It is
An unplanned short-term temporary promotion with non-tangible reward.
It is not
Your boss shovelling his work onto you
Do say
I relish the opportunity to support my colleagues while enhancing my skillset
Don't say
Do your own fecking work you lazy bastard
It is
A development opportunity
It is not
A pain in the arse.
Thank you for your co-operation.
You say: Thank you for this unexpected chance to improve my skill set, I'm sure you will be an invaluable source of inspiration and support
You mean: I am going to make your life hell by asking for your input on every tiny decision
You say: I realise in these straightened times that we must all step up for the good of our colleagues and the company, without thought of reward beyond a job well done
You mean: If you think the job is of no value then a valueless job is what you'll get
You say: I would like to thank you and the company for this opportunity and look forward to improving the quality and range of my skills
You mean: I'm going to put in for every training course there is, you'll be lucky to see me in the office in the next six months.
You say: In these difficult times we must learn to think outside the box
You mean: I'm not sure how I'm going to do it yet but one way or another I'm going to prove that the sky-diving course I fancied is essential to my new responsibilities.
:) :) :) :) :d :d :d :d :d
Not quotes, but:
'Monty'..".given the appropriate resources, I believe that we can resolve this in..."
'Pattton'...".Gimmee, gimmee..."
'Adolf H'..."Of Course, you have the resources...just do your job!"
'Varus'..."Oh S**t!"
Nothing changes, much... ;) ;D
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/219599.My_Work_is_Not_Yet_Done
I read it just before every restructuring I have to go through
My attempt to get the phrase 'goat sucker' into a civil surface staff magazine was stymied.
I used to work for a company that produced (amongst other things) computer terminals.
An engineer wrote on one page of the manual "thus page unintentionally left blank" and was both shocked and horrified to find it in the printed edition.
Big blue did that all the time !
A friend worked in one of Robert Maxwell's publishing houses, the nasty man used to walk round, and at random, because he could, fire people.
One person he did that to was working on the China pages of an Atlas at the time, so his in-joke of 'Pu-Ding Basin' remained in...
The Day Maxwell died was the same week we lost Freddy Mercury, I was visiting Cambridge, and their Cinema was showing a double bill: "Drop Dead Fred" and "What About Bob?"
Quote from: flamingpig0 on 21 July 2020, 08:50:45 AM
My attempt to get the phrase 'goat sucker' into a civil surface staff magazine was stymied.
Perhaps a little over reach :-\
I developed a Weight Assessment Ranking Process that used a number of factors so managed to repeatedly use WARP factor in official government documentation :D
Quote from: paulr on 21 July 2020, 08:07:41 PM
Perhaps a little over reach :-
I developed a Weight Assessment Ranking Process that used a number of factors so managed to repeatedly use WARP factor in official government documentation :D
The Ordnance Survey had the Central Registry of Air Photos
In my days working for the MoD, we had the Force Recognised Tactical Picture - FRTP - AKA Fart-Pee.
Quote from: mad lemmey on 21 July 2020, 04:55:09 PM
A friend worked in one of Robert Maxwell's publishing houses, the nasty man used to walk round, and at random, because he could, fire people.
His Wikipedia entry makes him even more alarming than one might have first thought
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Maxwell#Israeli_controversy
And note his daughter too...
Quote from: mad lemmey on 22 July 2020, 05:18:54 PM
And note his daughter too...
Guilty until bribed inocent ?
What.. "She's" Maxwell's daughter ? :o
Hadn't taken that bit of info in. =)
Cheers - Phil
She certainly is
A Senior manager on a Skype call today said: "She will be working as an orthogonal cross cutting insert". I am still puzzling that one out.
We had a Senior Vice-President of something-or-other speaking for five minutes on the CEO's worldwide monthly Zoom broadcast.
Didn't understand a sentence she said. So much bullshit-bingo.
Quote from: Dave Fielder on 30 July 2020, 04:47:46 PM
A Senior manager on a Skype call today said: "She will be working as an orthogonal cross cutting insert". I am still puzzling that one out.
Having been a "cross cutting asset" in my time, I presume she'll be working across varied teams, as required, on things that are not core to that team but are important to the project as a whole. I spent most of my time translating the things Team A asked/ told Team B into something Team B understood and vice versa for 5 separate teams.
