in as it's quiet and switch lids on peoples spray varnish and primer, then sit back with my cider and wait for the fun :d
I'm shocked that anyone could even consider doing such a thing !!
Which ones 'S' ?
The matt black with the varnish ?
Now THAT would be hitting below the belt ! ;) ;D
Cheers - Phil
This one's for Phil...
=O =O =O =O =O =O =O =O =D>
=O =O =O =O =O
The bar stools wouldn't cast though !! ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
=O =O =O =O =O =O =O
Quote from: Techno on 18 August 2012, 06:56:15 PM
The matt black with the varnish ?
Now THAT would be hitting below the belt ! ;) ;D
Smiles as looking Techno's spray paints 8)
Quote from: Sandinista on 18 August 2012, 03:51:47 PM
I sneak in as it's quiet and switch lids on peoples spray varnish and primer, then sit back with my cider and wait for the fun :d
(hastily offers to buy Sandinista a pint of Cointreau or whatever, just in case he's ever provoked him)
Quote from: Sandinista on 19 August 2012, 12:55:30 AM
Smiles as looking Techno's spray paints 8)
Really think you'd struggle to do that 'S'. ;)
I've only got two cans of spray....And the caps and cannisters are
very different sizes ! :P
Even I might spot that ! ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
<<< Shows Techno two shovels and asks him to take his pick.
I'll pick the light sabre ;).....You take the shovels, and we'll pay that nice Mr Sandinista a visit....
Or is he still in the bar ?
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Techno on 19 August 2012, 01:59:55 PM
I'll pick the light sabre ;).....You take the shovels, and we'll pay that nice Mr Sandinista a visit....
Or is he still in the bar ?
Cheers - Phil.
:-\ Finishes drink at bar, pops on tarleton and picks up maquahuitl...
Quote from: Sandinista on 19 August 2012, 02:11:06 PM
:-\ Finishes drink at bar, pops on tarleton and picks up maquahuitl...
Ah, glad someone remembers the existence of that weapon.
Ok then.
#Dresses as a Conquistidor
SSo we're resorting to chemical and biological weapons then? Smallpox and dysentry chaser then? :D
Would you like a twist of lemming with that sir ?
I give you all fair warning, I have applied for nuclear release... :P
I give you all fair warning, I have been here before, and it does not turn out well!
Disappears in a small cloud of fluorescent smoke.
Mollinary
Quote from: Hertsblue on 19 August 2012, 09:34:03 PM
I give you all fair warning, I have applied for nuclear release... :P
A 'H'einz bomb?
:-\
Quote from: Leon on 19 August 2012, 09:39:11 PM
A 'H'einz bomb?
:-\
A toxic combination of baked beans and diet Coke. Doesn't just clear the bar but also the street and most of the postal district. :d
Drat, I was planning to unleash a pack of Mentos and a bottle of diet Coke!
On baby duty tonight, but look it up on YouTube!
Chemicals eh? :-\
A game I can play :D
...orders curry and a Guiness :d
Places a naked flame near Sandinista.
Try it and you go up first.
Quote from: Sandinista on 19 August 2012, 10:15:57 PM
Chemicals eh? :-\
A game I can play :D
...orders curry and a Guiness :d
Do that, and Ill bring along our biggest lab.....
He'll out-gas
you NO problem !
What's the saying...."Fight
fart fire with fire ? :d :d
Re-defines the term "fallout". :D
We should have hired these guys for the Olympic closing ceremony - after opening the Thames Barrier of course. :D
Been too quiet on the forum today, let's stir it up!
Pours Nik a Cinzano and lemonade...
He that's not enough to restart a fight, them this place is deader than a morgue in deadwood!
:P
Do you know what really tees me off.
I log in for the first time for HOURS and HOURS....Go for the 'unread posts since your last visit'.....Check the list....Ooooh there's lots for me to look at....Then my b***ard provider kicks me off the net for no logical reason...So when I come back after logging back in.. it appears I've looked at everything.
Yeah, I know....I could go back through the list of the recent posts....But it's not the same.
I'm all grumpy now... >:( >:( >:(
I'll have a treble scotch if you're buying Lemmey ! :-*
Cheers - Phil.
Blend or malt?
;)
Malt please mate !
Ta - Phil.
You know.....If we arranged a specific time....We could have a quiz....First person in to answer the question gets a point.
Give it a quick try now Lemmey if you're still there....Just to see if it could work.
Errm....Something really easy just to test it out....Which group originally had a hit with "Another one bites the dust."
Written by Queen (got that one main songsmith wrongwrongwrong - John Deacon - gah! X_X)!
My turn, name the only neutral country invaded and occupied by the Allies in WWII
I'll let you have Queen.
But his name is John Deacon. ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 29 September 2012, 08:35:38 PM
My turn, name the only neutral country invaded and occupied by the Allies in WWII
Iceland ?....I had to look that up so I don't know whether that's right !
Cheers - Phil.
Yup, your turn...
Well....This could work if enough people were logged in at the right time.
I was thinking of questions that could be relatively straightforward....Those that didn't have to look up the answers would be much faster than cheats like me who did a quick surf to get the answer to your question.
OK....Which is the fastest living mammal ?
Cheers - Phil.
Usane Bolt re-entering the Earth's atmosphere!
Cheetah.
technically we are all moving at 90000 miles an hour round the sun...
;D ;D ;D ;D
Yup, of course...
Ah well....If a few folk fancy an experimental quiz next week...perhaps we could have a go....If people think it would be a bit of fun ??
Cheers - Phil.....(Logging off now. ;))
"Blend or malt?"
well then, if you're in the chair it will be a 16 year old Lagavulin :D
Quote from: mad lemmey on 29 September 2012, 07:48:06 PM
Pours Nik a Cinzano and lemonade...
I'll drink Bacardi + Cinzano: loads of ice & lime...you can keep the lemonade though ;)
Quote from: Sandinista on 29 September 2012, 11:55:14 PM
"Blend or malt?"
well then, if you're in the chair it will be a 16 year old Lagavulin :D
I'll have this - thanks muchly :d
http://www.thewhiskyexchange.com/selection/ardbeg_1974_double_barrel_whisky.aspx
Ten grand for a couple of bottles of firewater? Hang on, I'll just ring Roman Abramovich.... :o
Quote from: Techno on 29 September 2012, 08:47:20 PM
Iceland ?....I had to look that up so I don't know whether that's right !
Cheers - Phil.
Does that count s invaded? Were we not protecting them? (Not being sarcastic about the middle east - I actually believed this was the case with Iceland)
Quote from: Last Hussar on 30 September 2012, 01:17:55 PM
Does that count as invaded? Were we not protecting them?
That's a good point..... Goodness knows what the answer is.
Like I said above, I had to look it up anyway. ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Hang on - the title of this thread is Forum Barfight not Trivial Pursuits. Get yer dukes up! :d
Techno and I got bored with waiting for someone to fight (cracks Hertsblue round the back of the head with a pool cue)!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 01 October 2012, 12:14:45 PM
Techno and I got bored with waiting for someone to fight (cracks Hertsblue round the back of the head with a pool cue)!
You hold him down Lemmey....and I'll give him a good slap with this herring !!
Take that, Ray !! ;).....SLAP !!!
Cheers - Phil.
Mmmmm, slurp, got any more of them?
No.....The cats have eaten them all ! ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Pssst... Techno, you were meant to take them out the can first! :P
Ooooops ! :-[
Right, what would every one prefer - a stick of chewing gum or a slap with a wet herring. And I'm all out of gum
I ate raw herring once....Is that called 'rollmop' or something like that ?
DISGUSTING !! :-& :-& :-&
Cheers - Phil.
They're OK so long as you remember to take the wooden peg out first. :d
Quote from: Techno on 03 October 2012, 07:22:37 AM
I ate raw herring once....Is that called 'rollmop' or something like that ?
It's only called a rollmops if pickled in vinegar, and rolled around a gherkin (or similar). Other wise, the real raw herring is a soused herring (Maatjesharing). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soused_herring
I got to eat that when I got dragged over to Eindhoven for a games show by Target Games YEARS ago.
It was one of the Swedish guy's birthday, and his name was something like 'Herring'.....So as a a 'treat' there were these awful (to me) things to eat.
i only managed the one.
Can't remember whether if it was in vinegar or on a skewer....I just remember trying to not spit it on the hotel's carpet !
Later.....Target also gave me the opportunity to try Iranian vegetable soup.
Wandering around London after a meeting at about 2 in the morning, the others in the group wanted something else to drink...The only place we could find that was still open was the aforesaid Iranian restaurant.
So....We had to order something to eat to let us have a drink.
I thought vegetable soup would be harmless...and expected it to taste something like Heinz veggy soup.....WRONG !!
I managed one mouthful.
It was like what I would imagine cat puke would taste like.
The memory has made me go quite cold !!
I might have to go and have a lie down now !
Cheers - Phil.
Iranian soup, eh? Try this then! (Empties spittoon over Techno's head).
Oooops....Ray...Big mistake.....You just emptied the spittoon over Seething Mad Arthur.
I'm over here, in the corner, talking to Lemmey......Look..... :-h
Slice of birthday cake anyone? <:-P
Quote from: Techno on 03 October 2012, 04:03:50 PM
Oooops....Ray...Big mistake.....You just emptied the spittoon over Seething Mad Arthur.
I'm over here, in the corner, talking to Lemmey......Look..... :-h
Not Seething Mad Arthur the sociapathic axe-murderer who tears the heads off Rottweilers, turns over horse-troughs and once threw a combine-harvester into the river?
Never heard of him. :P
Any relation to Slightly Irritated Cyril, who once tickled Totally Catatonic Terry? It's still the talk of Cricklewood!
Mildly Morose Mollinary
That's the one. Definitely the same bloke.
Who was he again?
I don't care. I have my old equaliser. (Raises heavily modified gas-stove)
Quote from: Hertsblue on 18 October 2012, 09:09:46 AM
(Raises heavily modified gas-stove)
And gets hernia........ :D
IanS
Nah, she turned me down flat. :(
Would that be Hernia, sister of Incontinentia, and wife of Ludicrus Sextus, of Pompeii (or somewhere Up that way)?
Mollinary
Yet more historical information I was previously unaware of.
The stuff I learn here! ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: mollinary on 18 October 2012, 09:56:38 AM
Would that be Hernia, sister of Incontinentia, and wife of Ludicrus Sextus, of Pompeii (or somewhere Up that way)?
Mollinary
Incontinentia Buttocks?
No, wasn't she the wife of Biggus Dickus, the man who w...s higher than any man in Wome? :-\ ;)
Mollinary
No, she was the barmaid at the Ruptured Tortoise. :)
That one is in Reading int it ?
ianS :D
Actually on the outskirts of Lymping-cum-Finnish. :D
Of course - the one in Reading is "The Purple Turtle" ;)
IanS
(I think I have the idea on this?)
Vulpine kicks the doors open and strides in. The patrons are interupted and look at the new guy. He looks back at them...
"So..." Vulpine opens his gob, "is this the only gender reassignment bar in town..?" he pauses "or is there a better one were they look like men!"
Don't know, ask your wife, he'S a regular there...
Oh, and the screwdriver is by the door frame, put it back on the hinges as you leave.
I would tell her you said that Lemmey, but she dosnt like me telling tales about her son!
"Thanks for the tip," Vulpine grabs Screwdriver and throws it at Lemmey!
TIf you want useful tools, try the nail gun under the bar for fixing the tables, to your legs!
Screwdriver removed from wall, screwdriver ordered from the bar, v&o, lovely!
If I want unusefull tools there's a bar full of them here!
Vulpine sticks chest out!
Quote from: Vulpine on 16 December 2012, 10:27:25 AM
Vulpine sticks chest out!
...and gets a swift kick in the knackers from behind as Harwood walks in through the broken door.
"Whisky please landlord - single malt, please - none of that blended rubbish."
:)
Pass him the bottle, put it on my tab!
That way we won't feel guilty when he smashes it over someone's head!
Why's Vulpine lying on the floor boys ? :-\
Evening Lemmey, Evnin' Nik....Pass the bottle then.....
(Tsk !.....He hasn't left much, has he ?) :'(
=O =O =O =O =O =O
Vulpine stands, sheepishly, holding one of the broken doors... "I thought I better pick this up, that's all"
That's all you're going to pick up round here mate walking like that ;)
...if you're lucky, we'll leave Safety Sal for you - once we've taken all the Top Totty...
:d
Oh - and best get another bottle of the good stuff, now that Techno's landed - stick this one on my tab - mad lemmey was kind enough for the last one 8)
Nah, make it paint-stripper - he won't notice the difference.
Oh thanks Ray.....But I'll stick to the scotch ! ;)
Can someone fetch one of Ray's 'specials'.....I'll get that one. :d :d :d
Cheers - Phil.
"Make mine a Spiced Morgan's on ice." says the latecomer. :ar!
"And the TMP'er I brought along from the office christmas party will have a babycham...and a taxi!"
L-)
What's going on? I go to the bog for five minutes, come back and everyone's chatting about cocktails and the Costa Blanca. The place has gone soft. Hand me that chair-leg..... :d
Fecking lightweights...all gone to bed, have we ladies?
(downs lager, moves towards the bottle of the good stuff, with intent)
:d
I only got in from work an hour ago, so I'm concentrating on eating before drinking. Have we got any crisps left behind the bar?
No mate - sorry...but you could ask for that packet of dry roasted peanuts that's top-left on the card - in the hope that you buying it will reveal a bit more of the totty underneath ;)
Listen, I've spent ages renovationg the place, don't trash it too soon!
Do you like the new water feature (as I hold your head under it).
The only water-feature in this place is in the loo....
Oh is THAT what it's for...
Other than what's in the beer.
;D
Sneaks in and puts Exlaxs in whisky and settles down near bar with warming mulled wine.
The only reason it's warming is because Techno has set fire to your chair!
I never ! :o
Some big boys came in and did that, and then ran away.
That's your excuse, but explain the scorch marks...
No, actually, don't!
What....The ones from the time I engulfed myself in a petrol fireball ?
Definitely my crowning glory in being Mr Accident-Prone. :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
Cheers - Anne Idiot ('Cos the above's true.)
ooops! sorry :o :( :) :D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
There wasn't any damage done Lemmey....Which was very fortunate..
I did something particularly stupid !
Just the smell of singed hair and eyebrows.....And my better half shouting "What the hell was that," when she heard a loud " WHOOMPH" as the petrol ignited.
Would have made a brilliant photo ! :)
Cheers - Phil
done that myself techno. Bonfire in garden picked up the petrol instead of the diesel #-o had shorts on so instant imac effect.
My father-in-law removed the petrol pump from his car, forgot he'd done it and tried to start the engine. All our wedding photos show him with his bandaged hands behind his back. ;D
Sometimes I wonder how the human race ever got off the Serengeti!
Then I realize we didn't leave, the other animals threw us out in embarrassment!
C'mon then y'feckers - 'bout time we had another rumble...
"Get about as oiled as a diesel train
Gonna set this town alight"
What ?......You want me to have another bonfire and blow myself up again ?
Pass the scotch Nik.......NOT TOO CLOSE TO THE FLAMES !!
Well, they do call it fire-water.
Have they noticed that they've been drinking watered down cold tea for months?
Oh, don't drink the water either...
Quote from: mad lemmey on 02 March 2013, 08:31:11 PM
Oh, don't drink the water either...
It's spelled ETHER will.....Not
either ;) Sheesh !
[Picks up the baseball bat called 'Piecemaker']
C'mon then! Any Gooners in?
How to restart the bar fight:
I REALLY enjoyed my day off today, I love half term! :D
Ducks behind two foot of battleship steel armour...
Hah !!
I didn't even get yesterday off !....Holidays/days off are things that happen to other people....(Excluding that nice Mr Leon, who appears to take even less time off than I do.)
Isn't it time bank holidays were banned ? (Where's the little emoticon that shows someone trying to stir things even more) :P
What are you drinking Will ?.....A meercat surprise ?.....(I'm on MkIII now.. ~X()
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 28 May 2013, 07:23:14 PM
I REALLY enjoyed my day off today, I love half term! :D
Bah, pesky teachers...! :P
I've got quite a few teacher friends, and they all get very defensive when anyone mentions how much holiday time they get, but then as soon as it gets to July, they're straight on Facebook with "Looking forward to 6 weeks off work...!"
:D
Thirteen weeks unpaid a year!
How are the meerkats?
He says from behind his adamantine shield!
<starts handing out the pool cues>
Saw off Pool cues? :D
You're not a Sun reader by any chance? You've sawn off the wrong end! ;D
Quote from: mad lemmey on 28 May 2013, 08:40:33 PM
How are the meerkats?
Well....The first two must be in landfill by now....via the circular file....
Mk III looks slightly more promising. :)
Can't believe how difficult it's been to get the proportions
half decent.
I thought a wee meercat would be a piece of widdle....
Hey Ho !! ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
A pox on your meercats, sir! Are they any good for stewing, with a nice drop of Chianti?
How do you 'do' Hannibal Lector's "Phfff...Phff...Phff."
Cheers - Phil.
Meerkats - not good for stew, but excellent kebab, which is why none north of Sahara
IanS
Too humid to fight.
Ice cream anyone?
Are you buying, Lemmey?
Yeah, but no Magnums!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 02 August 2013, 07:34:38 PM
Too humid to fight.
Ice cream anyone?
Nah...surely not:
Mine's the blonde ;)
That's really good, once you mute it.
Dark haired female is pretty tasty.....
so is the ice-cream.
IanS
Quote from: ianrs54 on 03 August 2013, 11:39:30 AM
Dark haired female is pretty tasty.....
You looking at my dark haired female...
Quote from: get2grips on 21 September 2013, 10:45:13 PM
You looking at my dark haired female...
Oi, that's my little sister
Quote from: Sandinista on 21 September 2013, 11:38:35 PM
Oi, that's my little sister
Sorry...thought it was your nan...easy to mix em up...
You,re all wrong its me. ;)
Bet you puked the ice cream ! :d
Ouch ;D ;D ;D
Quick Techno, while they're distracted with their family tree, bottle them!
Only bottle them ? ;)
Cheers - Phil
Look out, that guys got a knife!
Oh no, wait, it's a sculpting tool :D
But what a tool ! . . . and look how they wield it. :o
Wait until you see what else he's got...
That's not a knife....
Quote from: mad lemmey on 22 September 2013, 05:24:35 PM
Wait until you see what else he's got...
That's not a knife....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzQkdy7cpV4 :D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ__Q-_QLj4 ;D ;D
Quote from: sebigboss79 on 22 September 2013, 05:29:48 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzQkdy7cpV4 :D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ__Q-_QLj4 ;D ;D
The guy in the second clip has a really big helmet :D :D :D
http://youtu.be/EgUF_J20Bpk
:P
I don't think I dare click on those !
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Techno on 22 September 2013, 07:33:05 PM
I don't think I dare click on those !
Cheers - Phil.
=O =O =O
Not as bad as it sounds :D
Mine is from the Simpsons! O:-)
That's all right then ! :) ;)
Cheers - Phil.
As if he dares uploading his helmet. ???
Drinks all round.
Put it on Just a Few Orcs tab.
What I could never understand was why anyone at that level of technology would bother hacking at each other with anything. Why not just shoot the guy? =)
Quote from: Hertsblue on 23 September 2013, 12:57:18 PM
What I could never understand was why anyone at that level of technology would bother hacking at each other with anything. Why not just shoot the guy? =)
Because Hollywood would shut down in a week...
"We meet again Obi-Wan Kinobi"
"Blam!" "Quick everyone...into the Falcon."
Cue end credits...
"You have offended my family and you have offended the Shaolin Temple."
"Blam!" "Who cares...stupid Kung-Fu guy."
Cue end credits...
"You expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond...I expect you to die...Blam!"
Cue end credits...
And so forth :D
Quote from: get2grips on 23 September 2013, 01:45:12 PM
Because Hollywood would shut down in a week...
Sounds reasonable. Where do I sign? :d
Quote from: Hertsblue on 23 September 2013, 12:57:18 PM
What I could never understand was why anyone at that level of technology would bother hacking at each other with anything. Why not just shoot the guy? =)
Because given the setting of the films they would simply use their psychic powers to stop/ deflect the bullets/ plasma bolts/ whatever as they walked towards you and then cut you in half with their magic sword. Does it make sense ... in the setting of the film, yes ... outside that? ...... hmm
So, I give you a better use of a light sabre:-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTc6IzEBWDY
Because they are Ninja Space Wizards. That's just plain cool. Imagine if Memphis Belle was "Took off, flew 6 hours, bombed a farm 3 miles from the target, went home."
Quote from: Last Hussar on 23 September 2013, 06:13:58 PM
Imagine if Memphis Belle was "Took off, flew 6 hours, bombed a farm 3 miles from the target, went home."
Quite accurate according to my Grandma >:(
To be fair I believe my Grandparents would have had the same complaint, unless you know of any strategic targets a mile north of White Hart Lane?
Let's ask the Pub Landlord
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/8168962/The-Pub-Landlords-Germany-jokes.html (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/8168962/The-Pub-Landlords-Germany-jokes.html)
As a German my reply is: 3 world cups and a pope ;) :d :d :d :d
We may have lost two world wars but you know: Three times lucky ;)
Well who HASN'T had a pope?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Adrian_IV (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Adrian_IV)
Anyway we don't need them
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supreme_Head_of_the_Church_of_England (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supreme_Head_of_the_Church_of_England)
Yeah and she's ... oh bugger... German
Quote from: Last Hussar on 23 September 2013, 11:09:52 PM
Yeah and she's ... oh bugger... German
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
We came we saw, we rule Britannia =O =O =O =O
Right...everyone just calm down...
There...see, that's better.
Nobody mention the war...I said it once but I think I got away with it... #:-S
Quote from: get2grips on 23 September 2013, 11:25:34 PM
Right...everyone just calm down...
There...see, that's better.
Nobody mention the war...I said it once but I think I got away with it... #:-S
A German with a beer is not dangerous. ???
Quote from: sebigboss79 on 23 September 2013, 11:32:31 PM
A German with a beer is not dangerous. ???
Definitely in heart attack country here :)
They're with me... >:(
I saw them first, get your own!
The girls or the beers?
Absolutely all four :)
"Is anything worn under the kilt?"
"No ma'am, it's all in perfect working order!"
Quote from: Last Hussar on 23 September 2013, 06:44:09 PM
To be fair I believe my Grandparents would have had the same complaint, unless you know of any strategic targets a mile north of White Hart Lane?
Bugger, how could they have missed by that margin? ;D ;D ;D
(You pay these people to do a job and they don't even get close.... )
Quote from: Hertsblue on 24 September 2013, 08:33:36 AM
Bugger, how could they have missed by that margin? ;D ;D ;D
(You pay these people to do a job and they don't even get close.... )
And in the German Airforce defense: They were under orders from a drug addict and a private.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 24 September 2013, 08:33:36 AM
Bugger, how could they have missed by that margin? ;D ;D ;D
(You pay these people to do a job and they don't even get close.... )
Yeah- nowhere near Stamford Bridge or Highbury!
Actually, Highbury isn't more than a couple of miles from White Hart Lane. The Emirates is even closer. :d :d :d :
Quote from: Hertsblue on 25 September 2013, 10:59:11 AM
Actually, Highbury isn't more than a couple of miles from White Hart Lane. The Emirates is even closer. :d :d :d :
Clear case of inaccurate maps :-[
5p for a Goldschläger
Just thought I would get a cheap shot in ;)
:'(
Juju is bad! Can't drink at the moment, hate being sober in a bar when I'm not working in it!
Makes me want to smash something, any volunteers? :d
Quote from: mad lemmey on 07 November 2013, 11:49:12 AM
:'(
Juju is bad! Can't drink at the moment, hate being sober in a bar when I'm not working in it!
Makes me want to smash something, any volunteers? :d
Why don't you just get behind the bar? Might buck the service up. (I did say "buck").
Oh alright then...
Form an orderly queue, no shoving...
You, in the pink shirt, yer next mate!
I'm not wearing a shirt.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 07 November 2013, 04:31:28 PM
I'm not wearing a shirt.
Is Bronski Beat on the jukebox as well?
Only coz you put it on repeat Fenton! :P
And it will be till you put a shirt back on!
Quiet in here tonight, what you all doing! Watching Masterchef?
Wrapping Xmas presents.
Yesterday I bought my Xmas present to me - from the Pendraken Soviet 1941 range. C'mon Santa Leon.
Just finished watching Marvel's Agents of Shield
Speak up, man!
Oh ok then...I was watching Marvels Agent's of shield...Its my guilty pleasure
Oh dear. you're all targets :'( :'( :'(
I'll sit this one out, polish the glasses and let other take the first shot on this one!
I have watched MAoS, but it ain't anywhere near as good as "Arrow".
Quote from: fsn on 23 November 2013, 09:09:21 AM
I have watched MAoS, but it ain't anywhere near as good as "Arrow".
Arrow! That dull clunk you just heard was us hitting the bottom of the barrel. Another programme aimed squarely at retarded fourteen-year-olds. >:( :-& :P
Much prefer MAoS.
Pretty much anything Joss Whedon has a hand in is OK by me.
I wonder if it's the old DC/Marvel divide?
I've always found SHIELD a boring old concept in the comics. (I do like the scientist types in MAoS.) The "Thor" and "Avengers" movies were interminably dull, "Iron Man" 2 and 3 were unnecessary, "SpiderMan" should be given a rest and surely we've had all the "Wolverine" we can stomach?
Having said that, I'm not a big fan of the recent "Batman" films, and I've never liked "Superman", so "Man of Steel" was a clunking bore. "Green Lantern" had possibilities that hopefully a sequel with Star Sapphire could explore. I am dreading the Superman/Batman offering - Ben Affleck as Batman! Has nobody seen Daredevil? Worst casting since Val Kilmer!
Arrow is about the best Superhero offering for a long time. MAoS is watchable, but the dead hand of Stan Lee is upon it.
Joss Whedon ought to give up this Marvel heresy and go back and revisit the Serenity/Firefly universe, or at least get Dr Horrible going again.
I just found Arrow unutterably dull but really liked Iron Man 2 and Thor: The Dark World but each to their own.
Alas it looks as though Firefly, like "B" Troop, ain't comin' back :(
We need a 'Marshall Law' film
I never enjoyed either Marvel or DC comics...I grew up with 2000AD ,Action, Warlord etc
Look here, if I want some mindless blabbering about the latest garbage that came out of Hollywood, I'll go and read the Totty thread!
I want to see chairs crashing on heads! Pointy sticks doing their stuff! Vast quantities of alcohol consumed!
Then again, it is still a bit early, maybe I should come back in the evening?
For now, I will only wave my hat in your general direction.
Did you wave your hat at me sir!
It is none of your business, I will wave my hat anyway I like, thank you very much!
No Marvel-loving powder-puff is going to tell me that MAoS is better than DC's Green Arrow. Anyone who thinks so is no better than a Games Workshop buyer.
(Stands all John Wayne like with fists clenched on hips, and jaw thrust foward.)
But I'll stand beside any man who tips his hat at "Dredd". It's a darned shame they ain't going to make another.
(Imperceptible but pointed nod at Fenton)
Sound of OldenBUA's hat being removed, egg placed under hat and hat replaced, the squashed down.
Sound of carpet being yanked. Mr Lemmy (the mad) staggers backward, stumbling into fsn, who's still nodding imperceptibly at Fenton. Both fall on the floor, and end up in a most embarrassing position. Fenton looks on in dismay at this sign of infidelity.
*taps off ash from cigerette in 7 inch gold cigerette holder* "Olden ...Your an absolute shower"
<Looks at puddle of export on floor, spilled when accidentally bumped into by Lemmy. Grips bottle by neck and smashes off the bottom on the edge of the bar>
See you Lemmy, you spilled ma beer. Pick a windae, yer leavin'!!
<FSN cowers under a table. He's not really much of a fighter.>
Outside Ithorial, if I'm not there in five minutes, start without me!
Kicks Olden, because kicking FSN would be cruelty...
Techno stands outside door....Greenhouse and Mole 'smoke bombs' clenched in hand.....sets them smouldering.......opens door...and rolls said items into the bar.
Takes heroically artistic pose with Bren ....and waits for everyone to emerge. :)
*cough* *cough*
You call
this a heroic pose!
=O =O =O =O =O =O =O =O =O =O
Dons gas mask and NBC suit, sets tripwire across door...
"Are you my mummy?"
Do you often go to the pub with an NBC suit?
Quote from: OldenBUA on 23 November 2013, 06:03:24 PM
You call this a heroic pose!
=O =O =O =O =O =O =O =O =O =O
Is Phil's pose in that picture the one Airfix based their WW2 figures on?
Or is the Airfix pose ...
Quote from: fsn on 23 November 2013, 07:22:48 PM
Do you often go to the pub with an NBC suit?
You need to wear one to get past the haze of smoke from all the disgruntled smokers on the doorstep who can't come in!
Holding a Bren like that would result in sever burns.
IanS
I'm not posting the other photo's of me holding the damn thing :P....Too sodding heavy for a skinny little oik like me. :-[ :-[
Cheers - Phil.
Phil (position 2):
Airfix:
[/quote]
:D
Stop picking on me !! :P ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
Confucius says "never pick on a man who has ready access to automatic weapons".
Uh oh
The Past, Present and Future walk in.
Things are about to get Tense...
Quote from: Techno on 24 November 2013, 05:39:26 PM
Stop picking on me !! :P ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
Thats what Trotsky said
Appalling ! ;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: fsn on 24 November 2013, 06:11:09 PM
Confucius says "never pick on a man who has ready access to automatic weapons".
No, Confucius say "Man who piss into wind get his own back" :P :d :d
"A wise man knows how little he knows" - Confucious really did say that.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 25 November 2013, 08:52:10 AM
"A wise man knows how little he knows" - Confucious really did say that.
... and according to recent research he was right, experts are aware of the gaps in their knowledge and tend to underestimate their abilities while the ignorant are blissfully unaware of the depth their ignorance and overestimate their ability.
<Breaks a chair over Hertsblue's back, after all this a brawl not a bloomin seminar> :)
<Besides, he was right .... and nobody likes a smartarse> :P :d :d :d
Gropes in his pocket for the delicately engraved knuckleduster - it slips through a hole in the lining and breaks his foot. Ouch!
Slips a banana skin in Hertsblue's direction, just to see if it really works!
Techno practices 'heroic poses' in front of a mirror.....and gives up completely, having slipped on a carelessly discarded banana skin.
Quote from: Techno on 25 November 2013, 12:11:03 PM
Techno practices 'heroic poses' in front of a mirror.....and gives up completely, having slipped on a carelessly discarded banana skin.
Your starting to sound more like Bluebottle with every post :D
*pushes RM executive in room, with sign hung around neck and 4 tubs of paint in each pocket*
*Sounders of sniggering as door is locked*
O:-)
Quote from: Fenton on 25 November 2013, 12:13:35 PM
Your starting to sound more like Bluebottle with every post :D
You rotten swine....You dedded me ! ;)
Cheers - Phil.
;D ;D
I grew up on the goons, that humour is priceless 8) ;) :D ;D
Quote from: fsn on 24 November 2013, 06:11:09 PM
Confucius says "never pick on a man who has ready access to automatic weapons".
If I have a time machine some day but only enough fuel for one trip, it'll be a toss-up between Abraham and Confucius for which I'll assassinate to negate his disastrous effect on the world. The one who turned half the world into morons running on prejudice, not logic, or the one who turned the other half into
status quo-obsessed doormats.
What the hell, I'll send a competent medical man to sort out Mozart. There'll always be ideology peddlers to wreck people's brains anyway.
Or a radiation suit to Marie curie?
Its not the messenger that is normally the problem, but the followers who impose their interpretation on the message.
Yeah okay there have been some nasty messengers as well ! :-\
Speaking as a member of the extreme centre, let's get this rumble back into action - and while we're at it, someone get me an ice-pack for my foot! :'( :'( :'(
[Stamps on Hertsblue's foot]
Now, as I've said before, in my mind, all you other forum members are attractive young ladies in bikinis.
May I therefore introduce copious amounts of baby oil to the proceedings?
All except Fierce Kitty, who is Grumpy Cat.
You utter utter bastard
>:(
The image of 'Orcs' in a bikini is causing me serious psychological distress - it's bad enough seeing him dressed.
You will be hearing from my lawyers, Messrs Soo, Grabbit and Runne
But that's exactly how I imagined FK. ;D
Aw! Hussar!
You're so cute when you're angry!
*bar stool applied soft end first to fsn*
Stop it, or next time it will be legs first!
*ow!*
Point taken.
No, that's next time! ;)
Quote from: fsn on 01 December 2013, 11:46:29 AM
Now, as I've said before, in my mind, all you other forum members are attractive young ladies in bikinis.
May I therefore introduce copious amounts of baby oil to the proceedings?
All except Fierce Kitty, who is Grumpy Cat.
Happy to be, but a Siamese, please.
Who's this barstool you keep applying to?
What, this one?
*twack*
If you find something that works, stick to it!
I thought you had a job behind the bar?
Ow, ow, ow! :'( :'( :'(
I can reach a long way!
Now put down the fire extinguisher before...
*Clung!*
Ohhh stars!
*Thunk!*
Fires aren't the only thing I can put out. ;D
Did you slip on the bananananana skin Will, or did Ray biff you on the head with the fire extinguisher.
Cheers - Phil.
I say! Which one of you ruffians spilled my lime cordial?
Quote from: fsn on 04 December 2013, 12:47:34 PM
I say! Which one of you ruffians spilled my lime cordial?
There not ruffians I think you'll find there blaggards
Quote from: Fenton on 04 December 2013, 12:55:49 PM
There not ruffians I think you'll find there blaggards
"They're" not "There", sirrah! Don't you know the Queen's English?
Bouncer, you boy, throw this riff-raff out! :P
Quote from: fsn on 04 December 2013, 12:47:34 PM
I say! Which one of you ruffians spilled my lime cordial?
I think you'll find that's a half pint of Creme de Menthe topped up with tonic water fsn.
Cheers - Phil.
That's ne'er-do-well to you Sir
And I was speaking in ye olde Elizabethan English not this modern grammar rubbish
Medic...
Last time I was here my drink was spiked. I went home feeling very giddy and found myself acting quite improperly. Are any of you chaps here thinking of doing it again?
No?
Good job I brought my own.
<launches overripe pear at the back of Hertsblue's head, then points at Fenton in a "he did it" attitude>
Quote from: fsn on 04 December 2013, 06:23:19 PM
Last time I was here my drink was spiked. I went home feeling very giddy and found myself acting quite improperly. Are any of you chaps here thinking of doing it again?
No?
Good job I brought my own.
[
didnt you see the big nail in it?
Yes. it was false and red. I assumed it was the barmaid's.
Or Mad Lemmeys'
*mumbled from the floor*
My nails are blue, if I could stand up I'd give you a close up as I cat scratch your eyes out...
Would someone please get Fenton's boots off my face?
My delicate little tootsies wouldnt hurt a fly!
Thankfully they are not on my fly, they are on my nose! Repeatedly!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 04 December 2013, 07:20:34 PM
My nails are blue, if I could stand up I'd give you a close up as I cat scratch your eyes out...
I could have sworn you said you liked the sparkly green colour, Will.
Quote from: Fenton on 04 December 2013, 07:33:27 PM
My delicate little tootsies wouldnt hurt a fly!
That's not what I heard from your chiropodist !.....Now...Please put you shoes on again, before those nice HAZMAT people come back in here.
You know the trouble we had getting rid of them last time.
Uses seasonal sprig of holly to tickle Fento's feet!
Quote from: Techno on 04 December 2013, 07:51:58 PM
I could have sworn you said you liked the sparkly green colour, Will.
That's not what I heard from your chiropodist !.....Now...Please put you shoes on again, before those nice HAZMAT people come back in here.
You know the trouble we had getting rid of them last time.
Your so callous!
Coat time Steve......Quickly please....Close the door after you. ;)
Cheers - Phil.
HAZMAT ! is that what you shout when playing cricket. . . .in Syria ???
Blows rain in upon Howaymans head driving him onto the beer soaked floor.
"What was that for?" he asks innocently
The blows continue unabated. finally he screams "HOWAYMAN give it a rest"
Quote from: Techno on 07 December 2013, 05:59:33 PM
Coat time Steve......Quickly please....Close the door after you. ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Your
REALLY callous
*shouts over shoulder on way out* Two jokes for the price of one there give us a break...I'll be back , just you wait ..once I've had me tea...There will be no stopping me next time...The forum will hear from me again!
Yeah! That showed that Fenton, didn't it chaps? Now, who's for a Bacardi?
Quote from: fsn on 07 December 2013, 07:17:22 PM
Yeah! That showed that Fenton, didn't it chaps? Now, who's for a Bacardi?
Ok I accept your apology...*wanders back in*
Barkeep! A double beer for Mr Fenton!
Where is mine host ?
Sleeping behind the bar again ?
Quote from: fsn on 07 December 2013, 07:35:44 PM
Barkeep! A double beer for Mr Fenton!
Whatever size of glass will take that? Or will you run a pipeline directly to the barrel?
Just drill a hole in the bottom of the barrel and let Steve lie underneath it. (Hic)
Sorry, clearing up puke in the little girls room (literally), I'll just pour your drinks before I wash my hands...
There's a little girls' room in the Pendraken Forum Bar?
There are female members, paint it pink for example.
Sure she would kick all our butts too.
Sorry, daughter was ill again, not the florid and lucid answer I was planning...
She ok?
Oh, you did mean it literally. :(
Sorry to hear that.
She's gone through about six sets of linen, has got to the throwing up nothing stage and is crashed out on our bed.
Fingers crossed, she'll sleep through mostly.
Just serve yourselves, honesty box by the bar, it's the tin in the pool of salt water, connected to the running generator over there, standing in that rubber tray. You will need to stand barefoot on that metal sheet to pug anything in, it's a bit of an awkward throw.
Poor little mite. :(
Hope she makes a very speedy recovery Will.
Cheers - Phil.
She slept the whole night without waking, much perkier this morning.
Right, let's have a look at the damage...
Oh...
My...
Erm...
Who tided up the glasses?
Someone restocked the bar!
Good range of real ales.
Even a lager for the girls and Nik.
Ohh, new tunes on the jukebox.
Liking the redecoration in the public bar too, nice chrome finish, not sure about the wallpaper.
Won't miss that Wild West theme...
And a new weapons rack! Wouldn't have thought of putting those in there.
*ker-klick*
That would be me! Don't you like the wallpaper? I thought the little bunches of violets would go with your eyes. Well the bruising anyway.
I've also made sure there's some sherry for the more sophisticated of us and the furniture is all that film prop stuff so that it doesn't really hurt when you get hit on the head with it ... when I get hit on the head with it.
Let's try it now !
*ouch* That *ow* wasn't too *ouch* successful *ouch*.
Could someone please ring for an ambulance?
To quote the young ones, "That was the prop one Vivian was meant to break over my head in scene six maaaan!"
I've found the prop one - I've just tried to sit on it. You missed some of the ceiling, fsn! :(
Quote from: Hertsblue on 08 December 2013, 11:48:00 AM
I've found the prop one - I've just tried to sit on it. You missed some of the ceiling, fsn! :(
*coughs* actually the prop is the the chair beside you :-[
So much for the season of peace and goodwill!
CHARGE!
Mind you don't trip over Maenoferren! He's passed out in the aisle again!
Moi? I was just resting my eyes... :D
And you're OK with Hertsblue using you as a footstool?
Just wait until he stands up. I have tied his shoelaces together. ;D
I shall duck out of the action by hiding behind this sheet of glass where no one shall see me because .... I will have my eyes closed!
Quote from: Ithoriel on 27 December 2013, 12:25:24 PM
I shall duck out of the action by hiding behind this sheet of glass where no one shall see me because .... I will have my eyes closed!
Ah, the Bluebottle school of tactics, I see! :D
Quote from: Ithoriel on 27 December 2013, 12:25:24 PM
I shall duck out of the action by hiding behind this sheet of glass where no one shall see me because .... I will have my eyes closed!
* Brings out photograph of escape tunnel* You can buy this if you want ..Only 7/6 Comes with a drawing of a ladder to
*pulls out oil painting of gun*
Quote from: Last Hussar on 06 January 2014, 10:08:04 PM
*pulls out oil painting of gun*
I am sorry but you just hit Defcon 3... I have flying Monkeys and I know how to use them! >:( >:( >:(
well I would ...but somehow I never got round to actually reading the manual... it is there somewhere in my 'man drawer'
Quote from: Maenoferren on 07 January 2014, 12:37:05 AM
I am sorry but you just hit Defcon 3... I have flying Monkeys and I know how to use them! >:( >:( >:(
well I would ...but somehow I never got round to actually reading the manual... it is there somewhere in my 'man drawer'
"Man drawer" = bedroom floor.
Gosh it's very quiet here.
I shall grab a nice pint and sit in the corner.
Do you ant some crisps with that?
Yummy what flavour?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 07 January 2014, 03:03:56 PM
Do you ant some crisps with that?
Fire or bullet ant flavour for me please.....Mmmmmm tangy !! ;)
Cheers - Phil.
I've got wood ant, honey ant or soldier ant flavours, or egog crisps or pork scratching...
No, don't eat that pot puree! Sorry that's some spare mdf offcuts the Dark Lord left in here!
And I'm not sure those peanuts are edible, can I offer you some unroasted cashews?
What do the egog crisps taste like ?.....Do you get a sachet of salad cream in with them ?
Otherwise I'll have a 'grab-bag' sized pack of soldier ants, please barman.....Keep the change :)
Egog, like prickled onion, only spikier!
