So this happened :o
Spider v Snake (http://www.canberratimes.com.au/environment/animals/spider-v-snake-redback-spider-wins-snake-dies-from-likely-poisoning-20150303-13tgdf.html)
You've got to love a country were the spiders capture then try to eat the snakes.
7 out of 10 most deadly animals, droughts, sand storms, bush fires...
And still Australians haven't got the hint that it's not a great place to live ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: paulr on 03 March 2015, 05:30:59 AM
7 out of 10 most deadly animals, droughts, sand storms, bush fires...
And still Australians haven't got the hint that it's not a great place to live ;D ;D ;D
Makes you wonder why they're so damned happy all the time.
Have you heard why Australian racehorses run so fast?
They've heard about what happened to the sheep!
But isn't the type of animal that kills the most folk in Oz, per year, the horse ?
Or is it the camel ?....Can't remember.
Cheers - Phil
Look it up in that invaluable reference book, Things that Can Kill you Painfully in Australia, vol. iv.
(Nicked from Mr Bryson. Unlike Terry Pratchett, I acknowledge my plagiarisms!)
Quote from: getagrip on 03 March 2015, 06:50:18 AM
Makes you wonder why they're so damned happy all the time.
Pot.
That and they live in paradise.
Quote from: Luddite on 03 March 2015, 08:12:34 AM
Pot.
That and they live in paradise.
;D
Paradise? Hmm, :-\ where the spiders eat snakes :o
20 million people living in a country the size of Europe. You never have to see a spider or a snake if you don't want to! Except Huntsmans of course. They just invite themselves in and sit on your sofa reading the newspaper.
Remember that most of that size is uninhabitable, however.
Quote from: FierceKitty on 03 March 2015, 07:32:10 AM
Look it up in that invaluable reference book, Things that Can Kill you Painfully in Australia, vol. iv.
;D ;D
(oh! and there's jellyfish and shaaks too)
Lousy Beer
Dangerous snakes and spiders
bush fires
neigbhours
home and away
Whats to like.....
IanS
Quote from: ianrs54 on 03 March 2015, 12:21:03 PM
Lousy Beer
Dangerous snakes and spiders
bush fires
neigbhours
home and away
Whats to like.....
IanS
And Australians :D
Quote from: FierceKitty on 03 March 2015, 07:25:18 AM
Have you heard why Australian racehorses run so fast?
They've heard about what happened to the sheep!
We were taught at School that that's why the Kangaroos jump so high ;)
Quote from: Luddite on 03 March 2015, 08:36:24 AM
20 million people living in a country the size of Europe. You never have to see a spider or a snake if you don't want to! Except Huntsmans of course. They just invite themselves in and sit on your sofa reading the newspaper.
If only that were true, I came near to treading on a black snake in the carpark at work recently, and last year we had a large Brown snake in the backyard, I almost stepped on it when playing football with the kids, and this is in the suburbs .
That's another thing to love about Australia; the way we name animals. A snaked that is Brown in colour is called a brown snake, if tis is black with a red underbelly it's called a Red Belly Black snake...and I'm sure that those are the latin terms.
Don't forget the most dangerous creature of all.....The Drop Bear !!! :o
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 03 March 2015, 09:07:05 PM
Don't forget the most dangerous creature of all.....The Drop Bear !!! :o
Cheers - Phil
You sculpted one? :D
Anyway, the most dangerous Ozzie animal at the moment is Mitchell Johnson :'(
:)
A relation of mine emigrated in the 30's and ended up in the outback working sheep. The tale goes that after spending most of payday in a watering hole he felt the need to answer the call of nature. Off he staggered into the darkness to find the dunny. 10 paces out he stood on a snake. As it didn't strike straight away he thought he had better not move. After a while his friends thought they had better go and look for him. Upon opening the door, the light spilled out to reveal relative doing his best not to breath and imitating a statue....of the snake there was no sign...there was however a length of rope under his foot.... Strangely enough he never lived it down.
I think this one should be taken with a grain of salt. apparently it was taken at a BBQ and the snake disappeared into the bushes after it stole the sausage.
