WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £5000. Tux rental-£100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators...YEP!!!
MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ....
and to the men who will enjoy reading it
I laughed, the Mrs was not amused... ;D ;D
"You know stuff about tanks".
Oh yes.
Shouldn't that be 'a tank'? :D :-\
No. I know about other tanks.
Some.
A bit.
I hink he mentioned a churchill once....
Could have been the politician...
:P :P :P
Yurs. Then there's the one with the black crosses.
Will test on wife asap. I see myself sleeping alone that night....
Quote from: Chad on 05 November 2013, 08:34:00 PM
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
Oh how I wish this were true.
:D
A man is rude to his friends, but doesn't mean it.
A woman is nice to hers, and she doesn't mean it either.
Quote from: Last Hussar on 06 November 2013, 01:12:04 AM
A man is rude to his friends, but doesn't mean it.
A woman is nice to hers, and she doesn't mean it either.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D so true
=O =O =O =O =O
Oh this made me laugh this morning.
Quote from: Tommy Atkins on 06 November 2013, 12:18:56 AM
Oh how I wish this were true.
I agree with Tommy's comment above !
By the way.....What IS a hairstyle ?
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Techno on 06 November 2013, 07:50:48 AM
I agree with Tommy's comment above !
By the way.....What IS a hairstyle ?
Cheers - Phil.
Moreover: What is HAIR? ;)
Quote from: sebigboss79 on 06 November 2013, 09:14:43 AM
Moreover: What is HAIR? ;)
Isn't it the stuff that goes mad just over your eyes and around your ears when you reach 'a certain age' ? ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Techno on 06 November 2013, 09:38:27 AM
Isn't it the stuff that goes mad just over your eyes and around your ears when you reach 'a certain age' ? ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil.
And don't forget up your nose!
I stuck this up on my facebook page and got well and truly shot down by a member of the church. :-[
:-\ Some people have no sense of humour!
Quote from: capthugeca on 06 November 2013, 04:23:24 PM
And don't forget up your nose!
I stuck this up on my facebook page and got well and truly shot down by a member of the church. :-[
:-\ Some people have no sense of humour!
I like it. I was adopted into a familly that already had 5 boys all were bald by 30 ( just a bit round the edges) I still have a good head of hair although its receeded a bit , I rag them rotten.
That remindes me - Does anyone know where I can buy some christmas cards with monks on ! :d
A man will comment on what you actually SAID...
A woman will comment on what you actually MEANT... :D
Quote from: sebigboss79 on 06 November 2013, 09:14:43 AM
Moreover: What is HAIR? ;)
The Stuff on your chest, growin out of your ears, and nose.
IanS :d
Quote from: ianrs54 on 08 November 2013, 09:33:06 AM
The Stuff on your chest, growin out of your ears, and nose.
IanS :d
And all down your back if you're unlucky,,,,,
Quote from: ianrs54 on 08 November 2013, 09:33:06 AM
The Stuff on your chest, growin out of your ears, and nose.
IanS :d
Can you
wax your ears ?......Maybe if I stuck any excess green stuff around them each day, and then peeled it off at night.
Might patent that.....I'll copyright that here and now, so no-one else is allowed to try it without my express permission and a payment to yours truly. 8-} 8-} 8-} 8-}
Be bloody quicker than using tweezers. ;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - The Mad Person
Think I'll just put up with the hair, Phil. Your cure is worse than the disease. :o
Quote from: Hertsblue on 08 November 2013, 10:54:53 AM
And all down your back if you're unlucky,,,,,
I am.....
IanS