I just had a thought. What if the agent chose not to accept the mission? :o
Mission 1. Agent listens to the tape. Voice says, "Should you choose to accept .." Big mistake. Just given the agent an escape route. Agent legs it to the Bookies (Betting Shop for our foreign friends).
Mission 2. Rather plump agent listens to the tape. Voice says, "Should you choose to accept .." Big mistake. Just given the agent another excuse. Agent legs it to the Pub (and then goes for a kebab).
Mission 3. Slightly obese agent listens to the tape. Voice says, "Should you choose, etc....." Agent shuffles off to the pie shop. "WAIT! WAIT!" shouts the voice (as smoke starts rising from the tape ... too late .... tape self destructs).....
If it was the TV programme, what would you do for the next hour? If it was the film, you night is ruined. :(
Just wondered.
Is it though? Honestly?
Quote from: Westmarcher on 08 February 2015, 09:09:53 PM
I just had a thought. What if the agent chose not to accept the mission? :o
Then the next hour is the agent being hunted down and "terminated with extreme prejudice" :)
What they never show are the times when the agent:
Says "OW! That bl**dy thing burn't my fingers again!"
Is arrested for attempted arson and wilful damage to a phone box.
Couldn't find the phone box 'cos it ain't there anymore.
Is too engrossed in the little cards advertising for 'Lady Services', that the tape burns out.
Stands in sick/poo.
;)
I've always thought of the films as "Mission Improbable". Seriously, would anyone ever contemplate flying a helicopter down a railway tunnel? When you know exactly where the train's going to come out and that you can get there first. Mindless! :P ;) :D
(pssst! Wasn't that the problem though? It was attached to the train.)
(Is this is a pioneering crossover episode post for this forum?)
A former work colleague suggested we use the theme for Mission Impossible for our phones when we placed a customer on 'hold.' What a great idea! Picture the scene.
[phone rings]
"Hello, Acme Insurance."
Memee memee meemee meminimmee?
"Yes"
Meemee yaka yaka meemeenay moo
"A cow, you say."
yay
"Mmmm"
Moomoo uppa yaka yaka patonhed
"In a tree."
Yakayakayakawheraryoomoomoo
"Moo .. erm, I mean, mmmm"
meemee minimee yikes moooooo thud?
"You want insurance in case it falls out of the tree .."
"Mmmm"
"Tricky."
"Could you hold whilst I speak to one of our underwriters?"
yay
"Thank you."
Da..da ... daarra .... da..da .. darra .. da..da ... darra .. da..da ... da ra ..
[sometime later] "Hello. Yes, we can do it! Name? Daisy...."
Another happy customer.
[Da..da ... daarra .... da..da .. darra .. da..da ... darra .. da..da ... da ..]
I thank you. <)
OK
crowd are slow tonight
Have you ever tried gift wrapping an air guitar?
That's easy. Use invisible paper and clear tape!
I do it all the time.
You would...
IanS
Quote from: Westmarcher on 09 February 2015, 11:38:26 AM
(pssst! Wasn't that the problem though? It was attached to the train.)
Not that I recall.
I didn't know you could take out Acne insurance. Could appeal to the teenage market, I'm sure.
Quote from: Hertsblue on 10 February 2015, 10:12:14 AM
Not that I recall.
Then you recall wrongly.
The whole things was stupidly ludicrous, and the point at which my suspension of disbelief collapsed, but the chopper was attached to the train, which is why it had to follow it into the tunnel.
Cheers, Martyn
Quote from: FierceKitty on 10 February 2015, 11:29:25 AM
I didn't know you could take out Acne insurance. Could appeal to the teenage market, I'm sure.
;D
Well
spot ted, FK (so glad you didn't mention
Freederm .... ;) )
Quote from: Raider4 on 10 February 2015, 08:15:59 PM
the chopper was attached to the train, which is why it had to follow it into the tunnel.
Well, that's a relief, eh, Hertsblue? I thought we would both have to watch the whole film ... again .... #:-S.
Thank you, Raider - you've just saved two grown men from wasting 110 minutes of their lives they would never have got back again!
Today's Mission.
Text from a Dad.
