Pendraken Miniatures Forum

Two women were bemoaning the state of the National
Health Service. One said, “Do you know, my
ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a
year for her operation?”
“That’s appalling,” said the other woman. “What a
terrible way to treat someone of that age.”
“I know,” said the first woman. “It got so bad that
at one point I even said to her,
‘Mum, do you really need bigger boobs?’


After 50 years of wondering why he didn’t look like his younger sister
or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was
adopted.
“Yes, you were son,” his mother said as she started to cry softly. “but
it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”


Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess… “Will you marry me?”
The Princess said “NO!”
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.


Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.


There’s a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.


Boss: (to employee) â€" Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing,
Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who’s there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

EDIT: Some jokes removed!

Not quite sure what to say.

Some made me laugh... ;D
Am I a bad person ?

The thought police will be pulling their hair out  ;D ;D ;D

Chuckled but feel so bad for doing so.... :-[

 :D

and on a sidenote I am starting to wonder who is asking people here to remove/edit jokes?

If you cannot laugh, at least let others have some fun. If those lines hurt you, don't read them.

Seb

I posted the jokes after reading the first two or three.  When I got down the bottom I was still laughing, but thought that for a public forum, possibly read by youngsters they were a bit near the mark. I certainly would not want my 13 year old reading them.

I will happily post the full list to anyone's e-mail address as listed on the Forum.

So nothing sinister - just a little bit of respect for any of the younger readers of the forum,

Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 18 September 2012, 12:18:39 PM
So nothing sinister - just a little bit of respect for any of the younger readers of the forum,

You've seen the totty thread right?!

No sense in getting squamish about the youngsters after that.  Hehe... :D

Interesting though that 'respect' doesn't seem to extend to women...

QuoteThere’s a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.

This one cracked me up.   ;D

 ;D ;D =O

Quote from: Luddite on 18 September 2012, 02:39:54 PM
You've seen the totty thread right?!

Obviously, but all the women in the Totty thread are clothed - sometimes scimpy clothes, but they are clothed.  One or two of the jokes concerned were the Totty equivalent of hard core porn.   Perfectly acceptable in the right company - but not for broadcast.

As for respect, appreciating the female form and the fact they are attractive is hardly disrespectful.

Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 18 September 2012, 12:18:39 PM
Seb

I posted the jokes after reading the first two or three.  When I got down the bottom I was still laughing, but thought that for a public forum, possibly read by youngsters they were a bit near the mark. I certainly would not want my 13 year old reading them.

I will happily post the full list to anyone's e-mail address as listed on the Forum.

So nothing sinister - just a little bit of respect for any of the younger readers of the forum,

Please do not take offense on my ramblings. Being a German I am asking you to bear with me (bare if you were a totty  :P) but I am sure the average 13 years old will ask you what you wanna know when you are gonna have "the talk".

Agreed I do get a bit annoyed at SOME jokes about my countrymen but then again no need to get stroppy and stop others from having a laugh. So..keep them coming :D

Incidentally, sebigboss79 do the Germans have jokes about the British?

You should post some up; i'd love to read them!

That said, don't you tend to aim more humour at the Dutch?

:D

Quote from: Just a few OrcsObviously, but all the women in the Totty thread are clothed - sometimes scimpy clothes, but they are clothed.

Well, that's debateable, but even clothed, they're still objectified.  I certainly know a few women who'd flip if they saw that particular thread...   :o =O   ....not my missues thankfully or i'd be in a bit of bother.  Hehe...and i agree with you in that there's nowt wrong with a bit of objectification every now and then.  What are we supposed to do?  Women have curves that make us crazy!

But as i said elsewhere, these things, 'artistic appreciation', humour, etc. are very much in the eye of the beholder.  One's man's split side is another man's tumbleweed.  Arguably all humour is offensive (if its any good), but some is just offensive.

To pick up the German theme again, i'm a huge fan of 'German Comedy Ambassador Henning Wehn' - but i'd never post some parts of his routine here as he flies VERY close to the line sometimes.  Makes Frankie Boyle look tame!

:D

Quote from: sebigboss79 on 18 September 2012, 11:00:46 AM
:D

and on a sidenote I am starting to wonder who is asking people here to remove/edit jokes?

If you cannot laugh, at least let others have some fun. If those lines hurt you, don't read them.

All in favour of humour. Some of us object to the implication that there's anything funny about "My wife fell in the septic tank last night, and now she's annoyed with me because I waited until this morning before I pulled her out." Especially after a dozen variations.

Quote from: Luddite on 19 September 2012, 01:04:07 PM
Incidentally, sebigboss79 do the Germans have jokes about the British?

You should post some up; i'd love to read them!

That said, don't you tend to aim more humour at the Dutch?

:D

.....

But as i said elsewhere, these things, 'artistic appreciation', humour, etc. are very much in the eye of the beholder.  One's man's split side is another man's tumbleweed.  Arguably all humour is offensive (if its any good), but some is just offensive.

To pick up the German theme again, i'm a huge fan of 'German Comedy Ambassador Henning Wehn' - but i'd never post some parts of his routine here as he flies VERY close to the line sometimes.  Makes Frankie Boyle look tame!

