Greetings,
this thread will be run like a diary of my many happenings here in the UK. Not without some punch lines and attempts at somewhat resembling a sense of humour.
We all know Germans do not have such ;) and should you find anything funny in this thread it is entirely my wife's fault! Having said that I must admit my wife is originally Chinese and British after passing her UK citizenship test in 2006. Hence I conclude without a passport you British are as boring as we Germans are.
But without further ado let me start these ramblings and what would be better than to tell you the tale of how I arrived here? It was December 2nd 2010 and it started to snow at about 3am in the morning. I am quite sure of this since I went to bed at 1am (German time) and woke up due to excitement at 3 when it had started to snow.
As we Germans are Masters of planning I simply took two trains earlier and arrived 4 hours before my flight (on time actually) at Frankfurt Main just when the big board switched my flight to "cancelled". Nevertheless we Germans are not easily disheartened and besides the huge queue my query was handled within 40 minutes.
Although the Lufthansa representative clearly was of Turkish ancestry (appearance, name and actually having a sense of humour despite the situation) she was eager and competent, rebooking my flight, changing my luggage arrangements to check through (as opposed to having to collect my stuff and re-check in) while negotiating with a particular persistent German couple at the other counter.
They were quite unhappy they had to hold on to their baby child on the previous flight as both baby chairs had been occupied. For them it seemed unfathomable that an organisation such as Lufthansa cannot provide 300 baby chairs per flight just in case they might be used and that their average of 1 per flight was not only exceeded but actually higher than most other airlines. Finally after 20 minutes of discussing the couple insisted on a baby chair which Lufthansa could not guarantee and my advisor (the nice Turkish lady) gave them the alternative on staying on the ground instead.
My amended schedule took me to Dusseldorf first, a nice city actually where my EX lives. Not that I have much experience there except horizontally but the airport was handling things pretty well and even gave us free drinks. Arriving at the plane the pilot advised us that de-icing had a queue of over 1 hour and we should go back to the lounge rather than sit in the cold plane. We had to wait another hour IN the plane (which makes 2 hours in total) and while my hand luggage was catapulted into the belly of the Dornier the seat next to me was free and the overhead compartment literally empty.
Now here came the first display of German flexibility. While waiting in the cold plane one of the passengers suffered a diabetic emergency and after some consideration he pilot ordered the cabin crew to release some of the snacks so the lady would survive. Since the other passengers were not diabetics in need we were refused any refreshments or even food.
With a delay of over 2 hours we arrived at Manchester and apologies for anyone living there, the place is not worth seeing. I have seldom seen such a conglomerate of incompetence which you will hopefully understand after my elaborations.
First of all we were not cleared to enter until AFTER the flight to Edinburgh had boarded and most of us were stranded instead on THAT plane. Not that I would like to arrive at about 8pm (instead of 3pm initially planned) but the true horrorstory was not yet developing.
I managed (with 10 others) to arrive BACK at the Lufthansa representation (after an unguided tour of the airport) when they collected us to spend the night in a hotel. Still no harm done and I told the Miss about my day. Only now I realised that the baggage (mis)handling had caused a damage to my belongings in excess of 100 pounds. Not that my baggage except the handluggage had been released so I was without the most basic human pleasantries such as a toothbrush and underwear. At least I could change my socks....
In the morning after an overpriced dinner and without a breakfast we were shuttled to the airport 20 minutes before our departure. The check in actually went smooth and fast until me and my stupid question whether my luggage had arrived in Edinburgh (as scheduled) or whether it would be on the flight now. The lady managed to track my luggage in the Lost and Found where it was left after not being collected. No one ever told us we had to collect the luggage, besides mine was fully checked through and should have been flown out under any circumstance.
Overtaking Usain Bolt on my way to security I managed to arrive at the lounge 5 minutes after scheduled take off, just to read we were delayed an hour. After another 90 minutes the flight was cancelled outright and the whole lot re-booked (again) to the flight leaving at 2pm (which was also cancelled later on). I had decided I had enough and after verifying the excuse (Edinburgh Airport is closed) was not true I had my luggage taken out of the plane, brought through security and went on the train. Actually this was the last train that was going throughout the UK!