Jack of all trades, master of none stuff. My forte :)
Quote from: Dave Fielder on 30 July 2020, 04:47:46 PM
A Senior manager on a Skype call today said: "She will be working as an orthogonal cross cutting insert". I am still puzzling that one out.
The UK is increasingly like a comedy version of North Korea with authority figures spouting nonsense based on ideology that they don't really understand. North Korea has Juche and we have business masters holders who studied at dodgy Universities.
Quote from: Dave Fielder on 30 July 2020, 04:47:46 PM
A Senior manager on a Skype call today said: "She will be working as an orthogonal cross cutting insert". I am still puzzling that one out.
I think I saw some on the Minibits site.
;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
I'm hoping now the Head of Department has left, my manager, in all other ways a lovely person, will stop her decent in to this.
Next meeting I intend to stop proceedings and point out I'm not actually sure what 'Bottom Out' means.
Can some one give Orcs a slap on the back - he appears to be choking.
Perhaps you could politely enquire what exactly "mooning" has to do with the subject at hand? ;)
In defence of "office speak" it is a very useful shorthand, providing all those in the conversation are familiar with the terms used.
And, yes, I have been guilty of suggesting, in meetings, that we should "stick to our knitting" or complained that customers are understandably sceptical when we don't "eat our own dog food" :)
If anyone ever dares to "touch base" with me I will be straight onto HR . . .
Ok - At this moment in time we need a face to face thinking out of the box, leaving the envelpe, taking on board any new conceptualisations that we can brainstorm.
That is how you need to chat, but what is wrong with now, a meeting, we are NOT shipping, or aircraft btw brainstorm is now considered offensive. :d :-*
Quote from: Raider4 on 08 August 2020, 01:13:24 PM
If anyone ever dares to "touch base" with me I will be straight onto HR . . .
We have a director who is similarly disapproving of such Americanisms, but that just encourages the senior staff to use it all the more liberally...
I've been very lucky, in this respect.....
When I worked in 'proper' jobs....The Post Office, and British Telecomm...there was none of this 'poop'.
Even at the Evil Empire in the late 80's early 90's the worst that ever happened was organising a meeting to have a meeting about a meeting...about 'something'.
Cheers - Phil. ;D ;D ;D
By the time I worked for them British Telecom had become BT and they were a jargon factory. TLA*s and ETLA**s abounding.
*TLA - Three Letter Acronym
** ETLA - Extended Three Letter Acronym - i.e. a four letter acronym.
ONE of the nice things about making the wee men for Leon, is that he's never once descended to this kind of stuff. :)
(That's not a hint for you to start, Leon......I'll post it if you do ! ;D ;D ;D ;D)
Cheers - Phil
Leon just has that terrible NE accent ;)
Is he a knight that says NE?
Wrong spelling FK - it's NIIII
I'm an ignorant colonial, remember.
Quote from: FierceKitty on 09 August 2020, 09:56:36 AM
I'm an ignorant colonial, remember.
Don't sell yourself short, FK!
You're an ignorant post-colonial, surely. :P ;) :) :) :)
Nah......It's probably the accent you've picked up in Bangkok, Alexander. ;)
Cheers - Phil :)
And you aren't a colonoal, Thialand is one the few bits West Europeans didna grab.....
We Africans are grabbing it. In about five years, they'll all be speaking Afrikaans here!
Bodwerised Dutch :o
Quote from: FierceKitty on 09 August 2020, 10:56:41 AM
We Africans are grabbing it. In about five years, they'll all be speaking Afrikaans here!
Which will make for most of sub-Sarahan Africa speaking Chinese then.
I think the saddest thing in African history is that there wasn't a massive influx of Ming colonists.
Quote from: Raider4 on 08 August 2020, 01:13:24 PM
If anyone ever dares to "touch base" with me I will be straight onto HR . . .
I wouldn't mind my ex-boss touching base with me. :d
Quote from: FierceKitty on 09 August 2020, 03:19:45 PM
I think the saddest thing in African history is that there wasn't a massive influx of Ming colonists.
Just a tiny trading presence down the Swahili coast.