Quote from: Upgraydd on 06 March 2015, 02:56:14 AM
I think this one should be taken with a grain of salt. apparently it was taken at a BBQ and the snake disappeared into the bushes after it stole the sausage.
Why are you guys not permanently terrified? :o
Too drunk!
When I lived in Oz the only thing that annoyed me about the wildlife was the ants...They just got everywhere it you werent careful
Quote from: getagrip on 06 March 2015, 07:48:33 AM
Why are you guys not permanently terrified? :o
With a few routine precautions, I imagine the Ozzies just get on with it. When I visited Oz, there were no bedside tables or cabinets in a couple of the places we stayed at (on my side of the bed, anyway). This meant I had to place my glasses and watch on the floor. Being of a certain age (especially after a few 'sherbet' drinks), a visit to the bathroom in the middle of the night was inevitable. In the pitch black, as I fumbled for my glasses, it was always in my mind that I might pick up an arachnid and place it on my face or step on one on the floor - but, of course, it never happened. #:-S
So, Private Smith is sent out to Malaya for his national service.
Among the various "talks" is one on the deadly banded python, noted for it's black and orange stripes. If encountered, they are instructed to grab it tightly by the tail with both hands and slide one hand rapidly up the body to grip it behind the head.
Private Smith turns out to have a talent for stealth and is sent out into the jungle as a scout.
A couple of hours he staggers back into camp, covered in blood and scratches, with his uniform in ribbons.
"In the name of the wee man, what happened to you!?" yells his sergeant.
"Well Sarge, I came across an orange and black snake lying across the path"
"And you didjn't grab it with both hands, you 'orrible little man!?"
"Oh no, Sarge. I grabbed it with both hands and rapidly slid one hand up behind it's head."
"And that's when it escaped and savaged you!?"
"No Sarge, that's when I found myself with a finger up the bum of the biggest bloody Bengal Tiger you've ever seen!!!"
;D ;D ;D
Damn !....Didn't see that punchline !!
;D ;D ;D
Cheers - Phil
Brilliant
;D =D>
(should have cut his fingernails)
There are things to love about Australia? If it's that good why were convicts sent there?
Quote from: Leman on 06 March 2015, 02:25:31 PM
There are things to love about Australia? If it's that good why were convicts sent there?
Its probably the convicts that loved it - Compared to Newgate prison or the noose it must have been paradise
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 12 March 2015, 02:30:03 AM
Its probably the convicts that loved it - Compared to Newgate prison or the noose it must have been paradise
Not sure, I think all three were pretty crappy "options."
And, of course, it shouldn't be forgotten that before the AWI most British criminals were transported to - America! :d
Quote from: Hertsblue on 12 March 2015, 10:46:48 AM
And, of course, it shouldn't be forgotten that before the AWI most British criminals were transported to - America! :d
Or Westminster.
Quote from: Westmarcher on 03 March 2015, 10:26:44 AM
;D ;D
(oh! and there's jellyfish and shaaks too)
;D
I went night swimming in Bateman's Bay when i was living out there.
Slept on the beach.
We woke up next morning to box jellyfish in the surf. We think. they might not have been.
MAJOR bullet dodged there i think.
Oosh. They are insanely painful I'm told.
Q: How can you tell an Australian from a New Zealander?
A: An Australian has a chip on both shoulders.
Of course Australians are special...they were chosen by the very finest English judges.
Quote from: Steeleye on 15 March 2015, 09:38:24 AM
Q: How can you tell an Australian from a New Zealander?
A: An Australian has a chip on both shoulders.
;D ;D ;D
Wonder if Ozzies tell it the other way round?
Wasn't it Clive James who said that Australian girls were he most attractive, until they opened their mouths?
(For the smuttier minded of you, he was opining that Strine is a noise like fingernails on chalkboard.)
It is sadly true that Nicole Kidman is sex on legs until she speaks in her own accent.
Quote from: FierceKitty on 15 March 2015, 09:58:58 AM
It is sadly true that Nicole Kidman is sex on legs until she speaks in her own accent.