What could be more fun than standing 5hours in a train with about 300 drunks and the rest of the train getting wasted over the free drinks the railservice had provided? My wife insisted on an immediate shower besides I was proven sober and I finally arrived in "my" flat at 3:30pm one day late.
In the next episodes you will learn about my encounters with british beer, my opinion on your females, my first exposure to gaming clubs and also a rant about the cuisine.
Happy New Year and yes this IS supposed to entertain you lot. :D
And after all that you still came?
Doing what the Fuhrer could not :D
Regarding the cuisine - not enough sausages for you? :-/ ;)
Quote from: Sandinista on 31 December 2013, 01:56:25 PM
Regarding the cuisine - not enough sausages for you? :-/ ;)
Sausages, Sauerkraut, Bread... not to mention a decent beer or even gingerbread.
(for the record: I do love Haggis and Ale and I am the living examples Germans do not die when without the goods from home). You all know I do have a sense of humour and imho if people keep complaining how bad the UK is compared to their home then they should go back.
Quote from: Sandinista on 31 December 2013, 01:56:25 PM
Regarding the cuisine - not enough sausages for you? :-/ ;)
Like me he's in Edinburgh - surely you know from the newspapers that we live on a diet consisting entirely of haggis and deep-fried Mars Bars :)
And Battered Sausages surely
We love out deep fried stuff over here to
Quote from: Ithoriel on 31 December 2013, 02:02:40 PM
Like me he's in Edinburgh - surely you know from the newspapers that we live on a diet consisting entirely of haggis and deep-fried Mars Bars :)
In that case we should actually meet for a beer one of these days. Stewart make a fine German style Hefeweizen and yes it does go well with Haggis.
That sounds typically British organisation. I'm surprised you survived, let alone stayed!
Having said that, the forum would not be as fun without you.
Quote from: sebigboss79 on 31 December 2013, 02:01:39 PM
imho if people keep complaining how bad the UK is compared to their home then they should go back.
Reminds me of when I was a trainee manager in a pub in Neasden back in '97, I was doing the noon - 7 shift, only 2 old Irish blokes in all afternoon and all they would say to me was how crap England and the English were and how wonderful Ireland was. After about 5 hours of this my patience had evaporated so I turned round to them and said "If Ireland is so f****** good why don't you f*** off back there you miserable Irish c****" just as the Irish owner walked through the door :D :D :D Oops new job for Ian time ;D ;D ;D
Happy New Year to you too Seb.....(And yes it was amusing..though I'm sure it wasn't for you at the time.)
Ian...That's one to add to "Great moments in bad timing !".... ;) ;D
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Sandinista on 31 December 2013, 02:12:45 PM
Reminds me of when I was a trainee manager in a pub in Neasden back in '97, I was doing the noon - 7 shift, only 2 old Irish blokes in all afternoon and all they would say to me was how crap England and the English were and how wonderful Ireland was. After about 5 hours of this my patience had evaporated so I turned round to them and said "If Ireland is so f****** good why don't you f*** off back there you miserable Irish c****" just as the Irish owner walked through the door :D :D :D Oops new job for Ian time ;D ;D ;D
:-\ :d =O :-bd
Quote from: Techno on 31 December 2013, 02:16:21 PM
Happy New Year to you too Seb.....(And yes it was amusing..though I'm sure it wasn't for you at the time.)
Ian...That's one to add to "Great moments in bad timing !".... ;) ;D
Cheers - Phil.
Same to you mate. Not that I have received any compensation by now but it is and was out of question whether I am staying or not. Here I was able to do my Master, my admission for PhD is in the works and most of all I have a wonderful wife finishing her PhD with good job prospects soon.
Since my first trip to Scotland in 1992 I love this country and its people. Imho any place is always a sum of good and less good aspects and I have chosen my residency according to my preference. So in conclusion I must accept and deal with what I do not like. To be honest there are acceptable alternatives and my quality of life has not lessened since I changed residency.
My heart felt simpathies for your journey, I agree about Manchester, it has nothing gto recomend it, however I am put in mind of a very un-similar experience I had a couple of years ago, going on holiday. We had arranged to meet a friend of ours for a canoe trip at 3pm in a beach bar in Spartchori on the island of Meganisi, Greece the journey was to consist of:
Get up in Lancaster (NW England) about 4 in the morning.
