How did they cut up the Roman Empire?
With a pair of Caesars!
Shall I get my coat (or should that be toga?)
Bodvoc - Forget your coat or toga, go for the knife proof vest, with a 'joke' like that I think you will receive points, lots of them, and very sharp ones, just as Caesar did! :d
That jokes is definately a cut above the rest....
Reaches for coat before he's swept away in the ensuing torrent of puns from the sharp witted members
Caesar's wife made a stew and sent a bowl to Mark Anthony hoping he'd let all his friends know how good it was but it was so spicy he rushed round to Caesar's house and confiscated it.
Yes ... he came to seize her curry not to praise it!
You're all in detention !
Cheers - Phil.
What's green and conquered the known world?
Alexander the Grape :P
Saturday detention !!
Cheers - Phil
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it :D
Headmaster's study !
Cheers - Phil
why not an ACTUAL Roman joke?
Puer: Cur hi homines, pater, currunt?
Pater: Certant de argenteo calice
Puer: Et quis accipiet?
Pater: Primus
Puer: Cur igitur ceteri currunt?
Son: Father, why do those men run?
Father: They compete for the silver cup.
Son: And who will receive [the cup]?
Father: He who is first.
Son: So, why keep the others running?
Oh those WILD Romans, what a hoot!
Slight tangent (surely not - we would never do that) ....
Quote from: Bodvoc on 26 March 2015, 01:45:07 PM
(or should that be toga?)
True story. When I first encountered Sushi for sale in the UK, it was in Fortnum & Masons. With a name such as 'Togo," I thought, "This must be authentic Japanese stuff." :-\
It was not until later that I realised it was "to go." :-[
Now, that IS funny !
Westmarcher gets a gold star, to stick on the board. :)
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 26 March 2015, 05:24:13 PM
Now, that IS funny !
Westmarcher gets a gold star, to stick on the board. :)
Cheers - Phil
Matron's pet :P
Go and stand outside the headmaster's study !
And stop fidgeting, boy !
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 26 March 2015, 05:52:07 PM
Go and stand outside the headmaster's study !
And stop fidgeting, boy !
Cheers - Phil
Mumble mumble mumble...
dintsaynuffinlousymatronalwaysstickingupforwestmarcherjustcoshismumcameandcomplainedihatethisschooli'mgonnatellmemumandthenmatron'llbesorrythey'llseeihateitherethebiggerboysarealwayspickingonme...sniff
ok ... back to history jokes ...
Teacher (Getagrip): Would Westmarcher (that's me. Matron's pet :P ) be able to tell us what Napoleon's nationality was?
Pupil: 'Course he can!
:) #-o
A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers.
"Five beers, please."
Another Roman walks into the bar. "I'll have a martinus, please."
"Don't you mean a martini?" said the barman.
"No, I just want the one."
..... I'll get my cloak ......
Oh.....The temptation to click on the 'Lock' button. ;)
Cheers - Phil.
Quote from: Westmarcher on 26 March 2015, 11:01:38 PM
A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers.
"Five beers, please."
Another Roman walks into the bar. "I'll have a martinus, please."
"Don't you mean a martini?" said the barman.
"No, I just want the one."
..... I'll get my cloak ......
;D ;D ;D
I like that; highbrow idiocy :D
EDIT: Quote fixed.
Surprised no one has cracked the following:
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
Up his sleevies. :D
How about:
Who supplied the half time orange segments at the battle of Naseby?
Prince Rupert of the Rind.
Don't get married in Spring :
Beware the brides of March!
Why couldn't Vice-Admiral François-Paul Brueys d'Aigalliers believe Nelson had beaten him?
He was in denial. ;D
The Soviet Union. Moscow. Two in the morning.
A series of loud knocks on the door of the Security Chief of the Soviet Union, second only to Marshall Stalin.
Who is there? What do you want? Do you know who lives here?
My name is not important. I come to seize Beria, not to praise him!
Mollinary
I give up ! X_X
Cheers - Phil ;)
Quote from: Techno on 27 March 2015, 10:07:12 PM
I give up ! X_X
Cheers - Phil ;)
Good, get back to the Dark Elves :D
Quote from: Vamboozle on 27 March 2015, 09:29:08 PM
How about:
Who supplied the half time orange segments at the battle of Naseby?
Prince Rupert of the Rind.
Please go away and don't come back, sir.
Near Hastings, 1066. King Harold is reviewing the skills of the Saxon warriors. The slingers are incredibly accurate and the javelinmen hit the target every time. However one of the archers is absolutely hopeless. Harold turns to his right-hand-man and says, "Slingers and javelinmen are great, but watch that archer closely; he'll have someone's eye out!"
Quote from: Leman on 28 March 2015, 02:38:58 PM
Near Hastings, 1066. King Harold is reviewing the skills of the Saxon warriors. The slingers are incredibly accurate and the javelinmen hit the target every time. However one of the archers is absolutely hopeless. Harold turns to his right-hand-man and says, "Slingers and javelinmen are great, but watch that archer closely; he'll have someone's eye out!"
Never saw that coming :D
.
Quote from: Fenton on 28 March 2015, 03:27:24 PM
.
The most erudite comment Steve has ever made :D
Early Ponctuation
Quote from: Fenton on 28 March 2015, 04:01:19 PM
Early Ponctuation
;D ;D ;D
Pretty sure that's FK's favourite period :D