Only tartare sauce I'm afraid!
Worth a try then.....And what are you having barman ?
Any Spam?
Jus a curly Wurly sandwich for me.
Spam, egg, chips and spam?
Any ewok scatchings? Got a taste for those while stationed on a small moon you've never heard of.
I'll have a look out back...
*Rustling sounds*
I've got 'Wookie Sores' or 'Jedi and Obi-won' flavour, but we're out of Ewok.
Is it alright if I use your toilet?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 07 January 2014, 07:53:31 PM
Spam, egg, chips and spam?
Chips and eggs are off. We can do you Spam, spam, spam and spam??
Quote from: Ithoriel on 08 January 2014, 01:23:04 AMChips and eggs are off. We can do you Spam, spam, spam and spam??
I don't like spam !
Quote from: Techno on 08 January 2014, 07:05:53 AM
I don't like spam !
What d'you mean I don't like spam?
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam ... spam, spam, spam, spam ... lovely spam, wonderful spam ...
Do I 'ave to wear t'helmet ?
IanS :D
Quote from: ianrs54 on 08 January 2014, 08:18:26 AM
Do I 'ave to wear t'helmet ?
IanS :D
Spam, spam, spam, spam ...
Okay okay I'll have one wookie sores and a spam fritter and I've waited so long I'll 'av another two pints of this stuff your passing off as beer.
You did say "passing" didn't you?
Quote from: republic of tolworth on 08 January 2014, 10:14:49 AM
I've waited so long I'll 'av another two pints of this stuff your passing off as beer.
Fateeore thats not the toilet thats the...
Oh never mind no-one will notice
Two halves of moose urine it is then (still better than the lager).
Halves!
I SAID PINTS!
*throws hot spam fritter at Mad Lemmy*
Deep fat fryer... ooops.... I doubt anyone was looking, don't say anything Fenton.
Quote from: republic of tolworth on 08 January 2014, 10:47:14 AM
Halves!
I SAID PINTS!
*throws hot spam fritter at Mad Lemmy*
Well, that's a relief - to the moose, at least.
Right, if it's chemical weaponry and flying spam...!!!
It's been far too polite in here for too long!
*launches stale burger bun as a frisbee* CATCH!
*as burger bun ricochets repeatedly across the bar*
have you been watching "Xena: Warrior Princess" again?
Ow!
Quote from: Fenton on 08 January 2014, 10:25:08 AM
Fateeore thats not the toilet thats the...
Oh never mind no-one will notice
Cancel my order for lobster would you?
It's done now.....You sure you don't want it ?...No refunds here sir.
Quote from: fsn on 08 January 2014, 12:33:06 PM
Cancel my order for lobster would you?
Just imagine its got olive oil drizzled over it or something
So now I have no pints and I've lost my spam fritter >:(
I shall sit in the corner near the fire and plot my revenge.
*watches curiously as oily lobster makes break for back door*
I say Barkeep! Barkeep! Bar-keeeep!
May I have a small sherry? Sweet? And a pint of ... whatever that is ... for Mr Tolworth. Please pay for it from this delicate purse I have just found in Mr Fenton's pocket.
Certainly sir! Erm... Change for a Fifty Mr Fenton?
Erm... Would someone tell that Lobster that he hasn't cleared his tab.
Sorry that 50 FSN has and this one is the only 50's I had
(http://s625.photobucket.com/user/SteveW_04/media/50-Lire-Vulcano.jpg.html)
Nudist blacksmith. Got to be a dangerous job!
Never mind.
Will you take a Czech?
No, I'm too Hungary.
This bar needs a Polish.
We have Turkey...
Could I have that with Swedes?
Is that a frozen turkey from Iceland ?
Is Baked Alaska still on the menu?
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam...
Quote from: Fenton on 08 January 2014, 07:47:03 PM
Is Baked Alaska still on the menu?
No, I just saw someone Finnish it off. I did offer to go Dutch, but that's not really German to the post.
Brazil nut anyone...?
Got any nutcrackers with those?
This lobsters putting up one hell of a fight! Not easy to wrestle a well oiled lobster!
The mind boggles ! ;D ;D
True, but I believe Sky Sports will be broadcasting Well Oiled Lobster Wrestling next year.
However, that may be drunken British tourists, having overdone the sunbathing, battering each other in Majorca.
Not UFC ( Ultimate Fighting Crustaceans' ) then
I DO like this thread for its complete insanity ! ;D ;D ;D
BTW.....Did I understand correctly... What we call Brazil NUTS....are really seeds...The nut itself looking more like a coconut ?
I ask purely for information. ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Been watching Dave have we - on a QI the other day.
IanS ;)
That's the one Ian !! ;D ;D ;D
(I never know how old the ones I watch are....I always miss the beginning where they tell you the date of the original prog.)
Cheers - Phil
Dates are only given for News Quiz, QI you have to use the letter......we are at L I think.
IanS ;)
Aha !!....
Thanks Ian.
Cheers - Phil
Can't stand dates, can we have figs instead?
Yes....But you haven't finished painting them all yet ! ;)
Who wants to date Lemmy?
My wife did!
Btw, there a second e in Lemmey! Take that Husar!
Not the first fight I've seen over a missing E :-X
*slips of to the loo to remove lobster oil and avoid fight*
Wait a moment - that's not a lobster! That's Glorfindel in a wig!
Quote from: Last Hussar on 09 January 2014, 06:16:38 PM
Who wants to date Lemmy?
Interesting from an archaeological point of view.....We don't have to incinerate him now, so we can use carbon dating, I trust....That might be a little OTT ;) ;D
Quote from: fsn on 09 January 2014, 07:04:25 PM
Wait a moment - that's not a lobster! That's Glorfindel in a wig!
What the one in the Lobster Armour?...Taking this new ECW project a tad too far I think
Quote from: Techno on 09 January 2014, 07:20:36 PM
Interesting from an archaeological point of view.....We don't have to incinerate him now, so we can use carbon dating, I trust....That might be a little OTT ;) ;D
No I've seen his wooden acting in here and he's barking mad...Bringing in a local Dendrologist would be better, though I dont want to examine his ring
*Pulls out chainsaw from behind the bar*
If you want to carbon14 date me, I'll use dendrochronology on you!1
Except that lobster, there is no way to accurately tell the age of one of them.
1Study of treering dating to show when ancient timbers were felled and when structures were built!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 09 January 2014, 07:44:45 PM
*Pulls out chainsaw from behind the bar*
If you want to carbon14 date me, I'll use dendrochronology on you!1
Except that lobster, there is no way to accurately tell the age of one of them.
1Study of treering dating to show when ancient timbers were felled and when structures were built!
*in worst scouse accent* calm down calm down
I like the little '1' you did there...Are you a computer programmer?
Ex academichistorian. Was meant to be a footnote.
Anyone got any two stroke oil, haven't used this chainsaw in years?
Does it use unleaded?
(http://s214.photobucket.com/user/madlemmey/media/patrick-stewart-lobster_zps92f2fdb0.jpg.html)
This tickled me after today's silliness!
Is that Patrick Stewart?
Yes!
If they're not filming a weird remake of "the fly", that's very sad.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 09 January 2014, 08:02:32 PM
Anyone got any two stroke oil, haven't used this chainsaw in years?
Yep...Lots....and the chain oil....But I was too much of a coward to use it yesterday.
Rather large bit of tree overhanging road that had been trashed by the gales....
I went up the ladder and used a hand saw.....I'm FAR too accident prone to trust myself using a chainsaw, without both feet on the ground......And even
then Mrs T has to supervise me. ;) ;D
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: fsn on 09 January 2014, 09:27:15 PM
If they're not filming a weird remake of "the fly", that's very sad.
It was his Halloween costume!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 09 January 2014, 08:14:07 PM
(http://s214.photobucket.com/user/madlemmey/media/patrick-stewart-lobster_zps92f2fdb0.jpg.html)
This tickled me after today's silliness!
you let that tickle you... you are totally wierd man ;D ;D ;D
runs off to find the two stroke oil in my man drawer to put on the floor to ensure anyone who tries to hit me ends up slipping up.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 09 January 2014, 08:14:07 PM
(http://s214.photobucket.com/user/madlemmey/media/patrick-stewart-lobster_zps92f2fdb0.jpg.html)
RSC classical actor in lobster costume - no wonder he looks totally p****d off!
Cinzano, eight one litre bottles, check.
Three gross Babycham.
Three magnums of Bailey's...
Seven hundred and twenty packs of pork scratchings...
Half a lager... Must be Nik's.
Oh, and a curly Wurly.
Yep, that's the preorders sorted for a quiet lunchtime
Haven't you forgotten to urinate on the bar peanuts?
Nah, can't stand presoaked. They use artificial badger urine these days. Would you like to try these free range skunk scented cashews instead?
Don't you have any Brie and Rocket crisps?
Quote from: fsn on 19 January 2014, 09:30:14 AM
Haven't you forgotten to urinate on the bar peanuts?
Apparently they are anyway from people not washing their hands :-& :-& :-&
Quote from: fsn on 19 January 2014, 09:40:03 AM
Don't you have any Brie and Rocket crisps?
Bit posh aren't they? How about cheesy bunion flavour? Or spam, eggs, spam, spam and spam...
Quote from: mad lemmey on 19 January 2014, 10:00:03 AM
Bit posh aren't they? How about cheesy bunion flavour? Or spam, eggs, spam, spam and spam...
Looking at the menu FSN it says he has a toad in his hole maybe you could try that
Right I've had enough of this rubbish!
I want a pint of babycham and a pack of ewok flakes! I've waited over a week for those!
I don't want 'weird' stuff like brie and sodding rocket crisps.
And these peanuts taste 'funny' :-\
*Throws cheese grater and whole ewok at Republic of Tolworth.*
Can't get flakes, would you mind grating your own? When you've finished, feel free to use the grater destructively...
Do you want ice in the babycham?
Grate my own ewok!
Now that's what I call service :D
And yeh ice a slice and an umbrella if you got one. Don't want to forget all the trimmings.
*gleeful sounds of live ewok grating in background along with contented humming*
Just got rid of the toad, but now I seem to have a frog in my throat.
Hmm... Golf umbrella in a pint glass, won't be much room for liquids!
There you go.
Whose NEXT please! Yes, guy in the pink shirt, yer next!
Not pink. Cerise.
Have you any Dubonnet?
No bloody foreigners please, 'eres a bottle of stout
IanS
Techno slides very quietly into the bar in his 30 year old, green BT overalls and sits in the corner ....Liberally, and randomly, covered from head to toe in blobs of expanding foam.....Hoping nobody notices, beacause a)...As far as Ian's concerned, he's a foreigner. b) Gareth is expecting Techno to by him a drink and c) He look even more of a state than he usually does...If that's possible ! =)
Tries to catch Lemmey's eye, to get Will to bring him a drink before anyone starts taking the pee.
Cheers - Mr Messy. :o :'( >:(
Quote from: ianrs54 on 19 January 2014, 11:55:24 AM
No bloody foreigners please, 'eres a bottle of stout
IanS
I once got thrown out of a pub in Edinburgh because on of my mates ordered a vodka (a ladies drink) instead of the beer the rest of us were having, having been warned about the peculiarities of this particular venue.
One "we don't serve your type here, you're all barred" later we were outside wondering which to bar to head for next!!
Quite right too. Drinking anything but whisky on Scotland is somewhat unnatural.
I once asked a dour old Scots friend of mine what he thought of his daughter's fiance. "Well" he said, contemplatively, "he's a lager drinker." Thus damning the fiance and all of his sort.
Pint of the usual Techno?
*Pours Techno an anti-freeze, adds jagerbomb*
Not a double today Phil?
The only time you'll catch me with *half* a lager is when I've drunk the top half.
I got given a bottle of Jack Daniel's Honey for Christmas from some numpty a kind relation - it's alright, provided you mix it at 3:1 ratio with proper JD <)
Thought you would mix it 0:1, with the real thing being the one!
*slides a '66 springbank down the bar to Nik*
Drink it carefully, we've only just mended the crater in the ceiling from the last drop you spilled!
Quote from: nikharwood on 19 January 2014, 03:20:24 PM
I got given a bottle of Jack Daniel's Honey for Christmas
:-&
Give it to someone next Xmas. Could become a family heirloom, passed from person to person every year.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 19 January 2014, 03:10:11 PM
*Pours Techno an anti-freeze, adds jagerbomb*
Not a double today Phil?
Maybe a bit later....Cheers fsn. :) (Hic)
Can you put a drop of 3 in 1 in Will ?
Quote from: fsn on 19 January 2014, 04:12:48 PM
Give it to someone next Xmas. Could become a family heirloom, passed from person to person every year.
Could do - would be a half-empty bottle now though...waste not, want not :d
Quote from: Techno on 19 January 2014, 05:16:09 PM
Maybe a bit later....Cheers fsn. :) (Hic)
Can you put a drop of 3 in 1 in Will ?
Dash of WD-40 too? I know how you like the shiny red straws.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 19 January 2014, 05:33:05 PM
Dash of WD-40 too? I know how you like the shiny red straws.
Perfect !! :)
Red? Nah - blue is the colour. Isn't that right, Ray? 8)
Only for us Shrewsbury Town fans...
Quote from: nikharwood on 19 January 2014, 08:22:24 PM
Red? Nah - blue is the colour. Isn't that right, Ray? 8)
I would E'to that comment
Quote from: nikharwood on 19 January 2014, 08:22:24 PM
Red? Nah - blue is the colour. Isn't that right, Ray? 8)
Don't forget me too..... :)
Cheers - Phil
Ottomans just lost to pesky Russian army :(
Double please barkeep.
:'(
Not vodka though, eh?
*Slides a double raki down the bar, hides the vodka*
So, tell us what happened...?
Quote from: nikharwood on 19 January 2014, 08:22:24 PM
Red? Nah - blue is the colour. Isn't that right, Ray? 8)
Yup! Blues three, Benighted one. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
*grabbing raki*
*gulps down raki*
Russians, thousands of them. In nice neat lines with horrid muskets
*sob sob*
My poor cavalry :'(
Quote from: republic of tolworth on 20 January 2014, 11:22:17 AM
*gulps down raki*
Russians, thousands of them. In nice neat lines with horrid muskets
*sob sob*
My poor cavalry :'(
Don't worry, have a shot of this...
Blows dust off bottle.
Its Honey Jack Daniels... :-&
...one sip and you'll forget all your other worries :D
JD, not a good idea, I get a bit 'fighty' on JD.
Mind you I'm in the right place I suppose.
*grabs bottle and starts glugging*
Right! Show me the Russians!
I can't get into the Bar Fight? Have you checked my credentials and found out I'm underage? :-[
Or has Dr Helen being spilling the beans again and letting slip that I should be drinking with my meds?
Maybe Pendraken have had a C&D notice from Jack Daniels :-)
Can't get in either.
I dunno, you go outside for a pee (have you seen the state of the toilets in there) and some b****r has locked the door behind you >:(
You'll have to hang on.
Probably my fault.....I think I've smeared some of that expanding foam around the door frame from when I popped in last night.
Bet it's stuck the door to the frame....Sorry....I'll get the acetone.
Cheers - Phil
Well I managed to crawl out the toilet window.
I told you giving me JD was a bad idea!
I've been in school all day with year one, let me innnnnnnnnn!
got stuck at work for an extra 2 hours today >:( I think I hear a beer calling me :P
Not sure what happened there, but I've opened it up again now. We've had a bit of a refurb, so there's a new range of cocktails, plus 37 real ales with silly names, and please try not to fall off the ridiculously oversized stools around the new poser tables.
8)
Oooh! I like the new bar, but the smell of paint is a bit overpowering. Like the padding on all corners and the boxing ring in the centre of the snug. Not too sure about the extra large paddling pool full of scented oils though. What could that be for?
I do like the painting of Leon above the bar, and what an interesting place for a spigot.
May I try a pint of Goosestrangler please?
Quote from: fsn on 20 January 2014, 07:13:52 PM
Oooh! I like the new bar, but the smell of paint is a bit overpowering. Like the padding on all corners and the boxing ring in the centre of the snug. Not too sure about the extra large paddling pool full of scented oils though. What could that be for?
I do like the painting of Leon above the bar, and what an interesting place for a spigot.
May I try a pint of Goosestrangler please?
No you're Shakespeare...
Damn...barred!
"Not sure what happened there, but I've opened it up again now. We've had a bit of a refurb, so there's a new range of cocktails, plus 37 real ales with silly names, and please try not to fall off the ridiculously oversized stools around the new poser tables." - Leon
Ooh! Bit bright in here now!
I'll have a pint of Dark Ness please barma ... barperson.
ww.lochnessbrewery.com/#!beers/cwvn
Off with me kit and slurps cocktails in the pool :P
Quote from: Sandinista on 20 January 2014, 07:21:32 PM
Off with me kit and slurps cocktails in the pool :P
X-box styley??? :-& :-& :-&
Quote from: Sandinista on 20 January 2014, 07:21:32 PM
Off with me kit and slurps cocktails in the pool :P
*wonders why Sandinista is sitting in the slops bucket drinking babysham shandies, shakes head and wanders off to talk to the innkeep*
So got any wolfs nipple chips then?
WooooW! Man I need a pint tonight, and I can't drink! ;D
Wolf's nipple chips, yup! Special on Aardvark's noses tonight, in honey.
=O =O =O :-bd m/
*knocks on window from outside*
May I come back in yet?
Quote from: fsn on 20 January 2014, 07:52:36 PM
*knocks on window from outside*
May I come back in yet?
Oh go on then...so long as someone vouches for you...
Quote from: Fenton on 20 January 2014, 07:47:36 PM
So got any wolfs nipple chips then?
Get 'em while they're hot, they're lovely ;)
Quote from: get2grips on 20 January 2014, 08:02:34 PM
Get 'em while they're hot, they're lovely ;)
If you buy them you get called honey by Mad Lemmey..well that's what I think he said anyway
That's right duck!
Always remember first time I got off bus in Nottingham. Said "ThAnk you" to the burly tattooed bearded bus driver; he replied "Thanks me love!"
Only later did I find out this was traditional Nottingham speech!
another peanut collider please waiter 8)
*sends peanut at 1/4 the speed of light round a 28 mile diameter loop*
Everyone duck!
May I have a Lucozade and Night Nurse please? And one for yourself.
Who's minding the microwave tonight? I've a hankering for some of that toxic sludge you pass off as stew.
*thinks: and while I'm waiting, I'm just going to kick this pedal on Grips stool so it collapses and he spills his pint on Sandinsita.*
Ah, a free beer shampoo! The world is kind to me tonight :)
Pint of Dark Ness for Ithorial. Wouldn't say that was dark and heavy, but I've been pouring it for two hours!
Sandinista, take FSN out the microwave, it took ages to clean last time!
Use the blender instead.
Who vouched for FSN???
He told me you did!
Quote from: Ithoriel on 20 January 2014, 08:44:02 PM
He told me you did!
Hmm :-\
Said the same thing to me :o
FSN...OUT...you're barred again!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 20 January 2014, 08:37:46 PM
Pint of Dark Ness for Ithorial. Wouldn't say that was dark and heavy, but I've been pouring it for two hours!
LEMMEY !! ...Will you
please stop trying to use the blanking taps, while I'm down here in the cellar changing the blanking barrels over !!
The lights have gone again down here.
Quote from: Techno on 20 January 2014, 08:53:55 PM
LEMMEY !! ...Will you please stop trying to use the blanking taps, while I'm down here in the cellar changing the blanking barrels over !!
The lights have gone again down here.
Watch out...I saw Leon heading off that way to play X-box
Quote from: Leon on 20 January 2014, 07:09:18 PM
We've had a bit of a refurb, so there's a new range of cocktails, plus 37 real ales with silly names, and please try not to fall off the ridiculously oversized stools around the new poser tables. 8)
WHO DECIDED THEY SHOULD BE THAT COLOUR !!
*knocks on microwave window from inside*
May I come out yet?
Not until I've flicked the trip switch.....DON'T TRY AND OPEN THE DOOR FROM INSIDE !
Quote from: fsn on 20 January 2014, 09:02:27 PM
*knocks on microwave window from inside*
May I come out yet?
Yes...if someone vouches for your character and (snigger) accepts responsibility for you (snigger).
I'm just a bit worried about this tin foil in my hair.
I'm just about to flick the trip.
EVERYBODY DOWN !!
Quote from: Techno on 20 January 2014, 09:17:02 PM
I'm just about to flick the trip.
EVERYBODY DOWN !!
Everyone dutifully ducks.............
Arrgh! *falls over rubbing his forehead. Looks about and picks something up on the floor* Oi who nutted me?
Quote from: Techno on 20 January 2014, 08:56:49 PM
WHO DECIDED THEY SHOULD BE THAT COLOUR !!
No worries Phil, the soft pink just makes it less obvious if Leon is naked again...
:-&
Um chaps! Friend Fenton has been felled by a fiendish flying .. peanut travelling at near light speed.
Not only that, but my hair is giving off colourful sparks and is like to go on fire.
Please could you all stop applauding and let me out? It's getting a bit hot in this microwave, and I'm getting dizzy sitting on this turntable.
Quote from: fsn on 20 January 2014, 09:55:26 PM
Um chaps! Friend Fenton has been felled by a fiendish flying .. peanut travelling at near light speed.
Not only that, but my hair is giving off colourful sparks and is like to go on fire.
Please could you all stop applauding and let me out? It's getting a bit hot in this microwave, and I'm getting dizzy sitting on this turntable.
Opens microwave...
Throws in bag of popcorn...
Closes door...
Presses quick start 3 times... :d :d :d
... and while I remember I don't want Friend Fenton to make a mask of my face using his new vacuum pump.
Nice popcorn, needs some salt.
By the way, whose chicken and mushroom pie am I sitting in?
Quote from: fsn on 20 January 2014, 09:59:15 PM
... and while I remember I don't want Friend Fenton to make a mask of my face using his new vacuum pump.
=O =O =O =O =O
Quote from: get2grips on 20 January 2014, 09:55:55 PM
FSN makes sense... :o :o :o
Why on earth did you say that out loud!!!
He'll never stop now!!
;D ;D
Dont worry FSN I need the vacuum pump for ...Well I will just keep quiet about that
Quote from: petercooman on 20 January 2014, 10:02:24 PM
Why on earth did you say that out loud!!!
He'll never stop now!!
;D ;D
I am very VERY sorry :'( :'( :'(
I think I might have been the culprit y'know...I was bored at work & sneaking a quick look at the forum on my iPad...and think I hit the Lock button on my way back into consciousness in the meeting I was in :D
Mea culpa 8)
D'OH!
Shows that the Moderators CAN use their powers, but did you chose the wallpaper for the redecoration at the same time?
Yep - thought a whole bunch of redhead inked doll totty would be just the thing 8)
How did you get the pattern to line up? That's a really hard repeat!
The absinthe helped :d
*having climbed back IN through toilet window R.O.T blunders in holding empty JD bottle*
Grab a cocktail ROTterand join me in the "pool" :O)
Quote from: Sandinista on 20 January 2014, 10:54:18 PM
Grab a cocktail ROTterand join me in the "pool" :O)
Hey Grips!...Look at the pool . its a jacuzzi! ...I can see bubbless
Quote from: Fenton on 20 January 2014, 11:05:43 PM
Hey Grips!...Look at the pool . its a jacuzzi! ...I can see bubbless
Just don't breathe in... :-& I blame the JD
Quote from: Fenton on 20 January 2014, 11:05:43 PM
Hey Grips!...Look at the pool . its a jacuzzi! ...I can see bubbless
Nobody, I mean NOBODY, light a match :o
And nobody's to open the kitchen door, in case any of the hobs are lit !!
Where's Will ?
Quote from: get2grips on 21 January 2014, 08:09:01 AM
Nobody, I mean NOBODY, light a match :o
Can I use my disposable lighter ?
IanS
Quote from: ianrs54 on 21 January 2014, 08:52:17 AM
Can I use my disposable lighter ?
IanS
Click...click...click...
BOOM!
Quote from: Techno on 21 January 2014, 08:51:29 AM
And nobody's to open the kitchen door, in case any of the hobs are lit !!
Where's Will ?
Well, you know what they say - where there's a Will..... :D
Quote from: get2grips on 21 January 2014, 08:53:46 AM
Click...click...click...BOOM!
Well Done....thats a trip down to poundland for me to buy some new knees
Leon's going to have to decorate again: didn't like the colour scheme anyway ;)
Totally agree Gareth.....That pastel pink theme was not to my taste, at all.
Shame about the wallpaper though....Maybe Nik's still got some more.
Quote from: Techno on 21 January 2014, 09:21:57 AM
Shame about the wallpaper though....Maybe Nik's still got some more.
It's not wallpaper: he has stripy and tartan paint.
How else do you think he cranks out armes at the speed he does? ;)
He's actually got a tartan spray-gun that requires him to change the paint-bottle every 2.3 seconds. I'm waiting for him to make a mistake... ;)
But why, oh why, dayglo orange? I've got a splitting headache now. @-) @-) @-)
The furniture's bright, the furniture's orange! :) :) :)
GET YOUR COAT !! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
;D ;D ;D
Any chance a moderator could merge the two threads; this one and barfight: they seem to be symbiotic anyhow ;)
No - that's far too technical for most of em.....
ianS
Certainly is for me ! :P :-*
But I'm not a 'Global Moderator', and only those can do that sort of thing....I think..... unless they're named as 'Heads' of certain sections.
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 21 January 2014, 12:16:21 PM
Certainly is for me ! :P :-*
But I'm not a 'Global Moderator', and only those can do that sort of thing....I think..... unless they're named as 'Heads' of certain sections.
Cheers - Phil
Like Worzel Gummidge?
I think I know how to merge topics...just be ready though, in case I lock everything again ;) :D
Quote from: nikharwood on 21 January 2014, 12:47:19 PM
I think I know how to merge topics...just be ready though, in case I lock everything again ;) :D
Yay - go me...didn't break anything. Apart from a few heads, swinging this bar stool around. C'mon...
Borrows a cattleprod from Techno and stuns Nik with it from behind.
Rummages Nik's pockets looking for "wallpaper" :)
Quote from: Ithoriel on 21 January 2014, 12:55:05 PM
Borrows a cattleprod from Techno and stuns Nik with it from behind.
Rummages Nik's pockets looking for "wallpaper" :)
One of Fenton's new pound shop knees flies across room and hits Ithoriel
Good night, get2grips. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning :P
Please can I come out of the microwave now?
Yes.....Just wait until that nice Mr Ithoriel has given me my cattle prod back....Then I'll be ready !! :d
Yay. Can't wait. :(
Could you at least put me on "defrost" for a few minutes? It's freezing in here.
Evening, did I miss anything?
*removes axe from bar, extingushes fire, throws microwave through window.*
Was there someone in there? Maybe I sould have opened that first? And the window...
T
h
a
n
k
s
L
e
m
m
e
y!
..... ouch!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 21 January 2014, 05:16:30 PM
Evening, did I miss anything?
*removes axe from bar, extingushes fire, throws microwave through window.*
Was there someone in there? Maybe I sould have opened that first? And the window...
Quote from: fsn on 21 January 2014, 05:19:45 PM
T
h
a
n
k
s
L
e
m
m
e
y!
..... ouch!
=O =O =O =O =O
Anyone got a crowbar, to open this door on the microwave ?
Looks a bit stuck.
Quote from: Techno on 21 January 2014, 06:05:28 PM
Anyone got a crowbar, to open this door on the microwave ?
Looks a bit stuck.
Woo hoo :d
I have one, now its open can someone give this man a beer? He'll need one as soon as he realises his tanks are all bent
Oooh! I think I landed on a Centurion!
Evening Decimus!
*Sound of a pint of 'Owd Codger' sliding down the bar at tectonic speed*
Right lads, fess up, whose been using Areldite on the bar?
Chisel please!
That's not Decimus. That's Biggus Dickus.
"Deci" = "Ten".
'nuff said.
Quote*Sound of a pint of 'Owd Codger' sliding down the bar at tectonic speed*
Right lads, fess up, whose been using Areldite on the bar?
Chisel please!
....and that Col Grips is the physical demonstration I promised to show you of how slowly I paint
Thank goodness for that. I lost the top of my hemorrhoid cream and just put the tube on the bar whilst I looked for the top.
Nosher. Are you brushing your teeth?
Yeah, and you've just eaten to pot porri!
Anyone seen my toe nail collection...?
:-&
A pint of boiling water - and for goodness sake - hurry.
Quote from: fsn on 21 January 2014, 09:00:03 PM
:-&
A pint of boiling water - and for goodness sake - hurry.
*a wizened old man comes stumbling in with a bucket of boiling water*
'ere you go sir, wot end do yer want it poured in
I have a funnel :d
That's fine Peon, I'll drink it straight from the bucket. Mmmm. Jeyes Fluid.
Does that count as a cocktail round here?
*flings empty bucket at nearest bystander*
Quote from: fsn on 21 January 2014, 09:18:00 PM
That's fine Peon, I'll drink it straight from the bucket. Mmmm. Jeyes Fluid.
Does that count as a cocktail round here?
*flings empty bucket at nearest bystander*
*goes off muttering*
[Names not Peon sir, I cant remember my name to be honest, now what was it?..Reginald no that's not it...you cant get the wood you know...Now where did I put my pet goldfish, ah there it is ah better go take the dog for a pull....../size]
I say, Peon!
Don't go away mumbling. Take that bucket and bedazzle us with an amazing dance routine, like Gene Kelly in "Anchors Aweigh". Here, let me accompany you with these spoons.
Oi! who chucked that bucket at me?
*points at weird mumbling man*
Quote from: republic of tolworth on 21 January 2014, 10:21:44 PM
Oi! who chucked that bucket at me?
*points at weird mumbling man*
It was Peon...it was Peon :D
Leon you say??
*cups hand to ear, while munching on a toenail surprise*
Quote from: republic of tolworth on 21 January 2014, 10:25:52 PM
Leon you say??
*cups hand to ear, while munching on a toenail surprise*
Do you want dip with that?
I've got some Pledge Klear Peon recommended I use...
I think Peon is one of the clones
You want honey in that? :D
Just watched Vic and Bob on the Telly - you lot are even more barmy than they are!!
**running away now**
Strange fellow!
Quote from: fred 12df on 21 January 2014, 10:36:23 PM
Just watched Vic and Bob on the Telly - you lot are even more barmy than they are!!
**running away now**
FSN...get him...he swiped one of your Centurions...
who has a very good fweind in Wome.
Biggus....something or other. ;)
Morning.
Why is there a microwave lying outside?
Quote from: republic of tolworth on 22 January 2014, 09:10:49 AM
Morning.
Why is there a microwave lying outside?
The microwave always tells the truth?
Quote from: republic of tolworth on 22 January 2014, 09:10:49 AM
Morning.
Why is there a microwave lying outside?
I caught it broadcasting my bank details to a gang of hackers. >:( >:( >:(
I'm here early to get a seat near the stage. I wonder who will be the floor show tonight? Hope it's lots of girls and not many feathers.
Barman. I'll have a whisky and leave the bottle! And bring me a Super Spicy Pot Noodle.
I'm feeling butch tonight!
You leave Butch alone, he's not that sort of man!
Shall I just make the pot noodle with whisky cut out the middle man?
Sundance doesn't mind a feel though!
Quote from: fsn on 22 January 2014, 05:47:38 PM
I'm here early to get a seat near the stage. I wonder who will be the floor show tonight?
I heard it was Leon....Using the X-Box to hide his modesty. :-\
Quote from: Techno on 22 January 2014, 06:47:05 PM
I heard it was Leon....Using the X-Box to hide his modesty. :-\
Wouldn't need an X-box, a points card would do it ;D ;D ;D
Are you trying to say you have seen his joystick controller.?
Are we talking about Thomas the Tank Engine now ?
yes
Quote from: Techno on 22 January 2014, 06:54:02 PM
Are we talking about Thomas the Tank Engine now ?
=O =O =O
Quote from: mad lemmey on 22 January 2014, 05:53:27 PM
Shall I just make the pot noodle with whisky cut out the middle man?
Yeah! And I don't even want a napkin.
I'm putting my pipe there on the table for after my food. And if anyone minds the bubbles, well I just don't care.
Quote from: fsn on 22 January 2014, 06:59:58 PM
Yeah! And I don't even want a napkin.
Is this a newer tougher more streetwise FSN that were beginning to see?
Quote from: Fenton on 22 January 2014, 07:11:32 PM
Is this a newer tougher more streetwise FSN that were beginning to see?
FSN 2...
He's back...
WITHOUT a napkin...
coming to a microwave near you
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: get2grips on 22 January 2014, 07:12:53 PM
FSN 2...
He's back...
WITHOUT a napkin...
coming to a microwave near you
Does this means that everytime he hears the ding of the microwave hes going to jump of his barstool and start throwing punches well throw peanuts at least
Quote from: Fenton on 22 January 2014, 07:37:50 PM
Does this means that everytime he hears the ding of the microwave hes going to jump of his barstool and start throwing punches well throw peanuts at least
It would, on the whole, be a considerable improvement :D
*Ping*
Pies ready!
*scowls at everyone in the bar whilst drinking neat pot-scotch*
Grrr!
*claps hands when cartoons come on the bar telly*
Quote from: fsn on 22 January 2014, 07:44:07 PM
*scowls at everyone in the bar whilst drinking neat pot-scotch*
Grrr!
*claps hands when cartoons come on the bar telly*
Oh look The Centurions are on
I've seen this one. It's rubbish !
Shhhhhhhhh! I like this one.
Quote from: fsn on 22 January 2014, 10:43:15 PM
Shhhhhhhhh! I like this one.
I'm Henry the 8th I am
Henry the 8th I am, I am...
Who switched the karaoke on ?
Definitely not you Phill....it's electricery
IanS
Or electrickery - if you have our power supplier. :(
Quote from: ianrs54 on 23 January 2014, 09:06:56 AM
Definitely not you Phill....it's electricery IanS
But I know where all the trip switches are.....Thank goodness !! ;)
Just treat those as tiny little levers...Even I can do that !
But only an Igor is qualified to use those!
Igor IgorIGOR
You called?
I was just putting abbey normal's brain back in the microwave for another 30 seconds.
Igor? Hugo?
Quote from: Fenton on 24 January 2014, 11:18:04 AM
You know, I could fix that hump
No, no, I've promithed it to my cousin Igor.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 24 January 2014, 11:23:00 AM
No, no, I've promithed it to my cousin Igor.
Isn't he Igor's brother?
No....You're thinking of the one in Thplith, Thur.
Quote from: Techno on 24 January 2014, 01:15:30 PM
No....You're thinking of the one in Thplith, Thur.
Oh, I thought he was Igor?
Igor Blymeigh, sir!
Coat !!....Door !!....Out !! ;)
It's Friday and I want a beer
Good call. Mind if I join you?
pull up a stool
Thank you. What you drinking?
I don't know what's in this glass today, but I can still taste last night's lager in it, and I hope that was just a cat hair that I've swallowed. I would complain about the way they wash the glasses here, but I don't think they do. Have you seen the towel around barman's neck? When do you think that was last white? I don't mind it being from the Queens Diamond Jubilee, but the Queen was Victoria.
Not that I'm one to complain.
Get your facts right FSN...
That glass is the one I used to bail out the urinal, so that's not lager, its pinot grigio. Queen Anne never had that jubilee, its from her Silver...
*thunk of many beers being lined up*
Come and get em lads, I've had a great first week of supply. Really boosted the confidence. First round is on me...
Quote from: mad lemmey on 24 January 2014, 06:12:05 PM
Come and get em lads, I've had a great first week of supply. Really boosted the confidence. First round is on me...
I'll take a J2O... Damnit, it's the weekend... make it a Red Bull!
:D
ooooo I have found some chocolate
FSN would you snigger like some snigger Maltesers cough
wanders over to the bar
So Mad..How are the pet rabbits you bought doing?
Yeah, not so good.
Gave one a hot ham sandwich, which it loved. Then it wolfed down a cheese panini, then a carrot bagel.
It died from mixing-my-toasties!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 24 January 2014, 06:32:02 PM
It died from mixing-my-toasties!
:'( :'( :'(
Better make it 2 Red Bull's after that...
Are these organic chocolates?
A pint of Riggwelter for me barman
Certainly, just drawing it up from an artisan well for you now. With bowl of granite chips for proper Lakeland authenticity?
Extra gwinnetts?
Not many lakes near Masham, but I'll have 'em anyway ;)
Quote from: fsn on 24 January 2014, 06:43:41 PM
Are these organic chocolates?
Organic and freshly made as well
Quote from: Fenton on 24 January 2014, 08:51:01 PM
Organic and freshly made as well
I do not, in any way, want to explore that comment :-& :-& :-&
I think I just found a bit of straw in one of these chocolates.
Quote from: fsn on 24 January 2014, 10:47:30 PM
I think I just found a bit of straw in one of these chocolates.
Just proves how organic they are
BLURGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blimey! Didn't drink too much last night, but woke up like something has taken a dump in my mouth. :(
That'll be the ' Bad mouth badger', best mates with 'The Bad Hair Gorilla' who comes along and messes up your hair at night!
The Bad Hair Gorilla lost any reason for coming to see me years ago.
Quote from: fsn on 25 January 2014, 09:46:38 AM
The Bad Hair Gorilla lost any reason for coming to see me years ago.
;D ;D ;D
Barkeep! Barkeep! BARKEEP!
For goodness sake. I've just been to Scotland and they have this wonderful drink there, they call Whisky. May I have a pint please?
By the way, why are there coconuts stacked behind the bar, goats in the snug and a Yellowtail Snapper in the Ladies? Has your problem flared up, or has someone bought you a book on Caribbean cooking?
Please, I don't want pineapple in my drink!
Quote from: fsn on 28 January 2014, 07:31:50 PM
Barkeep! Barkeep! BARKEEP!
For goodness sake. I've just been to Scotland and they have this wonderful drink there, they call Whisky. May I have a pint please?
By the way, why are there coconuts stacked behind the bar, goats in the snug and a Yellowtail Snapper in the Ladies? Has your problem flared up, or has someone bought you a book on Caribbean cooking?
Please, I don't want pineapple in my drink!
Why were you in the Ladies?..Or did you just misread it a s laddies?... because I am sure that you wouldn't be allowed in the door marked 'Gentlemen'
Well, it never gets used, and the Gents is frankly unbearable after you-know-who has been in there.
Quote from: fsn on 28 January 2014, 08:13:07 PM
Well, it never gets used, and the Gents is frankly unbearable after you-know-who has been in there.
Voldemort??? :-\
Completely! His volde is definitely mort.
I tried some Airwick, but frankly it's not doing the job.
I put it down to drinking stout on an empty stomach.
*Slips FSN a coconut daiquiri*
Then aims a spare coconut at his head!
I say! Good job that flying coconut was intercepted by that peanut flying at near light speeds!
*Pours coconut milk down harwood's neck*
Quote from: fsn on 28 January 2014, 09:10:31 PM
*Pours coconut milk down harwood's neck*
Y'bad b@$tard...the only things the get poured down my neck are alcoholic... :d
Grabs (redundant) spray aerosol freshener from the ladies, applies judicious use of lighter-flame and burns a route through the riffraff towards the bar...
And, in poor imitation of the locals round here, "Cider I up, landlord" :d
Quote from: nikharwood on 28 January 2014, 09:20:24 PM
And, in poor imitation of the locals round here, "Cider I up, landlord" :d
Music stops...
Conversation stops...
All movement stops...
You b'aint from round 'ere are you my lovely...
NO GIRLY DRINKS HERE HARWOOD!
*passes cinzano and lemonade hidden in cider bottle through secret hatch in counter*
Quote from: get2grips on 28 January 2014, 09:51:51 PM
Music stops...
Conversation stops...
All movement stops...
You b'aint from round 'ere are you my lovely...
It's a fair cop, guv...
Quote from: mad lemmey on 28 January 2014, 09:53:17 PM
NO GIRLY DRINKS HERE HARWOOD!
*passes cinzano and lemonade hidden in cider bottle through secret hatch in counter*
You have tried
proper Somerset cider, Will, right? The stuff you don't drink if you can see through it..? Nothing girly about that stuff 8-}
Quote from: nikharwood on 28 January 2014, 11:06:44 PM
You have tried proper Somerset cider, Will, right? The stuff you don't drink if you can see through it..? Nothing girly about that stuff 8-}
The Devon stuff usually has bits floating in it. Some of the bits have tails....
Quote from: nikharwood on 28 January 2014, 09:20:24 PM
And, in poor imitation of the locals round here, "Cider I up, landlord" :d
Yes. That's not really how they talk in Middles Borough is it?
Quote from: fsn on 29 January 2014, 10:58:01 AM
Yes. That's not really how they talk in Middles Borough is it?
You forgot to add: "like" :D
Quote from: get2grips on 29 January 2014, 11:41:31 AM
You forgot to add: "like" :D
Sorry. That's not really how they
like to talk in Middles Borough is it?
*In the spirit of "the Musketeers", flings a leather jack at the person coming through the door who is ...*
Quote from: fsn on 29 January 2014, 01:16:46 PM
*In the spirit of "the Musketeers", flings a leather jack at the person coming through the door who is ...*
... somewhat surprised!
"Zounds! How dare you, sirrah! Name your second, I will have satisfaction!"
picks leather jacket off the floor
Wow a free leather jacket!....Umm... do you have any without the girlie embossing on it
Oh and please dont throw coconuts at FSN you know he is a bit shy
Quote from: Fenton on 29 January 2014, 02:34:15 PM
Oh and please dont throw coconuts at FSN you know he is a bit shy
Coat
Quote from: get2grips on 29 January 2014, 02:44:06 PM
Coat
No thanks I have this new brand new leather one I found on the floor
Is Dave coming in later to buy us all a drink ?