:D

We DO have "Thommy" jokes and some of them are actually good...... especially those who are "true" ;) or did you know the smalles book in print ever? - British gourmet food.

Aiming at Dutch...well....a friend of mine is Dutch and he would answer something like "aim as you please with the exception of MG42....". Does that make me a fascist or him a revanchist? Not in the least, we are close enough friends to take a laugh.
As a sidenote, most humour between Germans and Dutch is about the travelling arrangements of our neighbours and of course football....

Another friend of mine is Polish, we constantly "argue" about the reason for the invasion in 1939...I say it was the women, he argues it was the sausages (which are really tasty btw.). Does that raise our tempers? Not in the least, it is rather a sporty competition who can get it up another notch.

You do have a point here mentioning the viewpoint and @ Fierce Kitty I also see your point. Repetitive jokes with the same punchline can get boring. But do they get less funny for the first time reader? I daresay not. The question I was attempting to understand is why Chad and others should be restricted to post here. Some people take offense in a joke whereas others will laugh. Humour being in the eye of the beholder as Luddite pointed out my reasoning is to bring them on (the jokes) and if anyone does not like those jokes they should avoid these posts.

To give you a real life example take smoking. I am a non-smoker and even the smalles bit of tobacco fumes worsens my condition to the point I can barely breathe between coughing. Now several countries have banned smoking from pubs and there is constant argument about this resulting in very few pubs rebranding themselves as "clubs" or "smoker pubs". As a non-smoker why would I freuquent these locations? As a smoker why would I argue my case and insist I can annoy other people just because I can. Solution: keep away. It is as simple as that indeed. Seperate the two clashing ideologies (as a German I may add "walls" do help :P) and everyone can live in their own space.

But to go back to jokes about nationalities (also religions, skin-colout etc.) I am very reluctant to post such things. These are often mis-interpreted as racism and just for the record I scored in all religions/colours so I can assure you there is NO difference ;).
Having said that why would I come to live in the UK and marry my wife if I was having ideas of "superiority" in my head? In fact I had an argument with someone on FB over a stupid comment that person made about the Royal family being German and that fact making it a(nother) reason to hate them.

Sometimes, and I must include myself here, it is better to take a step back, breath in deep and count to ten before you start a campaign of hate against an "offender".

Quote from: sebigboss79 on 20 September 2012, 11:41:27 AM
The question I was attempting to understand is why Chad and others should be restricted to post here.

Nobody suggested that he should.

Chad took it upon himself to restrict his posting.


For my part, anything allowable with the forum rules and guidelines not only should be allowed but should positively be encouraged.

The flip side of that is, when someone finds something 'offensive' what's wrong in saying so?  Apparently that person is then the 'thought police'.   :(

Quote from: sebigboss79 on 20 September 2012, 11:41:27 AM
did you know the smalles book in print ever? - British gourmet food.

Coming from a German...it's really funny.

(I'm french, living in Italy, I've taken 11 kilos since I live here ... ;) )

QuoteAiming at Dutch...well....a friend of mine is Dutch and he would answer something like "aim as you please with the exception of MG42....".

;D

Good to see its not just us Brits who can't get past the war!

This going to sound like that episode from Fawlty Towers soon. ;) ;D ;D ;D
Being a complete 'stick in the mud' i can't comment on how good/bad food from different nations is.
Though I do love the Thai and Chinese 'nosh' you get over here....Though I've been told it's not the same as the fare you get in those particular countries.
Over to our correspondent in Bangkok for the definitive answer.
Cheers - Phil.

Quote from: Luddite on 20 September 2012, 12:58:26 PM
Nobody suggested that he should.

Chad took it upon himself to restrict his posting.


For my part, anything allowable with the forum rules and guidelines not only should be allowed but should positively be encouraged.

The flip side of that is, when someone finds something 'offensive' what's wrong in saying so?  Apparently that person is then the 'thought police'.   :(

Depends on how this is brought across - which in this particular circumstances I do not know.

I can only assume, due to Chad's post, that he was rather approached in a less gentlemanlike way. But as much as I prefer to stay "in style" I cannot fathom how and why the "message" has a valid centreline, if I do make any sense.

Alas, I have been accused of rudeness in other forums when I replied in kind to some peoples "posts" aimed at upstirring the mood. Imho you should be allowed to tell a person what you think of him/her and such posts. I am glad that the pendrakenforum does not (openly) suffer from brainless morons who think they own the world - I know forums that do.

Gentlemen

I appear to have stirred up a hornet's nest.

Luddite is quite correct, the decision not to post further jokes was my decision only.

Chad

I love Henning Wehn- he does some good stuff on the radio.

In response to the panel taking the mickabout the war he simply responded "Third time lucky."  When the audience laughed he said "You laugh now..."

"Why did my grand father cross the road? To invade France."

and of course turning the chant back on the English

"Two world cups and One world Pope"

Quote from: Chad on 20 September 2012, 08:57:06 PM
Gentlemen

I appear to have stirred up a hornet's nest.

Luddite is quite correct, the decision not to post further jokes was my decision only.

Chad

Can you be persuaded to review that decision?