Nah, she got too skinny :(
Quote from: FierceKitty on 15 March 2015, 09:58:58 AM
It is sadly true that Nicole Kidman is sex on legs until she speaks in her own accent.
Except shes American
Quote from: Fenton on 15 March 2015, 10:04:26 AM
Except shes American
Still too skinny. Love a nice bum :D
It wasn't her passport that was the turn-off, it was her accent.
Quote from: fsn on 15 March 2015, 09:53:28 AM
Wasn't it Clive James who said that Australian girls were he most attractive, until they opened their mouths?
(For the smuttier minded of you, he was opining that Strine is a noise like fingernails on chalkboard.)
I'm inclined to agree, it is a horrible accent. I always cringe when I see Australians being interviewed on foreign TV, it's even worse when they have been living overseas for too long and it becomes a real bastardised accent Except for Kylie Minogue, she manages to pull it off :)
I wonder why that would be... :-\
Quote from: Upgraydd on 15 March 2015, 09:03:16 PM
Except for Kylie Minogue, she manages to pull it off :)
:o :o ;D
Quote from: FierceKitty on 15 March 2015, 10:05:31 AM
It wasn't her passport that was the turn-off, it was her accent.
I think I could cope with the accent if I was in with a good chance of a sh*g :d :d
Do I modify that ? :-\
You can't take him anywhere, can you. X_X ;)
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 16 March 2015, 07:25:22 AM
Do I modify that ? :-\
You can't take him anywhere, can you. X_X ;)
Cheers - Phil
You can, twice.
Second time to apologise :D
Quote from: getagrip on 16 March 2015, 07:42:39 AM
You can, twice.
Second time to apologise :D
Na - they wont accept it.
IanS
There is that ;D
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 16 March 2015, 06:47:59 AM
I think I could cope with the accent if I was in with a good chance of a sh*g :d :d
But with the raising Australian inflection "that's it" become "that's it?"
Most demoralising I would have thought.
AC/DC (pre 1980) best band ever .
and Rose Tattoo.
Jim
Quote from: Jim Ando on 17 March 2015, 09:01:40 PM
AC/DC (pre 1980) best band ever .
Jim
Love that !! (Dadadadadadadah......ANGUS !.....repeat !)
Cheers - Phil
Quote from: Techno on 16 March 2015, 07:25:22 AM
Do I modify that ? :-\
You can't take him anywhere, can you. X_X ;)
Cheers - Phil
Yes you could modify the last word to somthing that rhymes with a common water bird, but I think that would be rude.
Anyway Nicole told me she likes it when I talk dirty :D
A shag is a common water-bird, actually. Check if you don't believe me.
Great tit...
That's a bird too
Every year in Yorktown, Va., there's shagging on the riverwalk.
(it's a music and dance festival)
Quote from: Westmarcher on 18 March 2015, 09:12:11 AM
Every year in Yorktown, Va., there's shagging on the riverwalk.
(it's a music and dance festival)
Thats a daily occurrance down in Redneck Country.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 18 March 2015, 09:53:46 AM
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Very carefully ? :'(
Coat - unchewed please.
IanS
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 18 March 2015, 09:53:46 AM
Thats a daily occurrance down in Redneck Country.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
I don't think the answers going to be pretty but is it anything to with his sister?
Quote from: getagrip on 18 March 2015, 11:46:51 AM
I don't think the answers going to be pretty but is it anything to with his sister?
Not necessarilly is sister, it could be any other female relative.
but you kick said female relative on the chin :d
Quote from: Just a few Orcs on 18 March 2015, 11:58:11 AM
Not necessarilly is sister, it could be any other female relative.
but you kick said female relative on the chin :d
;D
Kind of saw it coming but was thinking it would be worse than that! :-&
Anyhoo...
Thought of something else I like about Oz...it's a long, long way away :D
Quote from: getagrip on 18 March 2015, 12:01:49 PM
Kind of saw it coming but was thinking it would be worse than that! :-&
If that emoticon loved that redneck it would swallow that.
(I'm rushing for my coat)