Dave BUY a drink ?????
IanS
Dave's having a really swank (well as swank as you can get in Middle Borough) party. There will be beer in glasses, not drunk from the tin and I think there may even be some girls' drinks. Gosh Fellows! Do you think that means there may even be some girls? I hope they've got some of those fancy pineapple and cheese on a stick!
Anyway, I got my invite weeks ago. I must be off, it's miles away in a place called New-Castle.
*FSN leaves. Dave arrives and starts a party.*
I'll match each and every drink you lot drink tonight! I've had q day teaching preschool and need to get annihilated!
:'(
I may even play head the 1/2 lightspeed peanut tonight, not only would it cure my headache but also mean I won't have them all day tomorrow! ;D
Quote from: fsn on 29 January 2014, 05:02:58 PM
Dave's having a really swank (well as swank as you can get in Middle Borough) party. There will be beer in glasses, not drunk from the tin and I think there may even be some girls' drinks. Gosh Fellows! Do you think that means there may even be some girls? I hope they've got some of those fancy pineapple and cheese on a stick!
Anyway, I got my invite weeks ago. I must be off, it's miles away in a place called New-Castle.
*FSN leaves. Dave arrives and starts a party.*
Good luck on your trip ...Its a long old flight, but once you get to Sydney its only a 2 hour drive up the coast
Quote from: mad lemmey on 29 January 2014, 05:07:42 PM
I'll match each and every drink you lot drink tonight! I've had q day teaching preschool and need to get annihilated!
Preschool? You are mad!
I did my first TP with year 1 and in assembly I looked down to see one of em picking fluff out of my turn up (it was 1992). I suppose your work here with FSN (aka care in the community) will put you in good stead :D
How's Sydney FSN???
She's fine! As are all the other ladies at this party. Don't see Dave though.
I had a nice chat with Adelaide, and over there Alice is doing acrobatics.
Quote from: fsn on 29 January 2014, 09:07:32 PM
She's fine! As are all the other ladies at this party. Don't see Dave though.
I had a nice chat with Adelaide, and over there Alice is doing acrobatics.
She'll be right mate ;)
No worries.
You do know the Aussie rules of foreplay, dont you chaps?
"Brace yourself Shiela!"
Fair dinkum ;)
Oooh! I think Alice who did the acrobatics showed me her fair dinkum.
We'll be on to "G'day Bruce." soon . =) ;D ;D ;D
Oh, it's Bruce. G'day Bruce...Bruce here :D
G'day Bruce.
Bruce ;)
What ho Chaps! I have returned from Dave's party - which he didn't turn up to. There were lots of lovely ladies there, and the beach was lovely. I had nearly two glasses of wine so was quite giddy, and probably shouldn't have gone swimming with the ladies. Still, I had a lovely time. The buffet was amazing, the girl who made it was very pretty, I think her name was Barbie, and they had a game in which the girls lined up and I had to ...
What's this! Birthday cake crumbs! A discarded candle! A sock hung over the lamp! I see it all now! It was all a dastardly trap to get me out of the Forum Bar whilst you all celebrated Dave's birthday without me!
Well you're all rotten rotters and I'm not going to give you the presents I bought for you.
*Flounces out the bar, trailing eucalyptus leaves and kangaroo testicles*
Quote from: fsn on 30 January 2014, 05:38:42 PM
What ho Chaps! I have returned from Dave's party - which he didn't turn up to. There were lots of lovely ladies there, and the beach was lovely. I had nearly two glasses of wine so was quite giddy, and probably shouldn't have gone swimming with the ladies. Still, I had a lovely time. The buffet was amazing, the girl who made it was very pretty, I think her name was Barbie, and they had a game in which the girls lined up and I had to ...
What's this! Birthday cake crumbs! A discarded candle! A sock hung over the lamp! I see it all now! It was all a dastardly trap to get me out of the Forum Bar whilst you all celebrated Dave's birthday without me!
Well you're all rotten rotters and I'm not going to give you the presents I bought for you.
*Flounces out the bar, trailing eucalyptus leaves and kangaroo testicles*
Come back ..we didnt have a party
What happened was this.....Leon had bought a surprise birthday cake but due to Australian food import regulations we werent allowed to take it on the plane...So there we were all sitting round glumly and quite cold( its been freezing while you were away)
and Dave said
"Do you mind if I light the candle to warm my tootsies up?"
Well we all agreed and very soon Daves toes were warming up and the rest us were playing twister when there was a shout of alarm and we realised Dave's sock was on fire
Mad Lemmey being a clever clogs grabbed a bottle of Pimms and poured it over Daves foot which put the fire out but sadly ruined the cake , which Leon took away to put in the bin at home
Of course Dave's sock was soaking by them so we put it on the lamp to dry it out
So please dont start accusing of doing something without you until you have proof !
Must order a new bottle of Pimms (that one had a best before date of 1987 anyway).
Can someone remove the stripper please. We didn't need it, we've only just changed the wallpaper.
Oh. OK. I suppose this "Happy Birthday Dave" sign could have been hung up over the door to dry.
And this crumpled wrapping paper could have been used to warm Dave's foot.
And this CD of "Karoke Songs for Dave's Party" could have fallen from someone's pocket.
Can't quite figure out why there's a discarded stripper in the skip though.
Oh! Chaps, I can't stay angry with you! Here you go! Best Australian beer - Fosters - for all, and a CD of the Seekers for us all to enjoy! Fenton old chap, would you like a kangaroo testicle? I have two.
Fosters.
We call that canoe s*x: F'in' close to water!
Way-hey...guiys, what a brilliant party...oh, hi FSN. :D
I was just saying what a brilliant part IS played by Capaldi in the Musketeers....phew :^o
What ho Grips! Eucalyptus leaf? Makes your breath fresh and clears your head.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 30 January 2014, 06:24:16 PM
Fosters.
We call that canoe s*x: F'in' close to water!
hmmm I wonder if FSN has really been to Australia, cos everyone who's been or lived there knows you cant buy Fosters in Australia
Yes you can. It's imported.
I think you just went down to Kew gardens and nicked some eucalyptus leaves! and this kangaroo testicle ...Its just a snowball covered in trouser fluff!
Actually, I just rubbed some cough pastilles on some oak leaves.
Menthol and tannin, yum. Much like this interesting Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon I'm about to break over someones head, spicy, rich notes, with a hint of blood and flying glass!
*woosh.... Ker-zing*
Quote from: mad lemmey on 30 January 2014, 07:52:43 PM
*woosh.... Ker-zing*
Cor your really good at comic book fighting
Turns round with wine bottle sticking out back of head
Wow, this Eucalyptus leaf packs a punch...feel quite lightheaded...
falls to floor
Wasn't Woosh Ker-Zing a Chinese Nationalist leader in the 1920's?
*FSN throws himself to the floor, throwing faux-kangaroo testicles in all directions*
Looks like FSN has found the warp speed peanut!
You lot can carry on with your kangaroo's testicles.
I'm off to un-discard the stripper <)
Well I'm taking my wife out for a Chinese. And then trying to get her into a nearby Real Ale pub.
Try not to destroy the Waterloo diorama while I'm out.
Ouch! That was a very hard and prolonged fall.
I seem to have landed on some Grenadiers a Pied!
Quote from: fsn on 31 January 2014, 07:24:56 PM
Ouch! That was a very hard and prolonged fall.
I seem to have landed on some Grenadiers a Pied!
wakes upEh...er...what...who peed on the grenadiers?
Oh no, he'll be Prussin' to fix that.
Well there was a little bit when I landed hard. :-[
Excuse me, I just need to go to the ladies for a moment.
*leaves for the ladies loo, pausing only to arrange upturned Polish lancers as a caltrop like trap for any who dare follow*
Quote from: fsn on 31 January 2014, 08:30:27 PM
Well there was a little bit when I landed hard. :-[
Excuse me, I just need to go to the ladies for a moment.
*leaves for the ladies loo, pausing only to arrange upturned Polish lancers as a caltrop like trap for any who dare follow*
the lady's what?
Quote from: get2grips on 31 January 2014, 08:48:45 PM
the lady's what?
Loo - it's down in Cornwall, I think.
There's a thought that should be buried.
Could someone please remove this Polish lancer from my foot?
Quote from: fsn on 02 February 2014, 08:44:54 PM
Could someone please remove this Polish lancer from my foot?
Quick...someone help FSN...Mr Sheen's attacking him with a spear :D
But it is a very nice and shiny spear.
It's making me limp!
X_X X_X X_X
Quote from: Hertsblue on 03 February 2014, 11:13:07 AM
Viagra, maybe?
Dear Lord NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :o
FSN's pills are controlled by a very strict regime; any adjustment, however small, coud upset the tenuous grip he currently has on sanity. :D
Ooooh! I now fancy some Salt and Viagra crisps! With the little blue packet.
Cheesy bunion?
747?
Assault and viagra?
Hardcore and prawn?
No, that's the totty thread!
The blue crisps Hertsblue gave me don't half taste funny.
Is that discarded stripper still in the skip?
*notices grenado fizzing on floor from "the Musketeers" thread*
If you'll excuse me Gentlemen, I've got an award winning army to paint!
*Langudly picks up grenade, drops it in FSN's half finished pint of grenadine*
Litter bug!
Oooh! A flaming cocktail! With a very large black olive in it!
Quote from: fsn on 03 February 2014, 09:58:18 PM
Is that discarded stripper still in the skip?
I refer my learned friend to my previous answer... ;)
QuoteYou lot can carry on with your kangaroo's testicles.
I'm off to un-discard the stripper <)
I really luvv you lot youu know except you *points in a random direction*'cos you paint gooder than me. Hurry up with that skip! I'm tired. Did I tell you that I luvv you all? Don't get out much, see? *Burp*
Anyway, I readed somewhee that British soldiers. British soldiers right? British soldiers used to fake heart disease. That's like a dickie ticker *thumps chest to illustrate 'dickie ticker' and beging coughing. Takes another swig of grenadine and grenado.* Right, so BRITISH soldiers right, used to ... now I'm not saying they do this now, 'cos they *eyes fill with tears, throat catches with emotion* they ... are .. the best people, and we all ought to get down on our knees and pray for them every day. I do ... and I don't even believ in godd *winks knowingly*.
Has he not finished with that skip yyet? I heard the stripper laughing - you know the laugh? The wee willie winkie laugh? No. Neither do I, but I heard it anyway. *Burp, slightly solid. Slow chewing for a moment. Takes another swig.* Oh poo! The little candle thing's gone out.
Anyway, right, British soldiers used to fake heart disesases by sticking tobaccoo up their bum. Up ... their .. bum. Right? Could you belif it? Tobaccoo up the bum. Must have been hell to light *laughs uproariously*. Anyway, right. What I want to know is, right, look at me, look at me, right, 'cos I'm being serious.
Did I tell you I lov you all? Did I? *tears up again* 'cos without you, I've got nothing. Cept some lovely, lovely Centurions. You're all all right. All right. Anyway, what I wanted to know is who first found out that sticking tobacco up your bum mimics a heart condition?
*Finished drink with a flourish and passes out*
Credits roll...
"Where everybody knows your na-aaame...."
Quote from: fsn on 04 February 2014, 07:46:25 AM
I really luvv you lot youu know except you *points in a random direction*'cos you paint gooder than me. Hurry up with that skip! I'm tired. Did I tell you that I luvv you all? Don't get out much, see? *Burp*
Anyway, I readed somewhee that British soldiers. British soldiers right? British soldiers used to fake heart disease. That's like a dickie ticker *thumps chest to illustrate 'dickie ticker' and beging coughing. Takes another swig of grenadine and grenado.* Right, so BRITISH soldiers right, used to ... now I'm not saying they do this now, 'cos they *eyes fill with tears, throat catches with emotion* they ... are .. the best people, and we all ought to get down on our knees and pray for them every day. I do ... and I don't even believ in godd *winks knowingly*.
Has he not finished with that skip yyet? I heard the stripper laughing - you know the laugh? The wee willie winkie laugh? No. Neither do I, but I heard it anyway. *Burp, slightly solid. Slow chewing for a moment. Takes another swig.* Oh poo! The little candle thing's gone out.
Anyway, right, British soldiers used to fake heart disesases by sticking tobaccoo up their bum. Up ... their .. bum. Right? Could you belif it? Tobaccoo up the bum. Must have been hell to light *laughs uproariously*. Anyway, right. What I want to know is, right, look at me, look at me, right, 'cos I'm being serious.
Did I tell you I lov you all? Did I? *tears up again* 'cos without you, I've got nothing. Cept some lovely, lovely Centurions. You're all all right. All right. Anyway, what I wanted to know is who first found out that sticking tobacco up your bum mimics a heart condition?
*Finished drink with a flourish and passes out*
Bloody Hell...I hate to see what he's like when Mad Lemmey actually puts alcohol in his drink instead of just Raspberry cordial
Quote from: get2grips on 04 February 2014, 08:22:16 AM
Credits roll...
"Where everybody knows your na-aaame...."
Please don't ask for credit, since a sock in the teeth often offends....
Start a slate please, he said producing the 9mm Browning.
IanS
Cocks the sawn-off shotgun under the bar....
Yanks carpet from under Ian, topples shelf on Herts, waves hat in general direction of others, then swngs from chandelier while shouting "SAY, DID NO ONE EVER PLAY THAT OLD YAQUINTO GAME SWASHBUCKLER?!"
And we reckon fsn's doolally! :o :o :o
Well, we're all mad, and I reckon FSN hasn't got ANY allies! 8-}
Quote from: OldenBUA on 04 February 2014, 10:34:15 AM
Well, we're all mad, and I reckon FSN hasn't got ANY allies! 8-}
*From the floor*s'true. Nobody loves me! :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Nobody 'cept the Centruion. Lovely, lovely, Centruion.
*Curls up in a contended ball and falls asleep*
Nother round anyone?
Doors fly open...Grips enters dressed as pirate
Argh me hearties...been watching Black Sails have I and yer all a bunch of lousy landlubbers...
waves cutlass around dangerously
The first man to speak will die at the end of me blade...argh!
Cinzano with a twist please barman :D
Why are you waving about a plastic Zorro sword with a piece of chalk in the end?...Not sure your meant to have a patch on both eyes either
Cinzano it is Col Grips.
Fenton, the usual?
Aye...it is...
And a double wine gum and water for Fenton ;)
Quote from: get2grips on 04 February 2014, 06:28:59 PM
Aye...it is...
And a double wine gum and water for Fenton ;)
you trying to get me drunk?... and STOP drawing Z's on me Grips
Someone tell him z goes the other way round...
:o
Turns Fenton upside down...
There...is that better?
Quote from: get2grips on 04 February 2014, 06:41:47 PM
Turns Fenton upside down...
There...is that better?
looks up I can see right up your nose!...Why have you got a 10mm master stuck up your nose?...Oh wait its not...Well maybe...its green anyway
Did someone mention pirates?
Quote from: Fenton on 04 February 2014, 06:55:16 PM
looks up I can see right up your nose!...Why have you got a 10mm master stuck up your nose?...Oh wait its not...Well maybe...its green anyway
Phil, Phil...Fenton's found your Tinkerbell sculpt :D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: get2grips on 04 February 2014, 10:41:54 PM
Phil, Phil...Fenton's found your Tinkerbell sculpt :D
Watch out if he sneezes - that stuff's like buckshot!
The wings on the model should slow her down enough.
I don't think she'll pierce flesh. :-\
Quote from: Techno on 05 February 2014, 10:34:43 AM
The wings on the model should slow her down enough.
I don't think she'll pierce flesh. :-\
I can't believe you didn't question the concept that your sculpts look like the contents of my nostrils :D
Quote from: get2grips on 05 February 2014, 10:36:30 AM
I can't believe you didn't question the concept that your sculpts look like the contents of my nostrils :D
Well I am sure it used to be a beautiful model but after a couple of weeks in your nostril and your finger rummaging about up there, it probably looks a right mess now
I reckon that in 10mm she'd be less than 1mm tall. Calculate the muzzle velocity achieved by one of Grips's sneezes and then duck. :D
Ah...
Ah...Ah...Ah...Ah...Wait for it...
CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!Oh, there she is. Great work Phil: you have to remind yourself she's in 10mm don't you :D
You just HAD to go and paint her, didn't you Gareth !
That'll all have to be removed before she goes in the mould !
Why do I bother !! ;)
Quote from: Techno on 05 February 2014, 12:39:15 PM
You just HAD to go and paint her, didn't you Gareth !
That'll all have to be removed before she goes in the mould !
Why do I bother !! ;)
Anyone know why Phil bothers?...anyone?...
tumbleweed rolls gently past :D
Opens Black Book at Gareth's page....Notices that it's almost full already ;) :P
Quote from: Techno on 05 February 2014, 02:48:27 PM
Opens Black Book at Gareth's page....Notices that it's almost full already ;) :P
;D ;D ;D
I'ts my attempt to influence the judges in the painting comp...how am i doing? :D :O) 8-} <:-P m/ m/ m/
Quick, catch that tumbleweed, its my bed from the back office!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 05 February 2014, 04:58:41 PM
Quick, catch that tumbleweed, its my bed from the back office!
Lemmey is beginning to sound like Oliver Twist.
He can only use the table to paint when everyone's in bed and sleeps in the back office :(
FSN...grab your quill.
Your new Panto:
LemmerellaThe story of a young (snigger) boy's struggle against his evil step mother: Leona ;D (proud of that one). :D
Along the way, he is helped by the Mad Pratter (FSN) :D and the noble, handsome
and modest Colonel Grips. :-[
FSN...over to you...
Quote from: get2grips on 05 February 2014, 02:54:14 PM
I'ts my attempt to influence the judges in the painting comp...how am i doing? :D :O) 8-} <:-P m/ m/ m/
Oh....Pretty well so far, I reckon Gareth.....If it's the same system as last year, I won't be given the opportunity to give anyone
'minus' points.....(Curses !!). ;) :P ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
Pours several pints of PVA glue
The drinks are on me ;)
Pours a couple of pints on get2grips
Yup, the drinks are on him :P
I'll stick to the cheap shorts he said, opening a poundland superglue.
IanS :D
*Wakes up under the barmaid*
So whats happening chaps? Who's up for buying me a pint of cocoa?
*finds he's been sleeping on an assegai and carelessly throws it in the general direction of the dartboard*
<buys fsn a pint of cocaine, as requested>
OW!
removes spear from head
Oh it's you FSN
hastily stirs pot of brown ink into pint of pva glue
Here's your cocoa ;)
Cheers Ithoriel!
Bottoms up Grips!
*downs both drinks in one. Goes back to sleep under the barmaid*
*Polishes glasses, arrows, bullets, swords, chainmail, assagi*
Oh, this pin has fallen out of this grenade, what shall I do with it?
CATCH!
Who's is this pin?
Why has Lemmey got a grenade in his mouth?
Thumps Lemmy
THERE
[thump]
IS
[thump]
NO
[thump]
SUCH
[thump]
THING
[thump]
AS
[thump]
CHAINMAIL.
[thump][thump][thump]
The word [thump] is MAIL [thump]
GOT IT?
[thump][thump][thump]
Quote from: Last Hussar on 09 February 2014, 12:04:12 PM
Thumps Lemmy
THERE
[thump]
IS
[thump]
NO
[thump]
SUCH
[thump]
THING
[thump]
AS
[thump]
CHAINMAIL.
[thump][thump][thump]
The word [thump] is MAIL [thump]
GOT IT?
[thump][thump][thump]
IF I WANT TO CALL IT CHAIN MAIL I9 WILLSo there >:( >:( >:( :d
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I think he's still conscious....better give him one more. For luck.
Call a para medic, last Hussar just broke his fist on my CHAIN Mail.
IanS
Of course there's such a thing as chain mail. You get it through the post and then send it on to people.
There's also chain male - invented by Prince Albert.
Now. Any chance of a breakfast? My mouth tastes gummy.
Banging headache here, feel like a badger has taken up residence. Just this weird thumping sound...
Last Hussar, your chainmail is clean now, where do you want it?
[Throws salt water on Lemmey's Mail - and ALL other metallic bits]
Those bits are titanium, it won't corrode! ;)
Well, they are anium. What's inside is the rest of it.
[Passes aloe vera to Lemmey for the burn]
Quote from: fsn on 09 February 2014, 12:26:02 PM
Of course there's such a thing as chain mail. You get it through the post and then send it on to people.
There's also chain male - invented by Prince Albert.
Now. Any chance of a breakfast? My mouth tastes gummy.
Chain mail is tautology. Mail is interlocking rings by definition. Rings sewn onto leather is "proof". :-B
No, you would hit a man with glasses, would you?
I suggest you type chainmail into google and see what pops up in the advert box.
Certainy made me believe in its existance :D
Will you lot stop thumping around....You're jogging the table while I'm trying to work !
Quote from: Techno on 10 February 2014, 12:54:39 PM
Will you lot stop thumping around....You're jogging the table while I'm trying to work !
Seriously guys...let him work in peace.
Did you see the mess he made of the Mongols??? ;D :P :) ;)
Phil, you know I'm joking right?
Black book......AGAIN !! ;) ;D
Cheers - Phil
Does Ker-Plunk count as working?
Quote from: fsn on 10 February 2014, 04:09:19 PM
Does Ker-Plunk count as working?
No - but in your case it's a therapy.
IanS
But that's only after you've finished your basket weaving...
Had a great weekend using booby traps with my army, so I've hidden five around the bar for you to all find, good luck.
And no, that wire isn't one, that's the security tripwire around Phil's sculpting table!
Ith thith puffer fith one oth your booby thraps Lemmey?
Ith painthed tarthtan so I thought it wath bagpipeth.
*Collapses under the barmaid with the puffer fish still in his armpit*
Ker-plunk has those sharp sticks - are we sure we should let FSN play?
I wondered where I put that, come on Tiddles, back to your tank.
No FSN, that wasn't one, try again! :P
Ooooh! That's a nice Centurion. Must be one of the painting competition entries.
*Lifts Centurion. Hears ominous rumble. Disturbed to see large round boulder bearing down on him.*
Lemmmmmeeeeyyyy?!
*squelch*
Quote from: mad lemmey on 10 February 2014, 05:36:33 PM
And no, that wire isn't one, that's the security tripwire around Phil's sculpting table!
Ta for doing that, Will. :)
I've wired it up to the electric fence generator as well now.
squelch
Ooh jam...anyone got any toast?
My lords, ladies and gentlemen. The Queen!
*Passes out*
Quote from: fsn on 10 February 2014, 08:23:58 PM
My lords, ladies and gentlemen. The Queen!
Where?
Nope, not that one either, that's the ice dispenser for Ithorial's small G&T at breakfast time.
Toast, who orderes toast?
Sorry, my mistake. It was Dave in his show outfit.
Quote from: fsn on 10 February 2014, 08:40:28 PM
Sorry, my mistake. It was Dave in his show outfit.
=O =O =O
About the same age :D
waiting for the parcels to arrive with the bunting and paper hats and party poppers to arrive
Why? Is it your birthday? Will there be jelly and ice cream? And fizzy pop?
No next month is my 4 year anniversary at the forum...just getting ready early...Have to order more jelly and ice cream now you come to mention it
Quote from: Fenton on 17 February 2014, 12:18:11 PM
waiting for the parcels to arrive with the bunting and paper hats and party poppers to arrive
???????????
Three gross vodka sunrise jellies, with brandy doaked fruit embedded; check. Half a pot of economy vanilla ice cream, check! You want a flake with that luv?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 17 February 2014, 06:05:49 PM
You want a flake with that luv?
No, but I'll have some nuts...you and FSN should fit the bill :D
I'm crushed.
No...just crackers
Salted? Dry roasted? 3/8 Whitworth?
That's a lot to shell out for
Evening all. I've brought this parrot in to cheer the place up.
It says ever such a lot. Go on Tarquin, say "Targuin requests some hummus"!
He's a bit quiet. Probably 'cos it a new environment for him. He'll perk up in a mo'.
Go on. "Pass the starfruit." Go on, Targuin!
Barperson! Servitor! Bring me some real ale. That imaginary ale you sold me last night was very expensive and I had a terrible hangover this morning.
"Tarquin is in need of refreshment!" Go on, you silly old bird!
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a birdMoses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."
;D ;D ;D
Like that a lot ;)
*Pours pint of real peanuts in shells for Tarquin, smashes bottle of Riggwelter into FSN's ten gallon trough.*
Could you add a spot of lemonade?
Make sure it IS lemonade fsn......
There are an awful lot of emptied car batteries down in the cellar. ;)
Lemonade top here you are.
Think that's Leonanddave looking for lead since all the church roofs in the North East have already been stolen and shipped to Nottingham! ;)
Quote from: Techno on 18 February 2014, 08:37:46 PM
There are an awful lot of emptied car batteries down in the cellar. ;)
No there aren't...apparently Nik was going use the acid to shift all the PVA off his minis...
Quote from: get2grips on 18 February 2014, 09:08:41 PM
No there aren't...apparently Nik was going use the acid to shift all the PVA off his minis...
Didn't need fecking
anything to shift that rubbish ;)
Garcon - some vino collapso tonight, methinks :D
Si Baroni!
Chateau Collapso '73?
Hits like a falling brick!
Tres bien.
Uno mas, por favor...
Ciao, baby... 8) ;D :D ;D 8)
Bloody foreigners - throw em out....
IanS
Did you hear that? I'm sure Tarquin said "Bloody Foreigners"!
A pint of lemonade with a splash of ale for Mr Rs54!
Fresh out of lemonade, hold on...
*Grabs a passing lemming, squeezes.*
Yup, all out.
How about this CherryB from 1986? It has fruit in it so can't be alcoholic! :)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!
<holds up small furry corpse>
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO NICK THE LEMMING!!! You .......
<punches mad lemmey on the nose>
Catch that liquid spurting from the barman's nose!
It's Lemmey-nade!
Could someone direct me to the cloakroom?
OUT
IanS
Quote from: fsn on 19 February 2014, 12:30:02 PM
Catch that liquid spurting from the barman's nose!
It's Lemmey-nade!
Could someone direct me to the cloakroom?
Allow me to direct you with the end of my boot
Yes, we'll send your coat on to you.
Dank dou gents, dy rhinodasty is booded for dext weeb afper dat!
I'll do it, Will......I've got some micro surgical blades...(And they're sterile - ish)..Won't charge you much ! ;)
Mind you.....The bolster could do with a bit of a clean.....And I wouldn't say my needlework is 'top of the shop'. ;D ;D :P
Dat sounds gread, do you dake credid dards?
Perhaps I could help? I have an example of my needlework here - it's a bunch of peonies. :-[
A BUNCH???
Oh, peonies...I thought you said pe...
Never mind >:(
Nah, they're just Mexican peasants. ;)
At what point did he say Miguel?
Me gal and I have split up. I just need someone to blame. >:(
Really? That's awful.
Hope everything's OK.
Barman! Barman! BARMAN!
Put down that flaming torch, give the pitchfork to that deformed dwarf in the corner. Good evening deformed creature. How very ugly you are. What do you mean - mirror?
I'll have a Harwood please. You've not heard of it? It's, now let me get this right, Klear with water and Ink. No ice, but do you think a slice of lime would be presumptuous?
No, no, no...everyone knows a Harwood is taken with two ice cubes: enough to cool the drink, but not dilute it.
Barman - kindly hurl a Depth Charge at fsn... :d
Barman - I'm sure Mr Harwood meant a cocktail of beer and vodka - please put down that torpex filled cannister!
Owwww! But it's started ticking!
It's all right. It won't go off until it has fifty feet of water over it. Chuck it down the loo....
Gimme a 'Lemmey'.
A bit alcoholic
Quote from: Last Hussar on 25 February 2014, 02:17:49 PM
Gimme a 'Lemmey'.
A bit alcoholic
I'll have an FSN; it's like a Lemmey but more complicated and with added nuts :D
Gimme a 'Leon' - Comes back to haunt you at 2 in the morning.
I'll have a 'Forum' please A little bit of everything in the glass, wait 2 hours and see what crap comes out the other end
Pint of petrol, I'll syphon it from that large green thing rumbling in't corner.
IanS
Quote from: Fenton on 25 February 2014, 03:08:10 PM
I'll have a 'Forum' please A little bit of everything in the glass, wait 2 hours and see what crap comes out the other end
=O =O =O
Quote from: Fenton on 25 February 2014, 03:08:10 PM
I'll have a 'Forum' please A little bit of everything in the glass, wait 2 hours and see what crap comes out the other end
I don't think you have to wait two hours, Steve.
A lot of the time it seems to work MUCH faster than that. ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Fenton on 25 February 2014, 03:08:10 PM
I'll have a 'Forum' please A little bit of everything in the glass, wait 2 hours and see what crap comes out the other end
;D ;D
I'll just have a Dave, rarely seen but occasionally works well!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 25 February 2014, 07:03:01 PM
I'll just have a Dave, rarely seen but occasionally works well!
;D
I was thinking of having a 'Techno' but I reckon its just green chartreuse, and when I get it I just seem to push it round the bottom of the glass with the funny shaped straw
Lets see who this fits:
Blue Bols and Lemonade!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 25 February 2014, 07:21:44 PM
Lets see who this fits:
Blue Bols and Lemonade!
We have a forum member called Electric Lemonade??
I'll have a double double vodka, doubled.
One last hussar before I pass out.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
We're big tough, manly ('scuse Marie) wargamers. We know our knobkerries from our assegais and can spot a badly painted waffenfarbe at 10 paces. (Used to be 30, but me eyes have gone a bit.) We cheerfully attack Alexander and all his Companions with a handful of scythed chariots; we stand solidly in square against oncoming Cuirassier; we hurl (at a rather sedate pace) our Matildas against a line of 88mm guns with our heads sticking out the turret, a silk scarf blowing in the wind and a merry quip on our lips.
We are the glace cherries in the Pendraken fruit cocktail; the wildebeest in the Pendraken Safari Park; the black crisp in the Pendraken ready salted. With acrylic or enamel; PVA or epoxy; green stuff or Plasticine we are the War-gamers who command thousands; historians who know the bore of a Brown Bess; modellers who risk permanent eye strain and an eerie faraway stare (see photos of Techno) to gather together a collection of metal figures that honours the fighting man of old.
We are the Pendraken Forum.
NONE of us drink Blue Bols.
Bet you a Mats bar someone does...
why do we have to know about FSN's Knob?
In that case I resign.
I can stand the company of those who wargame the League of Bloody Ausberg; I can patronise Fantasy gamers and I have myself dabbled in other scales (but I didn't inhale). I can admit that some tattoos can be mildly attractive; admit that Aztecs may not be for me, but they're fine if you want, and hold reasonable discourse with a man who thinks an MG42 is better than a Vickers gun (in fact he's right). I can sympathise with lager drinkers, have a friendly conversation with those who think that Bourbon is a drink and not metal polish, and I can even restrain myself from muttering insults at wine buffs.
But I draw the line at Blue Bols!
Next thing is there will be, and I'm sorry that I have to say this, but nipples in the Top Totty thread, people will ask sensible questions and the thread will not degenerate within two pages, and people will be nice to me.
This is the thin edge of the wedge!
Quote from: fsn on 25 February 2014, 08:21:50 PM
Next thing is...people will be nice to me.
Never happen.
Bar-steward, knock the top off that blue stuff over there, will you? :d
Hi everyone...what did I miss?
Pint of Blue Bols please :D
;D
Quote from: nikharwood on 25 February 2014, 08:45:07 PM
Never happen.
Bar-steward, knock the top off that blue stuff over there, will you? :d
Um, I have to agree with FSN about the Blue Bols.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...
<looks up groggily>
Sorry ... wha? ... who's got blue balls?
Mad Lemmeys CENSORED
Quote from: Ithoriel on 25 February 2014, 11:48:15 PM
<looks up groggily>
Sorry ... wha? ... who's got blue balls?
Pappa Smurf.
Who on Earth is 'Rappa Smurf' ?
One of these alternative (so called) musicians I've never heard of.
Oh sorry.....You're sadly right fsn.....My eyes haven't started focusing properly yet.
Cheers - @-)
Blue Bols! Are you mad? That's bloody paraffin - put that fag out!
Eh...what? :-/
Whilst lighting huge Havanna cigar
Oh great. X_X
Time to redecorate the bar again.
Where's the niff of something roasting coming from ?
It's your eyebrows!
WAS his eyebrows :D
I know what THAT smells like.....Trust me.
Cheers - Techno the Human Fireball.
Quote from: Techno on 26 February 2014, 02:09:00 PM
Cheers - Techno the Human Fireball.
SEE, I told you, he has got a talent. :D
Bad one for a Welshman, don't they spend most of their time underground hacking coal, and singing load and FLAT.
ianS ;)
After the afternoon I've had, where I've had to break up a real fight at my new school you lot had better be coconstructive with your damage tonight! :d
Btw, no one has found my bbooby-traps yet...
must've been a bad day, you've developed a stutter. I'm sure there's a drink for that..
Quote from: mad lemmey on 26 February 2014, 05:26:28 PM
Btw, no one has found my bbooby-traps yet...
Thats cos no one has taken up your offer of wearing the 'lucky' road runner costume yet
Ummm. I tried flouncing out last night after the Blue Bols fiasco, but seem to have been caught up on this giant spider's web. So, sorry to disturb everyone, but a) is this one of your traps, Lemmey? and b) does anyone have a really big rolled up newspaper?
This bar is turning into the Haunted House board game
Yup, that's one FSN...
Fenton, just step on that dartboard on the floor to your left, and kindly ignore that anvil above you! ;)
steps on dartboard
I'm going to get a custard pie in the face aren't I?
What does "Shelob" mean?
I think I need a really, really big newspaper.
Or a shoe?
Anyone?
Please?
Fenton: Yup!
(http://s214.photobucket.com/user/madlemmey/media/Hungarians%202014/cfad8ddc-0cb0-4ce4-a687-99621b1b473c_zps3a960df0.jpg.html)
Quote from: fsn on 26 February 2014, 06:54:19 PM
What does "Shelob" mean?
It means NASHTY LITTUL PRESHUSH....
Boob Trap?
http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/811846 (http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/811846)
Cor!..I thought you just ordered what you want from the ACME catalogue
Quote from: fsn on 26 February 2014, 06:54:19 PM
What does "Shelob" mean?
Literally - toss me that woman....
Women make you a tosser?
I spend the night stuck on that web, hardly got any sleep. Thanks for you help chaps. :P Fortunately I was cut free by a peanut doing near light speed.
What do you think this lump on my arm is? It feels itchy and it's a bit red.
From here it looks like an 'OH DARK LORD GRANT US AZTECS' tattoo
What is moving under the skin?
That's how they spawn the figures, always wondered!
Thought that peanut might have decelerated by now, wonder how well the pork scratchings are doing in the gamma wave generator glass washer?
Who ordered the Bailey's and creme d'menthe shandy?
Quote from: fsn on 27 February 2014, 08:11:34 PM
I spend the night stuck on that web, hardly got any sleep.
Did you really spend the WHOLE night drooling over the Pendraken website?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 27 February 2014, 08:53:44 PM
Who ordered the Bailey's and creme d'menthe shandy?
Actually mine was a Bailey's and Absinthe shandy, sorry must be my Scottish accent.
That clears that up, I'll just pop this in the centrifuge and then add the absenthe.
What a waste...
Of lemonade!
Quote from: Fenton on 27 February 2014, 09:15:49 PM
Did you really spend the WHOLE night drooling over the Pendraken website?
Yup. I think that's what's caused the rash.
Well, for a Friday night, itsh a bit bloody fecking quiet in here...
Time to break out the meths?
Most people drink it round here rather than trying to break it Nik!
Pass the bitters, I fancy a pink gin!
Will...will you stop with the girly-drinks FFS?!??!
Time to down a couple pints of Blue Bol, methinks.
Fancy a turps chaser? :d
Maybe time for a rainbow:
red wine
Vodka and orange
Yellow chartreuse
Creme dè menthè
Blue Bols
Snakebite and black
Kir royal.
Put it in a pint glass, enjoy.
Sounds good to me. I'll have three :D
Quote from: Fenton on 27 February 2014, 08:30:25 PM
From here it looks like an 'OH DARK LORD GRANT US AZTECS' tattoo
Where can I get one?
Just jump in that web over there fiercekitty, there's a lady you'll be dieing to meet!
Someone catch that da*med cat and throw it out, it's getting nosier than the whines about sill 'ats.
Also - please read the notice at the door -
NO MEZOAMERICANS of FV4000 SERIES VEHICLES ADMITTED.
So FSN - GET THAT TANK OUT
IanS :D
Left hand down a bit... Easy... Easy... Straightenstraight back now... up....
Cor, its difficult enough navigating FSN to the vehicle, let alone letting him drive it! One of you guys can be in charge of getting him out!
He will try to hold himself in it and kick scream and bite when you try to get him out.
Just have that shot of sedative ready.
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 02 March 2014, 11:57:51 AM
Just have that shot of sedative ready.
Don't worry I have the latest 2x4 sedative ready ...recommended by the Uzbekistan Health Authority apparently
Don't worry about him steering, set it in go and leave it, it'll make its own door. Scuse me, just going through to t'back
IanS
s'alright. I can manage.
Where do you want the new door?
Quote from: fsn on 02 March 2014, 12:18:49 PM
Where do you want the new door?
Tempting...very tempting... :D
A sunroof would be nice!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hang on, let's see what elevation I can get ...
No FSN you need the blue pills to get elevation at your age!!!
The light blue or the dark blue? Or the turquoise blue? Or the special blue that tastes of Nottinghamshire?
Quote from: fsn on 04 March 2014, 07:58:24 AM
Or the special blue that tastes of Nottinghamshire?
The fact you can actually construct that sentence is exceptionally worrying :O) 8-} <:-P =P~ :)
And congratulations to Gareth for making the 1,000th reply to this most informative of threads ! ;)
Cheers - Phil
Phil, you never cease to amaze me. You are always the one who spots the little occasions on the uphill trek through life. You weren't a cricket statistician in a previous existence, were you? :D
Quote from: Techno on 04 March 2014, 08:49:01 AM
And congratulations to Gareth for making the 1,000th reply to this most informative of threads ! ;)
Cheers - Phil
I thank you ;)
Also, I think the 1000th reply sums this thread up rather nicely :D
Quote from: Hertsblue on 04 March 2014, 09:04:44 AM
Phil, you never cease to amaze me. You are always the one who spots the little occasions on the uphill trek through life. You weren't a cricket statistician in a previous existence, were you? :D
I just do not know WHY I spot these things ;D ;D ;D ;D.....My eyes must be drawn to zeros.....Though I have spotted we're only 13 members short of hitting another 100 there !
Cheers - Phil.
Friday night, waiting for the rush...
Happy hour was a flop, three blokes nursing a pint of mild each and moaning about their piles/wives/jobs/mistresses/divorce/offshore bank accounts/taxes on their Ferrari...
No, hold on, that was just Top Gear on Dave!
Quote from: Techno on 04 March 2014, 10:04:18 AM
I just do not know WHY I spot these things ;D ;D ;D ;D.....My eyes must be drawn to zeros.....Though I have spotted we're only 13 members short of hitting another 100 there !
Cheers - Phil.
Are you sure its zeros and not round pairs .... 1
00 or is that a different thread ;D
Evening barkeep, you old ... old ... what exactly are you?
It's cold out. Think I might pop into the microwave for a short spin. Have warm towels ready for me in approximately 4 minutes on defrost!
... and a pint of cashews and a packet of your best bitter.
Ping!
Thank you. Oh! The Noddy towels.
Goody.
Who's in tonight? The usual riff-raff and ne'er-do-wells?
I thought we were celebrating Leon's nuptials tonight in the traditional manner? So where are the meerkats and cocktail sausages?
Still waiting for Techno to finish sculpting the Meerkat. Cocktail sausages are behind the lobster bisque and next to the caviar selection. This time try not to put the fois... Erm... goose pate stuff on your baked potato!
Hope there's plenty baked beans with that caviar.
Evenin' all.
Hard, long week - mine's a cyanide :d
With a pasty chaser...
Make mine a vodka...double...RUSSIAN!!!
eyes patrons for potential arguments
Red fanta for Nik, smells strangely of roasted almonds.
Get2grips one 'vodka', not sure about its source, Bulgarian maybe?
Can someone drag FSN out of the beans, it's not fun to pick the dandruff out of the juice!!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 08 March 2014, 01:01:31 AM
Can someone drag FSN out of the beans, it's not fun to pick the dandruff out of the juice!!
Nah, that's a small price to pay for having him happy and quiet. :-bd
Pass me FSN's pint - I need to vomit - BAKED BEANS - yet again
IanS :) :-& :-& :-&
Quote from: ianrs54 on 08 March 2014, 12:10:42 PM
Pass me FSN's pint - I need to vomit - BAKED BEANS - yet again
IanS :) :-& :-& :-&
Here you go...spew in this
hands Ian pint potFSN...your cocktail's ready :D
Oooh! Lovely ... and ... warm.
Oi!
No short measures.
I'm spewing as much as I can......
IanS
To quote Harold Steptoe, "You are revolting...!" :-& :-& :-&
I'm not THAT bad - I have a shower at least ones per month ;)
IanS
Luxury!
This thread just doesn't want to leave page 69. I wonder why.
Innocent Isabelle.
Come,
Come,
Gentlemen,
May
accord
break
out
on
page
70!
How long is a page!?
