The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine
;D [Do they have them in the wrong order?] :D
Good ones !
Cheers - Phil
Chuckle.
there's a few there that made me smile :D
[not from The Fringe]
Was at a funeral the other day. Guy had died after being hit on the head by a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.
********************
Two men were driving around in a truck with a penguin.
A traffic cop noticed the penguin and stopped the truck
and told the driver to take the bird to a zoo right away. The
next day, the same cop saw the same two men in the
same truck with the penguin again. He stopped them
and said, "Didn't I tell you guys to take this bird to a zoo
yesterday?" And the driver said "We did exactly that
officer! Today we're taking him to the movies."
**********************
Guy goes to the doctor with a steering wheel stuck to his .... er .... manhood.
Doc says, "Is it painful?"
"Sure is" came the reply. "It's driving me nuts."
**********************
[I'll get my coat ...]
X_X X_X
I think you should, Westie !
I told Von the one about the new pound coin, last night.....
"That was funny, was it ?", was the reply.
Cheers - Phil
Q. Why does the new £1 coin have 12 sides?
A. So you can use a spanner to get it out of a Yorkshireman's* grasp.
* You may replace Yorkshireman with any other British stereotype, but it's true about those from the County of the White Rose
Here we would say use a wench.
no, I actual mean wench not wrench
ok, maybe I meant winch
I've always found Yorkshiremen to be jovial, generous souls.
Quote from: fsn on 24 August 2017, 05:20:22 PM
I've always found Yorkshiremen to be jovial, generous souls.
A Yorkshireman once told me the following
"Definition of a Yorkshireman - A Scotsman with all the generosity taken out"
Now then, speaking as a Yorkshire man, as I am, I 'as t'say that I'm as generous as the next man. Except when it comes t'money.
I'll do a good dead - as long as it don't cost me nought. And I'll sweat and graft and suffer on such efforts. But when it comes t'money...
The three Yorkshire monkeys:
Hear all, see all, say nowt.
Eat all, drink all, pay nowt! ;)
Quote from: RoyWilliamson on 25 August 2017, 03:31:10 PM
I'll do a good dead - as long as it don't cost me nought.
... as good as this? :D
;D
Balls. I meant to say deed.
I can't help it, me 'eads full of cold virus.
QuoteBalls. I meant to say deed.
As in 'Deed on Arrival' ?
Indeed. :D
Though I always think of the DOA acronym as [the] Disciples Of Apocalypse, which does betray me as a lover of American wrestling sports entertainment.
Disciples Of Apocalypse was a WWF take on the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club
Thread resurrection
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All in a night's work
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for £300, as long as you can say it in three words.'
The guy replies, 'Hey, why not?' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint...my...house.'
random meme
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-05NFmbc6k9E/UbtZnDh_FkI/AAAAAAAAUZU/rrLKyj_IMns/s800/2013-06-14___Tank__1520_605164782828840_783306530_n.jpg)