"You've left your phone at home."
Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.
- Napoleon
Quote from: Westmarcher on 12 February 2015, 09:57:23 AM
Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.
- Napoleon
He er LOST ;)
IanS
Painting eyes on our 10mm heroes.
(I would start with a pirate, personally :ar! - Pendraken don't do pirates yet .... do they?)
A man and his son were on a tour of an atomic power plant. In the control room, the boy asked if he could see the controls for the reactor core. The head physicist said yes, and explained how the controls worked. After the boy left, the head physicist turned to an assistant and said, "That was my son." How could that be?
Quote from: Westmarcher on 14 February 2015, 09:24:26 AM
A man and his son were on a tour of an atomic power plant. In the control room, the boy asked if he could see the controls for the reactor core. The head physicist said yes, and explained how the controls worked. After the boy left, the head physicist turned to an assistant and said, "That was my son." How could that be?
She was his mum ;)
Quote from: Westmarcher on 14 February 2015, 09:24:26 AM
A man and his son were on a tour of an atomic power plant. In the control room, the boy asked if he could see the controls for the reactor core. The head physicist said yes, and explained how the controls worked. After the boy left, the head physicist turned to an assistant and said, "That was my son." How could that be?
Shall I give everyone a clue? The answer would be obvious if it wasn't for our gender stereotypes ;)
That might have caught us twenty years ago. ;D
Quote from: FierceKitty on 14 February 2015, 09:28:11 AM
That might have caught us twenty years ago. ;D
The sad thing is that it still catches a lot of people :(
I have seen people struggle with it when told the answer :o
Mmm, I suppose you're right. How discouraging.
See my previous comment on females and hi-tech kit.....
IanS
... or of course, it could be the child's other dad
... or the step dad and a biological dad
... or the scientist was a sperm doner
Quote from: fsn on 14 February 2015, 09:36:25 AM
... or of course, it could be the child's other dad
... or the step dad and a biological dad
... or the scientist was a sperm doner
I would suggest
Occam's razor but I'm not sure if it would be safe to suggest anything that
sharp to fsn ;) ;D ;D
Could be Leon; maybe he had a spare clone lying around :D
First prize to Getagrip. =D> <:-P Next ...
Three kids from Bristol went for a walk. About a mile into the walk, they came to a deep, wide river. There was no bridge. They didn't have a boat or raft, or any materials to make one. None of them could swim. How did they get across?
The river's frozen; they walked across ;)
Either St Francis carried them across, or the water was frozen.
Quote from: fsn on 14 February 2015, 09:36:25 AM
... or of course, it could be the child's other dad
... or the step dad and a biological dad
... or the scientist was a sperm doner
Or the DNA from a third parent
Quote from: Westmarcher on 14 February 2015, 09:58:43 AM
...
Three kids from Bristol went for a walk. About a mile into the walk, they came to a deep, wide river. There was no bridge. They didn't have a boat or raft, or any materials to make one. None of them could swim. How did they get across?
The 3 kids were lost and there names were Robin Hood, Little John and Will Scarlet and they met Friar Tuck who they fought and defeated and made him carry them across
Quote from: Westmarcher on 14 February 2015, 09:58:43 AM
First prize to Getagrip. =D> <:-P Next ...
Three kids from Bristol went for a walk. About a mile into the walk, they came to a deep, wide river. There was no bridge. They didn't have a boat or raft, or any materials to make one. None of them could swim. How did they get across?
They hired Brunel to tunnel under it?
They hired Brunel to tunnel under it but, being a show-off (like Getagrip) Brunel decided he would start building a bridge. Meanwhile, St Francis came along and, disguised as a friar, and in an uncharacteristically (surely that word is impossible in Scrabble) grumpy mood, challenged the 3 children to a fight (coincidentally called Robin Hood, Little John, etc.) because of a misunderstanding over DNA and something unrelated (get it, eh?). While this was all happening, the river froze over and, St Francis, realising what a grump he had been, conceded defeat and carried the children over to the other side of the frozen river. So, by an incredible coincidence (second one), you are all correct. Huzzah! =D> <:-P
You didnt mention whether St Francis was wearing ice skates ( this is not an excuse for everyone to start fish puns again BE SERIOUS PLEASE!) or not to help get across the river otherwise your whole solution just falls apart
I know! They were from Norfolk and walked across on their webbed feet?