Quote from: fsn on 09 March 2014, 01:06:41 PM
How long is a page!?
When you're posting: too! :D
Some people on this forum can be quite hurtful.
And me on my 2000th post too!
Barman! A pint of proper British beer for everyone!
Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!
*FSN falls backward off his stool*
Quote from: fsn on 09 March 2014, 10:55:01 PM
And me on my 2000th post too!
Congratulations! An absinthe and Aftershock bomb for that man!
:D
Congrats FSN!
FSN?
FSN?
Oh well, someone get his wallet he's buying real beer! Watch that piano on that bit of bailer twine over there, it's a hair trigger linked to that crossbow!
And someone sober up Ian! We need that glass back.
Cheers lads!
12 hours and 40 minutes and I will have been a member of the forum for 4 years
The most transparent and lucid attempt to inflate one's number of posts that I have ever seen, fsn!
I was just trying to get to page 70. Honest. Didin't even notice how close to 2000 posts I was ... look at that piece of bailer twine there, someone could trip over that ....
Quote from: Fenton on 09 March 2014, 11:26:02 PM
12 hours and 40 minutes and I will have been a member of the forum for 4 years
Oh dear. Never mind, we can't all live useful lives.
Quote from: fsn on 10 March 2014, 08:09:37 AM
Oh dear. Never mind, we can't all live useful lives.
What were you saying about being hurtful? :D
Never mind hurtful! What is he implying about membership of the forum? That's four years of adding to the sum total of human experience, that is! :)
I was only following the visions I had had...Join it and HE will come
Quote from: Fenton on 10 March 2014, 12:31:48 PM
I was only following the visions I had had...Join it and HE will come
Hello!
Hang on ... I'm only 300 posts behind Fenton!
My life is worthless!
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Well if you take out about the year and a half I didnt have internet access for various reasons you seem to be right on schedule
Quote from: Fenton on 10 March 2014, 12:40:26 PM
the year and a half I didnt have internet access
:o :o :o
I would rather gnaw off my own arm :)
In all honesty it doesnt take very long not to miss it..I got a lot more painted thats for sure
Quote from: Fenton on 10 March 2014, 01:07:49 PM
..I got a lot more painted thats for sure
For sure: we recently booted Sky into touch (repeated films, no Prem Rugby etc etc) and my work rate has increased massively :)
I have BT for the internet and Freeview plus some naughty download sites for TV series ...least I get to watch the rugby for free thru it plus the odd football game
No Interwebz.................
My definition of hell.
I remember when it was broke for 2 days, I was like a lost soul, I'll just go and play a bit of WoW, no I wont needs Interwebz, I'll go and buy some figures from that chappy Leon, no I wont needs Interwebz, just about everything that crossed my mind for those 2 days seemed to need internet access. I was ever so glad when it came back on.
Yeah, it's like cocain - you don't miss it 'til you can't get it. :'( :'( :'(
Quote from: Hertsblue on 11 March 2014, 08:15:29 AM
Yeah, it's like cocain - you don't miss it 'til you can't get it. :'( :'( :'(
Anything you want to share... ;)
We're sharing it now. ;)
Quote from: Fenton on 10 March 2014, 01:28:05 PM
plus some naughty download sites for TV series
is that different to download sites for naughty TV series ?
Quiet in here tonight, did The Dark Lord lock the door on the way out?
Hello...
Guys....
Anyone...
Oh well, time to check the optics! Hic!
Lemmey? Lemmey!! That's not an optic ... it's a soap dispenser!
Is it! That's why I keep getting bubbles in my drinks!
Explains why you're foaming at the mouth...now, why is FSN? :-\
Quote from: get2grips on 11 March 2014, 08:31:31 PM
.now, why is FSN? :-\
A very deep question Gareth. :-\ ;)
Cheers - Phil
Because every story has to have one
Oops! Sorry, I hiccuped!
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
The question again, is why ? ;)
Cheers - Phil
I think I mixed up my Tuesday pill with Steradent again.
I thought we'd confiscated your false teeth on health and safety grounds? Our health and safety, that is....
Health and sanity, more like ! ;)
Cheers - Phil
Sanity - Phil you are imagining sunshine !!
ianS
Funnily enough my teeth are real.
The rest of me though ...
fsn could have been a paralympian, on account both his legs are shorter than the other
I had an look and you're right. Neither of them reaches the ground.
They definitely won't if Ithorial doesn't put that chainsaw down!
<laughs>
It's not a chainsaw, it's a dwarven automatic repeating crossbow.
Weird looking thing though, not surprised you couldn't identify it.
Can't work out where the trigger is .... oops!
EVERYBODY DUCK!
Quack?
Somebody need a doctor?
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!
Pull yourself together......
Doc....I think I've got Tom Jones syndrome.
It's not unusual...
Doc, I think I'm invisible...
Next!
Doc, I think I'm a dog...
Off the couch. Bad Boy
Doctor there's a fly in my soup.
How does he smell?
Got that out of our system, have we?
Uses the ancient art of 'ecky-Thump on HertsBlue
Just got back after a 4 hour drive from Scotland. Very sad after leaving my daughter. Need a nightcap before I turn in.
Chaps?
Chaps? Where has everyone gone?
"Oh flower of Scotland, when shallwe see ..."
Wait ... you drove to Scotland and abandoned your daughter?? Isn't it more traditional to wait 'til she goes to Uni and then move house before she comes back for the holidays? :P
So, she's here because ... job? ... uni? ... burning desire to take part in the referendum?
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
That's a profound poem.
She's at uni in Stirling.
Quote from: fsn on 19 March 2014, 12:36:12 AM
That's a profound poem.
From "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran, pretty much sums up my view of parenthood and is one of my favourite pieces of poetry.
Quote from: fsn on 19 March 2014, 12:36:12 AM
She's at uni in Stirling.
My older son went there. Beautiful campus. He really enjoyed it, hope she does too. He went from being shy and quiet to being head of the student radio station and a regular DJ at the weekly student discos (if students have discos these days!). Be warned :)
What year is she in?
Look up This be the verse by Philip Larkin, on the subject of parenthood. It might be censored if I quoted it.
Quote from: FierceKitty on 19 March 2014, 11:38:52 AM
Look up This be the verse by Philip Larkin, on the subject of parenthood. It might be censored if I quoted it.
So cynical and depressing and so far from my experience of childhood and fatherhood.
Quote from: Ithoriel on 19 March 2014, 11:45:38 AM
So cynical and depressing and so far from my experience of childhood and fatherhood.
Agreed. I like both poems for different reasons but the one you posted, Ithoriel is exquisite :)
Quote from: Ithoriel on 19 March 2014, 01:25:48 AM
My older son went there. Beautiful campus. He really enjoyed it, hope she does too. He went from being shy and quiet to being head of the student radio station and a regular DJ at the weekly student discos (if students have discos these days!). Be warned :)
What year is she in?
She was never shy to begin with. Takes after her mother that way. She loves it - but now talks in an odd Scottish/Geordie/Irish accent. I blame her room mates.
Mid way through third year - just another one to go after that.
Poetry? Look at the thread title you bunch of wet blouses.
Have that.
And THAT
And a bit of THAT.
Oooh! Thank you.
Peonies, lilac and rose petals.
How sweet.
Pint of Throat-Ripper?
One listerine and lemonade sir.
Hoi!
Where's the daffodil?
Down in the cellar, fetching some ice.
Watch out for the Polar Bear, he hasn't been fed in a week or two!
Haven't we told you before about keeping carnivores as pets?
Quote from: Hertsblue on 20 March 2014, 08:42:10 AM
Haven't we told you before about keeping carnivores as pets?
I'm sorry, but FSN will
insist on eating meat :D
And what prey is wrong with eating meat.
Is the Polar Bear behind the door marked "BEWARE OF THE LEOPARD" ?
IanS
Quote from: ianrs54 on 20 March 2014, 01:12:33 PM
Is the Polar Bear behind the door marked "BEWARE OF THE LEOPARD" ?
Oh, you spotted that then... :D
Since when have we had a local planning department in amongst the beer barrels ?
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: get2grips on 20 March 2014, 01:22:50 PM
Oh, you spotted that then... :D
Polar Bear behind the door marked leopard?
You Cheetah you
Quote from: Techno on 20 March 2014, 01:44:10 PM
Since when have we had a local planning department in amongst the beer barrels ?
Cheers - Phil
Since, what is now referred to as:
"the incident."The one involving FSN, Fenton, Mad Lemmey and the 5 gallon drum of salad cream
(couldn't spell maonnai...mayonai...maionnay...salad cream it is)
Quote from: get2grips on 20 March 2014, 02:01:01 PM
(couldn't spell maonnai...mayonai...maionnay...salad cream it is)
;D
Quote from: get2grips on 20 March 2014, 02:01:01 PM
Since, what is now referred to as: "the incident."The one involving FSN, Fenton, Mad Lemmey and the 5 gallon drum of salad cream (couldn't spell maonnai...mayonai...maionnay...salad cream it is)
Ohhhhh.....The time when we had to call in the Professional Crime Scene Clean Up team......That memory still makes me shudder.
I'd forgotten that's the reason why fsn walks like John Wayne. :D
I still can't look a jar of Heinz in the face. :(
I'm still in contact with the Clean Up crew. Sent me a lovely Xmas card, and Manuel, you remember Manuel? He's the one who look one look and then curled up in the foetal position, well, he's a lot better and has been moved to a day ward.
Quote from: ianrs54 on 20 March 2014, 01:12:33 PM
And what prey is wrong with eating meat.
IanS
Prey don't usually eat meat. Pray get your homophones correct.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 20 March 2014, 05:56:42 PM
Prey don't usually eat meat. They are the meat.
Pray get your homophones correct.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 20 March 2014, 05:56:42 PM
get your homophones correct.
Fnarr fnarr...he said homophones... :D
Hate to see his homographs then!
Night, Knight Will.
But which witch is which Techno?
*Sharpens chainsaw*
Scuse me, we need more ice, someone ordered a polar bear frappacino.
I think, there was some comments about bear behind and the ice maker being on so cold it would freeze hell.
Those are both 'phones' aren't they ?
(Said he, starting to worry)
If you like, I'll put the dog on the lead and take a walk up to the old lead mine...... (Graph ?)
And anyway....If you chop my fingers off I won't send you pics of the new picts (Oh, come on....that nearly works) tomorrow. :P ;)
AND I WIN THE PRIZE FOR POST NUMBER........111111
Cheers - Phil
Stops chandelier in mid-swing
I was just about to say that!
Well done Phil.
Gosh !
I wonder what I've won !
Maybe the fossilized fruit salad, still in its original wrapping, stuck at the back of Leon's top drawer.
(I can dream, can't I ?) ;)
Cheers - Phil
Actually it's this numeric 1 peeled off next door's wheelie bin. Now you can say "One won! One won one '1' ".
That is so convoluted it could probably bite its own a**e!
why would you win a prize for post number 63..I dont get it..maybe I am being too logical about it though
Quote from: Fenton on 21 March 2014, 09:11:14 AM
why would you win a prize for post number 63..I dont get it..maybe I am being too logical about it though
There are 10 types of people in the world ... and nine of them don't understand binary :P
Quote from: Ithoriel on 21 March 2014, 10:41:54 AM
There are 10 types of people in the world ... and nine of them don't understand binary :P
Either of them: 1+1=10 :D
Very good....
Cheers - Phil
11 cheers for Phil...
Hip hip :D :D :D
1010011010...the number of the beast :d
I always thought it was 29A
Quote from: get2grips on 21 March 2014, 11:17:47 AM
1010011010...the number of the beast :d
29A is the Number of the Beast ... I'm just not sure of the street name ;D
Quote from: Fenton on 21 March 2014, 11:24:37 AM
I always thought it was 29A
Quote from: Ithoriel on 21 March 2014, 11:24:50 AM
29A is the Number of the Beast ... I'm just not sure of the street name ;D
Great minds? Or ....
Quote from: Ithoriel on 21 March 2014, 11:24:50 AM
29A is the Number of the Beast ... I'm just not sure of the street name ;D
Maybe its only the number if you use a hex to summon him
Quote from: Ithoriel on 21 March 2014, 11:25:33 AM
Great minds? Or ....
Er...definitely
or ;D
Someone's going to get really angry in a minute; if the poetry upset them, what the hell is this going to do...
Quote from: Fenton on 21 March 2014, 11:27:08 AM
Maybe its only the number if you use a hex to summon him
=D> =D> =D>
Quote from: Fenton on 21 March 2014, 11:27:08 AM
Maybe its only the number if you use a hex to summon him
If you use Hex to summon him don't you get an "Out of Cheese" error?
Weird... :o
I ws just thinking we'd practically written a page of Pratchett
Who'd have thought in those long lost distant days of 1984, when I emerged from Sheffled Uni blinking into the sun with an honours Degree in Applied Statistics clutched in my deathly white grasp, that now, 30 years later, I'd actually find a use for it deciphering the jokes on a miniature manufacturers forum?
Quote from: fsn on 21 March 2014, 12:55:17 PM
Who'd have thought in those long lost distant days of 1984, when I emerged from Sheffled Uni blinking into the sun with an honours Degree in Applied Statistics clutched in my deathly white grasp, that now, 30 years later, I'd actually find a use for it deciphering the jokes on a miniature manufacturers forum?
10 be or not 10 be;
that is the binary question :D
Ah. That expalins it
Lies
Damn lies
and FSN
My word, there really are putting a hex on this...
Sorry I couldn't get to the bar last night chaps......Wonderful thunderstorm here last night, so I disconnected the PC form the telephone line.
(I'm not paying for another melted Modem).
Cheers - Phil
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang.
That's 92.4% correct.
78% of all statistics are made up - Abraham Lincoln
Quote from: Last Hussar on 23 March 2014, 12:36:41 AM
78% of all statistics are made up - Abraham Lincoln
.. And so are 78% of quotes - Abraham Lincoln, Mark Twain, Winston Churchill
Mollinary
Barman! Barman! Service! In the name of the Dark Lord's Holy Testicles! BARRRRRMANNNN!
Oh! There you are. Didn't see you standing behind that bar. I like the new hairstyle. What colour is that exactly?
A pint of whiskey and a nip of bitter please. I've had a bad day.
Is that a uniform they've introduced or are they your own clothes? Very unusual. Not many can wear a bow tie and chaps and make it work.
Sorry to take so long sir...we've a large party of crafters in the lounge next door...three in particular have been chewing my ear off.
Oops, do mind that elephant sir; blends right in alongside that pink wallpaper. :D
Quote from: get2grips on 29 March 2014, 09:49:55 PM
Oops, do mind that elephant sir; blends right in alongside that pink wallpaper. :D
Why is FSN talking at it and feeding it 10p's? ..No wait... now he seems to have his ear against it ... Ahhhhh Got it...He must be making a trunk call
I think your coat is calling you Fenton.
Quote from: fsn on 29 March 2014, 10:00:11 PM
I think your coat is calling you Fenton.
Why would his coat call him Fenton?
Oh...I see...
Fenton, get mine while you're there. :D
Quote from: get2grips on 29 March 2014, 09:49:55 PM
Sorry to take so long sir...we've a large party of crafters in the lounge next door...three in particular have been chewing my ear off.
Don't let them drink gin! Please don't let them drink gin!
Not another over 60's pole dancing competition! :-&
For the love of Milady's Good Taste Bypass, don't let them drink gin!
FSN, here you go...
Sliiiiiiiide!
Sliiiide!
Erm, these chaps are really chaffing! Can I go back to the barbed wire thong?
I think you're supposed to wear jeans under them?
By the way, you're making the elephant jealous. Kudos!
Cheers mate!
By the way, who ordered the quadruple gin with gin chaser?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 29 March 2014, 10:21:42 PM
Cheers mate!
By the way, who ordered the quadruple gin with gin chaser?
That will be the elephant in the corner. He needs to be drunk to agree to the suggestion FSN just whispered in his ear
I thought we never mentioned the elephant in the room
What elephant?
Is that what I keep walking into.
IanS
THAT Elephant ! I thought it was FSN in a onesie. :P
Quote from: howayman on 30 March 2014, 08:56:42 AM
THAT Elephant ! I thought it was FSN in a onesie. :P
Are you calling him fat??? :D
Ha! You can't see me now!
Quote from: fsn on 29 March 2014, 10:00:11 PM
I think your coat is calling you Fenton.
Screw the whale; save the comma!
Quote from: FierceKitty on 31 March 2014, 04:47:53 AM
Screw the whale; save the comma!
First its necrophilia, now its a whale - You really have nno limits do you FK ! :)
Quote from: FierceKitty on 31 March 2014, 04:47:53 AM
Screw the whale; save the comma!
We've already got to save the Marsh Fritillery where I live.....Don't need
another butterfly to worry about.....Thank you SO much !
Quote from: Techno on 31 March 2014, 08:09:55 AM
We've already got to save the Marsh Fritillery where I live.....Don't need another butterfly to worry about.....Thank you SO much !
Save the elipsis...save the elipsis...save the elipsis...
In threes please Phil.
From my student days, the all purpose protest banner:
"NUKE THE GAY WHALES FOR JESUS!"
How did whales get into the argument? One minute it was camouflaged elephants and then we reached gay whales. And I thought I had a grasshopper mind. :)
;D =O =O ;D
Here you go
http://www.pridepublishing.webspace.virginmedia.com/gaywales/ (http://www.pridepublishing.webspace.virginmedia.com/gaywales/)
Waits for Fiecekitty, whilst laying out evidence the Earth is flat and the Sun goes round the Earth!!!
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flat_Earth_Society
We all knew that, didn't we?
Nah -as far as I can tell the world revolves around my wife .
a) That's sweet
b) Big woman is she?
:P
She wear a very bright orange dress ?
IanS
I'm sure it was a big girl in a red dress just trying to impress us...
I'm Cream Crackered. Driven 500 miles in 2 days for an interview, and now have a blister on my accelerator foot. In need of a clean, fresh brew, and some good conversation .
Bye then!
Only joking.
Bit quiet in here. No-one's fed the giant squid, she's looking a bit listless. That triffid could do with watering too. Bit dark and dingy. Half the lights are out. Did they get Techno to do the electrics? No huge blood pools, so perhaps not.
Hmmm .. whilst noone is here, I'll just pop behind the bar and get myself a free drink ...
BY THE DARK LORD'S SEVERED TESTICLES ... WHAT IS THAT???
Just the jar of pickled eggs, watch out, they've had extra chillis added.
It's just next to the tiger.
<Heaves the ailing cephalapod at fsn and shouts something that sounds like "Here's that six quid I owe you!">
"Some blokes will put anything to ink!"
(The barnacle infested old salt wheezed at his incredulous comrades and took another pull from a frothing mug.)
Oh, that's where the washing up liquid went, great for keeping your washer upper happy.
Send it back to our German Washer upper, yes I know he's busy, but he has an ill hairdressing squid who like musicals at home to look after. He's a bit under the weather so that's why he's not shaved today.
Yes, the kitchen does believe that to have 'Hans-as-soft-as-Gervais, the-mild-green-hairy-lipped-squid'!
Convoluted, yes, but I'll get me COAT!
Convoluted! I've seen fewer knots in a fisherman's net!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 15 May 2014, 06:32:25 AM
Oh, that's where the washing up liquid went, great for keeping your washer upper happy.
Send it back to our German Washer upper, yes I know he's busy, but he has an ill hairdressing squid who like musicals at home to look after. He's a bit under the weather so that's why he's not shaved today.
Yes, the kitchen does believe that to have 'Hans-as-soft-as-Gervais, the-mild-green-hairy-lipped-squid'!
;D ;D ;D
I think we have a winner in our "Biggest Groan of the Year" award. =D> =D>
Didn't get the job by the way. :(
Sorry mate, on both counts.
Quote from: fsn on 15 May 2014, 05:00:56 PM
Didn't get the job by the way. :(
Sorry to hear that, as well, fsn ! :(
Cheers - Phil
Thanks chaps. It was a long shot, but worth taking.
Anyway, drinks are on Lemmey, being as it's his birthday! Happy birthday!
I'll have a pint of cheese and onion bitter please.
Eh...
My bathday was in October...
:-\
Well, better late than never! Mine's a half of Drambuie custard and a packet of jelly babies please.
:D
Quote from: mad lemmey on 15 May 2014, 11:01:43 PM
Eh...
My bathday was in October...
:-\
I take it you have a shower from time to time?
Quote from: fsn on 15 May 2014, 05:00:56 PM
Didn't get the job by the way. :(
Bad luck - but don't let it stop you trying again. :-bd
Bank holiday weekend! Drinks are on Hertsblue 'cos of his promotion.
I'll have a pint of proper beer and a Bourbon biscuit in a saucer.
Barman! Put that death mask of Jean Paul Sartre back on the shelf - it doesn't suit you - and tend to your custom! Please serve the Boers first, I'm sure they'll have a laager. Those rummy players are looking for gin, and for that divorced fellow at the back - bitter. That chap with Aladdin, I think he's also a djinn, and those lost sailors will be grateful for a port. Those campaigners for citrus growers want lemonade, and Eric Pickles is stout.
Are you still serving food? I think that young lady over there wants a marinaded chicken dish. Well she said she wanted a pecker in cider.
Where's my Bourbon? That's a bloomin' custard cream! What do you think I am? Common?
At this point, a big hook from the wings pulls fsn into oblivion, and there is much rejoicing.
I'll have a bourbon over ice ... I like my biscuits chilled!
<wonders what the Miller's son has to be so happy about>
<drags fsn away from the PC> "Oblivion is so old hat, really ... try Skyrim ... much better."
Oi! Who had the last Custard Cream! :(
*Breaks open pack of Wagon Wheels*
Sure these were bigger...
Quote from: fsn on 23 May 2014, 10:37:08 PM
Bank holiday weekend! Drinks are on Hertsblue 'cos of his promotion.
A small Dubonnet shandy and fifty straws, please barman!
These peanuts are getting stale...
Just off to change the barrel, brb!
The dust in here's disgusting......Who was supposed to do the cleaning last ?.....And just LOOK at the sodding cobwebs !
OK....All the white metal dust on the floor is down to me......I'll sort that out now !
Does the Dyson still work, Will ?
Quote from: Techno on 17 July 2014, 10:21:22 AM
Does the Dyson still work, Will ?
No Phil, but according to Ray, the lady in the corner waiting for the chicken, can do a really good impression of one for a tenner
Is she waiting for this cowardly fellow that's just come in?
By the way, I've been waiting two months for my pint of Milk of Magnesia and buttercup syrup. Where did you go to change that barrel?
Ulanbaator. Thought you said milk a mongol geeza!!
... and yet you managed to get a pint. Well done, though I think it's gone off.
Could I have a pint of bitter instead please?
I see the décor has changed again. Have you gone retro, or has someone stolen the carpets?
No, the previous tenant was a Scotsman. He took the wallpaper too....
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 17 July 2014, 10:42:26 AM
No Phil, but according to Ray, the lady in the corner waiting for the chicken, can do a really good impression of one for a tenner
:o ....You can't take him anywhere, can you ?
You can take me anywhere - so long as you don't embarrass easily....
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 17 July 2014, 10:42:26 AM
No Phil, but according to Ray, the lady in the corner waiting for the chicken, can do a really good impression of one for a tenner
It's of no interest to me. I'm a baritone.
AAAARGH !!!! X_X X_X X_X
Cheers - Phil
Some ask something in Welsh........
IanS
A allaf gael gynhalydd safonol ar gyfer fy Pictiaid eto?
Yep thought it were, un-intelligible from the back of the throat.
IanS :D
Quote from: mad lemmey on 18 July 2014, 02:51:25 PM
A allaf gael gynhalydd safonol ar gyfer fy Pictiaid eto?
Dim gael cwrw fel yr holl gweddill
Quote from: mad lemmey on 18 July 2014, 02:51:25 PM
A allaf gael gynhalydd safonol ar gyfer fy Pictiaid eto?
I think you've dropped something on your keyboard.
Quote from: Techno on 18 July 2014, 08:32:04 AM
:o ....You can't take him anywhere, can you ?
Perhaps not, - But you can take the "lady" in the corner anywhere you like - They don't call her the "Martini girl" for nothing. :d
Quote from: mad lemmey on 18 July 2014, 02:51:25 PM
A allaf gael gynhalydd safonol ar gyfer fy Pictiaid eto?
Can I have a carer for my Picts ?.....I thought I was doing a standard bearer next. :-\
Quote from: Sandinista on 18 July 2014, 04:34:49 PM
Dim gael cwrw fel yr holl gweddill
No beer available at all.....something.
Was it one of the 'Andys' that was really good at Welsh ?
Don't look to me for translations. ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 18 July 2014, 07:58:16 PM
Perhaps not, - But you can take the "lady" in the corner anywhere you like - They don't call her the "Martini girl" for nothing. :d
Mark !!......That's showing you age, remembering
that advert. ;)
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 18 July 2014, 08:03:33 PM
Mark !!......That's showing you age, remembering that advert. ;)
Cheers - Phil
I was very, very young when I saw that- Honest.
Too hot for beer tonight, I'm hiding in the ice bucket!
Quote from: Techno on 18 July 2014, 08:03:33 PM
Mark !!......That's showing you age, remembering that advert. ;)
THAT advert? What "only right ones drink Martini!"
Throw the ice out - there's a foreign body in it.
IanS
I'm English, here's my passport! :o
Then how come it's in Welsh?
Foreign as in not supposed to be there, nationality irrelevant.
IanS
It's too hot. I fancy a slush-puppy.
First, I'll just pop this ice into a blender ...
OK fsn, I'll go get a puppy for you.
Excellent! But not a Dachshund. They taste of badger.
Schnauzer!
Quote from: fsn on 19 July 2014, 10:24:36 AM
Excellent! But not a Dachshund. They taste of badger.
badger ??? Mind you doubt you could taste anything, given the poisonous atmosphere in Runcorn.
IanS
Hey, drinks are on me! I even brought some Bierwurst!
Danka!
It's so moist and sticky here even the humidity thinks it's warm!
Oh NO NO NO - the sausage is spreading. Feed it to that small dog...
IanS
Time for ice cold cider, who wants one?
Yes please - with ice, lemon, cherry and umbrella please.
IanS
Ice in cider - ugh, blasphemy! :-&
Hmmm... never been in here before... Wonder what kind of bar this is.
Ah well; let's have a cold one and see what happens..
'Bartender!'
One liquid nitrogen and dry ice smoothy coming up!
Watch out for those peanuts...
Phewww; I think I popped a filling there... that's a mean cold drink you serve sir!
And thanks for the warning on the peanuts; I'll try to stay clear!
So how's bussiness here?
It'll pick up when the decorating's finally finished.
Pint of Absinthe, please Will.
Do you want the usual dead lizard in that Techno?
Oi! Ithorial! Put that claymore down...
It says point THAT way at the enemy!
Yeah, already though the place looked a bit run down... You think they'll attract a better class of people after the redecorating?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 14 August 2014, 11:31:26 AM
Do you want the usual dead lizard in that Techno?
Is it fresh, Will ?
Quote from: Ace of Spades on 14 August 2014, 11:33:11 AM
Yeah, already though the place looked a bit run down... You think they'll attract a better class of people after the redecorating?
Still needs a
lot more done, to my mind, Rob......And it'd be nice if those that promised to help with the tasks, actually turn up to.....soon !
Tie the brushes on the horses and dogs tails.....
IanS
Well, what do you expect of people coming to a bar to help out; it'll work for about an hour and then the alcohol starts flowing and before you know everything done today and yesterday has to be done again... better keep 'em out untill they've paid their bills!
Yeah,
You want that Pangalacticgargleblaster on your tab then Ace?
(That's the national debt of Bolivia then)
Sure, put it on the tab if you want to; 'paper is patient' as a translated old Dutch proverb says! :P
This lizard looks 'off'.
You mean it's run off, sorry, must have been a live one! :-\
Have a peanut!
If you can catch it... It should have slowed down by now.
Pass the roller, I need to finish painting this wall, are you sure this is ultra violet paint FSN, its usually just ultraviolent in here! ;)
He can't hear you, Will......He's listening to his iPod, while he's painting the Gents.
Are you sure we agreed on 'Vomit Green' in there ?
Vomit Green?
I prefer Blood Red!
<punches fsn on the nose>
There, that's better!
He's not listening to George Michael in the gents is he...? :(
Quote from: Techno on 14 August 2014, 02:20:37 PM
Are you sure we agreed on 'Vomit Green' in there ?
Least you wont be constantly having to clean the walls if you paint it green
Quote from: Ace of Spades on 14 August 2014, 02:28:42 PM
He's not listening to George Michael in the gents is he...? :(
No....He seems to be sleeping on the floor at the moment......Why's his nose gone all flat ?
Ow! By dose!
And please stop using me as a rug.
Keep still, FSN.....I'll get that nose back into shape....No problem.
If I just put the wax five up this nostril and lift....
Ooops !
Do you want Nosher to do it properly ?
Quote from: Techno on 14 August 2014, 06:47:09 PM
Do you want Nosher to do it properly ?
Fix it properly, or break it properly?
Is he supposed to look like a rhino?
Quote from: Ace of Spades on 14 August 2014, 02:28:42 PM
He's not listening to George Michael in the gents is he...? :(
This establishment may be low - BUT NOT THAT LOW that we allow George Micheal anywhere.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 14 August 2014, 08:50:07 PM
Is he supposed to look like a rhino?
No, He only CLAIMS to be hung like one and always horny!! But I think thats the little blue diamond shaped pills he keeps taking
I thought it was Techno just having a laugh. ;)
Who me ?
Slap on a bit lot of green stuff....Pin it in place...Make good.....Job done ! :D ;) ;D
Oh for Goodness sake! Now I look like an extra from Star Wars!
Leave the eyebrows alone ... I don't want Spock ears and ... that's just an invasion of privacy ...
Well, are you all pleased with yourselves?
And it wasn't George Michael. It was Wham!
That's gonna hurt in the morning. Bloody snot is hell to get out the carpet.
Schadenfreude is a wonderful thing. ;D
Carpet cleaner worked well, apart from the part where the carpet was dissolved.
Must have been Techno's kebab sauce... :(
Who left this gold bar? Can't clear anyone's tab with that, worthless thing! *throws at door*
While redocorating it might be a good idea to remove the carpet from the gents... Okay, with people falling over (or being knocked down) it's soft and warm but considering hygiëne it's not considered standard at most public toilets I believe... Then again; Im not an expert; you might want to ask fsn on such matters?
Hey! I'm very choosy about which toilet floors I'm found on!
That's why we value your opinon fsn!
It was an offcut of the bayeux tapestry we had lieing around. The bit that shows Harold get up, stab William in the back, steal his armour and live happily ever after.
Thank god you didn't get a new carpet for the toilets; that would ave been a waste!
Ohhhhh !
That's not a carpet is it ? ... I thought it was just a thick layer of mould.
Are we still going for the mural ?
Oi! You leave Muriel out of this!
No, invite her in...
Quote from: Ithoriel on 16 August 2014, 12:48:25 AM
Oi! You leave Muriel out of this!
I would but she was found up against the wall in the gents with FSN. Her knees are still trembling.
Yeah, his breath does that to women...
Well, I'm pretty new here so I don't know Muriel (yet) but if she's the cleaning lady (what other bussiness would she have at the gents?) I'd kick here out!
Can't even see the difference between a carpet and a thick layer of mould... tssss
I still remember the black carpet in the pub right up in the north of New Zealand that squelched when you walked over it....
Hope it wasn't in the toilet... :(
Don't think I actually dared the toilet. :-&
Quote from: Hertsblue on 16 August 2014, 10:37:09 AM
I still remember the black carpet in the pub right up in the north of New Zealand that squelched when you walked over it....
TMI, Ray. ;D ;D ;D ;D
Right......We're not having a carpet in there, then.
I've got some off-cuts of the rubber matting we use in the stables for the gee-gees.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 16 August 2014, 10:37:09 AM
I still remember the black carpet in the pub right up in the north of New Zealand that squelched when you walked over it....
No Ray they were sheep for the locals entertainment - I'll leave you to guess why they squelched :-& :-&
Quote from: Techno on 16 August 2014, 11:12:46 AM
I've got some off-cuts of the rubber matting we use.
Have you Phil!!! ;)
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 16 August 2014, 07:46:39 PM
Have you Phil!!! ;)
Stop editing my posts ! :P ;) ;D
Cheers - Phil
Better hose that wall down again, anyone seen the borax? Techno, it's not for snorting!!!
AAAAAAACHOOO !! :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
That's cleared the sinuses !
It's my fault. I should have moved. Has anyone got a tissue? A towel?
There's some grey matter in here. You might want that back.
Don't think that's mine. :-\
Brawn anyone?
Na- I got da brain....
IanS
"Let's make lots of money..."
To quote.
Go West then.
In suburbia? :o
I think this thread's going south. ;)
Then head for Hatfield and the North.
That's such an A1 bias! The North starts at the Humber!
*Dons flat cap, draws Black Puddin'* Beware, I am a master of Ekiee-Thump!
Quote from: Dour Puritan on 17 August 2014, 10:30:18 AM
Then head for Hatfield and the North.
Have you ever been to Hatfield? Take my tip, don't!
Yes, to visit Hatfield House where ElizabethI lived before she became queen. It was really interesting, but this was forty years ago, so assume Hatfield town itself may well have changed. Incidentally I live north of the Mersey, but I always remember that A1 road sign, Hatfield and the North, not to mention the band.
The sign always said :
Hatfield
The North.
ianS
Which is how you can tell I haven't been there for forty years. And Humphrey Bogart never said, 'Play it again Sam', but when the myth is better than the fact print the myth - and the correct quote is....?
Coming back from Swaledale I saw a sign which simply had
The North
The South
all on the same direction arrow (the blue Motorway kind)
Quote from: Dour Puritan on 17 August 2014, 11:12:08 AM
Yes, to visit Hatfield House where ElizabethI lived before she became queen. It was really interesting, but this was forty years ago, so assume Hatfield town itself may well have changed. Incidentally I live north of the Mersey, but I always remember that A1 road sign, Hatfield and the North, not to mention the band.
Old Hatfield is very quaint, down in the dip right by the House. The new town is.... well, run down, I think is the polite expression.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 17 August 2014, 12:17:38 PM
Coming back from Swaledale I saw a sign which simply had
The North
The South
all on the same direction arrow (the blue Motorway kind)
I suppose "North" and "South" are all relative.
Most of my relatives are west from here! ;)
And in Australia you go north in search of the sun
I don't think you have to look too hard. 8) 8) 8)
You might have a point there, sport.
Quote from: fsn on 27 August 2014, 04:24:25 PM
I suppose "North" and "South" are all relative.
In Norfolk everyone's a relative, "Keep it in the family"
Not sure what the "Bar Fight" is - all this is meant in fun anyway ...
Quote from: Last Hussar on 17 August 2014, 12:17:38 PM
Coming back from Swaledale I saw a sign which simply had
The North
The South
all on the same direction arrow (the blue Motorway kind)
There's a few of those signs ... there should be some others that read, "We don't like Wensleydale".
Erm... Gingerboy, be careful as you step off that teller mine!
The last one shattered the chandelier!
*Swings large, empty, lagar barrel at Nik*
Now you've emptied it, put it in the urinal so the rest can refill it!
Wensleydale ?....Back to the cheese sketch then. ;)
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: mad lemmey on 28 August 2014, 03:56:55 PM
*Swings large, empty, lagar barrel at Nik*
Now you've emptied it, put it in the urinal so the rest can refill it!
I've gone right off lagar y'know... ;)
I'll have some cidre instead. Hang on...stoopid Stella Artois man.
Just move the barrel one urinal left then Nik!
Can I have some real ale - I'm fed up of this French stuff and and P*ss lager
Quote from: Techno on 28 August 2014, 04:07:55 PM
Wensleydale ?....Back to the cheese sketch then. ;)
Cheers - Phil
That's one of the reasons why we don't like Wensleydale ... Nobody's ever heard of Swaledale cheese!
"More Swaledale, Gromit?!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Quote from: mad lemmey on 28 August 2014, 03:56:55 PM
Erm... Gingerboy, be careful as you step off that teller mine!
The last one shattered the chandelier!
*Swings large, empty, lagar barrel at Nik*
Now you've emptied it, put it in the urinal so the rest can refill it!
a mine would be safer than some of the places I've been in a pub ... Golden Lion, Stockton springs to mind. Working in a (being used) gents toilet, with all the (joinery) tools scattered across the floor while drunks come in from the Tuesday afternoon karaoke. The bit roll situated under the urinals ... the drunk's pesh now all over the tools I've got to use. Oh dear! "Pass me the Phillips screwdriver, Roy ..." :'(
Quote from: gingerbhoy on 28 August 2014, 08:23:28 PM
That's one of the reasons why we don't like Wensleydale ... Nobody's ever heard of Swaledale cheese!
"More Swaledale, Gromit?!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nah, Blue Cheshire every time.
That's Shropshire Blue?
Anyone seen the cheese board? Need to make sure the Black Widow spider is okay.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 29 August 2014, 09:11:04 AM
That's Shropshire Blue?
Not when I ate it last - which was some time ago. Looks like Stilton but with a darker hue.
As for the spider, I'm taking her for a walk.
Great! Don't let her eat the sheep again!
I'm taking her down to the Tax Office to ask about my rebate.
Lol! ;D
Boring day at work today - have knocked off the to-do list, loads of threads that are hanging as I wait for people to come back to me...
So - anyone fancy a lunchtime snifter or seven? Followed by some fisticuffs?
A snifter or seven sounds good to me.....But I'll have to sit quietly in the corner....I'm not to be jogged while I'm pushing all this putty about.
Who are you pushing, eh?
Stop blocking the light, Nik !
Oi! you two, you two fighting?
If not? Why not?
You can get out of the light as well.
Starts positioning coats in anticipation if interviews for Trchno's temporary replacement.
One in the tiger pit, two in front of the quantum accelerator, one in the ladies (behind the chainsaw loaded out trap), last one behind Nik's 'special malts, do not move' shelf.
Good luck all!
Do we have to wear the outfit?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 15 September 2014, 05:03:10 PM
Starts positioning coats in anticipation if interviews for Trchno's temporary replacement.
Are you suggesting that a coat could do the job Techno does?
FSN yes.
Fenton: No, the Coat Assistant position is only temporary, but only because the doormat, Erm, doorman, Erm... current incumbent is in computer limbo, not rehab-at-all-of-any-kind, honest!
The sculpting bit is another question. He's irreplaceable.
In that case I'm not applying. That g-string does me no favours.
If you want you can play the F or E string instead...
I want fsn in a full alphabet string, if not a complete Oxford dictionary string
If he can do the Elements Song, he gets the job!
"There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium
And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.
There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium
And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium and barium.
There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium
And phosphorous and francium and fluorine and terbium
And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium,
Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and caesium"
... and I'm still not wearing the g-string.
Job's yours!
And whoever got the coat out from behind Nik's security field, well done, but could you remove the soiled boots you left on the bartop?
I know it's the Bakeoff final tonight, but whoever is throwing rock buns, they are not meant to have actual rocks in them! :'(
So I shouldn't use crockery in these cupcakes then?
They're not rock cakes, they're genuine dwarf battle-bread loaves, imported direct from Ankh-Morpork! :o
Yeah, but you know the use of Dwarven Drop Scones are illegal under the Genuia Convention!!
Even more illegal to leave that one propped over the door!
Barman! Barlady! Bardog! (Worst superhero team ever.)
Barkeep! BaaaaARKEEP!
What an odd echo. As if this place has been long deserted, nay abandoned. Never mind, these neglected bottles of malt whisky look as if they need a good home and will make good Christmas presents ... for me! Huzzah! Should have brought a bigger bag. What have we here? Bottles of bourbon. Hmmm. No, my sinks don't need unblocking.
Where is that accursed beer dispenser? Probably off polishing his 6pdr again.
Those peanuts look a bit stale ... but waste not ... hang on. One of them moved. I'll not bother.
Still no sign of that pint puller. Perhaps if I rustled this £5 note ...
Memories of this place. They didn't manage to get the stain out from when Fenton brought the transsexual pole dancer in. The lingerie was a bad idea. Fenton looked ridiculous.
BARRRRRRR-KEEEEEEPER! *cough* *cough* Man dying of thirst here!
There's where Lemmey carved his initials into the bar, using Orcs teeth. Happy days. Still, Orcs shouldn't have left them in a glass on the bar. Oooh! He was mad! I'm still not sure in what language "FU" is the initials for "Mad Lemmey".
Perhaps I should go to the loo and make a lot of noise? Nah. I'd rather pee on the floor here than use those toilets. Everyone feels that way. On a good night you can be paddling around like you're on Southport beach. Things got better when Lemmey stopped using sawdust and started using toilet blocks. Piney fresh.
Wonder if they've beefed up the security? Last time there were two grannies with gimlet eyes and knitting needles sat at the end of the bar. Could clear the bar in seconds just by declaring they were feeling a little frisky and would go home with any man who bought them a gin. They were talking about putting in CCTV. Unfortunately they got it wrong and didn't put in Closed Circuit Television, but signed up for five years of Cold Corpse Television, basically a web cam in the morgue. Was funny watching Lemmey trying to work out who was sleeping on the tables in the snug.
Right, last time and then I'm going to the Starbucks. Or I could just drink water from a puddle.
Barkeep. BARMAN! STAFF! SERVICE!
Oh dear! They might have thought I was shouting. I'll just have to pretend it was another customer who left. Will they notice there only one set of footprints in the ... shall we call it a carpet? I'll just say it was someone who's been on a diet.
Perhaps I should just leave. Or would that be rude?
