The novel "Fifty Shades Of Grey" has seduced women - and baffled blokes. Now a spoof, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...
We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall...
But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
She stood before me, trembling in my shed. "I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me." So I took her to Nando's.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.
"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly. "Mmmm, kinky!" she purred. "Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."
"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished." So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
"Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing the stilettos. "I think so," I gulped.
"Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.
"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."
"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
She nodded. "Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Okay" I said ... and left the toilet seat up.
"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.
Brilliant. Mind you, it would probably have been even better if I'd read the original book. ;)
Very good !
But like Ray, I've not read the original.
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 14 November 2012, 11:32:53 AM
Brilliant. Mind you, it would probably have been even better if I'd read the original book. ;)
Got to be careful with that mind you. It can lead to spontaneous development of ovaries. Especially if read while wearing Nivea 'for men'.
Absolutely brilliant Ferb ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Luddite on 14 November 2012, 01:51:50 PM
Got to be careful with that mind you. It can lead to spontaneous development of ovaries. Especially if read while wearing Nivea 'for men'.
Apart from everything, what's wrong with male grooming...? ;D ;D ;D
Apart from everything, what's wrong with male grooming...? ;D ;D ;D
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Male, grooming, do those words go together?
Funny yet instructive! I love it! :D
Quote from: Tommy Atkins on 16 November 2012, 02:48:11 AM
Apart from everything, what's wrong with male grooming...? ;D ;D ;D
Male, grooming, do those words go together?
Only if your Gay or self obsessed. - can I say that or did I just think out loud? :d
Pardon ? ;)
Quote from: Tommy Atkins on 16 November 2012, 02:48:11 AM
Apart from everything, what's wrong with male grooming...? ;D ;D ;D
Male, grooming, do those words go together?
Only if you're a horse... :D
My lass got the fifty shades book, But I was thinking "it's like lady porn! She will be all over me!"
If only I can teach her to read!
Note: That was suppose to be poking fun at my wife! Not a pedo joke... However, if that's a funnier story, let me know and ill re-wright it!
Without reading the original (over my dead body!) I daresay yours is better. (Ok not that hard).
But mind you guys:
Male writing about it under any circumstances = Total pervert.
Chick that ain't getting any writing about it = bestseller
Talk about equality :-\
Quote from: sebigboss79 on 16 December 2012, 09:35:36 AM
Male writing about it under any circumstances = Total pervert.
Chick that ain't getting any writing about it = bestseller
Talk about equality :-\
Yeah, lady walks into Ann Summers and gets some toys = Self Relient, modern lady
Man walks into paper shop and comes out with a Porno and some Kleenex = Dirty git!