The only verified Asian settlement in Africa that I'm aware of is Madagascar; where the locals exhibit a close match with Mahajapit Javan DNA.
Quote from: Techno on 09 August 2020, 06:34:24 AM
ONE of the nice things about making the wee men for Leon, is that he's never once descended to this kind of stuff. :)
I think if we take a helicopter view of things then there might be some low-hanging fruit that we can prioritise for future empowerment. With that done we can drill down into the logistics of the situation and see if it's going to be scalable, allowing us to really leverage our assets and take it to the next level.
In short, more sculpty-sculpty, casty-casty...
Quote from: Orcs on 09 August 2020, 03:31:37 PM
I wouldn't mind my ex-boss touching base with me. :d
It's a pity bromide laced tea is no longer available, Phil. What a nice present that would be for Orcs as a thank you for all of these nice band-aids he sent you. ;)
Quote from: Leon on 09 August 2020, 08:41:46 PM
I think if we take a helicopter view of things then there might be some low-hanging fruit that we can prioritise for future empowerment. With that done we can drill down into the logistics of the situation and see if it's going to be scalable, allowing us to really leverage our assets and take it to the next level.
On the contrary Leon, I believe you should leverage your current synergies to bottom out your fiscal outflow thereby providing the fiscal stability to allow some blue sky thinking around the pros and cons of sticking to your knitting, at this time, or, going forward, to diversifying into synergistic product categories.
You might consider creating the posts of Senior Operations Director (Strategy) and Operations Deputy Director (Strategy).
Because you never know when odds and sods might be useful :)
Better still, have a nice cup of tea and a few minutes peace and quiet :) It would be well deserved!
Quote from: Ithoriel on 09 August 2020, 10:07:55 PM
On the contrary Leon, I believe you should leverage your current synergies to bottom out your fiscal outflow thereby providing the fiscal stability to allow some blue sky thinking around the pros and cons of sticking to your knitting, at this time, or, going forward, to diversifying into synergistic product categories.
You might consider creating the posts of Senior Operations Director (Strategy) and Operations Deputy Director (Strategy).
Because you never know when odds and sods might be useful :)
Better still, have a nice cup of tea and a few minutes peace and quiet :) It would be well deserved!
You guys are good BUT!
BZZZZZtttt: Repetition of fiscal (You'd never catch Derek Nimmo falling into that trap).
The real posts you need are: Senior Operations Director (Strategy) and Senior Strategy Director (Operations)
Let them fight and place bets.
Ah! But fiscal outflow is the purview of Finance (Supplier Management) while fiscal stability makes it a matter for Finance (Accounting) and one needs full engagement with the process by all those with a dog in the fight .... and, as you so ably point out with your suggested job titles, how can you have a fight if there are no competing vested interests? And one needs full and frank discussion of all issues to ensure we are all singing from the same hymn sheet :)
I did work briefly with a bloke from a client's R&D arm whose job title was Vice-President Blue Sky Thinking who's job seemed mainly to consist of thinking of potentially Darwin Award winning uses for their products so their legal team could draft warnings not to do them. You know, "don't trim your beard with the lawnmower" type stuff.
Quote from: Ithoriel on 10 August 2020, 12:04:50 AM
I did work briefly with a bloke from a client's R&D arm whose job title was Vice-President Blue Sky Thinking whose job seemed mainly to consist of thinking of potentially Darwin Award winning uses for their products so their legal team could draft warnings not to do them. You know, "don't trim your beard with the lawnmower" type stuff.
Urgent - copy to Phil!
X_X
Quote from: Westmarcher on 09 August 2020, 09:41:00 PM
It's a pity bromide laced tea is no longer available, Phil. What a nice present that would be for Orcs as a thank you for all of these nice band-aids he sent you. ;)
;D ;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Westmarcher on 09 August 2020, 09:41:00 PM
It's a pity bromide laced tea is no longer available, Phil. What a nice present that would be for Orcs as a thank you for all of these nice band-aids he sent you. ;)
I do drink bromide laced tea - Think what i would be like without it !!
God forbid !!! :(
:o Lock up your daughters! And your sheep!