What to do? What to do?
Quote from: fsn on 19 December 2014, 11:12:52 AM
...
Memories of this place. They didn't manage to get the stain out from when Fenton brought the transsexual pole dancer in. The lingerie was a bad idea. Fenton looked ridiculous.
BARRRRRRR-KEEEEEEPER! *cough* *cough* Man dying of thirst here!
It wasnt my fault The Barkeep said I had been risen to the Order of the Garter and should wear the paraphernalia at all times to show how important I was
Quote from: fsn on 19 December 2014, 11:12:52 AM
What to do? What to do?
Ring the bell on the bar, Nobby......But not
too hard....It'll probably fall to pieces.
Hi Barman - pint of whalop, brush for the dust and a bale o hay for t'camel - Ta La.
IanS
What?
Oh, you lot again.
Shandy all round is it girls?
Watch the peanut, it's just slowing down.
Ummm ... half a snowball, please. Not too much advocat.
It makes my ears warm - FSN
<Ithoriel strolls in wearing a top hat with a ticket in it saying "10/6", dunks fsn's head in the teapot and hums "Twinkle, twinkle little star."
Burble! Blub! Gurgle! Snurt! Splatter!
Good job that teapot was empty! - FSN
That's what you think!
You've finally found trap 4 of 5, the chlorine filled teapot!
Why's FSN got a mouse on his head ?....I didn't think pets were allowed in the bar.
Quote from: Techno on 19 December 2014, 02:31:20 PM
Why's FSN got a mouse on his head ?....I didn't think pets were allowed in the bar.
fsn isn't a pet ... he's a working animal!
I run in, don't care what's happening but see a chance to indiscriminatly discharge my pepper box, which I do, the kick throws me back out the door and into the safety of the inky black night
Wondered where the pepper went.
Put it back with the salt please!
*snort* That clears the tubes wonderfully *snurt*
Quote from: Ironduke on 19 December 2014, 03:06:03 PM
indiscriminately discharge my pepper box
Is he allowed to do that? I thought House Rules, Section 18c, Paragraph 12 Alpha says "All pepper boxes are to be discharged with discrimination". Just below the bit about hockey sticks only being wielded above shoulder height. Like this ...
*Wields walking stick above shoulder height, and failing to make contact with anyone spins around until quite dizzy*
:-&
Urh!
It's lacrosse sticks at that height, hockey used in overhead stabbing.
Like thiiiiiiiissss.....aaaaaaggggghhhhhh....
W
E
E
E
E
E
E
E
.
.
.
*THUNK*
Who left the fan on?
Good thing I landed on this soft pile of coats.
Hmm, sure they just moved, is that where Nik's been hibernating?
Na - you just crushed FSN....
IanS
Yuck!
Pass the disinfectant?
Techno, stop drinking it!
Not much mess in here from last night chaps, just a few broken tables and a bit of lead to dig out the walls (send it to The Dark Lord, he can melt it down for Picts).
Better do a stock take on the bar...
Oxo.
Job done.
Cointreau trio anyone?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 19 December 2014, 04:41:09 PM
Yuck!
Pass the disinfectant?
Techno, stop drinking it!
Well....It says it kills 99% of germs.....Don't want to catch a cold just before Christmas.
Is that Nobby under the pool table ?
Who's that swimming in the pool table?
Your mouse. I think he's doing the backstroke.
Nah, it's the 1% of germs your disinfectant doesn't kill.
For a mouse, I thought it looked a little bit more like primordial 'soup'.
Anyone want to poke it with Nobby's finger ?
Okay, but are you sure it's his finger?
Hmmm.....Now you mention it.....Anyone got some tongs ?
Here! Anyone seen my finger?
Use your HAZMAT suit....
IanS
How on Earth are we going to decorate the Christmas tree, if we're all wearing those ?
Anyone going to look for last year's decorations ?
Are they down in the cellar, Will ?
To the left of the bourbons and beyond the toxic lager store.
Watch the claymore, and the bear, and the leopard, and the tigers and the...
There's a box of decorations here. Are these what you're looking for?
Lets see .... Legion D'Honneur .... Blue Max ... Mons Star .... that can go on the top of the tree .... DSO .... a World Cup coin put out by Esso! ... a 100 Lira piece .....
*From down in the cellar*.........
Probably.......I can't find the light switch down here.....And the torch has just died.
OOOH ! (in a louder voice) What's just growled at me ?
Techno tummy, it is lunchtime.
Quote from: Techno on 21 December 2014, 12:21:38 PM
*From down in the cellar*.........
Probably.......I can't find the light switch down here.....And the torch has just died.
OOOH ! (in a louder voice) What's just growled at me ?
The Leopard.
Male sure the tree is not put up til 24.00 on 24th - and taken down at 24.00 on 25th, otherwise I WILL burn it.
IanS
That's a bit early to go up Ian!
Ian's going to do his Joan of Arc impression. Whoopee!
Quote from: ianrs54 on 21 December 2014, 03:57:36 PM
Male sure the tree is not put up til 24.00 on 24th - and taken down at 24.00 on 25th, otherwise I WILL burn it. IanS
I'll bring some firelighters and petrol then......The only one I could find in the cellar seems to be made of asbestos.
Like I said before HAZMET suit....
IanS
*Sweeps up broken glass.*
*Adds equal shares of glass splinters into everyone's favourite tankard*
Actually, no. I used to bite glasses when I was about 4, please do not try this at home, horrible thought in this time of goodwill.
*Emptied out glass, which is carefully put into the sharps bucket, checks all receptacles, clears dormouse out of tea pot, dodo out of Nik's shot glass, Evicts fairies from FSN's beaker, and trolls from Techno's Tupperware.* Oh, that was Techno, sorry!
*Pours weak lager shandy into all.*
That should upset someone!
(
Techno reappears from cellar in shredded 'overalls'.)
Sorry, Will.....Couldn't hear a bloody thing in this bloody Hazmat suit.
Can you pour me something else ? This scotch tastes of wee.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 24 December 2014, 12:23:41 AM
Actually, no. I used to bite glasses when I was about 4, please do not try this at home, horrible thought in this time of goodwill.
You weren't the only one. :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
Quote from: mad lemmey on 24 December 2014, 12:23:41 AM
Actually, no. I used to bite glasses when I was about 4, please do not try this at home, horrible thought in this time of goodwill.
I still do. Been banned from every optician in Runcorn.
Quote from: Techno on 24 December 2014, 07:24:10 AM
This scotch tastes of wee.
That's because it's bourbon.
Now that's it's Christmas Eve, can we break out the hard stuff? Sherry trifle anyone?
'Tis but a truffle FSN.
*SPLAT*
FOOD FIGHT!
YEAH !!!
Twiglet scatter incomng.
You beast! You've got cream on my party frock! :'(
Baguette bazooka!
BOOM!
Brings out his Fondue Flamethrower
Eat hot cheese punk...
SQUIT!
Petite Pois twanged from a serving spoon.
(Blimey.....They've gone EVERYWHERE.)
Quote from: Techno on 24 December 2014, 05:03:49 PM
Petite Pois twanged from a serving spoon.
Talking posh aint going to save you.
Stilton Grenade!
(Good name for a band)
Hurls a cold battered pudding
(Someone had to do it eventually)
Jelly in a 'cardboard' bowl......Oh, sod that......I'll just pick it up and throw it with my hands.....Makes more of a mess. :D
That's it! Brussels Caltrops!
Are they like Belgian Gates?
Didn't he run the European Microsquigee ?
Runs in with two buckets of Gravy to fling everywhere only to find that it is impossible to throw the contents of two buckets at once.... so runs back out again to devise a crazy gravy flinging machine.
Sets up Cranberry Claymore tripwire for Maenoferran's next appearance!
Sets up Christmas cake landmine after Maenoferran's pratt fall over the cranberry claymore tripwire
Nails bicycle inner tube across the doorway......Gets 15lb frozen turkey from freezer, and attempts to use the tube as a catapult.
Frozen turkey slips from fingers, and drops on foot......Screams !!
You should have defrosted it first - never give the Welsh or women hi tech kit.
IanS :D
Gentlemen! It's Christmas! A time of peace and goodwill to all ... who did that? *wipes turkey gravy from his eyes* Let's all be friends and *receives another gravy grenade to the face* - right that's it. Someone's gonna eat this Christmas pudding and I don't mean in a good way. *lights Christmas pudding and hurls it at next member to post on this thread*
Merry flipping Christmas!
YOU ABSOLUTE OIK, NOBBY !
Hops around on one foot, while wiping burning Christmas pud from face.
RIGHT!
EVERYBODY BETTER START FEELING SOME PEACE AND GOODWILL TO ALL MANKIND OR THE CHRISTMAS CRACKER JOKES WILL START BEING TOLD!
Oh no they won't !
Look out behind you !!!
Quote from: Techno on 25 December 2014, 09:44:18 AM
Oh no they won't !
Look out behind you !!!
Right you were warned!
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
... must resist Cracker jokes ... bad jokes too powerful ... pulling me to .... must answer ... don't want to but ...
A nervous wreck!
What did one Snowman say to the other Snowman
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Can you smell carrots??
What's white, sweet and swings through the trees?
A meringue-utan!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
Right THE JOKES STOP NOW - else I'll spray the bar with squirty cream
IanS :D
Blimey! What a man!
So Boxing Day comes and goes and no 'bar fight.' The irony. :P
We were too stuffed from the stuffing soufflé FSN cooked us!
You mean you ate THAT !!!!
ianS
Erm ... that wasn't exactly stuffing.
Oh.
But it worked really well with red current sauce!
Wasn't exactly red currant sauce either .... :-&
So 'stuffing' and 'red currant sauce' comes and goes. The horror.
Da da da ra da! Dad da da ra da! (as he flies away to Ride of the Valkyries...) O:-)
[its OK - doesn't make sense to me either]
Boik! :-& :-& :-&
What was the turkey, or should I not ask either!
Ah! Turkey would have been more traditional I suppose.
I'm back (cos I had a thought). Was the sauce current or currant? Because if it was current, I wouldn't normally expect there to be a problem. But if it was currant, was that current or not. Because if it was currant sauce, then, if it was not current, that could have been the problem. So, its maybe no use blaming the stuffing (or the turkey), maybe it was the sauce (unless the stuffing ... or the turkey .. wasn't current). And was it supposed to be red? See! Did anyone think of that! This is a can of worms. Wait, was (in case FK is checking) were there worms as well? Could there have been worms in the ..... (tails away) :-\
[ .. night, night, Sooty ...}
Well I added raisins and AA batteries, so it was probably both.
Ever ready?
Make way, lads! I'm wading in! (bottle smashes over a head ....... mine) OK. I'll come back later.....
Chops to the waist...
Rolls the loin...
Slices at the drumstick...
Sorry, still in Xmas leftovers.
Only got a few mince pies left, now......
I could save them until next year's food fight......They'll be rock hard by then.
Drop scones are illegal.
Baked a wholemeal loaf about a week ago, the recipe described it as a dense, satisfying loaf. What with preparations for and celebration of the festive season it didn't get eaten. What I have now would go down a storm in Treacle Mine Road! Sadly, I suspect the Geneva Convention specifically prohibits the use of such a horrendous weapon in a bar fight :)
Pity, because that would be termed, "using your loaf."
Quote from: Techno on 28 December 2014, 12:37:03 PM
Only got a few mince pies left, now......
I could save them until next year's food fight......They'll be rock hard by then.
Changed my mind.....I'm going to eat them.
You could stick them in the freezer - that would harden them nicely. An old paintball trick from my youth.
But it they were short crust, they would crumble and fragment on impact.
Puff pasty would serate into shards.
Now that would be lethal!
Quote from: Hertsblue on 28 December 2014, 11:31:24 PM
You could stick them in the freezer - that would harden them nicely. An old paintball trick from my youth.
OUCH !!
Let's try.
We need a control group, who don't get hurt, I nominate: Me!
Also a group to be hit by (at high velocity) Some raw paintballs, some frozen paintballs, fresh, stale and frozen mince pies. Any volunteers?
Shall I fire up the particle accelerator again?
And can we add the peanut back into the test?
It's good to be on another continent!
I think what we have is a lack-of-control group.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 29 December 2014, 10:34:37 AM
Let's try.
We need a control group, who don't get hurt, I nominate: Me!
Also a group to be hit by (at high velocity) Some raw paintballs, some frozen paintballs, fresh, stale and frozen mince pies. Any volunteers?
Shall I fire up the particle accelerator again?
And can we add the peanut back into the test?
If memory serves there is about a ton of frozen Brussel sprouts in the freezer. I think they are there from when Techno had his yearly health kick and got a a taste for sprout and vodka smoothies
Quote from: Hertsblue on 29 December 2014, 12:25:11 PM
I think what we have is a lack-of-control group.
An out-of-control group more like :)
Na - I've never been controlled anyway.
IanS
Quote from: ianrs54 on 29 December 2014, 12:36:04 PM
Na - I've never been controlled anyway.
IanS
How do you know?
Good point.
IanS
It's been a long fortnight back at work, better get that restock sorted.
Techno: Manhattan
FierceKitty: sorcer' off mulk.
Nik: missing, presumed drunk.
Ithorial: bitter, but drinking Pimms, neat.
FSN: Dried frog pill smoothie.
Yeah - where is Nik?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 16 January 2015, 12:22:10 PM
It's been a long fortnight back at work, better get that restock sorted.
Techno: Manhattan
FierceKitty: sorcer' off mulk.
Nik: missing, presumed drunk.
Ithorial: bitter, but drinking Pimms, neat.
FSN: Dried frog pill smoothie.
Leave any hint of cherry out, please Will...... :-& :-&
Pimms? PIMMS!!! I'll have a white rum with angostura bitters and a twist of lemming!
Quote from: Ithoriel on 16 January 2015, 04:19:25 PM
Pimms? PIMMS!!! I'll have a white rum with angostura bitters and a twist of lemming!
Get the RSPCA quick.
IanS
Quote from: mad lemmey on 16 January 2015, 12:22:10 PM
FSN: Dried frog pill smoothie.
Nobody dries a smoothie like you, Lemmey.
Why thank you. :-[
And where's the creme-de-menthe shandy for the goat?
Sorry. Thought it was my Night Nurse on the rocks.
You know you shouldn't use heavy machinery after drinking that stuff. Get down off that combine-harvester at once!
Not many people can pull off a Night-Nurse at 11am!
Now, Doup Puritan, a pure mineral water, spiked with pure malt.
GoatMajor, a 'whatever you've got that's luquid'!
Matt of Munslow, Pint of Woods, rum....
Quote from: Hertsblue on 17 January 2015, 10:19:19 AM
You know you shouldn't use heavy machinery after drinking that stuff. Get down off that combine-harvester at once!
That's not a combine-harvester! It's my Centurion. Cleverly disguised!
I hope that's pure malt whisky and not that stuff my mum used to give me a spoonful of before sending me off to school.
Oh... Whoops.
Better restock the bar, DO and FSN have both been promoted.
Bumper pack of dried frog pills...
I've moved to the snug, so I don't have to mix with the lesser ranks.
I'll have a small sweet sherry and some of that dried frog caviare on toast please.
Quote from: fsn on 18 January 2015, 12:05:02 PM
I've moved to the snug, so I don't have to mix with the lesser ranks.
Why have party poppers suddenly started going off and is that 'happy days are here again' I hear being played on the yazoo near the indoor water polo table
I once played water polo for GB - it's a long story and it wasn't Team GB I hasten to add. Won a bronze medal, which I can wear with pride alongside my new rank badges.
Absolutely. The showers after the match were a blast.
So, DP, when there was discussion elsewhere on the forum about "changing habits" you were thinking of The Little Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisters_of_Perpetual_Indulgence) were you? :o ;) :d :d :d :d :d :d :d
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: mad lemmey on 18 January 2015, 12:01:25 PM
Better restock the bar, DO and FSN have both been promoted.
Bumper pack of dried frog pills...
Is DO a typo?
I think it's because o is next to p on the keyboard,
I thought so DP. Congratulations to you too!
Typo, he's been promoted to Dour Ouritan!
I read that as "poor irritant" - must get these reading glasses checked..... ;)
Quote from: mad lemmey on 18 January 2015, 02:05:04 PM
Typo, he's been promoted to Dour Ouritan!
Quote from: Hertsblue on 18 January 2015, 02:48:18 PM
I read that as "poor irritant" - must get these reading glasses checked..... ;)
;D ;D ;D
Well I've been called some things in my time, but .....
He's a very good irritant.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 18 January 2015, 06:38:07 PM
He's a very good irritant.
Yep - very irritating :D :d
IanS
You can tell Buk's back, I've just had to restock the malts...
And the cinzano?
Does he mix them in the same glass? :o :o :o
Mmmmmm - tasty.
Do the pages in this thread go beyond 99?
[Go on ......do it ...... you know you want to post! :d]
Quote from: Westmarcher on 25 January 2015, 02:45:13 PM
Do the pages in this thread go beyond 99?
[Go on ......do it ...... you know you want to post! :d]
Only if your a paid up member
99, with a flake? Yum!
Oi! Who hit me with that chair!? It was SUPPOSED to be the balsa one!!!
Quote from: Westmarcher on 25 January 2015, 02:45:13 PM
Do the pages in this thread go beyond 99?
[Go on ......do it ...... you know you want to post! :d]
Who let Junior Officers in here? They will drink all the quaffing turps.
Sorry!
Here, your turn, hit me with this pointless object in return.
Hey, look, it's a script!
You think I Follow A SCRIPT......gime dat bottle of single malt....it's a club - its a club (CRASH) - it's a dagger...
IanS
It's on your tab...
... and all down the back of my jacket!
My bad :-[
That's not single malt, it's just where fsn chewed it.
Quote from: Westmarcher on 25 January 2015, 02:45:13 PM
Do the pages in this thread go beyond 99 ?
Don't see why not.....The Totty thread is up to page 138, I think....Not that I ever look at that.
Cheers - Phil
Well done Phil
I knew I shouldn't have huddled in the oven, while it was switched on !
Phewwottascorcha !
Quote from: Techno on 25 January 2015, 05:04:09 PM
Don't see why not.....The Totty thread is up to page 138, I think....Not that I ever look at that.
Cheers - Phil
Just trying to prove another racial characteristic are we Phil ????
IanS ;)
:P ;)
Single malt? I only drink doubles. As for using it as a weapon - you'll have to wait until I've finished the bottle.
Holy hell! :o
I've been away for a year; what have you done to this place???
Who's responsible for this décor?
I want answers...now! >:(
FSN
I rather like the puce and lavender!
Goes with the bruises I get every time I come in here.
*Thwack of pool cue on FSN's satchel*
But you didn't have to paint the entire dartboard tope!
Dammit! Painting those pool cues lavender means I don't see them coming!
OPEN YOUR EYESNobby
IanS
Who's idea was it to paint the pool table in splinter camouflage? I wanted to pot the magnolia ball into the top left pocket - but I can't find the ball or the pocket. >:(
WHO put A POOL TABLE in here - We'll be getting a Juke Box with Crap on it soon.
IanS >:(
Quote from: ianrs54 on 29 January 2015, 08:56:39 AM
WHO put A POOL TABLE in here
IanS >:(
And who painted it pink!!!
Right FSN, you created this mess, you're going to sort it out! The postage ban's been lifted so Leon's shipped four gross of Valejo VAL72104 he's been trying to shift.
Here's a size 1 brush,
GET GOING!
Quote from: ianrs54 on 29 January 2015, 08:56:39 AM
WHO put A POOL TABLE in here - We'll be getting a Juke Box with Crap on it soon.
IanS >:(
It's been here for months - what do you think those long sticks you keep getting hit with are for?
Hitting IanRS!
Quote from: ianrs54 on 29 January 2015, 08:56:39 AM
We'll be getting a Juke Box with Crap on it soon.
Ah! Bit late there. But it does only have military songs on it.
"Waterloo" by ABBA,
"Fire!" by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown
"Hurricane" by Bob Dylan
"Grenade" by Bruno Mars
"Bang Bang - my baby shot me down" by Nancy Sinatra
"I shot the Sherif" by Eric Clapton
"Tank you very much" by the Scaffold
and
"Hello Marder, Hello Panther" by Allan Sherman
Quote from: getagrip on 29 January 2015, 09:08:53 AM
Here's a size 1 brush, GET GOING!
Good to have music whilst you work.
I think I'll put a reclining nude Lemmey over the bar. Might even paint one!
Quote from: fsn on 29 January 2015, 09:23:12 AM
Ah! Bit late there. But it does only have military songs on it.
"Waterloo" by ABBA,
"Fire!" by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown
"Hurricane" by Bob Dylan
"Grenade" by Bruno Mars
"Bang Bang - my baby shot me down" by Nancy Sinatra
"I shot the Sherif" by Eric Clapton
"Tank you very much" by the Scaffold
and
"Hello Marder, Hello Panther" by Allan Sherman
=D> ;D
Also...
"Bang Bang" BA Robertson
"Oliver's Army" Elvis Costello
"I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" Sarah Brightman
"Under Attack" Abba
"Love is a Battlefield" Pat Benatar
Good too have you back! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
'Feuer Frei' (Fire at will), Rammstein.
'Reise. Reise' (Reveille), Rammstein.
'Aftermath (Battle of the Field of Shirts)' Saor Patrol.
'Brothers Fallen' Saor Patrol.
An an oldie but a goodie.
'Battle of New Orleans' Lonnie Donegan.
'Trooper' Iron Maiden m/
Sorry - I did add an extra letter in the bit about the Juke Box.....
IanS
Soldier of the line - Magnum
Starship Trooper - Yes
Shoot to thrill - AC/DC
Brothers in Arms - Dire Straights
Over the top - Cozy Powell
In the army now - Status Quo
Throw down the sword - Wishbone Ash.
Nobby's Centurion - Techno ;)
Cheers - Phil
"Swords of a Thousand Men" Tenpole Tudor
"Civil War" - Guns'n'Roses
Bit of culture:
1812 overture...ooh, get me! :-B
The 3 man 'synthesized' version of that, at the end of 'Over the top' is damn good too ! ;)
Heresy ! ;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
.. nina ... nina ... 19!
(Paul Hardcastle)
19 (not out)
Rory Bremner ;D
In a more serious note:
Theme from The Great Escape
Burning Bridges
Colonel Bogey
Dambusters March
Army Dreamers Kate Bush
Quote from: haupt on 29 January 2015, 06:19:55 PM
Army Dreamers Kate Bush
Ooh; quality track.
We allowing anti war songs FSN?
If he doesn't I'll fight him for Edwin Starr 'War'!
Whatever takes your fancy chaps.
Back to the classical with
"Wellington's Victory" and "The Nelson Requiem".
I'm parched ... where's Lemmey? Oh ... still on that shelf above the bar where I left him.
Could I have 2/3rd of a litre of Buckfast with a splash of absinthe? And ice, but no lemon. That would be weird.
ICE!
Just take it outside for five minutes, it will be frozen solid!
*Sound of metal bucket impacting on FSN from second shelf*
Now, excuse me while I abseil off this shelf, wheeeeeeeeeeeee!
You know know, being inside inside this bucket bucket give me a good idea idea of what it must have been like like in a great helm helm??
and a headache ache
Please stop drumming on the top top!
Quote from: fsn on 30 January 2015, 09:34:10 AM
Please stop drumming on the top top!
(Reaches for a 12lb sledgehammer and takes huge swing)
BONG!!!!!!!!!
Sorry to interrupt
Has anyone seen my pet tarantula ?
I left it in ML's metal bucket that was on the shelf. I was cleaning out its tank and thought it would be safe there for a couple of hours, but now its disappeared
FSN would you please stop shouting everything twice I am trying to ask a question
'War Pigs' Black Sabbath
'Soldier Blue' Buffy St Marie
'one,two, three, what are we fighting for?' Country Joe and the Fish
What? What?
Can't hear because of the banginging and something's tickling my ear ear
What was loud ringing sound?
The dressing bell is a little early today isnt it?
Mind you, I thought that doughnut was a bit hairy.....
Quote from: fsn on 30 January 2015, 10:02:27 AM
What? What?
Can't hear because of the banginging and something's tickling my ear ear
(Fetches industrial Jack-Hammer)CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG!!!!!
Was the jam nice ?
Pint pleeese
IanS
Oooh! I've got such a headache!
And I've gone deaf!
Don't think I'd like to wear a bucket on my head whilst fighting salad in the dessert.
That was fun.
Anyone for breakfast?
I'll have the full Scottish please? Bacon, sausages, fried bread, mushrooms, lorne sausage, tatie scones, fried eqqs, pint of whisky, white puddin', and a sprig of parsley for decoration?
Actually, hold the parsley. I'm watching my figure. :-[
You missed the 8 pints of HEAVY.....
IanS
Already had them! @-)
That would explain why I need to change the barrel!
Can't do a full Scottish, how about a full Irish?
What's the difference?
White pudding, and Guinness!
Quote from: fsn on 31 January 2015, 09:12:55 AM
I'll have the full Scottish please? Bacon, sausages, fried bread, mushrooms, lorne sausage, tatie scones, fried eqqs, pint of whisky, white puddin', and a sprig of parsley for decoration?
Actually, hold the parsley. I'm watching my figure. :-[
With or without Angina?
Where's Angina, then ?
I'm not very good at Gography......I can't spell it either.
"Gography", the study of old English mythical giants. See also "Magography".
;D ;D
Very good, Ray !
And what is this prawnography one hears so much about?
Hornographic Productions was the (alledged) production company that featured on Kenneth Horn's Round the Horn programme in the seventies. Never failed to get a laugh.
Quote from: FierceKitty on 31 January 2015, 11:39:26 AM
And what is this prawnography one hears so much about?
I remember studying the Malaysian King Prawn. What an upper crust asian that was. 8->
That deserves your coat being FLUNG at you !! ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Techno on 31 January 2015, 06:29:51 PM
That deserves your coat being FLUNG at you !! ;D ;D ;D
I know. Even I cringed when I clicked on "Post" :-[
Davy
Come to think of it ... it was not that bad ... (says he just back from pub :-\) .... its the kinda thing you'd expect from Tim Vine, I suppose. :)
Speaking of Tim Vine (all his own work) ....
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
"You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox."
... and finally ...
"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin." :)
Other Tim Vine:
I was at a football match and at the start the ref came out, I thought: this is going to kick off.
I watched 90 minutes, it was 0-0, then some Japanese blokes dressed in black came out: we had 30 minutes of ninjary time.
X_X
;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Techno on 31 January 2015, 06:29:51 PM
That deserves your coat being FLUNG at you !! ;D ;D ;D
In my part of Scotland, we say, "Get aeys jaykit!"
........ which is much better than, "Pick a windae!" :-q
Soooo, when is this bar going to open again?
(cabbage whizzes past left ear) ....... :o ............... is "Crackerjack back on?" ........]
Has no one told him the opening hours yet?
24/7 . changed by that nice Mr Blair about 10 years ago....
IanS
Its jokes like those that can start a bar figh.... oh.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 01 February 2015, 02:58:23 PM
Its jokes like those that can start a bar figh.... oh.
:D ;D :D
Right, which of you lot put 'It's a small world' on repeat on the jukebox?!?
Some of us work here you know!
I've just had the back off the jukebox and all the cd's have been swapped for "it's a small world"....
Apart from one which is labelled: "Dogtanian" and it's got this weird green stuff all over it :-\
Nuffin' to do with me, Tosh !
I was out feeding the piranhas - hang on while I count my fingers.
I've just been having a dip in the new pool - the one where the fish nibble at your dead skin - excellent - they even feed you sausages - thought to be honest they tasted like unwashed hands.
I was looking for some new CDs for the jukebox (YES! CDs! Downloads are a rip off) and found all these Mills and Boon books; anyone know who they belong to?
FK - he reads them so he can correct the glaring grammatical mistakes.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 13 February 2015, 10:56:08 AM
I was out feeding the piranhas - hang on while I count my fingers.
Take long?
Dunno, I can't find my hand... :'(
* wanders in*
Anyone like some cocktail sausages?
They seem a bit damp but should cook up ok
There isnt much but its going to be dinnertime soon so some fingerfood might just fill the gap
Quote from: fsn on 13 February 2015, 12:46:36 PM
I've just been having a dip in the new pool - the one where the fish nibble at your dead skin - excellent - they even feed you sausages
I would watch these fish, fsn. Sounds like they're fattening you up!
Quote from: Fenton on 13 February 2015, 02:42:58 PM
* wanders in*
Anyone like some cocktail sausages?
They seem a bit damp but should cook up ok
There isnt much but its going to be dinnertime soon so some fingerfood might just fill the gap
Are you a fish in disguise? What have you done with Fenton?! :o
GUN - far far far to technical for you Phil.....
IanS
Fish finger anyone?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 14 February 2015, 11:18:57 AM
Fish finger anyone?
Here we go... :D
Phil, you ready with the coats?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 14 February 2015, 11:18:57 AM
Fish finger anyone?
Dare you to say that in the Top Totty thread.
(I'll get my coat, Phil)
Was not expecting that! ;D
Ladies fingers anyone?
Don't bother going to see 50 Shades of Grey. There is NOT ONE Austrian uniform in it. Very misleading title.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 14 February 2015, 12:04:44 PM
Don't bother going to see 50 Shades of Grey. There is NOT ONE Austrian uniform in it. Very misleading title.
;D =D> ;D
Quote from: Last Hussar on 14 February 2015, 12:04:44 PM
Don't bother going to see 50 Shades of Grey. There is NOT ONE Austrian uniform in it. Very misleading title.
I had always presumed the book and the film were all about the life and times of John Major
Quote from: Last Hussar on 14 February 2015, 12:04:44 PM
Don't bother going to see 50 Shades of Grey. There is NOT ONE Austrian uniform in it. Very misleading title.
;D
My in-laws went to see
Last Tango in Paris thinking it was a dance picture! :o X_X
My Dad went to see
The Guns of Navarone thinking it was a western. <)
I went to see Lesbos in Love;
I honestly thought it was about a holiday romance in Greece :o :o :o
Coat's already on :D :-[
:D =D>
"Went to see" = "delivered discreetly in plain package"
Lol
Quote from: Last Hussar on 14 February 2015, 01:44:36 PM
"Went to see" = "delivered discreetly in plain package"
For goodness sake! Don't you know this is the Century of the Fruitbat! Performed by the tiny demons the wizard Jobs trapped within his iPod!
I thought it was a review of garden structures - Fifty Sheds of Grey.
Written by Jabba the Shed?
No, Pizza the Hut
:D ;D (Hoe, hoe, hoe)
Coat time !
I'm so nervous about the competition, I need a drink.
What's this sign? "You can drink from my slipper"?
I'm not falling for that one again. Last time I thought he said the slipper belonged to "Milday", but he actually said "mmm ... Lemmey".
Took me ages to get the taste of corn plaster out my mouth, and the policeman didn't believe me when I said it was athlete's foot powder round my nose. Suppose I should have guessed when it was a size 11. Either that or because it was shaped as Homer Simpson. In my defence, I've never had a good look at Milady's feet - obviously because she's always in a ball gown - and Lemmey's slingbacks are quite deceptive.
This time it's one of Techno's slippers. That'll probably be some sort of old Croc (make your own jokes up) with unidentified equine substances on the sole. He'll be slopping around a soggy field with one bare foot. Probably thinks it's some kind of living archaeology, though it's doubtless still de rigeur in the backend of the backend of Wales in which he lives.
Think I'll pass on the slipper. What's the guest beer? Fierce Kitty's Bitter. Oh ... that's not the guest beer ... that's just a statement of fact. Is that the guest beer there? Fenton's Firkin! Is that just a statement? ... no? I think I'll pass anyway. The name just puts images in my mind I don't want there.
Perhaps I'll just have a glass of wine. The house white today is ... Ouestmarcheur Pap du Slop, 2015. Should it have that many cobwebs on it when it's so young? Wonder where it's been? Let's see the description ... "fruity, cheeky with a hint of rhubarb. Should be laid down ... for a long time. A really long time." Not really selling it to me.
What's this? Cocktail of the day? A White Russian?
That's for me!
Strange no one ever orders Red Russians...
Can you sling my slingback back please, Techno's Guinness is hell to scrape out, especially when he's been mucking out with them.
Size 9, wide fitting btw! 💃
You're not going to wear silver slingbacks with those brown socks are you?
Quote from: fsn on 01 March 2015, 05:45:33 PM
You're not going to wear silver slingbacks with those brown socks are you?
He's got to, his sandles are worn out.
Hang on - that's not socks! You been pressing beer again Lemmey?
Nah, it's the residue of the aforementioned Guinness!
Bar-keep - Make me a Red Russian.
:D
Black Russian springs to mind ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5A55eWbiBI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5A55eWbiBI)
Quote from: Last Hussar on 01 March 2015, 09:02:07 PM
Bar-keep - Make me a Red Russian.
Which version?
"A Red Russian is a cocktail named for its red color. A Red Russian is usually made up of equal parts Vodka and either cherry liqueur or strawberry schnapps. It has also been prepared with tomato or cranberry juice. In the former Soviet Union during World War II, it was sometimes prepared with boiled cow blood. While traditionally served over ice, it can be served warm."
Strawberry Schnapps version. What kind of brute drinks tomato juice?
I love the stuff!
Quote from: Last Hussar on 01 March 2015, 09:02:07 PM
Bar-keep - Make me a Red Russian.
Lenin - wasn't he a Red Russian?
Only when he stayed out in the sun for too long.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 02 March 2015, 10:23:31 AM
Lenin - wasn't he a Red Russian?
And so was Trotsky.
(he got an ice pick that made his ears burn).
Quote from: Westmarcher on 02 March 2015, 08:13:17 PM
And so was Trotsky.
(he got an ice pick that made his ears burn).
Whatever happened to those heroes?
Quote from: getagrip on 02 March 2015, 08:42:33 PM
Whatever happened to those heroes?
Alas, they're all toast now.
(golden brown)
:D
Quote from: Westmarcher on 02 March 2015, 09:00:57 PM
Alas, they're all toast now.
(golden brown)
:D
;D
You get worse; FSN, what's your hand doing now?
Quote from: getagrip on 02 March 2015, 09:04:19 PM
;D
You get worse; FSN, what's your hand doing now?
Do you really want an answer to that?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
That one isn't bared is it ?
IanS
Have you been hacked, Ian? Mind you, looks like something Michelangelo might have done...
Phew.
Thought this thread was getting serious for a minute!
Picks up half snooker cue... "Fore"!
How do you play half-snooker?
Badly!
Quote from: Hertsblue on 04 March 2015, 12:10:02 PM
Have you been hacked, Ian? Mind you, looks like something Michelangelo might have done...
Isn't that Leonardo - who was
not a friend of Michelangelo's?
Must remember to cut my nails - FSN
Quote from: mad lemmey on 04 March 2015, 12:21:53 PM
Picks up half snooker cue... "Fore"!
(Whizzes past ear).
Oi! Who's just thrown a snooker ball in my pint? >:(
If it's the black, I claim a free shot!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 04 March 2015, 01:41:14 PM
If it's the black, I claim a free shot!
Have it back then...
(Retrieves ball, throws back at Will and misses).
Not the sort of way I expect a brigadier to behave !
1,500 and counting ! :o
Congrats, Gareth.
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 04 March 2015, 03:55:20 PM
Not the sort of way I expect a brigadier to behave !
1,500 and counting ! :o
Congrats, Gareth.
Cheers - Phil
Yip yip, cheers old bean.
Drinks on me everyone.
Someone get FSN out of that teapot.
Leave him alone, at least he's not chewing coats in the teapot. "NO ROOM NO ROOM"
Kettle's boiled :D
Quote1,500 and counting ! Shocked
Congrats, Gareth.
Crikey you're averaging over 40 posts a day :o
wonder what that is as a percentage of the total :-\ :D
Well done Gareth!
Oh look! Fireworks! ;D
Oh no, it's half a snooker ball hitting a peanut travelling at a quarter of the speed of light! :(
Quote from: Techno on 04 March 2015, 03:55:20 PM
Not the sort of way I expect a brigadier to behave !
1,500 and counting ! :o
Congrats, Gareth.
Cheers - Phil
<:-P. Oh.....I couldn't be bothered
*thinks* Perhaps this teabag disguise in not such a good idea after all.
As an idea its full of holes
Quote from: Matt of Munslow on 04 March 2015, 04:46:41 PM
Crikey you're averaging over 40 posts a day :o
Keeps me off the streets :D
Quote from: Fenton on 04 March 2015, 06:12:04 PM
As an idea its full of holes
;D ;D ;D
Pours water into teapot
Okay,
Anyone who say the late Sir Terry Pratchett does not deserve the title 'Late Great' can take it outside, NOW!
Yeah! What he said!
I'll hold your coats.
If you mess with Lemmey you mess with me too!
Quote from: fsn on 12 March 2015, 06:15:24 PM
Yeah! What he said!
I'll hold your coats.
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'LL HOLD THE COATS.
SORRY, I'M A LITTLE EARLY.
I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR COAT BACK IN A FEW MINUTES, WHEN WE MEET .... MORE FORMALLY.
YOU CAN HAVE YOUR ACCOUNT BACK FOR NOW .... OH DEAR! I MEAN YOU CAN HAVE YOUR ACCOUNT BACK NOW, ITHORIEL
Ooh, aren't your eyes blue
Who's working on a commemorative range?
Quote from: FierceKitty on 12 March 2015, 11:29:10 PM
Who's working on a commemorative range?
They already exist !
But at £7.50 upwards for a single '30mm' figure, they're a bit too pricey for my liking. :(
Cheers - Phil
I meant in 10mm.
*Slaps Getagrip round the ears with both hands, then nuts him and trip hooks him with a leg!*
Now do you understand Cannae?
Ow!
Yeah, so basically, Hannibal Lector wanted to stop some people who had spears and Centurion tanks so he got some Scottish people to stop them by saying you cannae pass!
Have I got it now?
Not quite, let's try it again...
To be fair, I knew a lot about Hannibal but I don't remember the names of anything or anyone very well.
Useful in my line of work :D
Anyway, did you spill my pint? >:(
No, because your drinking halves of weak shandy!
Hannibal's generals were Face, Howling Mad and Mr T.
As the Roman army was surrounded, Hannibal bit on his cigar and said "I love it when a plan comes together".
Total casualties in the battle were, of course zero, though one Roman did get a skint knee.
... and he surveyed the battle from the back of his flying elephant - Dumbo.
I hope you all catch something painful :P
Oh, Will, you missed an apostrophe! So this is how it feels to be FK... :-\
Quote from: fsn on 15 March 2015, 07:14:06 PM
Hannibal's generals were Face, Howling Mad and Mr T.
As the Roman army was surrounded, Hannibal bit on his cigar and said "I love it when a plan comes together".
Total casualties in the battle were, of course zero, though one Roman did get a skint knee.
... and he surveyed the battle from the back of his flying elephant - Dumbo.
You forgot about the token female who reported the whole thing
Quote from: Fenton on 15 March 2015, 07:22:42 PM
You forgot about the token female who reported the whole thing
She was out with the Mutant Turtles that day.
Yeah, all this speculation is fine, but do we know it really happened?
Sorry about the missed apostrophe...
Your drinking halves of weak sh'andy!
Is that better?
Quote from: getagrip on 15 March 2015, 07:28:56 PM
Yeah, all this speculation is fine, but do we know it really happened?
Well it was on TV for years so it must be true!
What ever happened to Hannibals brothers Mago, Hasdrubal and Haveabanana
Quote from: Fenton on 15 March 2015, 07:33:43 PM
Isnt that an Israeli tank?
No, it's n'ot!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 15 March 2015, 07:31:53 PM
Sorry about the missed apostrophe...
Your drinking halves of weak sh'andy!
Is that better?
M'uch ;D
Barman, another pint of sh'andy please!
*Slides another half over...*
Don't worry chaps, he'll be asleep before he's finished that, he's just got to go through YMP* first! :'(
*Yeeeerrrrmypallll! (Frequent saying of drunks)
MumblemumblejustcosIdon'tknowwhereonelittlebattlewasfoughtyou'dthinkitwaslikeI'dthreatenedtodrownapuppyorsomethingwellI'mnotgoingtosithereandlistentoothem.....
Zzz, Zzz, Zzz.....
Quote from: Fenton on 15 March 2015, 07:32:54 PM
What ever happened to Hannibals brothers Mago, Hasdrubal and Haveabanana
Mago married Jerry and they moved in next door to the Tom and Barbara Goode.
Quote from: getagrip on 15 March 2015, 08:09:48 PM
MumblemumblejustcosIdon'tknowwhereonelittlebattlewasfoughtyou'dthinkitwaslikeI'dthreatenedtodrownapuppyorsomethingwellI'mnotgoingtosithereandlistentoothem.....
Zzz, Zzz, Zzz.....
Ah good he's asleep
* quickly gets out Observer Book of Battles for Boys*
Ah here it is page 27. The Battle of Cannae was fought between Carthage....CARTHAGE what & where the hell is Carthage.?....
Better google it all later...
Whassa...who said tha...I'll fight you all...
Flings pot of superglue and tub of baking soda at Fenton, FSN and Lemmey
Stand fast chaps! We'll get through this if we stick together!
*stuck for words*
Nail polish remover chaps?
You might want to take the cherry on a stick out?
Why are you carrying nail polish remover?
So he can have "No More Nails?"
(dammit. why have all the good glue jokes been cracked already?)
Nik thinks it's cinzano... ;)
Tastes better than Cinzano :D
Melted down tyres taste better than Cinzano.
You'll get a Michelin star with cocktails like that :D
=D> just read the last couple of pages of this thread at work and laughed my pants off!
