1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 85-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
I didn't know my students had gone into medicine!
Some belters there, Chad.
Some of them sound akin to the opening line of an essay one of my fellow pupils wrote in a history test.
"George the Fourth was born at an early age....."
Cheers - Phil
I deal with the NHS on a daily basis, and while most staff are fine we have had some that have made me very glad I am not one of thier patients;
This below is an actual "Fault" I dealt with a few months back. I would like to say these sort of conversations are rare, but I get similar ones every month or so. Just gald they are not my GP
GP - I cannot connect to the NHS network
Orcs- What do you get whenh you click on the remote connection icon?
GP - Nothing
Orcs- Nothing ???
GP - Yes no response, I cannot get my pointer to it , so I can click it. so it must be a problem with your broadband
Orcs -are you using a laptop?
GP - Yes.
Orcs- Are you using the mouse or the touchpad?
GP - A mouse
Orcs- Try the touchpad
GP - Yes its working now. Looks like the broadband is back up. Its a terrible service
Orcs - Does it always stop working when you use the mouse?
GP - Yes every time
Orcs - perhaps its your mouse or USB connection ???????
Quote from: Techno on 10 April 2014, 12:59:24 PM
Some belters there, Chad.
Some of them sound akin to the opening line of an essay one of my fellow pupils wrote in a history test.
"George the Fourth was born at an early age....."
Cheers - Phil
Was that really history when you were at school? :D
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 10 April 2014, 01:03:44 PM
Was that really history when you were at school? :D
I dont think foretelling the future was on the school curriculum back then
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 10 April 2014, 01:03:44 PM
Was that really history when you were at school? :D
Do you WANT me to do those conversions for you, 'M' :P ;D ;D ;D
Nice one.....You nasty person, you. ;D ;D
Quote from: Fenton on 10 April 2014, 01:06:27 PM
I dont think foretelling the future was on the school curriculum back then
I can remember watching 'seers' in ancient Rome tell the future from the wobbly bits and entrails of various animals. Does that count ?
I could really go off some people. ;)....Where's my black book gone ?
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 10 April 2014, 02:10:09 PM
?
I could really go off some people. ;)....Where's my black book gone ?
Cheers - Phil
Its about the only chance I've got of being in anyones little black book :)
=O =O =O =O =O
I burst out laughing at a couple of these.
OK, so some of them are just typos, but some of the others make me wonder how the writer actually qualified as whatever they qualified as. ;D ;D ;D
My favourite, from when a mate's wife had one of their sons, was the report from the midwife (apparently standard terminology), that "The mother was aware & present during the birth"... =)
And the bit with the mouse is what I do every day. :'(