Quote from: fsn on 14 February 2015, 11:54:52 AM
I know! They were from Norfolk and walked across on their webbed feet?
Whilst navigating with their middle, and only, eye :D
Right, that's enough frivolity; this is a
SERIOUS forum. >:(
Quote from: fsn on 14 February 2015, 11:54:52 AM
I know! They were from Norfolk and walked across on their webbed feet?
Mr Stephen Fry will be coming to have words with you Nobby if start suggesting that sort of thing
Next Mission.
A true story: a white horse jumped over a castle and landed on a bishop, who immediately disappeared from the landscape. Where did this take place?
[be quick: Getagrip has logged out]
chess board
Cheese board ? :O)
Both are correct (except fsn is wayyyyy more correct than Techno). It is a chess board. But I hear The White Horse does a good cheese board, there is apparently a company in the States called Castle Cheese and, from what I hear, the bishop is a real stinker ..... so Techno also gets a prize. Huzzah to both! =D> <:-P
Next (and probably last for the day)(hee, hee, hee. Getagrip will be most annoyed).
Imagine you have a giant jelly. The jelly weighs 100 pounds, and is 99% water by weight.
You leave the jelly out, and let the water evaporate from the jelly until it reaches 98% water by weight.
Question: How much does the jelly now weigh?
Answer......A cheese board, again ?
Stinky Bishop ?...Mrs T bought some of that once....I had to leave the house..... The smell was similar to a decaying hedgehog. :-& :-& :-& :-&
Cheese - Phil
I think it's 50lbs.
1% of 100lbs is 1lb. If the water is reduced to 98% then the amount of jelly is doubled but it still weighs 1lb therefore the water must be halved.
Is that noise in the background the sounds of my maths teacher spinning in his grave?
To be fair, when it came to exams the Maths department suggested I study French :o :( :-[
Mrs T concurs.....So do I.
Cheers - Phil
If the amount of non-water is 1lb, then for 1lb to be 2%, the jelly would need to weigh 50lb.
Same answer - different route.
We're probably both wrong - FSN
Quote from: Techno on 14 February 2015, 02:32:48 PM
Stinky Bishop ?...Mrs T bought some of that once....I had to leave the house..... The smell was similar to a decaying hedgehog. :-& :-& :-& :-&
Don't you hate it when you can't enjoy your decaying hedgehog because someone is eating cheese?
What flavour was the jelly?
Fish?
You're codding, surely :D
Skating on thin ice fsn, besides, surely it should be eel flavoured?
Salmon tell him it's getting boring!
This is a SERIOUS forum so I don't want anyone being silly, even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say 'fish'. >:(
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7vySQbgXI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7vySQbgXI)
The answer is - the jelly would now weigh 50 pounds!
When the jelly weighs 100 pounds, it is 99% water. That means that it is 1% non-water, and this non-water component of the jelly must weigh one pound.
After evaporation, the non-water component accounts for 2% of the weight of the jelly. So 2% of the jelly weighs one pound. Scaling this up, we see that, if 2% weighs one pound, then the entire jelly must weigh fifty pounds.
Congratulations to Ithoriel for being the first to submit the correct answer (Sacre Bleu! In your face, Maths Teacher!) and to everyone else for also getting it right. Huzzah! =D> <:-P
Jellyfish, eh? :-\
Apparently, jellyfish have no brains but have survived for millions of years. Hope for some of us yet, eh? (me included)
.... talking of jellyfish (who was?) .......
Primary School Children Writing About The Sea
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8 )
6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs. (Emily Burniston age 5)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)
8 ) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky age 8 )
Apocryphally,"The Ancient Britains lived in houses of mud and sticks and had nothing but rough mating on the floor"
I suspect it's not real ... but it so should be :)
Should this be in a Fifty Shades of Grey thread? ;)
From an English paper at Wits University: "Macduff was not born through the usual channels."