Keep up the good work
and a white Russian when you're ready barman (FSN knows how to make them)
For our next subject we shall be examining the social interaction of fire-ants. Won't we, chaps? Er... chaps?
A White Russian, there you go Matt.
Fire ants are on strike, have a bucket of army ants instead!
And they're making their way at top speed towards the White Russian. I'd get it down you before they get there, Matt.
Ooh, a jar filled with pretty little red ants. Aren't they sweet...
Hey everyone, look at these pretty ants...(trip, drop, smash!)
Oops! :-[ Oh well, never mind, sure they'll find somewhere warm and dark to find a new home...
Yep, probably up your left trouser leg. :D
Kev's gonna be right p*ssed when he finds out what happened to his work force
=O =O =O
;D ;D =D>
Very good, Matt ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
The next round is on me, looks like I've landed a job for the summer term! It's about, Ohhh, one street away!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 19 March 2015, 06:57:25 PM
The next round is on me, looks like I've landed a job for the summer term! It's about, Ohhh, one street away!
Nice one Will, congrats =D>
Can you handle the commute? :D
Not sure. Timed it today. 3 minutes by foot.
However, no excuse for forgetting anything now!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 19 March 2015, 07:13:55 PM
Not sure. Timed it today. 3 minutes by foot.
However, no excuse for forgetting anything now!
Double edged sword ;)
Hour commute each way for me >:(
Good job and great school though so ho hum :)
Does mean I live in catchment and weekends will be full of "Hello Mr Denham!" for a term...
Quote from: mad lemmey on 19 March 2015, 07:18:42 PM
Does mean I live in catchment and weekends will be full of "Hello Mr Denham!" for a term...
I did that once, it's like being famous without the accompanying bank balance ;)
Quote from: mad lemmey on 19 March 2015, 07:18:42 PM
Does mean I live in catchment and weekends will be full of "Hello Mr Denham!" for a term...
I have the solution.
Dark sunglasses and a false beard. And a dress.
Quote from: Westmarcher on 19 March 2015, 07:25:06 PM
I have the solution.
Dark sunglasses and a false beard. And a dress.
That's just silly, it's not sunny enough for sunglasses.
I thought that's what Will normally wore. :-\
Cheers - Phil
Think I can beat you.
Close from my front door to the main gate than it is from the gate to my office.
I can't claim snow days though.
*Puts a couple of bottles of after sun out*
Might be a few wargamers who have been outside today, the pastiness of their skin burns quicker than a whelk in a supernova!
I know. I was so worried, I listened to the eclipse on the radio. Dead exciting.
;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
*Throws easter egg in direction of half light speed peanut...*
Shrapnel!
*Airburst!*
Ow!
Who threw that?
(Loads blunderbuss with Cadbury's buttons and mini creme eggs).
Take that!
BLAM!
Quote from: getagrip on 05 April 2015, 04:53:05 PM
Ow!
Who threw that?
(Loads blunderbuss with Cadbury's buttons and mini creme eggs).
Take tha!
BLAM!
You can clean the danmd thing - melted chocolate all the way up it......
IanS
That's it, unleash the beast!
*puts Lindt gold bunny on the bar*
Sick him!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 05 April 2015, 05:13:36 PM
That's it, unleash the beast!
*puts Lindt gold bunny on the bar*
Sick him!
But sire, it's only a chocolate rabbit.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 05 April 2015, 05:13:36 PM
That's it, unleash the beast!
*puts Lindt gold bunny on the bar*
Sick him!
Call up the Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioch!
Quote from: Hertsblue on 05 April 2015, 07:29:28 PM
Call up the Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioch!
That's a chocolate orange!
Or possibly a clockwork orange...
Thought was the forum bar not the Korova Milkbar my droog?
Quote from: Hertsblue on 05 April 2015, 07:29:28 PM
Call up the Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioch!
And 3 shall be the number - 4 is right out,
IanS ;)
Oh no, he's thrown the pin and held the Holy Chocolate Orange of Antioch! :o
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
IanS
OK, volunteers to help rebuild the public bar?
Dagnabbit, someone scrape FSN from the wall, AGAIN!
And Ithorial from the floor, he's not injured, just one too many Pangalacticgargleblaster
Ooh, another rebuild.
What colour scheme this time Nobby?
I rather like the current rust red shade.
IanS
That's just dried blood from Techno wiping the bar down!
Oh no, is Matron leaking again?
Quote from: Hertsblue on 06 April 2015, 10:20:54 AM
OK, volunteers to help rebuild the public bar?
I only drink in the saloon
I've been looking at the Dulux-Citadel colour chart, and I think "Wolfsbane" on the signature wall, but contrast it with "Zombie Kidney" elsewhere, with perhaps some "Orc Phlem" to pick out some of the details in the corner. Much as we have now. I do wish he wouldn't do that.
The gents could be "Weeping Pus" and the ladies a nice shade of "Elven Incontinence".
Actually, I'll have a pint of Elven Incontinence, but hold the shamrock this time.
I always liked Techno Triage and Oik boil they compliment each other nicely
Quote from: fsn on 06 April 2015, 01:07:08 PM
I've been looking at the Dulux-Citadel colour chart, and I think "Wolfsbane" on the signature wall, but contrast it with "Zombie Kidney" elsewhere, with perhaps some "Orc Phlem" to pick out some of the details in the corner. Much as we have now. I do wish he wouldn't do that.
The gents could be "Weeping Pus" and the ladies a nice shade of "Elven Incontinence".
Actually, I'll have a pint of Elven Incontinence, but hold the shamrock this time.
Sorry Nobby, that's what they were called last week. :(
Cocktails? On a Monday!
it is Easter!
Quote from: fsn on 06 April 2015, 03:04:10 PM
it is Easter!
Chocolate liqueurs all round then... :-&
In bunny shaped glasses?
Oh go on
Ummm. Lemmey. You really didn't need to dig out that old Playboy Bunny costume.
:-&
Sorry, think the moths have been at it...
Been a while since it's seen daylight, surprised there are holes there though!
Not only that, the tail is all ... moth eaten.
You could at least have shaved your legs.
You'll have a hell of job getting the fishnets off. #-o
Jus' been to Hertsblue's promotion. Just shows it's not the life in the man, it's who you know. What? Don't know what he was serving. Tasted like it came in a tanker. Still, we've all done that. Hah! Not like the old days. Remember that night when ... where's the barman? ... of course, nobody knew he was ... and a scotch for me ... and then she went and said ... no, a double ... no ice ... and then of course the dog had to be put down. Hah! Dog put down! This glass is empty ... Barman! So Hers'blue is a general. Who'd have thought ... same again, but this time make it a proper double ... anyway, surprised he wasn't drummed out after the scandal ... did this Scotch come from a German supermarket? ... the casting dwarf had to be put down, of course. Hah! Dwarf put down. Was there any Scotch in this at all or is it just melt'd ice? Pity though, the Dwarf was a talented eagle ... eqil ... a question ... rider. Bloody good on the back of any quadruped your Casting Dwarf. No, just 'cos it's Mc something doesn't mean it's a good brand. "McMueller" is not a good malt.
Who gave him semi-skimmed milk instead of skimmed! :o
Quote from: fsn on 22 April 2015, 09:22:17 PM
Jus' been to Hertsblue's promotion. Just shows it's not the life in the man, it's who you know. What? Don't know what he was serving. Tasted like it came in a tanker. Still, we've all done that. Hah! Not like the old days. Remember that night when ... where's the barman? ... of course, nobody knew he was ... and a scotch for me ... and then she went and said ... no, a double ... no ice ... and then of course the dog had to be put down. Hah! Dog put down! This glass is empty ... Barman! So Hers'blue is a general. Who'd have thought ... same again, but this time make it a proper double ... anyway, surprised he wasn't drummed out after the scandal ... did this Scotch come from a German supermarket? ... the casting dwarf had to be put down, of course. Hah! Dwarf put down. Was there any Scotch in this at all or is it just melt'd ice? Pity though, the Dwarf was a talented eagle ... eqil ... a question ... rider. Bloody good on the back of any quadruped your Casting Dwarf. No, just 'cos it's Mc something doesn't mean it's a good brand. "McMueller" is not a good malt.
Sergeant, would you be so good as to make sure the General gets back to his room. I fear that last small port was served in a dirty glass and he has picked up a bug. Make sure his Batman makes him drink lots of water.
And take his tablets away..... at once ! X_X
Man knows he's not supposed to mix those with milk.
Barman ! ....Pint of absinthe, if you'd be so kind.
Here you go Phil.
Did you have to put a cocktail umbrella in it, Will ?
Oooh !.....Look !....It's dissolving. :o
Quote from: Techno on 23 April 2015, 06:19:55 AM
And take his tablets away..... at once ! X_X
Man knows he's not supposed to mix those with milk.
Man knows he's not supposed to mix them with saliva either - but he does. Hence the green tinge around the nostrils.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 23 April 2015, 09:07:28 AM
Man knows he's not supposed to mix them with saliva either - but he does. Hence the green tinge around the nostrils.
He's not been pushing green stuff up his nostrils
again, has he ?
Cheers - Phil
What? Who? Why? What? I didn't know she was your sister! Anyway ... I told Techno to put down the scalpel! What! Hah! Put down the scalpel. My mouth tastes like the aftermath of a stripper's hen party. Barman! A double scotch and vodka. Silly sod cut himself putting it down on the table. By the Dark Lord's Shriveled Privates ... this vodka is as rough as an Elizabethan neck device. Rough! Ruff! Dammit! Sound like a collie. A rough collie. Hah! Rough Collie ... like Lassie. Anyway ... stap me the ice has melted and now I'm drinking water! What kind of establishment is this? A bar! Oh good! Could you get me a pint of proper beer ... if it goes in the same colour as it goes out then it's not proper beer, it's a damned lager! Like the Boers. Saw a casting dwarf ride a boar once. Could you get a tot in that? You could ? Then fill it up with beer, there's a good chap. Poor blighter was a bit confused at first. We had to tell him to put the boar down before he did any lasting damage. Hah! Put the boar down! Didn't I order a pint? Well it went down like a half. Had to punch some Johnny Yankee in the ... yes please a full pint this time ... for putting the BAOR down. Hah! Can't put the BAOR down! They had Centurions ... dammit this windy pop is repeating on me like ... they had Centurions ... dammit this windy pop is repeating on me like ... they had Centurions. Did they? Good for them. Must have been a Legion. What happened to the party? Gone home hours ago, you say? Lightweights. Weren't you a man before? Oh you're a man now? Well isn't modern medicine marvelous? A pint before I go ...
Blimey, you're cutting down FSN!
... and a merry birthday and a happy new ukulele to you, kind sir, or madam. Sorry I've got my glasses on the wrong eyes, and my glasses are empty. Barman! Bar! Bar! Barry! Barkeep! Barman! Bar! Shop! Bar! Drinkies! Bar! Barry! Bar! ... Bar! ... Who do I have to ... oh there you are. Sneaking up on a chap like a cat in slippers. I'll have a friend for my one here, and have yourself for one. So what's the garnished ...ghastly ... gassed ... guest ale? Wait a min ... mini ... minim ... hang on ... I just have to see that ... yes. I have to see that.
Over there.
Blimey!!!. I only mentioned to him outside that Pendraken were thinking of releasing an Aztec range
He said the A word!!! :o
I didn't know the Dray delivered Night nurse in 88 pint draught barrels. FSN usually only has a shot from the bottle.
I think Nobby's getting very confused.
I just asked him what the time was, and he told me it was ten to Capricorn.
His watch must be slow, it's at least quarter past Ares.
Maybe he forgot about star sign saving time
Mink. Munk. Shot from the bottle! We've all tried it! I've seen them ... where's my glass? That can't be mine, Old Thing, it's empty. Somebody said it was ten to Capri ... Ah! Those long nights with Gracie Fields. Capri Sun! Not for me. Always pass the straw right through and look like I've done something childish. Has the son passed over the yardarm? Athletic isn't he? Ten to ... that's right Barbie ... a hair of your mother's nightmare ... and diet Coke. I scubes? I'm sorry, I've had a drink you know. Scubing quite innocently. Anyway, the story is that Disraeli had to put ... whatever happened to James Callaghan ... he was around here a minute ago ... MP for Port ... yes please ... leave the bottle. Anyways James Disraeli ... Hertsblue's a general? Why? Here's cheer! Are you sure that's port? tastes a bit ...
Ah good, hes back to his normal self again
Ladles and Jellyspoons,
I stand upon thish speech to make a ...a .... a platform. Hic!
An' I would jus' like to say .... like to say .... oh yesh! Just like to say that if you're having half as good a time as I am .... hic ... then .... then ... umm .... I'm having twice as good a time as you are!!
Hertsblue a general .... 'pon my soul ... whatever next ... who'd've thought ....
Hertsblue! May god bless her and all who sail in her!!
'nother pint of rumbaba, barman!
Hear! Hear!
Another pint of rhubarb crumble!
Here, have a new cocktail I've invented.
It's called a Centurion and comes in a sho't glass.
Slides one down the bar....
Merkerva having a laugh!
Those track marks are going to take weeks to shift!
To say nothing about the scratches on the bar top!
Awk! Centurion in a sho't glass. Thass funny because did you know ... what's in this? Garum? Anyway, I was saying that Prime Minister Jim Callaghan was ... tomato juice? Or am I bleeding from the nose again? Centurion ... you can get stuff now in Tesco's ... they need the money ... you put it in your water when ... not your water ... the water you use when you press you clothes ... and it smells all lavedemony ... and it makes all your shirts smell nice. It's water ... no thank you ... I'll have mine straight ... and you can scent your iron. Lovely tank. Did you you know that the Israeli had a version called a ...
nope, it's gone.
'nother Centurion in a sho't glass!
Slides another sho't down the bar...
Follows it with the power sander I've just confiscated from Techno!
Ooh, an electric mouse!
You know why he's called it a 'Centurion'?
It makes you slow and heavy.
Oooh! My head. Must you all type so noisily?
What happened? I think I must have had a piece of bad lemon in my G&T. By Dave's Sacred Hairy Kneecap I feel awful. Last thing I remember was some ugly fat strip-a-gram trying to lap dance Hertsblue. Wore a rose ... just like this one here. I say, are those my trousers over the light fitting? Could somebody get them for me. I'm feeling a bit parky.
Sho't? Yes, I think I have actually. Difficult to tell with this breadstick up my nose.
Excuse me while I crawl into the ladies. If I'm not out in 45 minutes would someone kindly put me out of my misery?
That was a great night! They were still collecting up the bodies at five o'clock this morning. Highlight of the evening was three major-generals singing the Whiffenpoof Song - in tutus.
A belated congratulations Hb on your ascension to the rank of fool general (well, if everyone else can get away with spelling mistakes, why can't I?). What a bastion you are ... er ... on this great foresk*n forum. <:-P
:)
It's ok. You've spelled general correctly.
I WUZZZ NO WEARING A TUTU
IanS
Ian, you left your tutu in the snug again.
Nice name tags by the way! Kittens, cuuuuuute!
Lemmy - duck, this is coming your way - hurls crate of Creme De Menthe
IanS
Coo! That deaf duck got squashed by a crate of Creme de Menthe!
TECHNO! BREAKFAST!
*duck ala creme de menthe scrawled hastily on specials board*
I presume this place is going to be quiet today with everyone buggering off to the annual Frankie Howerd Appreciation Society day out at salut-ay
Not I said little red hen!
Game of pool?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 25 April 2015, 09:59:35 AM
Not I said little red hen!
Game of pool?
Sounds good, let me go get my flippers and snorkel
... and I'll get the grenades.
Superb!
What rules? Shots from the D or behind the line? One or two on the black? Depth charges or hedgehogs?
Where did I put that Mk46 torpedo?
Erm... Think the S has fallen off your trunks...
Quote from: mad lemmey on 25 April 2015, 10:13:25 AM
Where did I put that Mk46 torpedo?
Ooh, someone's left a baguette here. And it's got a spinny propeller on the back.
Oh well, it's gone stale, no use to me.
(Throws it over shoulder towards bar.)
Are we playing inflatable camels count double
*ducks torpedo as it splashed in the pool*
Camels only count double if the inflatable crocodile is in the penalty box! Did you notice the rules? It's under no spitting or petting!
MORNINGTON CRESCENT!
Do I win?
Only if you have declared a flood alert whilst moving the beach ball forward and avoiding 2 defenders with inflatable mallets while doing an impression of Al Read
Oh, the Chelmsford pass-by clause, good play!
Fenton - impressed - you can quote the rules to Mornington Cresent !
Or did you just make it up ?
Mrs Trellis of North Wales...
IanS
Quote from: mad lemmey on 25 April 2015, 11:14:11 AM
*ducks torpedo as it splashed in the pool*
Camels only count double if the inflatable crocodile is in the penalty box! Did you notice the rules? It's under no spitting or petting!
Ducks are carrying torpedoes now!? Alarming, what?
Quote from: FierceKitty on 25 April 2015, 12:08:04 PM
Ducks are carrying torpedoes now!? Alarming, what?
Only ship to shore for re-supply, so long as they dont catch fire in the dock
InaS
Or on deck, doubtless.
They can't catch much, they're carrying torpedoes!
Quote from: ianrs54 on 25 April 2015, 12:05:37 PM
Fenton - impressed - you can quote the rules to Mornington Cresent !
Or did you just make it up ?
Mrs Trellis of North Wales...
IanS
I have a set of rules that have been transcribed on to finest vellum by none other than Humphrey Lyttelton himself!
Do they have the addendum for Hainault?
And now some films and TV programs which will be of interest to Pendraken Purchasers and other miniature figure fanciers:
"Dixons of Dock Green"
"The King's Specs" with Geoffrey Brush
"Mr Smith goes to Wash in tan"
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Aztec Ban"
"Bring me the lead of Alfredo Garcia."
Harry Potter and the deathly marshmallows ?
Samantha has to leave us now ... she's meeting a casting dwarf, and he hopes she'll play with his miniatures.
He's built up his artillery batteries, and intends to pound her rear area.
Iron Man: Rise of Technovore
Ah yes, who can forget Bo Derek and Dudley Moore in "10?"
Or Lee Marvin in "Paint Your Wagon?"
"The Guns of Navwar Own?"
"Reach for the Skytrex"
"Night of the Jacklex?"
Or perhaps Techno's favourite - "The Agony and the X Acto"
"T34 with Mussolini"
Celebrating Pendraken's immaculate Victorian heroes range - "no Flash Gordon".
"Gregory's Ghoul" (AC24)
"Die another day"
"The Green Pile" - the sad story of Techno's failures.
Quote from: Ithoriel on 25 April 2015, 01:25:41 PM
Or perhaps Techno's favourite - "The Agony and the X Acto"
=D> Oh! Well played Sir!
And you say I'm not the most picked on member of the forum !.....PAH !!
I'm going outside to shoot something.
(Preferably not me, with a ricochet.) :P
By the sound of things, as long as you're actually aiming at yourself you should be safe enough.
What about the horror film the Puttymaster
Quote from: FierceKitty on 25 April 2015, 01:43:53 PM
By the sound of things, as long as you're actually aiming at yourself you should be safe enough.
Nah !.....That would
sting !
Quote from: Fenton on 25 April 2015, 01:54:56 PM
What about the horror film the Puttymaster
X_X
Cheers - Phil
Hold on... we're missing something...
Shush, I'm thinking
I SAID SHUSH NOBBY.
Techno said something important...
No, really,
Back in August 2012....
HE SUGGESTED GOING FOR A CURRY!
Did any one book a table, or shall we just turn up mob-handed?
Did he mention a specific date?
Sounds great!
To quote 'Bad News':
4 pints of lager please , no , 8 pints , no , 16 , no , 32 , no , sod it we're a rock band , make it a 100! oh , and 4 poppadoms!!
That's what Luddite said 2 and a half years ago
Hahahahahah......Curry.....Hahahahaha......We could all go in singing "My Samosa"....
You know....That tune....Hahahahaha....Few years back now...."My Sharona".....Hahahahaha...
Why do I remember that one ?.....Didn't even like it....Hahahahaha
Where's everybody gone ?......
You can tell it's the first Saturday of half term, loads of corduroy jackets with elbow patches for FSN to munch on (is he related to a moth?). Us Teachers enjoying a few, quiet, civilised pints!
Ohh, and the traditional effigy of the Minister for Education is being burnt in the snug...
Swear box is also full with donations after mentions of SATs, GCSEs and NATIONAL CURRICULUM!
(£3 in from me, oh well)!
I work for the Ministry of Justice.
An article in the Independent said that Gove is more competent than Grayling who he replaces.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 24 May 2015, 12:08:29 AM
An article in the Independent said that Gove is more competent than Grayling who he replaces.
In the sense that a sheet of cardboard is more bullet resistant than a sheet of paper?
I must try that ! :D
Haven't injured myself for WEEKS.
(Apart from peeling the TENS machine's pads off my back without switching it off first...... Explain to me why, when the pads are on my back, and I've got it switched up to just one third of its full power, it feels like strong 'pins and needles'.
However..... when my fingers touch the wretched things, it feels like I've got a belt from the mains !)
Cheers - Phil
More nerve ending in you fingers?
Please don't experiment on other parts of your body.
I could experiment on somebody else, though ! :D
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 24 May 2015, 07:58:50 AM
I must try that ! :D
Haven't injured myself for WEEKS.
(Apart from peeling the TENS machine's pads off my back without switching it off first...... Explain to me why, when the pads are on my back, and I've got it switched up to just one third of its full power, it feels like strong 'pins and needles'.
However..... when my fingers touch the wretched things, it feels like I've got a belt from the mains !)
Cheers - Phil
Took a full power belt from a tens machine while my wife was in labour with no 2. Her comment was "Sorry, thought it wasn't on, I haven't felt it in hours"
My little battery powered version 'bit rather hard' at 30% of its full strength.
Goodness knows what strength 'belt' you got off a proper machine !!!
OUCH !!
Cheers - Phil
It's Towel Day!
*lines up the Pangalactic Gargleblasters*
Cheers all!
"The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick."
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Who wants a double? :)
Lilac day.
Indeed!
Wassat? Shorry ... hic .... hadacup .... hadacup ... hic .... haddacuppleuv pal ... plan .... panelplastic bargleglasters .... hic .... NOW! .... wass thish about Lillets day!??
You haven't even started that one yet FSN!
Quote from: Techno on 24 May 2015, 08:16:07 PM
My little battery powered version 'bit rather hard' at 30% of its full strength.
Goodness knows what strength 'belt' you got off a proper machine !!!
OUCH !!
Cheers - Phil
When my kids were small they used to get Nits from school fairly reguarly (Yuk). They created merry hell when you tried to use the conditioner and "nit comb" as they had long hair and it took aboput 30 minutes each and was only reasonably sucessful.
So i bought an Electrinic Nit comb that had been designed in Israel. It took a single 1.5 volt battery.It had two metal nit combs slightly offset so that when you caught the nit it shorted out the two combs and the resulting belt killed it.
It was brilliant you combed thier hair for 10 mins twice a week and - no more nits. and with three girls an hours time saved.
I soon learned that if you were not careful you could give the kids a belt, especially when combing near thier ears. Obviously the kids did not like this comb any more than the other one. BUT it did have an advantage if they moved they were likely to get a belt so that sat still while you did it. If they did not the simple threat of "Sit Still or I will electricute you" gave me a statue of a child.
I did get a funny look off the Mum of one of thier freinds when she asked how I got them to sit still and my three year old said " we have to sit still or Daddy will lectricute us". She did go out and buy one though :-\
One day out of interest I measured the voltage across the combs - remember its got a Single 1.5 volt battery. It was 400 volts, Thats not a typo.
"It's the volts what jolts but it's the mills what kills!"
How does it get 400 volts! :o ?
My dad was an Electrical Engineer. Apparently if you touch a mains cable (say if you are fixing in a domestic plug socket) through electrical insulation tape (that you've wrapped round to keep it safe) you speak scrambled for 10 minutes.
I'll ask him about that nit comb!
[Checks thread title - nips out to get 1.5 volt battery and two bits of wire, and the 'Ladybird Book of CIA enhanced interrogation'.
Why nip out, it's on the lend shelf?
Anyone seen the ice bucket? Might need it tonight.
Even warm in SW Wales !!
Right, Im ready for the darts tournament.
(https://flic.kr/p/v8oa7P)DSCF0210 (https://flic.kr/p/v8oa7P)
Oi! We've told you before, only semi-automatic allowed for darts matches.
Techno: put the Bren away too! We're still digging lead out from the last game. Although you can claim
501 in one burst!
X_X :-t :-t
No wonder I never win!
How you miss the board....Let alone miss treble twenty each time.....Especially as you can reach the damn board with that blowpipe, is beyond me ! :o
(Or haven't you discovered the chewing gum I blocked the pipe with yet ?)
BLOW-pipe! Well, that explains it. A basic flaw in my technique!
OIK !!!
Darts? OK, I'm in!
Crikey!
OK I found them.
Put some money in gas powered karaoke machine and breakout the sherbet dips and let's get this place rockin
Sherbert! Not near Nik's lager!!
Oh heck, it's so hot the ice bucket is melting!
Even the casting clones are saying it's too warm.
We've got thunder, rumbling around here....So I'm not staying for long.
Just enough for the pics I've just sent the Dark Lord to go. (THIS TIME !)
Still super hot here!
And what, Gentlemen of the Forum, do you suppose was the subject of those photos that Techno sent to the Dark Lord?
Perhaps a scenic view of a fine Welsh summer?
The product of his last month's activities?
Techno's latest bodybuilder shots?
Or just another ransom demand?
a)......That's just drizzle !Top
b)......(Swoon).....A tidy desk.....(I wish)
c)......Top half's too fat to be me.....Though I think my legs are better than his.
d).......He still hasn't sent me the money.
e)........You're an OIK !
Are they Leon's or Techno's legs?
From the colour of the toenail polish, I'd say Leon's.
Techno is more of an Angel's Mist man.
Why is the bodybuilder carrying little teapots?
Quote from: Last Hussar on 01 July 2015, 09:05:44 PM
Are they Leon's or Techno's legs?
Cone
ON. X_X
They're obviously not my legs.
There's not a single scar to be seen,
anywhere.
Flings Tawa's rather holy grundies out into the crowd!
Then wipes Nik's glass, with sandpaper...
Oi how bout some service you OIK....pint and two bales of hay for t'u camel.
IanS
You're late this morning!
Camel says easy on the brick.
Doesn't that hurt?
Only when he laughs.
Cheers - Phil
I Dont Beeeeeeeeeeeeliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve it.
That's on, on Radio 4 extra at the moment. (No...not this instant !)
Only a handful of episodes, sadly.....But most enjoyable.
Cheers - Victor.
Not just me that used to watch it then? :D
I shouldn't have thought so, Tawa. ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 18 September 2015, 07:25:19 AM
I shouldn't have thought so, Tawa. ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
That's a relief ;D
Barman!
A pint of bitter.
With a straw. 8)
Print of straws with angastora bitter was that?
No. Proper bitter beer.
With a straw.
And a slice of lemon.
No - lime.
Let's be sophisticated! :-[
Barman - you know the rules. FSN is only allowed weak halves of shandy.
To poor over 'Duckman' when he arrives ?
Cheers - Phil
Be like water off a ...
:P
Okay, half of lemonade shandy top, with a dash of lemonade.
Do we think that's too much sugar for FSN at this time of night? :-\
Just plain water then. Blow down those straws to create the bubbles. No not those straws, Orcs has been... Nevermind.
:o :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& ^#(^ :-t :'(
Oh I say! Frog balloons! How jolly!
Nobby.
Did you bring that bag of old crusts, so we can leave a nice trail for 'Ducky' ?
*nom, nom, nom*
Nooooo. I thought you had them. :D
Finally got all the decorations up.
Blood red to separate the blood shed by Techno in his efforts.
Black for the nighttime that the Dark Lord performs his work.
Blue and tasting of Wednesday for FSNs favourite pills.
Green to represent the envy we all feel of each other's paint jobs.
Crewe de menthe anyone?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 16 December 2015, 11:24:30 PM
Blood red to separate the blood shed by Techno in his efforts.
Shouldn't that read "In his stupidity." :-[
Well,you said it!
Crewe de menthe, slightly more palatable than Creme de menthe, minty, with a strong aftertaste of diesel! Hold on, that IS Creme de menthe!
Quote from: fsn on 23 November 2015, 08:09:09 AM
Oh I say! Frog balloons! How jolly!
I wonder what noise they'd make if you let go......
Stop lying about my paint jobs.
Nobody is ever envious of them.
Oi! You calling me a lyre!
Are you highly strung?
Lets not make a song and dance out of it....
Don't harp on about it!
We ought to bring some harmony back to the bar.....
You're not using any hairspray in here !
But it's very alcoholic, and tastes nice
Barkeep! Another pint of Covonia please!
Yuck!
You can have the usual, night nurse with fizzy beechams chaser, in a brandy!
Fine by me! *glug!* :D
Wow! Not often it goes down in one, including the glass!
By the way, the peanut should be back down to about 1/2c at the moment, and Nik's cinzano tree is nearly empty!
*Throws glitterbomb at Ithorial*
it's on a timer, pass it on!
Eeek! Eek! Eek! <juggles glitterbomb>
Oi! Westmarcher! Catch this!
<elephant rugby pass>
<elegant rugby pass>
Nope right the first time! <elephant rugby pass>
Lemmey seemed to think it might be a good idea not to hang on to it too long!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 19 December 2015, 08:42:38 PM
Wow! Not often it goes down in one, including the glass!
S'bestest bit that. I'll have another, and make it a triple! :D
*watches glitterbomb sail across the room*
Just check, is that the glitter or nail bomb?
I just licked it, now I've got glitter all over my tongue...... :P
Don't lie - that's off the pole dancer.
FSN - put your clothes back on.
That was a pole?
NOBBY !!
Would you be so kind to retrieve a couple of coats, for these 'gentlemen' ?
I don't think we can be that picky.
This is the only bar I know that has a chucker-inner
Better than a chucker-upper!
I've done maintenance work on a few pubs where you literally had to wipe your feet on the way out.
Least this place isn't that filthy.
Thanks Roy!
We will work on it! ;)
Who ordered the bailey's, carrot, absinthe and haddock smoothie?
*sldes one across the bar, then removes gas mask*
Will....... :o
I said "I've been walking 'round the paddock !.......Not put blanking haddock in the drink."
Sheesh !
Oh!
FSN, do you want a Herring Wallbanger?
*picks baileys and haddock smoothie off the bar*
Nobody want this then?
*sniffs air*
Has FSN been bringing his dirty laundry in again?
Nah, Tawa took his shoe off after stepping in a bear trap!
Forgot I left that there, now, anyone seen the pit recently? :-\
Umm. Its down here!
Anyone got a ladder?
Lads? A ladder? Please!
Sorry FSN, I am too busy making my way up a ladder on the barmaids stockings :d
Quote from: mad lemmey on 22 December 2015, 08:35:09 AM
Nah, Tawa took his shoe off
You have no idea how accurate that is! :>
Does this place serve Babycham? <:-P
I think there's a crate in the cellar marked "Nobby's".
Quote from: Techno on 22 December 2015, 11:28:31 AM
I think there's a crate in the cellar marked "Nobby's".
Enjoy!
Yup, one babyham, sorry, cham coming up, usual 4 pint jug? Olive?
Quote from: Techno on 22 December 2015, 11:28:31 AM
I think there's a crate in the cellar marked "Nobby's".
'ere! You leave my crate alone!
I haven't made the bed!
Beslubbering boil-brained hedge-pigs the lot of you! :D
For suitable retorts, see the resource here :) (http://www.pendrakenforum.co.uk/index.php/topic,13487.0.html)
None if that language here you thou artless hell-hated lout!
Your mother was a hamster! And your father smelt of elderberries! :D
Your father was an elderberry, and your mother smelled of hedgehogs
Quote from: Last Hussar on 20 January 2016, 12:59:10 AM
Your father was an elderberry, and your mother smelled of hedgehogs
I say! Most rude! :o
Quote from: Techno on 22 December 2015, 11:28:31 AM
I think there's a crate in the cellar marked "Nobby's".
No,it's 'Nobbies'. We have clones, so we can replace them when they break every 2-3 days.
Why WOULD anyone want to CLONE NOBBY........OUT OUT OUT.
IanS
There's a whole warehouse of them under Pendraken HQ so I'm told. Whenever there's an accident and the clone is no longer viable, another is activated and he "wakes up" in the med bay after "recovering".....
Shhh...
In keeping with the tradition of mis-spelling within the Forum, here is a picture of a warehouse full of clones.
:O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O) :O)
Hey! There's me!
Quote from: Tawa on 21 January 2016, 10:57:30 AM
There's a whole warehouse of them under Pendraken HQ so I'm told. Whenever there's an accident and the clone is no longer viable, another is activated and he "wakes up" in the med bay after "recovering".....
Is that why I keep dreaming of Raggy Phil?
Oi, you lot, did we come here to drink, or to talk? :Ph
The usual, please.
What, hyperviolence and half a shandy-top?
As I've been playing Mott The Hoople, recently.....
"Vi-o-lence.....Vi-o-lence...
It's the only thing that'll, make you see sense."
Pint of Absinthe, please, Will.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 21 January 2016, 01:43:02 PM
What, hyperviolence and half a shandy-top?
Exactly.
Though last weekend I was a little more adventurous and was hitting the neat gin, slivovitz, Hungarian cherry brandy, French elderflower liqueur, some classy bourbon, rum and coke, kir royale, Jamaican coffee with rum, and a few Coronas to stay hydrated. Along with the hyperviolence.
So half a shandy-top will do for now. Cheers. You're a gent. [Wipes lemonadey froth off top lip.]
Oh and the French ginger liqueur. Can't believe I forgot the French ginger liqueur.
So glad you didn't misspell that! ;D ;D
Quote from: fsn on 21 January 2016, 12:35:58 PM
Is that why I keep dreaming of Raggy Phil?
No. ;D
So barkeep. Have you some Valentine's Day delights? Some cocktails or concoctions to delight the ladies and their lovers? Ah! I see here scrawled on a chalk board a list of tasties to celebrate the day of romance. Well done to your six year old for nearly spelling some of the shorter words right. Oh! You did it yourself. Such ... unique penmanship. Now, what have we here?
"My Bloody Valentine." No doubt some tomato juice based cocktail? No? It's just an Infantry Tank Mk III that Techno's been working on. I see.
"Sweetheart Stout!" Oh I remember that one from a child and ... goodness gracious - what is that? That's your wife! You got engaged at school and she's put a bit of weight on since then. Very kind to offer, but perhaps some other time.
What about "Stolen Kisses"? That sounds sweet. Is that it? That's just a bowl of Hershey's that I'm guessing you haven't paid for. No thank you. That American chocolate tastes like candles.
"Romantic." I'm beginning to doubt if it is wise to ask, but please explain. You had a holiday in Italy, yes, with your lovely wife, and in the capital city there were bedbugs. I think I'll pass.
Ow! What have I just barked my shin on? It's an elongated ship's propeller, propped up here. What's that you call it? "A long hard screw up against the wall." Well that's not very romantic. No - no thank you - please keep those bedbugs away from me.
Surely you must have something better on offer?
I'll have Sex On The Beach, a Slow Comfortable Screw and a Screaming Orgasm ... cocktails? ... might as well have one of those too I suppose. ;)
How dare you say my wife is fat!!! How did you know all that about my wife FSN! Who told you about our trip to Rome!!!
*sound or a dozen red roses being used as a cosh*
Quote from: mad lemmey on 14 February 2016, 12:16:15 AM
*sound or a dozen red roses being used as a cosh*
I'll get the wooden ones from Birkenhead for you then. Pint of meths please bar keep, and feed Nobby to those Labradors.
IanS
Anyone want to help me muck out the gee-gees, this morning ?
(Where's everybody gone ?) :o :-\
OK. But can I have a shovel this time?
Wooden are cool, sure I saw some razor wire ones last year....
Sounds good. I got a splinter once, and it hurt.
Quote from: fsn on 14 February 2016, 09:28:21 AM
OK. But can I have a shovel this time?
No....But if you're very good, I'll let you use gloves, this time. ;)
:-& :-& :-& ^#(^
Wiiiiiiiilll......
It's only chewed grass that's been through an organic tube. :D
You make it sound so...
... revolting?
No.....It's only really revolting, when......No, I won't go there....It'll put you off your food.
Quote from: Chris Pringle on 21 January 2016, 04:15:40 PM
Oh and the French ginger liqueur. Can't believe I forgot the French ginger liqueur.
Liqueurs.....?
Oh, go on then....... ;D
Wow! I'll have to dust that one off then...
Nah, adds to the flavour :)
Here, take it....
We'll take the charge off your tab for that one!
Quick, a large whisky before you get angry.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 16 February 2016, 05:47:56 PM
Here, take it....
We'll take the charge off your tab for that one!
Thank ye very glad! :D
Do you have anything here that will strip enamel paint off lead figures?
In that case, make mine a double.
Double nitromores it is!
Do you want a sawferga chaser?
Nitromors? Only if it's the original. It's just not the same since they took the dichloromethane out. Ask any CAMRN member.
Now your swarfega, on the other hand ... Obliged, squire.
*Sound of Swarfegar pot skidding down the bar!*
Used to love that stuff when my dad was a mechanic, the smell, the feel, but best of all, if you opened a new pot and hit the side, you could see the ripples move across in bizarre, green, slow-motion!
Who ordered the rat-on-a-stick-wallbanger, with extra anchovy?
I Did, as you know Orcs eat anything.
EUGH!!!! You hadn't washed your hands, this rat tastes like swarfega !!
Orcs do have some standards you know!!
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 18 February 2016, 10:35:13 AM
I Did, as you know Orcs eat anything.
Orcs do have some standards you know!!
Very very few though....
IanS
Quote from: ianrs54 on 18 February 2016, 12:19:00 PM
Very very few though....
IanS
True, but one of them is never to live with in 20 miles of Runcorn ! ;)
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 18 February 2016, 12:50:48 PM
True, but one of them is never to live with in 20 miles of Runcorn ! ;)
I'm pleased to report that they're almost ready to close the bridge. Now all we need to do is blockade the Daresbury expressway....... ;D
That's too true to be funny. :(
It now takes me 20 minutes to do the 2 miles to the sorting office.
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 18 February 2016, 10:35:13 AM
I Did, as you know Orcs eat anything.
EUGH!!!! You hadn't washed your hands, this rat tastes like swarfega !!
Orcs do have some standards you know!!
No, no you don't
Quote from: fsn on 18 February 2016, 06:24:30 PM
That's too true to be funny. :(
It now takes me 20 minutes to do the 2 miles to the sorting office.
ONLY 20 minutes. Has taken me up to 2 hrs to get to the yard I deliver to in Widnes, queue started at the M56.......
IanS :'( :'( :'( :'(
Quote from: Last Hussar on 18 February 2016, 07:48:22 PM
No, no you don't
Yes I do! , they may be low but they are standards :D
Quote from: fsn on 18 February 2016, 06:24:30 PM
That's too true to be funny. :(
It now takes me 20 minutes to do the 2 miles to the sorting office.
I'm guessing you live somewhere near me then ;D
That's the spirit!
Quite down you lot, it's far too loud to read me book in here. Trip Phil up to stop him shooting himself.
IanS
Oh! I read that one. "Who really painted 'Scotland for Ever'?" That's the one where the Butler actually did do it, isn't it?
I've decided to be fashionable, so I'll have a pint of prosecco please.
No ice, but two umbrellas.
Classy. :D
One white whine sprinter!
Quote from: ianrs54 on 27 February 2016, 11:41:42 AM
Trip Phil up to stop him shooting himself.
BANG !!.....Whoops ! Sorry, Nobby.....I'll get you a plaster. :-[
Who left their sodding foot there.
Is that Ithorial's spare?
Not mine, I'm legless me ;)
You even missed Nobby. NEVER LET A WELSHMAN LOSE ON HIGH TECH KIT. Throws empty glass in general direction of brawl.
IanS
*starts whoopin' an' a hollerin' whilst blasting sixguns into the ceiling* :D
Don't! Techno will get his Bren out again...
Plus I'm not sure the ceiling is entirely safe....
Gawd. Imagine Techno tripping over with a Bren. X_X
Check page 2 of this thread, Westie......It shows I can hold a Bren without falling over.
(Though, this IS the before photo !) :D
I remember it. :)
(I still have nightmares)
Quote from: Techno on 27 February 2016, 12:50:25 PM
BANG !!.....Whoops ! Sorry, Nobby.....I'll get you a plaster. :-[
Who left their sodding foot there.
Try again Phil
PLEASE !!!!!
What ? ......Shoot Nobby properly ? :o :o
Quote from: Techno on 27 February 2016, 12:50:25 PM
BANG !!.....Whoops ! Sorry, Nobby.....I'll get you a plaster. :-[
Who left their sodding foot there.
Foot! You've shot off at last three inches!
And a plaster's not going to help.
Can't fix a daffodil with a plaster.
Mum's going to be so disappointed.
Quote from: Techno on 27 February 2016, 09:14:46 PM
What ? ......Shoot Nobby properly ? :o :o
Yes It might be fun :D
You're just trying to see if I get hit by a ricochet, aren't you ?
Ric O'Shea, - thought we'd bared him.....
IanS
Only after the peanut incident
Quote from: ianrs54 on 28 February 2016, 08:10:48 AM
Ric O'Shea, - thought we'd bared him.....IanS
Nah...Wasn't he a 'DJ' on a space station, in one episode of Thunderbirds ?
I'm not THAT old.....