Drive to a long stay carpark in Liverpool
Get the carpark shuttle to Liverpool Airport
Get an EasyJet flight to Previza airport on the west coast of Greece (the airport is part of a military base, it's only open a few days a week and it's where some plane spotters were arrested a few years before)
Get a local taxi (pre booked on the internet) to the town of Madouri on the island of Lafkas
Locate a bakers' shop (which our friend had forgotten to tell me either the name of or directions for)
Store half our luggage in the bakers (who didn't speak a word of English but who should have been expecting us) and pick up the canoe left by our friend over a week before from the bakers' garden by the beach.
Pack the canoe with the other half of our luggage
Paddle 6km across the Ionian Sea to Maganisi
Find the village of Spartochori, located in one of three big bays on the north side of Meganisi while bobbing up and down on said Ionian Sea
Find the correct bar
Meet our friend, who'd been off doing another trip the whole previous week and had been uncontactable.
Drink beer
I remember looking at my wife as I started the car and saying "what can possibly go wrong?" And do you know, NOTHING DID go wrong, everything clicked into place perfectly and we got out of the canoe on the beach at Spartochori at 2:55 local time, walked into the bar and Jo had the beers ready :D
Blimey!
If any one of those links had failed, it would have been disastrous!
So.....Let me get this right, Dan.
If that wasn't the right baker.....are you going to be charged with stealing a canoe if you ever return to Greece ? ;) ;D
It's nice to hear of plans that couldn't really have worked out any better.
What a trip to meet a friend, in a bar....Good on you.
Cheers - Phil.
Okay but . . . .did you ever get home, or are you still stuck in a bar on a Greek island ?
If you have to be stuck anywhere Meganisi's as good a place as any. Better than bloody Manchester, anyway. :D
Quote from: Hertsblue on 01 January 2014, 01:15:04 PM
If you have to be stuck anywhere Meganisi's as good a place as any. Better than bloody Manchester, anyway. :D
Which is not hard I must say...
Feltham (W London near Heathrow) is much worse than Manchester
None of you have ever been in Newry then
QuoteOkay but . . . .did you ever get home, or are you still stuck in a bar on a Greek island ?
Unfortunately we got home ok, swapped a ferry and bus for the canoe on the last but one day to get back to Lekada then booked into a nice hotel for a night of luxury. The only problem was I let the hotel reception book the moring taxi to the airport and they got the time wrong, shaved off almost all my 'wiggle time'.
After the initial hiatus let me now elaborate on three topics and common continental stereotypes concerning the UK:
1. Totally ugly females
2. The worst food you will ever encounter
3. Probably the worst liquid named beer on the planet.
Besides numerous trips to the British Island (post 1992) I had serious doubts concerning the female populace. Even if married one likes to roam the eye and set it upon something beautiful.
Now just by chance I came across a piece of research by a very famous and traditional German bra maker (http://www.topix.com/forum/life/interracial/TJEK0CD18GNQKGUS0).
With scientific evidence in hand (pun intended :P ) that British women are particularly gifted several verification trips of mine were able to confirm this and contradict stereotype 1. Unfortunately there seems to be only two types of women, those you would like to jump on sight and those you prefer not to see at all. Unfortunately these two types mix very well and I have yet to find the male El Dorado where only the former type resides.
Issue 3 has considerably more depth and relates very well to Issue 1 so I shall for the moment set my attention there. Contrary to popular opinion a German does NOT go blind instantly when his taste buds encounter substances named beer that were produced OUTSIDE any German borders (yes historical borders DO count for once). The issue, to my opinion, is derived from two problems.
A ) Unconditioned taste buds and
B ) Taste buds with very narrow margins for re-adjustment
Luckily I suffer from neither and came to like alcoholic beverages produced within areas with British jurisdiction. IPA (Duchy's Originals), honey beer (Bulmers), Hefeweizen (Stewart) among others are perfectly drinkable and deliver the desired effect upon both body and mind.