I remember one of my colleagues in a jargon filled meeting saying to the senior manager "The pigs are fuelled and lined up ready for take off!". It took a little while for that to be processed and when it was the meeting was quickly terminated and we went back to our proper work. :)
Best wishes,
Martin
I frequently use " Pig Squadron to control, landing permision #" it is a good un.
There is another urgent request to Phil, Winged Pigs ;D
Quote from: Leon on 09 August 2020, 08:41:46 PM
I think if we take a helicopter view of things then there might be some low-hanging fruit that we can prioritise for future empowerment. With that done we can drill down into the logistics of the situation and see if it's going to be scalable, allowing us to really leverage our assets and take it to the next level.
In short, more sculpty-sculpty, casty-casty...
I thought the whole idea of trying to pick low-hanging fruit is that you do not need to have a helicopter to pick them; using one might be a recipe for disaster. :D 8)
Quote from: ianrs54 on 10 August 2020, 02:49:34 PM
There is another urgent request to Phil, Winged Pigs ;D
Bog off, Ian ! ;D ;D ;D
I've finished three of the fantasy bears, now.....Now just two simple conversions to do. ;)
Cheers - Phil
NO Phil
High time we got a couple of new Eagle warriors, Cuachicqueh, Huaxtecs, and slingers!
Quote from: FierceKitty on 11 August 2020, 08:52:36 AM
High time we got a couple of new Eagle warriors, Cuachicqueh, Huaxtecs, and slingers!
No no we need some Tarascans, Chichimec and Mayans! Maybe some Zapotec, Mixtec, Chinantec... Just all the -ecs.
Then there's the Inca...
Those bloody mezo americans again - FLYIN G PIGS NEEDED NOW
Mapuche
Quote from: ianrs54 on 11 August 2020, 01:20:01 PM
Those bloody mezo americans again - FLYIN G PIGS NEEDED NOW
Hang on......So what are all these "odd" requests ?
Fantasy and 'normal' bears. (
Done...though Leon hasn't got the masters of the fantasy ones yet.)
Wombles with AK 47's
Flying pigs.....(Might be a
bit of a sod to cast those as a one piece.) :-\
Armoured ducks ?.....(Or
something to do with ducks. ?)
Have I forgotten anything else ?
Cheers - Phil ;)
Quote from: mad lemmey on 11 August 2020, 02:14:56 PM
Mapuche
Bless you.
But also yes.
And all the North Americans took.
Back in the day when I had a proper job "office speak" was in common parlance among the higher management. My colleague and I would play what we called Bull**** Bingo. Pre-meeting, we would each secretly write five corporate phrases and tick them off during proceedings as they were uttered. If you got a full house your next contribution to the meeting had to incorporate the word bingo. I cannot claim the fiscal benefit was improved by our behavior, but it did make meetings, which took minutes and wasted hours go a little quicker.
Quote from: chrishanley on 04 September 2020, 09:27:03 PM
Back in the day when I had a proper job "office speak" was in common parlance among the higher management. My colleague and I would play what we called Bull**** Bingo. Pre-meeting, we would each secretly write five corporate phrases and tick them off during proceedings as they were uttered. If you got a full house your next contribution to the meeting had to incorporate the word bingo. I cannot claim the fiscal benefit was improved by our behavior, but it did make meetings, which took minutes and wasted hours go a little quicker.
I used to amuse myself by getting obscure words into my Board reports. Well, they were all supposed to be very clever and erudite individuals, which they were. I got told off once for doing it and I considered that a great success, giving myself a high-five while demonstrating repentance and a promise not to do it again.
Quote from: Techno on 14 August 2020, 06:31:22 AM
Hang on......So what are all these "odd" requests ?
Fantasy and 'normal' bears. (Done...though Leon hasn't got the masters of the fantasy ones yet.)
Wombles with AK 47's
Flying pigs.....(Might be a bit of a sod to cast those as a one piece.) :-
Armoured ducks ?.....(Or something to do with ducks. ?)
Have I forgotten anything else ?
Cheers - Phil ;)
One presumes the fantasy bears are the ones with the enormous shoulder-pads.
Well....Not enormous.....But they do have shoulder 'armour'......and other bits. =)
Cheers - Phil :D
Still need flying pigs ;)