IanS
You found it then FSN?
Why do I keep getting this b plant in my pint. THROW IT OUT.
IanS
Face it Ian, it's the closest to a green vegetable most wargamers get! ;D
If it's green it's rotten.....
IanS
Quote from: mad lemmey on 28 February 2016, 08:16:54 AM
Only after the peanut incident
And the fact that the Ping-Pong balls kept disappearing when he bought his Thai girlfriend in. Never did see her play a game so goodness know why she wanted them :-\
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 28 February 2016, 09:43:43 PM
And the fact that the Ping-Pong balls kept disappearing when he bought his Thai girlfriend in. Never did see her play a game so goodness know why she wanted them :-\
Maybe it was Douglas Bader in disguise
So, we've had a run on the creme de menthe, so, what you lot downing next?
I would like a pint of Sambuca to get the taste of the Swarfega out of my mouth
Don't forget to put the coffee beans in it and light it.
Form an orderly queue to set light to Orc's mouth.
Who wants a go with the flamethrower?
Don't give it to Phil......
IanS
Agreed....I'll probably almost certainly burn the whole place down. X_X
Quote from: ianrs54 on 28 February 2016, 04:06:44 PM
If it's green it's rotten.....
IanS
As I always say; "Don't worry about the smell love, it's probably fine....."
Throws stale Easter egg into the throng!
Despite many pleas we have no ducks because Techno is too busy making unbelievable things!
I don't believe what I'm making, just at the moment. ;)
Don't forget the flint blades....
Quote from: Techno on 05 April 2016, 07:33:16 PM
I don't believe what I'm making, just at the moment. ;)
3 shillings and sixpence an hour?
Quote from: Tawa on 29 February 2016, 01:17:59 PM
As I always say; "Don't worry about the smell love, it's probably fine....."
The less we know about your genitals the better !! :-& :)
Quote from: mad lemmey on 29 February 2016, 07:22:15 AM
Who wants a go with the flamethrower?
OI Will, Mind my Eyebrows !!
Give FSN a squirt with it - He's a Heretic. He bought
T35'S from another manufacturer
Quote from: FierceKitty on 05 April 2016, 07:39:49 PM
Don't forget the flint blades....
That was posted very late at night. Kind of everyone not to point out that I clearly intended to write
obsidian blades.
They're still not in the exceptionally varied mix of figures I'm working through, just at the moment. :D
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 05 April 2016, 11:38:33 PM
The less we know about your genitals the better !! :-& :)
Ever eaten oysters.....?
Only once, a real disappointment.
Never....I wouldn't even want to try.... :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& :-& :-&
Like swallowing a glob of snot......
Sorry, didn't realise my cold was that bad!
You know why he's called 'Just a few orcs'
That's who they find are less popular
List of people barred from a Herne Hill pub.
http://indy100.independent.co.uk/article/the-most-incredible-list-of-people-have-been-barred-from-this-pub-in-south-london--ZJQy6aPZbZb
Sounds like any given boozer!
Many years ago now I worked in a country pub just outside Edinburgh and learned that there is a fine art to barring people when most of your customers are local gamekeepers with who bring shotguns and a pair of dogs each into the snug!
I live the names - Why is he two suits?
Ahem, your bar tab still needs paying!
What - this one?
Yes - I'll take cash or FP bank transfer.
IanS
PS - I assume those are Egyptian pounds ?
IanS
Love the way they add on a gratuity, then leave space for you to add on a gratuity.
Been sat here since June waiting for a pint.
Eaten all the peanuts.
The last few definitely tasted of urine.
Probably should remember to wash my hands.
I remember the glory days when this place was full. Hordes of laughing, chatting gamers - discussing their latest painting, and the research they'd done. That's why I started coming here, and you know, for the first few times it was wonderful. I joined in wholeheartedly, put a few people right on a number of things, and told them all my stories of gaming derring do.
But these things don't seem to last do they? Fewer people came in. It became noticeable just a few weeks after I started coming in. I wonder if it was because they changed the beer - I say beer but it was just that lager stuff. I told 'em straight. "You want to get some proper beer in, mate." I said. Told that Lennie a few times. Funnily enough he seemed quite angry. But he didn't take my advice and you see the result! An empty bar.
Still, there's an atmosphere here. It like gamers' aura has seeped into the walls like red seeps into white however long you leave it to dry.
Wonder where the lads are? Probably at home with their womenfolk. Being told what to do. Not being able to decide what to eat. Having to put their clothes in a laundry hamper. Not for me, matey. Oh no! I'm a free spirit. A Frei Schnapps as the Germans would have it. No ties for me! I come and go as I please. If I want to go to bed late, well there's no-one there to give me the evil eye. Or warm the bed up. Still I've got a hot water bottle. There's no-one to tell me that I've spent too long painting and I'll ruin my eyes. Nobody tells me that I shouldn''t buy that book, then smiles and says "oh go on then". I buy what I want, when I want. Slave to nobody. A free spirit - Libre Cognac the French would call it. Oh yes! It's the life for a real man. No distractions. Able to focus.
I suppose I should push off. Doesn't look like there's any staff on again. Pity. I was hoping for a hot pie and maybe a packet of salted nuts. Still, I don't need their business if they don't need my custom. I've got some bacon and half a tin of beans. And my pride. Their loss. I'd tell that cross Benny if he was here. Perhaps I could leave a note. I could write it on the back of this other one I left. Oh! I've already left a note on the back of the note.
Never mind. I'll just go. We can do that, we free spirits - grazi vino - can do that. Can go anywhere - like a bird on the wing, a dolphin in the sea or a customs and excise officer in any premises. I've got the last of "The Fall" to watch, with that Gillian Anderson.
Living the dream. A free spirit.
Or it could be its 10am and the bar ain't open ;)
Sorry, was rather enjoying breakfast.
Who ordered the peanut? Catch!
(Do you think the accelerated peanut has slowed enough yet)?
Oh, the idioms are ready, not that you really wanted them... Maybe later?
I've been trying to catch that peanut for months.
I'd sit here and then zipp! and away it would go. Away before I can react. Nearly had it once, but it seemed to put on a bit of a spurt and it outran me.
Isn't it about time you got more staff? You could get an intern or something couldn't you? I mean, it doesn't take a lot of brains to run a bar does it? Any plank of wood could do it. It's not even as if there's any proper beers to remember - just fizzy lager. Yes any idiot could be a barkeep.
...
I'll let myself out.
Watch the bear trap FSN.
Thanks for that warning.
Just timed it right.
Could someone help me get this bear trap off my leg?
Quote from: fsn on 30 October 2016, 04:19:54 PM
Yes any idiot could be a barkeep.
You're right.
I once had a job as a barman. :)
Me too.
I kept bar in North Wales, then when I moved to Sheffield, I volunteered to be a barman at the local Territorial Army event. (I remember a board with lots of officers with VD after their names. Apparently VD meant Voluntary decoration.)
Anyway, I got quite narky with some chap ordering "a glass of beer". Apparently in Yorkshire this meant "a half of bitter".
Never got asked back.
What, you mean it comes in pints!
Don't we all? :P
Cant drink beer in anything less than a pint glass......Glass of Stella NOW Nobby !
Ian S
You lot usually drink in gallons!
One gallon of Stella...
It's quiet Sergeant... Too quiet...
Doomed...
Will......Is that really you, under all those cobwebs and dust ?
If it hasn't gone completely flat......A pint of brandy with that hint of fizzy lemonade, if you please.
Put it on Leon's slate......He's not here, so he'll never notice. :D
Cheers - Phil
It will go straight through you Phil! Suppose we can recycle it later? :P
'Scuse the webs, move the black widow and shift the bear trap before you sit down. 🕷
Bloomin' marvellous! Been knocking on this door every day for months, and no-one thought to let me out. I just curl up under the billiard table for a nap and the place fills up with ... whatever Techno is.
Quote from: fsn on 12 March 2017, 03:57:36 PM
Bloomin' marvellous! Been knocking on this door every day for months, and no-one thought to let me out. I just curl up under the billiard table for a nap and the place fills up with ... whatever Techno is.
One suspects it's the ambient odder of Wuncorn what is keein uz owt.
IanS
It's not ambient, its belligerent!
Well I'll have a pint of whatever it is.
I think we need to give the place a damn good clean first.
Tonight's special is a bloody Mary Techno.......I've managed to slice one of my fingers, for the first time in months.
Serves me right for the way I was holding the model......and using a spanking new blade..
I'll have to get some more plasters .....Or get the vets to stitch it up. (Biggest dog having a blood test tomorrow)
MRI scan (Me) on Friday.....What a fun week coming up. :-&
Cheers - Phil
:o X_X #-o ;D
[Good luck, Friday]
fsn; you've been locked in the bar all that time and there's still booze left?
Quote from: Westmarcher on 12 March 2017, 06:46:55 PM
fsn; you've been locked in the bar all that time and there's still booze left?
Yup, but not a single pork pie!
Those weren't pork pies... :-&
Nah.....Those were the bits of me they took out, the last time I went into hospital.
(Mind you....That would have made a very small pie......And WHAT did they use for the pastry ?) :o
Yik !!..... (And thanks, Westie, ;))
Cheers - Phil.
Remember not to ask for Pink Floyd whilst in the scanner !! ;)
Pink Floyd:
1 ounce Amaretto
1 ounce Southern Comfort
1 ounce orange juice
1 ounce pineapple juice
Mix and serve over ice.
All proceeds should go to breast cancer awareness, as it was originally invented to support that noble cause!
There's a reason I'm the barsteward here... ;)
I suspect that Phil, alechol, blades and 'ospitals do na mix.
Laying WHOM still, may one ask?
Large Jagermeister for Mollinary!
I have recently learned that Jagermeister does NOT contain elk blood which begs the question*, "What's the point then"?
*note to Kitty: I am using the more popular albeit strictly improper application of the term. :D
Quote from: fsn on 13 March 2017, 09:17:01 AM
I've done some research on MRI scans. Looks like they're pretty safe.
But far more than
rather noisy !
Cheers - Phil
THink I said this before - don't ask for pink Floyd on the headphones - very weird experience.
Quote from: d_Guy on 12 April 2017, 03:40:37 PM
I have recently learned that Jagermeister does NOT contain elk blood which begs the question*, "What's the point then"?
I know a place where they provide the Elk, but you have to get your own elk blood for your Jagermeitser.
Sometimes, the elk drinks.
It's not han helk, that's a gnu...
https://g.co/kgs/Ebw8lJ
Oh, looks like reindeer!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 13 April 2017, 08:37:09 AM
Oh, looks like reindeer!
No Weatherman says its going to sunny in MK :D
Quote from: Orcs on 13 April 2017, 08:42:37 AM
No Weatherman says its going to sunny in MK :D
Not even one?
Today is tax day in the States. I read a piece this morning which suggested a large portion of the population finds it wonderful since they are getting a refund of part of their payroll tax contribution (basically earned income we give our government as an interest free loan!). People are excitedly planning what to do with the money the government is "giving" them. It's like a magician that baffles you with what's happening in his right hand while picking your pocket with his left!
Sic transit gloria mundi
A bit political DGuy, but yes I understand.
Mines a pint!
Oops! Sorry - thinking this more a universal condition - death, taxes, that sort of thing. :)
Political would be mentioning that tomorrow (April 19) is a special anniversary for us Yanks! :D
No, I'm lost...
Quote from: mad lemmey on 13 April 2017, 08:37:09 AM
It's not han helk, that's a gnu...
https://g.co/kgs/Ebw8lJ
Oh, looks like reindeer!
My friend Rudolph is both a good communist and an excellent weather forecaster and he says it looks like rain ... and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear! ;)
Quote from: d_Guy on 18 April 2017, 10:06:16 PM
Oops! Sorry - thinking this more a universal condition - death, taxes, that sort of thing. :)
Political would be mentioning that tomorrow (April 19) is a special anniversary for us Yanks! :D
Quote from: mad lemmey on 18 April 2017, 10:50:12 PM
No, I'm lost...
The British are coming, the British are coming...
Quote from: paulr on 19 April 2017, 12:28:08 AM
The British are coming, the British are coming...
Colin Welland at the 1982 Oscars!
Did we come here to talk, or to drink?
I'll have a shot of that green liquor there. Yep, the one that's etching its way through the glass.
Scramble... good choice, a particularly fine vintage the '56.
A drink well worth laying down, and leaving well alone!
Oh, and a bottle of Pol Roger for that bald bloke over there with the cigar. He's helped me a lot with my Omdurman scenario. I trounced him in our Gallipoli game, but he's unbeatable at Axis & Allies.
http://www.pendrakenforum.co.uk/index.php/topic,15855.msg230941.html#new
PS - don't tell him he's drunk.
Anyone here know how to make a Corpse Reviver?
The drink I suppose, not the electrical thingee?
Ingredients 2 parts cognac, 1 part Calvados, 1 part sweet vermouth (Cinzano).
Stir with ice, strain into a chilled cocktail glass
Or Defibrillator kit...
1 part beer, 1 part vodka, 1 part Canadian whisky, 3 parts orange juice! Serve stirred in a highball glass. :-&
CLEAR!
Quote from: mad lemmey on 29 June 2017, 04:07:49 PM
Or Defibrillator kit...
1 part beer, 1 part vodka, 1 part Canadian whisky, 3 parts orange juice! Serve stirred in a highball glass. :-&
CLEAR!
Orange Juice and Beer - weirdo!!
Quote from: RoyWilliamson on 29 June 2017, 01:52:28 PM
Anyone here know how to make a Corpse Reviver?
FSN prefers not to revive a corpse, as she might say no to what he proposes ! :D :-& :-&
Corpse Revivers are the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
and pan-galactric-gargle-blasters.
Carful - I have the bricks
I prefer the Corpse Reviver No 2: equal parts gin, lemon juice, Cointreau, Kina Lillet, and a dash of absinthe (I like a large "dash").
The 1930 Savoy Cocktail Book says "Four of these taken in swift succession will unrevive the corpse again".
Quote from: sunjester on 04 July 2017, 08:45:16 AM
I prefer the Corpse Reviver No 2: equal parts gin, lemon juice, Cointreau, Kina Lillet, and a dash of absinthe (I like a large "dash").
The 1930 Savoy Cocktail Book says "Four of these taken in swift succession will unrevive the corpse again".
And probably embalm the body as well.
You can't get Kina Lillet anymore. Closest is a vermouth called (something) Americano
Quote from: Last Hussar on 06 July 2017, 11:02:42 PM
You can't get Kina Lillet anymore. Closest is a vermouth called (something) Americano
Cocchi Americano. As used in the Vesper Martini, Corpse Reviver #2 and Old Etonian ... and doubtless other cocktails to boot.
Though no longer Kina, Lillet is available (e.g. from here https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B005UXLCRM/007dossier-21), though it's now known as Lillet Blanc to differentiate it from Lillet Rouge which was launched later.
Of course, as a husband who had no qualms about purchasing "feminine hygiene" products for my other half, Lil-let has a whole other connotation!
Quote from: Ithoriel on 07 July 2017, 02:39:48 AM
Cocchi Americano. As used in the Vesper Martini, Corpse Reviver #2 and Old Etonian ... and doubtless other cocktails to boot.
Though no longer Kina, Lillet is available (e.g. from here https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B005UXLCRM/007dossier-21), though it's now known as Lillet Blanc to differentiate it from Lillet Rouge which was launched later.
Of course, as a husband who had no qualms about purchasing "feminine hygiene" products for my other half, Lil-let has a whole other connotation!
Few things impress a woman more, in my experience, than helping out in that direction, especially on holiday where you remembered to pack a box or two and she forgot.
Quote from: FierceKitty on 07 July 2017, 02:44:57 AM
Few things impress a woman more, in my experience, than helping out in that direction, especially on holiday where you remembered to pack a box or two and she forgot.
If youre buying feminine products, youre already past the stage where you need to impress them! ;D
If youre buying for someone you hardly know... youre probably Mayor of the Friendzone!
Quote from: ErHo on 07 September 2017, 07:52:29 PM
If youre buying for someone you hardly know... youre probably Mayor of the Friendzone!
Or they will regard you as a creepy weirdo and avoid you in the future. :D
Quote from: Orcs on 07 September 2017, 08:32:53 PM
Or they will regard you as a creepy weirdo and avoid you in the future. :D
I fear the same when I meet a lass, that's why I don't mention the toy soldiers. Best to wait till after the 'very well, you can fart or use my loo' stage in the relationship to introduce her to the little lead men. Of course, she could then come back with her insane collecting habits and make you want to run for the hills!
Quote from: RoyWilliamson on 08 September 2017, 10:49:20 AM
I fear the same when I meet a lass, that's why I don't mention the toy soldiers. Best to wait till after the 'very well, you can fart or use my loo' stage in the relationship to introduce her to the little lead men. Of course, she could then come back with her insane collecting habits and make you want to run for the hills!
But Roy your ginger - if she is ok with that all your other foibles should pale into insignificance ;D ;D
Sorry - you walked into that :)
Ha! :) In fact I forget I'm ginger, most of the time. I suppose it might come as a bit of a shock to people, when meeting in person for the first time, when they've previously envisioned me as a member of the black/brown/or blonde -haired majority. Though it does make it easier to find me ... I don't need to be wearing a carnation in my breast pocket, or carrying a rolled up newspaper. 'Alright luv. Just look for't ginger amongst crowd, an' yule 'av found me.'
My mom was a ginger(had a soul) but none of us are ready in turn... it's up to you Roy, breed like there's no tomorrow!!!
Unfortunately I'm finding more and more Silver hairs each week ... I'm only 35! ~X(
Quote from: ErHo on 07 September 2017, 07:52:29 PM
If youre buying feminine products, youre already past the stage where you need to impress them! ;D
There are benefits in keeping your wife impressed with your gentlemanly behaviour. Even if she likes your caveman side too.
Quote from: FierceKitty on 11 September 2017, 10:59:48 AM
There are benefits in keeping your wife impressed with your gentlemanly behaviour. Even if she likes your caveman side too.
There are definite benefits in not having a wife to impress at all! :)
Quote from: Orcs on 12 September 2017, 06:17:23 AM
There are definite benefits in not having a wife to impress at all! :)
You scratch your itches your way, I'll do it mine....
Will you lot stop being so nice to each other and get on with the physical violence? =)
Please accept this hand grenade as a token of my esteem.
Erm... you left the pin in!
Bet it's got plasters holding it in place. :D
No I soldered them in before I sent them over, be irresponsible to give live grenades to Nobby otherwise.
=O =O
Quote from: mad lemmey on 12 September 2017, 10:29:09 AM
Will you lot stop being so nice to each other and get on with the physical violence? =)
They're just flirting before flinging glasses of lambrini into each other's faces and storming out in a huff! =((
;)
Semprini? :o
Nowhere near as good as Keith Emerson or Rick Wakeman. :D
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: FierceKitty on 12 September 2017, 06:20:59 PM
Semprini? :o
No, lambrini: it's a cheap, low-grade, fizzy wine which is favoured by a young, emotional demographic and is therefore perfect for pouring over the head/chucking in the face of a memeber of the opposite sex at the denouement of a soap opera episode ;)
A reference to the great Monty Python on my side.
Yes, I know....I was being silly. :P
Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, too silly.
Lambrini is that low grade sparkling wine made out of young sheep.
Nobby chew your own coat, then chase that Viking choir out.
Nobby, WILL YOU BE MORE BLOODY CAREFULL WHEN CHEWING COATS - YOU JUST BIT MY FINGER!!!
Anyone got a plaster?
Go away !
Quote from: fsn on 13 September 2017, 07:44:11 AM
Lambrini is that low grade sparkling wine made out of young sheep.
When I worked at the local Sainsbury's it had the largest shelf-space for any particular alcoholic item, we'd constantly be replenishing it, but I never saw anyone buy any... :-\
Quote from: FierceKitty on 13 September 2017, 01:42:06 AM
A reference to the great Monty Python on my side.
Grandad, I'm only old enough to remember the good stuff that filtered through to the compilations, not the dreck that was left to history! :P
Quote from: mad lemmey on 12 September 2017, 10:29:09 AM
Will you lot stop being so nice to each other and get on with the physical violence? =)
Time to shake up a bottle or three, attach them to a stick of dynamite and lob them into the nascent bromance-fest before it gets slushy! :d
Quote from: O Dinas Powys on 13 September 2017, 12:32:42 PM
Grandad, I'm only old enough to remember the good stuff that filtered through to the compilations, not the dreck that was left to history! :P,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfU6bmKsoko
Quote from: O Dinas Powys on 13 September 2017, 12:32:42 PM
When I worked at the local Sainsbury's it had the largest shelf-space for any particular alcoholic item, we'd constantly be replenishing it, but I never saw anyone buy any... :-
Grandad, I'm only old enough to remember the good stuff that filtered through to the compilations, not the dreck that was left to history! :P
Time to shake up a bottle or three, attach them to a stick of dynamite and lob them into the nascent bromance-fest before it gets slushy! :d
"You can buy it or nick it from Woolworths but I doubt if they'll have any in ..."
That one too ancient for you too? <cracks knuckles> You young whipper-snapper! ;)
BRASSO !!
What do I win ?
No Silvo tastes better....so I'm told.
YOU B*RSTEWARD........It was you, was it ?...And I've been blaming Nobby.
Oh. So it wasn't me?
How disappointing. I was so looking forward to being unmasked. K
Had my speech ready and everything. "You won't take me alive coppers!"
Can't beat the classics.
Quote from: Techno on 13 September 2017, 07:15:56 PM
YOU B*RSTEWARD........It was you, was it ?...And I've been blaming Nobby.
Wasn't me !
Quote from: Techno on 13 September 2017, 01:14:38 PM
BRASSO !!
What do I win ?
You mentioned bandage in the " Which one of you Oiks ......." thread. When you asked what you won in this one I just said you won it to take the pee !
I'm still unsure as to who I think is responsible. It can't be some massive coincidence......Can it ?
Like I said.....If another couple of packages turn up in the next couple of days, I'll have more to go on.
(If I get answered by another Amazon autobot.....I'll probably end up with even MORE of the things.) X_X
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Techno on 14 September 2017, 06:51:48 AM
Like I said.....If another couple of packages turn up in the next couple of days, I'll have more to go on.
Cue packs of toilet roll arriving chez Techno.
Not a hint lads - but I found a book for 10p on Amazon t'oter day.......
;) ;)
Come on......Play fair ! :'( :'( :'( :'(
Quote from: Techno on 14 September 2017, 10:33:49 AM
Come on......Play fair ! :'( :'( :'( :'(
Never 'ave, and I aint startin nowse :d :d
Techno, if you are going to bludgeon Nobby with his answerphone, could you at least unplug it first so we stop hearing that repeated message!
Who ordered the mojito?
Quote from: mad lemmey on 14 September 2017, 12:21:34 PM
Techno, if you are going to bludgeon Nobby with his answerphone, could you at least unplug it first so we stop hearing that repeated message!
Who ordered the mojito?
It looks like Nobby is enjoying the pain, and unlike Mis Whiplash he is getting it for free
Window pain?
Coat !!!!
Wouldn't say you lot hit it hard last night, but hair of the dog does not involve actual dogs!
Or did you just shave Westie for fun Phil?
Can only get hair of the cat round here !
Quote from: mad lemmey on 01 January 2018, 11:25:07 AM
Wouldn't say you lot hit it hard last night, but hair of the dog does not involve actual dogs!
Or did you just shave Westie for fun Phil?
That deserves the return of your coat, once again, Will ! ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Three months since anyone ordered a drink - must be FSNs round
Drink anyone? No. OK.
I heard that, MINE IS A PINT
Pint of Creme de menthe with toothpaste chaser, as usual Ian?
Best Whisky you have barkeep- Nobby's tab... whats that? Hold on, extend onto this extra slate I happen to have on me.
Yes that 's right, "Nobby" spelt "T-e-c-h-n-o".
I'll have my usual Irn Bru and mindless despair.
Thank you.
No ice.
TECHNO! Nobby is buying a round, what do you want?
Mallard fizz for me !! :)
Could have sworn I posted that, last night !....Must have hit the wrong button. (again). :'(
I'll have a packet of flying raisins, too.
Cheers - Phil
One Mallard Fizz.
Just seen a member of staff collecting the flying raisins. :P
A mug of Orzorga's Red Frothgar and a couple of Crunchy Spider Skewers for me please :-)
Quote from: Ithoriel on 02 April 2018, 08:08:24 AM
A mug of Orzorga's Red Frothgar and a couple of Crunchy Spider Skewers for me please :-)
Stop being so conservative with your choices chaps!
I don't really see the need for models of Centurion tanks.
:o ... but ..
... and ...
Found this. Female crew of a Danish Centurion.
There is so much to love about this tank!
Excuse me gentlemen. I need to be alone for a little while.
Chieftains are better!
And Challengers even better !
I'm sorry Ian,
I might actually have to agree.
The original WW2 challenger was insane, the Iranian cast off was awesome, and the remodelled Challenger 2 is still incredible.
Bloke at work used to drive Chieftans. He said they had Leyland bus engines and were always breaking down.
He then did conversion onto Challengers, which had Roll Royce engines which they were expressly forbidden to touch
Off to France tomorrow, so, Allen Les Bleu!
... or possibly "Allez les Bleus!" :)
Blòødy phönê
Will, your email yesterday took a little bit of translating !
Have a great time, Matey.
I'll have a question re the 'ancients' when you get back. :D
Cheers - Phil
Ask away, I have comms
Thanks Will.
I'll take a piccy of an old figure and send that with the question.
It's basically "What's this bit, then." ;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: mad lemmey on 25 May 2018, 09:13:23 PM
Off to France tomorrow, so, Allen Les Bleu!
Where are you going Will? I'm off to Normandy a week today.
Quote from: sunjester on 28 May 2018, 07:04:59 AM
Where are you going Will? I'm off to Normandy a week today.
Only if you set the alarm !! :)
I'm on the Marne about 45km se of Paris
....Stay cos your bored at work!
Very tempted! I could do battlefield tours, honest!
*Puts pillow under Westie's head, gently removes lint (empty) from his hand and pits something soothing on the jukebox (Ranmsetein's Greatest Hits)!*
Shhhhhhhh, he's exhausted
;D ;D ;D
Starting to wake up now - somewhat incongruously, with the help of some nicely chilled Chardonnay! ;) ]
Where is everyone, its been quiet fir days!
No sexism, no insults, no grammar corrections!
The peanuts are almost sterile...
I've even got pernod and creme d'menthe still in the bottles and not smashed over someone's head!
Not even a thread hijacking to moan about...
I've been grounded for two weeks.
Why, what did you do?
Quote from: d_Guy on 15 August 2018, 08:57:21 PM
I've been grounded for two weeks.
A sensible precaution when there may be lightning about.
I had a deep thought today.
Why is it that women, right?, y'know women.
Women, right? Women, can wear anything... absolutely anything that men can wear. Right? Anything. Suit - yes, football kit - yup, just a plain white man's shirt - most definitely (especially with socks), even, right? Even pyjamas. S'amazing! Anything a man can wear a woman can wear and look good. Anything. Prove me wrong.
See! Just a white shirt. Gorgeous.
But. BUT.
BUT ... it's not the same the other way round, right? Men. Blokes. Men ... like me and d_Guy and ... and ... Leon ... well, Dave, well maybe not exactly, but you get the idea, right? So Men, right, can't wear women's stuff and look good? Sean Connery. Sean-bloody-Connery. Mr Scotland, James-Bloody-Bond, so manly that three women got pregnant just shaking his ... hand. What about him? Even he can't wear a wedding dress and look good.
For clarity though. Nobody can wear sandals and socks.
No-one.
Not even Anne Hathaway.
See. No socks. (There are a disturbing number of photographs of Anne Hathaway's feet.)
Quote from: mad lemmey on 15 August 2018, 06:38:28 PM
Where is everyone, its been quiet fir days!
No sexism, no insults, no grammar corrections!
The peanuts are almost sterile...
I've even got pernod and creme d'menthe still in the bottles and not smashed over someone's head!
Not even a thread hijacking to moan about...
Who wants to correct Will's spelling ?
I wasn't about yesterday afto'...'cos I was trying to get a poorly sheep into a wheelbarrow.....(And failing 'cos Von wasn't there to help)
Gave up, and waited for Von to get home from the Pembrokeshire show !
Then had a panic, when I saw on the news that a horse had injured a number of folk at the show, when it bolted from the showjumping ring. (And where exactly would I expect Von and her friend to be ?)
Phoned around (Police, hospital, Von's friend's husband)...to see if I could glean anything ?
Was somewhat relieved when she got home, while I was out in the field trying to move the sheep for the umpteenth time...and getting rather wet.
In the end, the pair of us managed to move the sheep into the big barn, where it seemed to perk up.
Didn't get a stroke of work done in the afternoon.....And I'd been
hoping to finish (Or all but finish) the range I'm working on for Leon, at the mo'......Hey Ho !
Good grief.....I could have done with a pint of creme d'menthe last night !
Cheers - Phil......Who's got aches all over the place, this morning ! (And I'd better go outside and see if the sheep's survived overnight !)
Quote from: Techno on 16 August 2018, 06:04:35 AM
Who wants to correct Will's spelling ?
"Where is everyone, its been quiet fur days!
No sexism, no insults, no grammer corrections!
The peanuts is almost sterile*...
I've even got pernod and creme d'menthe** still in the bottles and not smashed over someone's head!
Not even a thread hijacking to moan about***..."
* No, they're just taking precautions
** No you don't. The last bottle of creme de menthe was humanely destroyed in 2002.
*** You will fly this thread to Cuba Libre! ... no ... it's not a gun in my pocket ... I am just pleased to see you.
Quote from: Techno on 16 August 2018, 06:04:35 AM
Who wants to correct Will's spelling ?
I wasn't about yesterday afto'...'cos I was trying to get a poorly sheep into a wheelbarrow.....(And failing 'cos Von wasn't there to help)
Gave up, and waited for Von to get home from the Pembrokeshire show !
Then had a panic, when I saw on the news that a horse had injured a number of folk at the show, when it bolted from the showjumping ring. (And where exactly would I expect Von and her friend to be ?)
Phoned around (Police, hospital, Von's friend's husband)...to see if I could glean anything ?
Was somewhat relieved when she got home, while I was out in the field trying to move the sheep for the umpteenth time...and getting rather wet.
In the end, the pair of us managed to move the sheep into the big barn, where it seemed to perk up.
Didn't get a stroke of work done in the afternoon.....And I'd been hoping to finish (Or all but finish) the range I'm working on for Leon, at the mo'......Hey Ho !
Good grief.....I could have done with a pint of creme d'menthe last night !
Cheers - Phil......Who's got aches all over the place, this morning ! (And I'd better go outside and see if the sheep's survived overnight !)
Reported you to RSPCA, and what range were dat ?
Blue Bols and lemonade then Techno! Sounds like one hell of a day. Hugs.
Quote from: ianrs54 on 16 August 2018, 07:46:18 AM
Reported you to RSPCA, and what range were dat ?
They won't come here, Ian...They'll go next door, to the so called animal 'sanctuary'......She's
always being reported to the RSPCA !
Quote from: mad lemmey on 16 August 2018, 09:07:13 AM
Blue Bols and lemonade then Techno! Sounds like one hell of a day. Hugs.
Thanks, Will.....She didn't make it. (Mind you, she was at least as twice as old as 'normal' sheep gets to be.)
She was as stiff as a board when I went out to check.
Knacker-man has been phoned, to come and collect, before she gets
too ripe ! X_X.....YIKKK !
Cheers - Farmer Giles. (Get orf moi land !)
Bar Menu is in
Sam and Ella extra ?
I like your new board as well:
I like that !! ;D
Cheers - Phil
Hamsters are the nickname adopted by Mark Hamill fans on twitter. Maybe 1 Star wars fan bought too many?
Oh good. Got here before Techno.
Barkeep! I'll have a double-death zombie killer and make it ... please.
What's a double-death zombie killer? have you not been trained as a barrista?
Right: a zombie is rum, rum, rum, pineapple juice, and lime juice. A zombie killer takes out the yucky bits - i.e the pineapple juice and replaces it with lemonade ... oh and the rum is yucky too.
A death zombie killer adds a bit of danger with an ice cube ... and a double death zombie killer is ...
Yes, two ice cubes. How perceptive of you.
Wotcha, Nobby.......Get 'em lined up...I'll be back in a minute (whenever).....Just gotta go and play on the barn roof, to clean out the gutters. =)
(I may be some time)
Cheers - Phil
Cleaning out the gutters?
Pint of gutter gunk for my friend, please.
I'm down......and safe !
Though I got saddled with yet another job, which involved mole grips......WD 40, plastic gutters , 30 feet up in the air.....and a HUGE amount of bad language.....But, it's done and I didn't fall off the roof.
I'm way too old for this 'poop'.
Cheers - Kn*ckered of Wales. ;)
He's got nothing on me. ;)
I wish I had a proper build for a bloke....Then I might be able to be at the top of a ladder...and undo 'things' that need undoing. (Rather than swearing at the Universe.....I DID win in the end, though. )
Cheers - Mr I'm going to have a really hot bath tonight, to ease Mr Back. ;)
Rum all round then...
The last time I went up a set of ladders the bloody things broke thankfully I never hurt myself since then I've been wary of ladders.
Take care
Andy
I don't mind going UP the ladder......I don't mind getting onto the big barn's roof...(It's 'only' about 20 feet up....But that's enough to do a lot of damage if I fell off.) And I don't mind walking along the very edge of the roof.
What gets me 'jittery' is getting my feet on the top few rungs of the ladder, when I'm coming down....'Cos I can't see exactly what I'm doing.
While I was up on the roof, yesterday....happy as anything....and having told Von I was perfectly safe......."Go and get on with the gee-gees, Von, I'm fine".....A gust of wind took the ladder crashing down....She thought I'd fallen off the roof. :o
Cheers - Phil
Oi you lot, careful with bringing all those ladders into the bar - too late, there goes my pint.
I wouldn't mind so much only it was a pint of absinthe, and it's bloody hard to get the real thing round here.
Listen, stop arguing about the rules, you go UP ladders, DOWN snakes!
No Westie, you can't put a real diamondback on the board again...
Do you want me to see if I can find that young adder, I let loose a while ago ?
(I hope it's 'done well'.)
Cheers - Phil
Yes ... *snurk* ... quite well ...
Snake Bites all round, barman! <:-P
Quote from: Techno on 26 September 2018, 12:09:35 PM
While I was up on the roof, yesterday....happy as anything....and having told Von I was perfectly safe......."Go and get on with the gee-gees, Von, I'm fine".....A gust of wind took the ladder crashing down....She thought I'd fallen off the roof. :o
X_X X_X
If a stray Ostrich ever wanders into the farm, Phil, be
extra careful ....
Has anyone else noticed that ever since poor Rod Hull "fell off his roof," Emu's been keeping a low profile? Just saying ...
These free crisps are stale.
They are crisps.
Aren't they?
Not sure, the eczema has been troubling me of late...
That is disgusting.
Cheese and onion. :-&
The Peanuts on the bas also are not very salty - have you been sucking them and putting them back Nobby?
No! But look ... if I put one in here ... then *uugh* ... it pops out ... *Snurk* ... here! :D
Talking of crisps.
The local 'mini supermarket'.....Had some new different flavours, on offer recently.....Really spicy....They were awesome......But I've not seen them since the promotion finished.
I wish 'they'd' doing that sort of thing.
(New flavours that you really think are brill....Then you never see them again ! >:( >:( >:()
Cheers - Phil
Has the speed of light peanut landed yet?
Quote from: Techno on 21 October 2018, 09:08:56 AM
<snip>
(New flavours that you really think are brill....Then you never see them again ! >:( >:( >:()
Cheers - Phil
Phil, I've joked to several supermarket managers that the company should hire me as a food tester because if I realy, really like a product it isn't going to last as much as a month on the shelves :)
Quote from: mad lemmey on 21 October 2018, 05:49:22 PM
Has the speed of light peanut landed yet?
I think it was last seen in the Large Hadron Collider.
Quote from: Ithoriel on 21 October 2018, 06:03:22 PM
Phil, I've joked to several supermarket managers that the company should hire me as a food tester because if I really, really like a product it isn't going to last as much as a month on the shelves :)
What gets me, Mike.....Is that they do a 'promotion' for some new flavour/combination of flavours..........and then you never ever see them again.
What's the point in promoting something new, if it never sees the shelves, ever again ?
A bit like Curry flavoured twiglets. (I know I've gone on about those before....But I LOVED them.)
Cheers - Phil
Same experience here. Any really good soft drink I encounter is living on borrowed time.
Quote from: fsn on 21 October 2018, 06:44:29 PM
I think it was last seen in the Large Hadron Collider.
I've never found out. Is it a large collider, or does it collide large hadrons?
A large collider of incredibly small hadrons
Actually, when I said "large Hadron Colldier" I was referring to Orcs' drink.
Essentially a "Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster", but with cucumber instead of lemon.
... and now a hyper-velocity peanut.
It's best stirred, gently, with a 10' pole. Shaking can be... Interesting!
Quote from: fsn on 25 October 2018, 07:50:37 AM
Actually, when I said "large Hadron Collider" I was referring to Orcs' drink.
... and now a hyper-velocity peanut.
That Hadron ... he was a wall nut.
In fact, it is believed that the term, "Hadron Collider" may come from Roman times. One school of thought is this is the nickname marauding Picts gave to the Wall when they tried to invade Roman Britain. Another is that Hadron's Caledonian boyfriend came from the River Clyde area. :-B
Sir's outer covering, which I believe Sir likes to refer to as a "coat", has been offered to an animal sanctuary for the benfit of distressed mules.
The animal sanctuary rejected it, saying it was fit only for an ass, so Sir can find it mopping up a puddle.
Through the front door, to Sir's left.
Good day.
Quote from: fsn on 25 October 2018, 07:50:37 AM
Actually, when I said "large Hadron Colldier" I was referring to Orcs' drink.
Essentially a "Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster", but with cucumber instead of lemon.
... and now a hyper-velocity peanut.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 25 October 2018, 08:17:41 AM
It's best stirred, gently, with a 10' pole. Shaking can be... Interesting!
Yes If I drink one or two and jump up and down My vomit comes out Purple, as do the carrots
Quote from: fsn on 25 October 2018, 12:51:10 PM
The animal sanctuary rejected it, saying it was fit only for an ass, so Sir can find it mopping up a puddle.
Through the front door, to Sir's left.
Good day.
That's just where I disposed of my last 2 Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters. :)
*thumps Orcs*
OI! where's my drink I ordered it hours ago!
HOURS ??
If you think it was hours ago...I don't think Will should serve you.
You haven't finished your last two...
And the cinzano and lemonade Ithorial bought you, in 2013.
My manservant just told me that I'd drank all the absinthe.
I don't have a manservant so I suspect he was telling the truth.
Can we have the bottle back then, or are you going to empty it before you smash it over his head again?
Ladles and Jellyspoons, steamed memoirs of the forum all, I stand upon this speech to make a platform.
I rebuke the charge that I am as nissed as a pewt! I am in fact as jober as a sudge, indeed more sober than some judges of my quaintness!
If you are having half as much fun here as I am then I ... err ... um .... where was I? Ha yes, if you are having half as much fun as I am then I am having ... err ... twice as much fun as you are!
As a token of my infection I have left a little something behind the bar .... but I will clean it up later. Sorry.
Praps I shoont 'uve drank all the dregs an' leftovers. Hic!
<passes out>
Nice to see Ithorial is cutting down...
I thought he was on the wagon.
Someone nip outside and see if the horses can be stopped.
Sitting waiting here for Techno to buy a round to celebrate him becoming a Count.
Think I'll have an "Old Fashioned" while I'm waiting.
The money's behind the bar.
(Unless Nobby's eaten it.)
Techno is a very old fashioned count!
6d, a denarii and a half eaten chocolate coin? Techno, you spoil us...
Half eaten ?
Nobby's eaten all the rest, then. =)
Must get roiund to making the sign - Dont feed the Dog or Nobby !
Hey! Why can't we feed the dog?
Chocolate is bad for him....
If anyone here finds himself in Paris, don't miss going to the Foucher chocolate shop. The Louvre and the rest are OK, but these chox are the real thing. http://www.chocolat-foucher.com/
Who ever said there's no foucher in chocolate?
Quote from: ianrs54 on 04 April 2019, 12:22:00 PM
Chocolate is bad for him....
Very true !
Quote from: Westmarcher on 04 April 2019, 12:51:57 PM
Who ever said there's no foucher in chocolate?
Language, Davy !! ;)
Quote from: Techno on 04 April 2019, 01:06:08 PM
Language, Davy !! ;)
:o Tut, tut! Shockarooney!
..... you know, sometimes I fear for the foucher foocher future of the older generation ... =)
:P
;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil ;)
Quote from: mad lemmey on 03 April 2019, 07:17:29 PM
Techno is a very old fashioned count!
6d, a denarii and a half eaten chocolate coin? Techno, you spoil us...
That Denarii was what Dave paid him for doing the all Elizabethan Range masters. Dave offered to pay in Sterling, but Techno said "I'm not having any of that new fangled, pounds, shillings an pence. Haven't you got any Groats"
I've got some so called 'groats'.....Somehere. :-\
Though I think it's far more likely they're old 4d pieces from broken Maunday Monday sets.....Why did folk ever break those sets up ? 8-}
If I can find it, I'll leave the Victorian 1 1/2 d piece, as a tip for the bar staff. :P
The day gets better and better! :P
I had a touch of groat in me big toe once.
The Mother In Law had groat from drinking too much orange juice. :o
I got a bad foot when I was at the top of Snowdon.