Although I must confess to occasionally remind my taste buds of home at 2.50 to 3.30 per single application! Which raises an important point: Alcoholic beverages are totally overpriced in this country. One would assume if above Issue 1 and 2 are halfway true at least Issue 3 should be cheaply delivered to make up for said deficits. On the contrary! Her Majesty, pardon my English, seems to be extraordinary against consumption of said beverages. Not that I dispute Her Majesty's right to excise but quoting an old merchantmen's wisdom (Sell cheap, sell a lot), I must voice my concerns over her accounts and business acumen.
Nonetheless I hope both Issues (1+3) have been sufficiently revoked and if not I am happy to submit myself as a testing subject, pending the unlikely approval of my superior (wife).
Now finally the food issue is a matter I am quite in two minds. While I do indeed like Haggis (yes I know its content) and other peculiarities (Salt and Vinegar on crisps) there is some things a German born and raised person is hard to apprehend. Personally I have, without negative result, eaten such delicacies as Yorkshire pudding, roastbeef, ploughman's lunch (breakfast, sandwich...). Not only have I survived against published opinion but I do like many foodstuffs.
What I dislike is the massive differences in quality across supermarkets (not to mention the use of specialised grocers and butchers seems to be declining). Having said that I DO admit I am a particular picky eater and prefer "close to nature" wherever possible. On a more positive note I confess the British come much later to this "organic" but a variety of these shops are opening across the country and offer a wide selection of produce.
Additionally one must acknowledge the many delicatessen (I order German food from a shop in London) and international foodstuffs being for sale – something particularly my country of birth has a tremendous lack in. Living literally 5 minutes from the border to France I was absolutely unable to obtain certain things unless I did my shopping in France.
So in summary I can assure the reader that above issues are a total exaggeration of circumstances and in some ways blatant lies. To what purpose I am not yet sure but I am happy to theorize with you.
Roland
Quote from: sebigboss79 on 04 January 2014, 03:47:29 PM
After the initial hiatus let me now elaborate on three topics and common continental stereotypes concerning the UK:
1. Totally ugly females
2. The worst food you will ever encounter
3. Probably the worst liquid named beer on the planet.
Roland
I think you have the order wrong :-\
1. Probably the worst liquid named beer on the planet.
They chill this to be very cold ( Poor lager normally) and a humans taste buds don't function that well on cold stuff so your average 18 year old student is none the wiser that he is drinking crap beer. Because it has no taste or taste like fizzy pop (Kopperberg) he drinks lots of it and gets drunk
2 The worst food you will ever encounter
Because he is drunk he gets a driving impulse to eat a dodgy Donner Kebab or Vindaloo - to his inebriated brain The hot chilly sauce or curry shows his manliness
3 Totally Ugly females
Because he has now shown he manliness by eating said crap food he needs to prove this by finding a female to mate with . As he is three sheets to the wind and now stinks of garlic and/or chilli sauce the only females that are interested are the Ugly ones but due to his beer goggles he does not know this and said mating takes place. Due to his inability to use contraception and said Ugly Female pleased at getting lucky she gets pregnant and another Ugly person enters the gene pool :d
There is a thread somewhere where Leon claims that to get lucky in Middlesbro' it takes 2 beers and a kebab.
Is this suitable evidence to "prove" my above theory ???
P.S To avoid the wrath of Mrs Leon I am sure this is a theory on Leaons part. :D
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 04 January 2014, 06:35:42 PM
P.S To avoid the wrath of Mrs Leon I am sure this is a theory on Leons part. :D
We started going out after a night of 69p drinks and a parmo I think...
:D
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 04 January 2014, 06:35:42 PM
There is a thread somewhere where Leon claims that to get lucky in Middlesbro' it takes 2 beers and a kebab.
Luckier would be to spend the £13 to get the train out of Middle Borough to York.
Quote from: fsn on 04 January 2014, 07:25:22 PM
Luckier would be to spend the £13 to get the train out of Middle Borough to York.
I thought true happiness is the delivery of (another) Centurion :-\
Concerning those three issues it sureley makes "mating" easier if there is plenty of (crap) beer involved. ...For both genders of course
THey only made 5000 Cents, FSN has em all.
IanS