An Aussie walks into a whorehouse and states "I'm into Kinky Sex and love to be totally humiliated - what does $60 buy me?"
To which the madam replies "A baggy green cap and an Aussie 1st XI Cricket Shirt."
;D
What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?
Retired
What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne?
A waiter
What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch?
A fisherman
Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment?
They haven't got any openers
What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies?
Cinderella knew when to leave the ball
Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone on the Australian cricket team?
The person who ironed their whites
Not all is lost. Australia still has world class spinners. There's the redback, the funnel web...
;) :) ;D 8)
What do you call an Aussie with 100 runs?
A bowler.
Leave em alone it's all due to living up-side down.
What do you call an aussie thats capable with a bat? A Vet
What do you cal an Aussie with an Urn above his head? David Saker
He bowls to the left....
Long to reign over YOU, God save YOUR Queen!!!!! Barmy Army... Barmy Army... Barmy Army...
I'm sure these jokes will come back to haunt us in years to come...
Quote from: Steve J on 08 January 2011, 10:33:30 AM
I'm sure these jokes will come back to haunt us in years to come...
I've been around long enough to recognise these jokes as being exactly the ones said about English cricketing failures at the hands of the Aussies. I thoroughly intend to enjoy them for as long as they may last whether or not they come back to haunt us. 8)
I am really looking forward to the mauling the baggies will get at the hands of the South Africans in September ;)
Too right :)
I reckon the Aussies will be back..they have just lost too many good players recently and having moved back from there recently the Aussie public are happy to wait until a new team is built up...saying that I dont think England are up to much at the minute anyway..I never have and still dont rate Strauss as an opener and I think Swann got found out a bit in Australia especially in the first couple of tests
The big challenge will come when England play India
"Swann got found out a bit" By groundsmen who were told to prepare 'anti-swann' tracks?
Warne in his heyday woudn't have got much out of those tracks either (as he admitted in his own commentary in the small hours).
Well the last couple of years the Aussie groundsmen have been told to make the pitches greener to make it more interesting on the first day...but see nothing wrong in making pitches to suit your players rather than your opposition, but Warne wopuld have got something out of those pitches that what he was a great player
Those groundsmen did a wonderful job, how there was a load of movement when Australia were in, but immediately changed to flat and boring for the English innings.
Thought it was time for some more:
What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?
A laughing stock.
The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast.
What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes.
Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers tossed the coin on Boxing Day?
Andrew Strauss called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Ricky Ponting:
“You lads can bat.’’
Just as quick, Ponting replied: “No, we can’t. We really can’t.â€
What’s the height of optimism?
An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen cream.
Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
He forgot it was chained to his foot.
What is the main function of the Australia coach?
To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his
wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he’s heading out to the middle.
His wife replies: “I’ll hold, he won’t be long!
What’s the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you’ll miss them both.
Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Australian innings.
What’s the Australian version of LBW?
Lost, Beaten, Walloped.
Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?
Because he can get out without even trying.
What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?
A bat.
What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A vacant lot.
What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common
with Michael Jackson?
They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?
At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.
Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week :D
I am, of course, conveniently ignoring the T20 result :(
8)
My how quickly you poms forget those 20 years of losses to Australia
Dearie me.... bit late to the topic arent you?
Been so long since you got such a hiding its taken this long for you to come out of sulk mode has it?
(http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2009/08/14/1225761/518037-crying-fans.jpg)
EDIT: Pic linked.
No just letting you make fools of yourselves ;)