Word for word, taken down by American court reporters!
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Attorney: What was the 1st thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness : He said, Where am I Cathy?
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.
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Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.
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Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in Voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do...
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
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Attorney: The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?
Witness; He's 20, much like your IQ.
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Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you sh!tting me?
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Attorney: So the date of the conception was August the 8th?
Witness: Yes
Attorney: And what were you doing at the time?
Witness: Getting laid.
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Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
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Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was medium height and he had a beard
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male
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Attorney: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them....the live ones put up too much of a fight.
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Attorney: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral..
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Attorney: Before you performed the autopsy did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So its possible the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk
Attorney: I see but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes its possible he could have been alive and practising law.
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:D
:D ;D =O
Leon did it again!
I've seen these before and they always make me laugh ;D.
"Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you sh!tting me?"
;D ;D ;D
WONDERFUL ! =O =O
Cheers - Phil.
As the lawyer is refered to as an attourney I assume these are american courts - and they thought they were good enough for independance?
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 19 February 2012, 10:37:34 PM
As the lawyer is refered to as an attourney I assume these are american courts - and they thought they were good enough for independance?
Well, several of my American colleagues understand what capital letters are. Don't judge them all by George Bush.
Sorry FK I am not so sure that George Bush is not one of the more intelligent Americans
To illustrate the level of the American education system I have this following true story.
I took my family to Florida to do the usual theme park holiday. in one of the parks, MGM studios I think they had a "Who wants to be a millionaire" feature where the audience had a random chance to compete in a version of the quiz where you won Disney memorabilia. We went in and watched the following
1st contestant 20 something Female
Q Which of these have the same name as a split in a stream/river
1 Spoon
2 Fork
3 Knife
4 Ladle
The answer the genius gave was 4 Ladle !!!! So she was out.
2nd contestant 30ish American male
Q Which of the following bags is a businesman likely to carry
1 Knapsack
2 Handbag
3 Attache Case
4 Rucksack
Contestant after some thought " Can I have 50/50 please" :-\
Answers left
1 Knapsack
2
3 Attache Case
4
More thinking and head scratching,
Compere I'm afraid Ill have to hurry you
Contestant "Knapsack?"
So He was out
Second Example
2 years ago just before I went to Florida again a trainer at Sea World was savaged to death by one of the many Orca whales called Shamu. Very tragic I know.
But an Orca's main food supply is a grey/black mammal approx 6 feet long wighing some 50-100kg that swims in the same ocean as the said Orca. A trainer in Sea World wears a black wetsuit and is approximately 5-6 feet long and weighs 50-100kg and swims in the same pool as said Orca !!!!!!!!!!
And they wonder why it happened?????
I rest my case.
Back in the all trainee police officers were told "Be carful in court with D&D cases - for gods sake dont say 'He called me a Worship your Bas***ds' - think you can guess what is coming..
I did, when the bench had recovered defendant was given a £5 fine and bound over.....
IanS :-[ :-[