It was a mountain groat.
See what you've started now, Bill ? X_X
Cheers - Phil :)
Quote from: fsn on 05 April 2019, 07:59:07 AM
I got a bad foot when I was at the top of Snowdon.
It was a mountain groat.
Weren't you married to a woman who was a bity of an old groat ?
Tune down the Groat jokes - Phil might find em offensive :'( :'(
I thought we were heading towards animal puns, after Nobby's 'mountain groat'. X_X
Cheers - Phil.
No gnus is good gnus, Phil ;)
I pause for a serious question:
If "greet" were an irregular verb would it conjugate as, "greet", "groat", "grout"?
Quote from: Ithoriel on 05 April 2019, 02:51:38 PM
No gnus is good gnus, Phil ;)
Deer me.
Just stop badgering me, otterwise I'll frog march you to Nobby's house, so he can chew your coatl....:D
(I should NOT have posted this !) X_X
Quote from: d_Guy on 05 April 2019, 04:03:24 PM
I pause for a serious question:
If "greet" were an irregular verb would it conjugate as, "greet", "groat", "grout"?
I greet
I was greeting
I will greet
Ally bally, ally bally bee,
Sittin' on yer mammy's knee,
Greetin' fur a wee bawbee,
Tae buy some Coulter's candy.
Ach, it gars me greet.
Quote from: Techno on 05 April 2019, 04:34:55 PM
Deer me.
Just stop badgering me, otterwise I'll frog march you to Nobby's house, so he can chew your coatl....:D
(I should NOT have posted this !) X_X
Dognabbit, I was just horsing around. Didn't mean to get your goat. I do rabbit on sometimes (who said "only sometimes?"). Sorry if I'm hogging the thread and being shellfish but there's no need to be crabby! Must fly! I'll chew ,y owwn coatl, thank you!
:D :D :D :D
I know that tune. :) If greet were irregular, however, it would be:
"Once Ithorial had grout the gnu, he done ate it."
Quiet in here, isn't it.
Too quiet :-SS :-SS......And look at all the dust on the bar.
Can you hear something slithering down in the cellar ?
Oh, that's where we left FSN
Wait, FSN is House Slytherin? :o
Better believe it Muggle!
Muggle?! I'm an American by G'd! (Or North American, or Middle North American, or what ever other Leftist geolexicon is currently in vogue - G'd bless'em)
(Throws tattered riding coat on a table covered in craft-knife cuts and Humbrol tins, hitches up gun belt - a double rig - and shuffles toward the bar.)
A round of IC lite for all here!
Leftist?
You're a yank.
I occasionally Jerk but hardly ever Yank.
Another coat for Nobby to chew, methinks !
OI Quiet down, Ise try ta sleep over 'ere. And pour me another pint, this un is flat.
Limoncello and soda, please.
What, run out again?
How about a Cynar then.
Nor that neither?
What kind of establishment do you call this where a chap can't get a tot of his favourite rancid artichoke beverage?
Not run out, we are just waiting for the next crop to go rancid.
Amarula instead.
Oh, and Ian, the reason your pint is flat is it's the same one you've been nursing for 5 years, and Bailey's is meant to be flat!
Right, I've looked in the till. We have 27 and a half pence. All in half pences, 3 Zloties, and a 25mm base with "£3" written on it.
I'm going to need all of you to clear your tabs.
Oh I don't do tabs, if you can't snort it up your nose I don't touch it.
Quote from: Ithoriel on 15 December 2019, 10:57:50 AM
Oh I don't do tabs, if you can't snort it up your nose I don't touch it.
Snuff, that's the stuff ;)
Well I do about 10 tabs a day ! Another pint of Creme De Monte over hear barkeep
Okay, but this time lay off the meths chaser...
Quote from: Last Hussar on 15 December 2019, 10:53:18 AM
Right, I've looked in the till. We have 27 and a half pence. All in half pences, 3 Zloties, and a 25mm base with "£3" written on it.
I'm going to need all of you to clear your tabs.
That IOU's definitely not mine. That's nothing like my handwriting. More like someone deliberately scribbling wrong-handed while impaired by alcohol ... ah.
I suppose the three shots of Unicum gave me away.
If I wasn't in a fit state to give consent, it doesn't count, does it?
Quote from: Ithoriel on 15 December 2019, 10:58:18 AM
Snuff, that's the stuff ;)
You WIMP.....
Try Milliput dust......(
NO....Don't)......Makes me sneeze my brains (or what's left of them)...Out....If I ever breathe that poop in.
Horrible damn stuff !!
Cheers - Phil
Thank god - you've still got tonic water!
... precious stuff, mind ... best dilute it with plenty of gin ...
Can anyone email me a potato?
Quote from: Chris Pringle on 20 March 2020, 02:39:20 PM
Can anyone email me a potato?
Can snail mail it, that do.....where is that Creme de Menthe, and I will have the chaser ! ;)
Are we supposed to be here - The government said we should avoid bars because of infecting each other.
I only came in here once and I caught a lead addiction.
Quote from: Ithoriel on 15 December 2019, 10:57:50 AM
Oh I don't do tabs, if you can't snort it up your nose I don't touch it.
And don't you look stupid with a super glue bottle stuck up your hooter.
Well, Wedgie just drank the hand sanitizer...
At least the peanut is still moving so fast that friction sterilized it.
By the way, I noticed we're out of toilet paper... :(
Sell a roll, one of each Pendraken starter armies
It's a bit spiky, but I put some great thistle leaves in as a replacement...
Oi, Nobby! Stop eating them!
It's what your right hand is for !! :o
Quote from: ianrs54 on 24 March 2020, 11:26:13 AM
It's what your right hand is for !! :o
You vile creature! ^#(^*
Everyone knows you must use your left!
*It looks like he's sniffing his finger...
Quote from: mmcv on 24 March 2020, 01:27:29 PM
Everyone knows you must use your left!
Only if you follow a certain religion......which bans alcohol :D
Read their book - it doesn't.
Quote from: FierceKitty on 24 March 2020, 04:13:00 PM
Read their book - it doesn't.
I believe the Vedas speak strongly on the subject.
Not in that book no, but the boss man went form moderation, through little to none. If he said it then it is the law.
Never yet met a Muslim teetotaller, bar one, and she didn't want to drink anyway.
Mind you, the Muslims I meet aren't the wild-eyed fanatical ones.
I know Muslims who don't, and they are ordinary people. The ones who do are also criminals.
Met a Muslim who didn't know what brown sauce tasted like, and another who'd never had mustard. I don't think the condiments are harim, its just the foods they go with are.
A penguin walks into a bar and asks, 'Has anyone seen my brother?"
The barman says, "What does he look like?"
I'll get my coat.
;D
Will...Throw Davy out. ;)
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 26 March 2020, 10:50:41 AM
Will...Throw Davy out. ;)
Cheers - Phil
That's Nobbys job !!! :'(
Ian...Ian....Ian. =)
You know Nobby's got to chew the reprobate's coat before he throws them out of the door. ;)....Have you no sense of tradition ?
Cheers - Phil ;)
Man walks into a bar and says,"Barman, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course, sir," replies the barman,"Ask away!"
"Settle an argument I'm having with my wife, if you can. Do you know if there are any penguins that are five foot six tall?"
"Well, sir, I know some penguins grow to be three or four foot tall but I'm pretty sure there are none that big."
"B***er!,"exclaims the man,"The wife's right, I've run down a nun in your car park!"
Give me strength. X_X X_X X_X
(Have we laid Nobby off, as far as coat chewing is concerned ?) =)
Cheers - Phil
Well, that's one way to restart a bad right.
Crichton, bring my socially distanced punching poles.
Quote from: Techno on 26 March 2020, 04:06:20 PM
(Have we laid Nobby off, as far as coat chewing is concerned ?) =)
Cheers - Phil
No, but he has to sanitise the coat with hand gel first, and as hand gel is currently rarer than Rocking Horse Manure and Hens Teeth its getting a bit tricky.
Plus he keeps complaining that the hand gel "Tastes Funny". I have told him that we are in difficult times and to man up and just chew.
We also have to ensure he keeps the correct social distance while chewing said persons coat. This is even harder than finding hand gel as Nobby likes to chew coats while the owner is wearing them (a bit like a dog humping someones leg I suppose).
Surely we can find some mint flavoured stuff !
Quote from: ianrs54 on 27 March 2020, 07:14:12 AM
Surely we can find some mint flavoured stuff !
Lets try mixing it with toothpaste....... Orcs puts finger in pot and takes tentative lick.
MMMMM tastes like Crème de Menthe.
No excuses now Nobby - Get chewing the following coats, Ithoriel, Westmarcher, and for the hell of it Technos. ( just watch out for scalpel blades in the pockets and the used plasters)
Ummm ... chaps?
I've found something out about Westie when I ripped his coat ...
He keeps mints in one of his pockets :D
The photo? Well, why not?
Wouldn't mind giving that a nibble :d
Down boy - down... ;) ;)
Now you know why I'm always fumbling about when I wear that coat. :D
(searching for my mints, of course)
We believe you, Davy. ;)
Cheers - Phil
Wrong Phil, YOU believe Davy, the rest of us aren't that gullible... ;)
:P :P :P :P
Cheers - Phil ;D ;D
Quote from: ianrs54 on 28 March 2020, 07:15:36 AM
Down boy - down... ;) ;)
I'll start from the bottom and work up, I'm not fussy.
My round! Malt whiskies all round to celebrate my promotion to Major General! <:-P :O)
.... damn it, the bar's still shut! #:-S
Thanks to all for their congratulations in the Covid-19 thread. :-[
Congratulations Westie.
This bar never closed, it just never opened.
Malt whisky for you, malted milk for Ithorial.
Red wine for me, blood infusion for Phil.
Freshly squeezed casting dwarf for the Dark Lord...
Quote from: mad lemmey on 09 April 2020, 10:24:32 AM
Red wine for me, blood infusion for Phil.
As long as it's Chateau...er...I've forgotten what blood group, I am....'A' summink, I think.
My blood donor card has fallen apart.....and they only ever got two pints, out of me......Took them (me)
far too long to fill the little baggy.
Congrats Westmarcher. Jolly well deserved.
That's the other thing about your coat ... very deep pockets. :P
I'll have a McCallan.
Me usual barkeep, and Westmarcher will pay.....
Congratulations Westie.
Mines a pint of best.
OI! YOU LOT !!!!!! Don't forget social distancing, no standing at the bar. -- and where's your PPE, its now compulsory in this bar. If you haven't got a visor see Leon- he's selling them at cost price a tenner each. :o . If your particularly ugly he's got some very tinted ones, which will improve the view for the rest of us.
yes I know they get in the way of drinking , but its that or close the bar.
Quote from: Orcs on 09 April 2020, 12:20:22 PM
yes I know they get in the way of drinking , but its that or close the bar.
You
could use a straw, Mark. ;)
Congrats Westie!
Good man!
Add a bottle of Tia Maria to that malted milk and we'll call it my morning coffee! :)
Quote from: Techno on 09 April 2020, 12:53:41 PM
You could use a straw, Mark. ;)
Not very safe passing straws around - they need to be untouched by human hand, or any other human part
Quote from: Orcs on 09 April 2020, 01:05:24 PM
Not very safe passing straws around - they need to be untouched by human hand, or any other human part
All straws in this establishment are individually wrapped by Nobby, no human intervention involved :P
To bowdlerise a meme, Nobby wouldn't get Covid-19, Covid-19 would get Nobbied :)
;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
.... wait!
Isn't that pretty much the forum barfight thread in a nutshell? :)
Very good ! ;D ;D ;D
"Pint of isopropyl alcohol, please, Will."
Cheers - Phil
Do you want a flake in that?
No thanks it ruins the minty flavour
Quote from: mad lemmey on 27 May 2020, 08:03:03 AM
Do you want a flake in that?
Have you got any Crunchies ? (Do those still exist ?)
Quote from: Techno on 27 May 2020, 10:22:49 AM
Have you got any Crunchies ? (Do those still exist ?)
They certainly do. Yumm.
Now If I have timed this post right It should be my promotion. :)
Nope looks like I have another 500 posts to go. :(
Nice try, Mark ! ;D
And pay your tab while you're here, sugar free creme de man the is not cheap you know...
Creme de man?
Do your own jokes.
He doesn't drink thé!
I drink anything so long as it's alcholic, and it's still your round Will !
PS - Forgot me wallet, sorry ;D ;D
I'm bored.
*Kicks over Nobby's chair*
Quote from: Last Hussar on 29 June 2020, 11:47:12 PM
*Kicks over Nobby's chair*
That was silly, he'll bite ypour ankles !
Two questions.
1) Why kick over my chair?
2) Why was d_Guy sitting in it - cleaning his gun?
Barkeep! A pint of Adam's Ale for my good friend here ... sorry, what's your name?
Adam's Ale...
Adam's Ale...
Oh, it's behind the Adnams next to the Samuel J Adam's IPA...
I'll just 'tap' it, give me a second.
Nobby - coat chew please - Will is LEAVING ! :d
From Twitter
IdleBridle @IdleMrBridle
Thinking about doing a series of YouTube videos on how I make models, each video would be about 10 minutes of me scrabbling on the floor looking for small parts, stabbing myself on sharp tools, squirting paint onto my glasses and swearing at my airbrush.
Last Hussar.@LastHussar
Techno, is that you?
IdleBridle@IdleMrBridle
Err...
Last Hussar.@LastHussar
Its just sounds exactly like one of the sculpters for Pendraken!
IdleBridle@IdleMrBridle
Hah, now that's a skill I'd love to learn
Last Hussar.@LastHussar
Its quite easy.
Take a sharp blade and cut yourself. It's how he does it.
HEY !!!
I've only cut myself once this week !
Psssst :-$......Anyone else want to subscribe to a class action against the makers of Mary Poppins ?
"Feed the birds tuppence a bag !".........SOD OFF !......There were 16 frigging jackdaws scoffing all the grub,* before the little birds got a look in, the other day.
What with them, and the flying rats, it's costing a lot more than tuppence !
* A couple of weeks ago....NO jackdaws were to be seen at feeding time......Then there was one....then two.....and they must have told all their chums. X_X...OIKS !
A 12bore might help, but dont bring it to the bar !
Apparently the number of flying rats and predatory birds covered by the General Shooting Licence has dramatically increased since the idiot Chris Packham got it revoked. Unsurprisingly the number of songbirds had diminished accordingly., and farmers are suffering much more from the effect of the flying rats.
This has been compounded by the limit on the number of exceptions they wee prepared to grant. These have almost been exclusively used up by airfields.
Mess been very quiet, isn't it?
You had to go and say it...
I had just finished cleaning the book stains off the ceiling too.
Yep.....This must be the only bar that's allowed to be open...surprised more people haven't been in.
Will.......you missed a bit...and who's been throwing books about ?
me
You could have waited until I'd finished reading them.
Also, I have no idea why that laminated book about Centurions is sticking to the ceiling. :-[
Nobby you can't read
Lemmy's not telling us about the "book" well magazine he found at the back of the shelf behind all the Ospreys and books by Donald Featherstone.
Apparently its got lots of pictures of young ladies without thier clothes on. :o.
Why you would want to look at them when there are all those lovely Angus McBride pictures in the Ospreys?
Obviously the book stains on the ceiling are from liquidised military history books, as used in cocktails such as:
Martini: books on the Zulu War
Brandy Alexander: biographies of great Macedonians
Bloody Mary: any history of the Marian Civil War in Scotland,
etc.
Naturally my taste turns to Clausewitz, who produces an excellent Old Fashioned (though this can be too bitter for some, while others feel it needs a pinch of salt).
Chris
Bloody Big BATTLES!
https://groups.io/groups
https://kansaspress.ku.edu/978-0-7006-3025-7.html
Quote from: ianrs54 on 21 January 2021, 09:53:33 AM
Nobby you can't read
Good job I can't read, otherwise I'd be upset.
Put the 'Speak and Spell' down Nobby!
Barman, I'd like a White Russian ..... but she's not interested so pour me a pint of Ardbeg so I can drown my sorrows! ;)
Clotted, extra thick, double or single?
Thats the artery removed from this poor unsuspecting victim to be grafted later...
And what sort of cream in the cocktail?
Looks like I have a promotion.
Drinks are on me gents !
Congratulations :)
🍻
Congrats! Malt whisky, please. :)
Good for you, Mark. Cup of Lapsang, please, black, no sugar.
Well done Orcs.
Well done, Mark !! :-bd
Cheers - Phil.
Nice one Orcs
Well they will promote anyone these days, least I'm slightly senior....
Well done Mark :).
Congratulations, Orcs! I'll join your celebration with the appropriate cocktail for the occasion: a Screaming Orc Chasm.
https://www.diffordsguide.com/cocktails/recipe/2747/screaming-orgasm
Right, fess up, who put Tusk on repeat on the jukebox!
Quote from: Lord Speedy of Leighton on 21 January 2021, 02:47:24 PM
Clotted, extra thick, double or single?
Enough about the mess members.
Well, seems I've been promoted to General! They muttered something about promoting to a level of incompetence, or somesuch.
So, half pint of shandy and 2311 straws please, barman.
Sorry the leomade makes me very drunk
Only if you slice it with dihydromonoxide...
Quote from: Ithoriel on 03 April 2021, 12:59:57 AM
Well, seems I've been promoted to General! They muttered something about promoting to a level of incompetence, or somesuch.
Tush and fie General.
A really deadly chemical, burns through iron, they use it to store nuclear waste...
https://www.lockhaven.edu/~dsimanek/dhmo.htm
Quote from: Ithoriel on 03 April 2021, 12:59:57 AM
Well, seems I've been promoted to General! They muttered something about promoting to a level of incompetence, or somesuch.
So, half pint of shandy and 2311 straws please, barman.
Congratulations.
Can we have another half please FSN has drunk 2/3rds of this one in one suck, He is a bit of a sucker ! :D
And that's after I put a hole in his straw.
Congratulations btw
Dihydromonoxide is also the primary ingredient in acid rain, plus in its solid form a major risk to transport.
Dihydrogen Monoxide has been ingested by every murderer only hours before comitting their dreadful act and yet they add it to baby food! Will no one think of the children!!!!!
Its addictive. Nobody has ever successfully given up drinking it.
.... meanwhile ... someone at the back of the bar mentions the Great Wargaming Survey .....
.... and all hell kicks off (again) ......
;)
Surveys have no truck in here.
Quote from: Ithoriel on 03 April 2021, 12:25:21 PM
Dihydrogen Monoxide has been ingested by every murderer only hours before comitting their dreadful act and yet they add it to baby food! Will no one think of the children!!!!!
I always make sure I've got a supply of that in powder form, in the food cupboard...You never know when you might need it !
Used moderately, oxydihydrate is a safe substitute.
Quote from: Westmarcher on 07 August 2021, 09:42:16 PM
.... meanwhile ... someone at the back of the bar mentions the Great Wargaming Survey .....
In a recent survey: 5% of bar members supported fantasy games as wargames, 5% thought they were not, 85% were too busy finding organic compounds that carried at least one hydroxyl functional group to care and the remaining 5% had had so much they thought they were dragons.
You Know
Just a Thought.
Given the usual **** poor performances of politicians / Royals / Heads of State when seen on TV debates / intewviews / parliament... or whatever...
If they applied themselves... and weren't addicted to various chemicals / base metals...
Some Pendraken Forum Members would have a pretty good chance at World Domination... if let out.
Ain't THAT a thought!!! ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Heedless Horseman on 21 September 2021, 10:22:37 PM
You Know
Just a Thought.
Given the usual **** poor performances of politicians / Royals / Heads of State when seen on TV debates / intewviews / parliament... or whatever...
If they applied themselves... and weren't addicted to various chemicals / base metals...
Some Pendraken Forum Members would have a pretty good chance at World Domination... if let out.
Ain't THAT a thought!!! ;D ;D ;D
I really think we ought to let the cabbies and hairdressers have a go first.
What about the telephone sanitisers ;)
Quote from: paulr on 22 September 2021, 08:59:06 AM
What about the telephone sanitisers ;)
Have to get em back from Golgafrincham (sp)
Stop talking, get fighting!
9 years this brawl has been going on, I really think we need new management around here. Or at least some replacement glassware...
Management - what management, look at who thev'e let in, a missing link and a rabid thing that chews coats for two :D :D
Glassware?
I've been drinking out of the plant pot for the last few months!
I wouldn't mind but I have to put a finger in the hole in the base or the drink runs out.
I'm not a Little Dutch Boy, you know!
Glassware!!!
With crowns on, no doubt.
I through this was a respectable roundhead pub.
You'll never take my authentic leather tankard.
We have plenty ofglassware, but if I let you lot loose with it you can't even be bothered breaking it over each other's heads, you just nurse the contents and moan.
This is how you use glassware!
*SOUND OF A MAGNUM OF DOM PERIGNON BEING IMPACTED ON ITHORIAL, repeatedly.
And that's on Orc's tab...
I remember, (vaguely!), drinking from a Vase at a friends with a glass shortage. :o
Might have been the time I fell into the bath and couldn't get out!
I've tried drinking coffee from a plant pot when an entire youth club of us turned up to help decorate the Youth Leaders' new house. They'd just moved in that day and hadn't expected everyone to turn up, so there was a severe shortage of cups.
The plant pot was new, recently cleaned and didn't have a hole in the bottom.
It was however unglazed and porous so it "sweated" coffee.
I've never fallen into a bath but I did sleep in one after a party while I was at uni. Not as comfortable as I'd hoped!
A bath, sheer luxury - my last was a floor !
Don't think anyone would sleep in MY bath, now... would need one afterwards. :(
Quote from: Heedless Horseman on 24 September 2021, 08:26:27 AM
Don't think anyone would sleep in MY bath, now... would need one afterwards. :(
Wuz wonderin wat de smell wuz
Sorry, I borrowed Von's coat after she'd been mucking out the gee-gees..
(I've fallen asleep in the bath at least half a dozen times. :-[)
Whats a bath?
That large tank in the cellar full of dark brown liquid....
'Hpoefully Homebrew'...??? ;D
Don't say large tank in front of FSN, he'll think its a model he wants.
Quote'Hpoefully Homebrew'...??? ;D
I gave up making that years ago, when I found I was drinking 40 pints, plus, a week.
(And I used to make it stronger than it said on the tin, by adding extra sugar.)
Cheers - Phil (Hic) :)
In that case can you move your still from the back stockroom...
Not without a crane he can't.
Hang on that still is full of Moonshine. If we drink it all it will not be so heavy. Then we can all help move it. :)
White stick got Orcs
Now, THERE is a thought for a figure range... Geriatric Fantasy figs! ;D
Orcs with stick... combat Zimmer Frame... Mobility Scooter
Or Dwarves, Halflings... etc. so as not to be speciesist.
Even 'Not' Cohen The Barbarian!
There are stranger things in wargame fantasyland. ;)
QuoteNow, THERE is a thought for a figure range... Geriatric Fantasy figs! ;D
Orcs with stick... combat Zimmer Frame... Mobility Scooter
Or Dwarves, Halflings... etc. so as not to be speciesist.
Even 'Not' Cohen The Barbarian!
There are stranger things in wargame fantasyland. ;)
AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH
I have a model of halfling wearing magic ring.
I have a Dwarven Trollslayer with a magic ring though his ... nose :)
QuoteI have a model of halfling wearing magic ring.
I made one of those in '10mm'....but Leon said people kept sending them back claiming there was nothing in the packet.
Quote from: Techno II on 14 December 2021, 07:37:49 AMI made one of those in '10mm'....but Leon said people kept sending them back claiming there was nothing in the packet.
NOBBY! Coat to chew here!
I ordered one, but there was clearly a SNAFU in packing, and I got a cloaked Klingon warbird in the post.
Right, fess up!
Who ordered the cherry brandy shandy!
What a waste...
I've had to open a bottle of lemonade! :'(
Well I will drink ALMOST anything alcholic
But where is the slice of lemon I asked for? >:(
Quote from: DecemDave on 11 April 2022, 12:35:37 PMBut where is the slice of lemon I asked for? >:(
Next to the pickled boiled ostrich egg you ordered.
Old Peculiar, barman.
But enough about me.
You, yes you, Big Raspberry Dog Chew,
What? No it's not an insult, it's a drinks order.
A can of Fallen's Big Raspberry Dog Chew Salted Caramel and Raspberry Milk Stout, if. you. please. Or even if you don't!
Do you want a flake in that?
Yes, indeed! Quarter ounce of Charatan Black Flake, if you would be so kind.
Grated or raw?
• An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a "bar."
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
Properly, that's a conditional in English, though it would be a subjunctive in Latin.
She insisted she was on time.
She insisted her staff be on time.
The second of these is the English subjunctive. Long live accurate language use!
Quote from: FierceKitty on 12 August 2022, 03:02:10 PMLong live accurate language use!
I agree with you, and with Winston Churchill.
"Naturally I am biased in favour of boys learning English. I would make them all learn English: and then I would let the clever ones learn Latin as an honour, and Greek as a treat. But the only thing I would whip them for is not knowing English, I would whip them hard for that."
You've misused the misuse of the oxford comma.
Good to see the Other Place doesn't get a capital letter. Quite right.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 12 August 2022, 04:31:28 PMYou've misused the misuse of the oxford comma.
I disagree. I used it for reasons of literary style and emphasis, which are so important in forum posts, do you not think? :)
Quote from: Lord Kermit of Birkenhead on 13 August 2022, 12:14:29 PMNot often ;D
I'm
sure I saw evidence of your thinking once. Or am I getting confused?
Pus tats are easily confused...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tsIxNci_dE
An abridged version of the evidence for this.
Don't you just love all the different expressions on their little furry faces.
People who think that's true aren't paying attention to the signs. Most kitties make their feelings very clear. Watch ears, lips, whiskers, tail (and in extreme cases fur).
I'm pleased to say that in extensive stays in Asia and Africa I've never thought the locals all looked the same (except two Xhosas in one of my classes in Cape Town, and since other Xhosas also confused them, I didn't feel too bad about it).
While at uni I knew a girl who blew very hot and cold. One day all smiles and eager to chat but at other times barely acknowledging me and eager to rush off. I was somewhat confused by this but, hey ho!, nowt so queer as folk, right?
"She" was, of course, twins! :)
The only time I've had trouble with people looking alike was a couple of guys I worked with (identical twins) and their wives, also identical twins
My 2nd fiancee was a twin. Found that out in an interesting way.
OI! Is any body serving in here, I have been waiting since november 5th night to get a pint. Flippin bar staff need a rocket up 'em !.
Finally Barmen your here. I'll have a pint of this please
. And a pint of the same for my mate Guy.
Got some barrels of that in a celler.
Your mate Guy can hold this torch while i get it out.
Quote from: fsn on 03 October 2022, 08:03:53 PMMy 2nd fiancee was a twin. Found that out in an interesting way.
I had a girlfriend like that too
Cellars damp again, only 38 barrels were serviceable
Quote from: Lord Speedy of Leighton on 06 February 2023, 05:33:30 PMCellars damp again, only 38 barrels were serviceable
Only 38 barrels servicible !!!!! Whose in charge of looking after the cellar- he needs to be hung ,drawn and quartered.
Rent was cheap
Thought for the day.
Ricard Sharpe, a soldier so tough he was played by Sean Bean and lived.
People are worried that petrol is £1.45 a litre.
Printer ink is £24 for 11ml
That's about £2160 a litre.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 15 June 2023, 09:05:50 PMPeople are worried that petrol is £1.45 a litre.
Printer ink is £24 for 11ml
That's about £2160 a litre.
Why are you worried about that? You do all your printing at work at the taxpayers dexpense😀
I've just found out Albert Einstein was a real person.
I always believed he was just a theoretical physicist.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 03 August 2023, 11:10:37 PMI've just found out Albert Einstein was a real person.
I always believed he was just a theoretical physicist.
OUCH !!!!!!!
OUCH !!!!!!!
QuoteI've just found out Albert Einstein was a real person.
I always believed he was just a theoretical physicist.
I just heard, from a certain presenter on the radio 5 Live this morning, that there was an astronomer called Copper Knickers.
The things you learn. X_X
(The presenter did get corrected.)
Coat!
Had girlfriend called copper knickers.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 21 August 2023, 05:25:04 PMHad girlfriend called copper knickers.
I don't dare ask why ?
Quote from: Last Hussar on 21 August 2023, 05:25:04 PMHad girlfriend called copper knickers.
I had one called, really, Teresa Green...
I was at school with a girl called Cerys Mycock. Her mum was called Pat.
Had a neighbour called Mike Hunt once
I went to school with a Steve Austin and a Paul Newman.
Worked with a guy who was called Chris P Bacon, some parents shouldn't be allowed to name their children!
I knew a guy through fencing called Michael Angelo, he was studying fine arts, a true renaissance man
His father was Morry, I asked him why he called his son Michael, "I have more balls than my father"
My son went to school with Western Hills, who lived on the Western Hills of the Hutt Valley
Sometimes people do it to themselves; Meredith Alan was introduced to Alan Merdith while at university at the same time as me.
She became Dr Meredith Meredith
Quote from: Ben Waterhouse on 22 August 2023, 02:37:42 PMI had one called, really, Teresa Green...
Think I worked with her a while back! Maths specialist teacher? Now known as Teid
My best mate as a lad was called Dean, his identical (and three minute older) twin was James
I worked with a Mark Hunt, and didn't realise how it sounded until I told a new member of staff he'd need to see Mark Hunt.
I once met a Korean gentleman called Yo Bum Suk
I once worked with an American colleague called Warren Peeze.
Nothing lives up to Major Major Major Major in Catch-22.
Quote from: John Cook on 23 August 2023, 05:23:17 AMI once worked with an American colleague called Warren Peeze.
;D ;D ;D ;D
Knew a pair of hippies when I was at uni who had done a tour of the Far East that included Mongolia.
They had a son they called Ghengis.
Their surname was McCann. So he was Ghengis McCann!
Apparently on his first day at primary school his teacher asked how his name was pronounced and he replied "Stephen!" Smart kid!
Not sure about hippies but I did work with a Professor Flowers of Botany and also a Doctor Stone in Geology.
My Mum used to work for a charity in Cape Town where one of the senior administrators was called Mr Sambo. She grew very tired of explaining that she really wasn't a die-hard white suprematist.
The best I've got was a colleague named Lee Cooper.
Also, another colleague named Sarah Connor, who never tired* of hearing her name called out in a crappy Austrian accent.
*May not be completely true
Motorcycle dealer here on the Wight - Dave Death...
Doctor Doctor worked at Ashford Hospital
We had an American bloke at work called Bob Sherunkle. It was suggested he be put on Internal internet as Robert, but he refused.
You are just making stuff up now, surely! ;D
Quote from: Last Hussar on 22 September 2023, 09:47:51 AMYou are just making stuff up now, surely! ;D
As Lesley Nielsen is wont to say "and don't call me Shirley"... 😉
Quote from: Last Hussar on 22 September 2023, 09:47:51 AMYou are just making stuff up now, surely! ;D
Nope you can find him in linked in
The assistant producer on Gardeners Question Time in the 80's and 90's was Sandra Hills.
In my basic training squad, when I joind the army in 1971, was a private Bond. Some wag at soldier manning allocated him a regimental number the last three of which was 007.
;D ;D ;D
How to challenge people to a bar fight.
Watching Wales Australia tonight in my Regular.
Me, watching big screen "Hi, if you are going to the bar, walk behind me." (Apperently upset the person with this one 😄)
Also "Hi Steve... get out the ****ing way... how you doing. Steve and the bloke I swore at are two separate people. You're in the ****ing way again. "
Well done Wales :) :D
As a Kiwi I support the All Blacks and anyone playing the Wallabies Wobblies, except maybe England ;)
Boo to you I say, Boo.
>:(
;D
Quote from: paulr on 25 September 2023, 07:40:54 AMWell done Wales :) :D
As a Kiwi I support the All Blacks and anyone playing the Wallabies Wobblies, except maybe England ;)
Funny old thing, I even support France when they are playing the All Blacks.
Quote from: John Cook on 26 September 2023, 09:56:03 AMFunny old thing, I even support France when they are playing the All Blacks.
Now that is REALLY Questionable ;D
WEll someone has too
Quote from: Orcs on 27 September 2023, 02:26:08 PMNow that is REALLY Questionable ;D
I know. I hate myself for it but there it is. I also support any team, even the French, playing the Boks. Can't explain it.
Who is the best James Bond, and why is it Daniel Craig?
Quote from: Last Hussar on 09 October 2023, 02:43:18 PMWho is the best James Bond, and why is it Daniel Craig?
Obviously it is Sean Connery since he defined the role. I'll allow that Craig is second having far outdistanced the pack (although David Niven gets an honorable mention)
David Niven FTW! :)
We need Native American paratroops, complete with tipi chute, in the sci-fi range! ;D ;D ;D
George Lazenby! Anyone pick up his role in Gettysburg?
The correct order is a) Sean Connery, b) everyone else.
If you want to break it down further b1) Brosnan & Dalton b2) Lazenby b99) Moore and Woodentop Craig*.
Special mention to David Niven.
*I really can't abide Woodentop Craig. He made "Cowboys and Aliens" boring - and it had Olivia Wilde and Harrison Ford in it!
And this, Gentlemen, is how know Nobby has a very slender grip on reality.
He probably denies Capaldi is the best Doctor.
Regrettably, Capaldi was given horrible scripts - and Nardole. Not enough scenery chewing for my liking.
Thing about Dr Who's is that each one is different; each actor can make the role their own, whereas with Bond those following Connery copied his template with varying degrees of success.*
*Except Roger Moore, whose stint as Bond should be put in the same category as Adam West as Batman.
Craig is closest to Flemings original template
QuoteCraig is closest to Flemings original template
Hmmmm . . . Dalton probably is as an actor. Trouble is his films were still of the Moore-era self-parody, so were consequently total sh*t.
Contensious I know, but worst Bond film has the worst Bond, On Her Majesty's Secret Service - which also has the best end theme.
We Have All The Time In The World -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YptQFiintYQ
OHMSS is the one closest to the book
QuoteContensious I know, but worst Bond film has the worst Bond, On Her Majesty's Secret Service - which also has the best end theme.
OHMSS the worst? Have you even seen Moonraker?
Drove to Cheltenham yesterday.
Just as I drove past the entrance to GCHQ - well sign-posted, hardly secret - someone drove into the site. In an Aston Martin.
Made me chuckle at least.
No doubt the plate was OO07BND
RAF High Wycombe is only a few miles away - I used to regularly drive past. It was at the time Strike Command. Despite being easy to find, on Google Earth it was just woods.
Friend has just WhatsApp'ed me the old "I wear a red jacket so my me won't see me bleed. Now fetch me my brown trousers" joke.
The text is overlaid onto a picture of a soldier.
I have texted back "Well it is a picture of a Guards officer, post 1815."
He doesn't know about (in order)
Gorget
Blue facing
Bearskin
Your reminder that 'Die Hard' is not a Christmas Movie.
It is a movie which happens to be set at a Christmas party.
Christmas is NOT involved in the plot.
QuoteYour reminder that 'Die Hard' is not a Christmas Movie.
Other opinions are available . . .
Quote from: Raider4 on 14 December 2023, 01:25:46 PMOther opinions are available . . .
If they disagree with mine they are WRONG !!!!!! :d :d :d
Yippee-Ki-Yay, Mother***ker! would not be suitable for pre-school children in my area. After that they will have heard it before. :D
It is the best Xmas movie of all time!
Quote from: Raider4 on 14 December 2023, 01:25:46 PMOther opinions are available . . .
IT'S NOT AN OPINION.
Sidles up to the bar ...
Takes a look around the empty gin joint ...
Asks for a Bacon and Egg Martini ...
But there doesn't seem to be anyone to take my order.
That's because you never say how you want your eggs done!
Just read the wiki on Century Eggs. Not what I thought they'd be but, I'll give 'em a miss.
Pass me over the jar of pickled eggs, please.
In or out your crisps?
Looks like the bar has run out of the Pork scratching's, Can I have a bag of the healthier "Chicken Itchings" with my Light and Bitter please.
Pint of Rohypnol, barman! I'm drinking to forget!
:d :d :d
Right. I'm officially complaining. That one-armed bandit is too loud and too distracting.
You leave Pedro alone. He's a nice bloke.
Quote from: Ithoriel on 28 January 2024, 08:53:14 PMPint of Rohypnol, barman! I'm drinking to forget!
:d :d :d
What?
Scratchings are back
And belly
And legs
And .. eeew
Quote from: Ithoriel on 28 January 2024, 08:53:14 PMPint of Rohypnol, barman! I'm drinking to forget!
:d :d :d
The Foreign Legion range is very attractive....
Quote from: Orcs on 29 January 2024, 09:27:19 AMBy EE
by .....eeew I assume you mean the deep fried sheep's testicles ?
Don't think ewe's have the right equipment ... you mean the tup.
Anyway. Where's that new barmaid, Tuppence? Could do with me pint refilling.
Quote from: Roy on 29 January 2024, 10:32:44 AMDon't think ewe's have the right equipment ... you mean the tup.
Anyway. Where's that new barmaid, Tuppence? Could do with me pint refilling.
He was going ...eeeew because he is squeamish.
Talking of equipment, that new barmaid Tuppence has the right equipment :d :d. You can guess why she got the nickname Tuppence!
Oh right, when
YOU said
EEEW I thought you meant
EWE, but YOU didn't mean EWE and did mean EEEW.
Might have a kebab after me pint. Or a Parmo
Quote from: FierceKitty on 29 January 2024, 09:37:13 AMThe Foreign Legion range is very attractive....
Yes but go easy on the one called Danjou. I had too much one night and woke up with my hand all stiff
Walks up to one-armed Pedro and says to him...
'Now you know.
The oldest recorded English joke dates back to the 10th Century A.D. and goes:
"What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
Answer: A key."'
Looks at Tuppence and points at his empty glass, indicating for it to be refilled.
Pedro, looking confused, says... '¿Qué?'
Turning back to the one armed bandit, I say, 'No. Key.'
Nobby-CHEW!
;D
Don't know about a bloke with a dog...But I'm going to go see a bloke about a Siberian Hamster. Back in two shakes of a rat's tail!
You'll be short changed if you are buying hamster tails by the yard!
Quote from: Duke Speedy of Leighton on 15 February 2024, 07:12:14 PMYou'll be short changed if you are buying hamster tails by the yard!
No, I should be alright. The agreed upon meeting place was one step beyond, in the middle of the street.
Was it half past noon, just gone monsoon?
Quote from: Last Hussar on 16 February 2024, 11:57:49 AMWas it half past noon, just gone monsoon?
Yes, that's right. I couldn't make it when he originally said, and I couldn't be bothered watching the BBC News After Noon, so arranged it for then. Have you had one of these Russian Hamsters he's selling?
Quote from: Roy on 16 February 2024, 03:45:33 PMYes, that's right. I couldn't make it when he originally said, and I couldn't be bothered watching the BBC News After Noon, so arranged it for then. Have you had one of these Russian Hamsters he's selling?
I had one once - It was delicious. :)
;D
Good to hear. I might just have a Ham-burger, then. I fancy a change from the sautéed Rat-au-Van I had yesterday.
Feeling a bit high (no drugs involved).
Team of 5 won pub quiz, which gets the team 8 beer tokens.
Winners get to go for jackpot. 3 questions, after hearing 2 then 3 you can take the money. team answers as a whole.
Tonight £20, £40, £80.
Question 1.
What is a question mark followed by a exclamation mark.
I immediately queried "do you mean superimposed, because that is an interrobang."
20 quid won, team impressed.
Next prize question.
"Who makes the most tyres?"
I knew this because I HAVE THIS AS A QUESTION IN THE FUTURE AND NOW I CAN'T ASK IT!
Breath Hussar, breath.
I know, do you?
.
Pause for you oiks
LEGO.
40 of your English pounds. Team again impressed I knew 2 straight away.
Question 3.
Remember, after the question there is a choice; take the £40 won or answer, risking the 40.
"Which king died at Stamford Bridge?"
Me. Harald Hardrada.
Quiz master...
...pauses.
"Um, have you got a different name?"
Me "Harold of Norway"
BOOM
BLACK PIG [team name], 80 OF YOUR ENGLISH POUNDS (between 5) AND ADMIRATION OF REST OF TEAM.
Tonight I won more than I spent. ;D
Nice!
Awesome result!
(Whisper voice)
Now, shouting about money in here, some of the more honest locals might help you 'lose' that same amount, the dishonest...
QuoteMe "Harold of Norway"
Harold of Norway?
HAR-OLD OF ***ING NORWAY!!!!
I thought the people who ran your quizzes had a modicum of intelligence? Even bleeding Wikipedia knows the difference!
Who ordered a cheese Tostig?? >:(
That be me .....
Derailment. 'nuff said. :P
Back on track. The British version of The Avengers didn't have the same budget as the US version :d
And for a bonus, how many points (presumably) are shown in the second image? As points are an important part of stopping derailment - or for causing it, as the case may need.
She is very... hilly...
Quote from: Last Hussar on 13 March 2024, 10:44:57 AMShe is very... hilly...
Indeed! A topographical study.
A poster has been put up in the office...
For the FSN...
Which apparently stands for Female Support Network...
I did wonder... :o
QuoteA poster has been put up in the office...
For the FSN...
Which apparently stands for Female Support Network...
Well, I couldn't possibly comment ... :-[
I can imagine the shouts from the terraces...
Like "Go away, we don't want to talk about old tanks"?
To answer my own question on points. Probably, one? As there looks to be a section of track running towards the right of the image and there is a signal just in shot.