:D =D>
Ithoriel: :) I have a slight suspicion some of the kid's quotes may also have been 'adjusted' for additional effect. :-\
As for 50 shades, if I had retained all 13 quotes from the kids (I deleted one after posting), it may well have been more appropriate to post it there! :-[
FK: Another goody. :)
Here's my favourite:
(http://i27.tinypic.com/fm6o2p.jpg)
:D
;D =D> ;D
I decided to draw a line under this.
__________________________________
:-h
Am I the only one who enjoys the Mission Impossible films then? I've just spent the last 4 nights watching them all...and, in fact, am re watching Ghost Protocol as I type. Love 'em - absolute daftness, with weapons and cars and stuff. 8)
Thoroughly enjoyable romps as far as I'm concerned, Nik. Not necessarily great cinema but a good couple of hours of entertainment.
If you liked MI and haven't seen Kingsman, I'd suggest you watch it sometime. Another gloriously, outrageously unfeasible romp!
Quote from: nikharwood on 15 February 2015, 11:59:33 PM
Am I the only one who enjoys the Mission Impossible films then? I've just spent the last 4 nights watching them all...and, in fact, am re watching Ghost Protocol as I type. Love 'em - absolute daftness, with weapons and cars and stuff. 8)
I thought the first was great, right up until they had the chopper fly into the tunnel.
The second one - John Woo, sideways guns and dancing sports cars . . . no thanks. Although it did have Thandie Newton in it ;)
The third one was good, once you'd got past the 'helicopter through the wind turbine' rubbish at the start.
Not seen the fourth.
Cheers, Martyn
Quote from: getagrip on 15 February 2015, 02:53:47 PM
Here's my favourite:
(http://i27.tinypic.com/fm6o2p.jpg)
:D
An oldie, but goodie:
(http://www.orange-insight.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/find_x_here_it_is.jpg)
It's supposed to be a genuine answer, but . . . who knows.
Cheers, Martyn
;D ;D ;D
Probably not real (either of them) but funny nonetheless so...who cares :D
My philosophy tutor used to tell the story of a brilliant but wordy student sitting his final exam where he was required to answer four questions from a dozen or more, who realised he did not have time to answer the required number of questions.
Skimming the questions he had not answered he found one that was simply
is this a question
No capitalisation or punctuation.
The rest of his work was of sufficient quality that they accepted his one line response.
if that is a question this is an answer
Quote from: Raider4 on 16 February 2015, 02:47:32 PM
An oldie, but goodie:
(http://www.orange-insight.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/find_x_here_it_is.jpg)
It's supposed to be a genuine answer, but . . . who knows.
Cheers, Martyn
Isn't the bottom one technically right?
It is and the marker awarded three marks.
Allegedly...
Wellll the "x" in the diagram is italicised, the "x" in the question isn't, so you could argue that the student didn't find "x".
Anyway it's 5! The answer is 5! It's so bleedin' obvious! - FSN
Well done fsn (for being the first to submit the correct answer)! =D> <:-P
(and when you were suffering from centurion viridis, too.)
Sheesh, it took them long enough that time.
----------------------------------------------------------------
/ \
/ I \
/ I \
I
I
(I've drawn another line. It's my linear period.)
It's only geometry.
Quote from: Westmarcher on 16 February 2015, 11:25:25 PM
(I've drawn another line. It's my linear period.)
When a queen misses her linear period, does she give birth to a ruler?
X_X
Quote from: fsn on 17 February 2015, 08:14:37 AM
When a queen misses her linear period, does she give birth to a ruler?
;D ;D ;D
Quote from: fsn on 17 February 2015, 08:14:37 AM
When a queen misses her linear period, does she give birth to a ruler?
No - she is far too old.
IanS
Alphabetically, the answer is V.
A very measured response, fsn.
to ho kro so · wo kro lo lo · co plo mo flo · blo so · no plo · so tro ro po ro kro so flo · to plo · po flo no do ro blo kno flo no · fo plo ro tro mo · mo flo mo bo flo ro so bla · kro to so · no plo to · jo tro so to · fo so no bla · kro · to ho kro no kno · go flo to blo go ro kro po · mo kro go ho to · blo lo so plo · bo flo · blo no · plo kro kno bla