The Bangkok Apocrypha

[FierceKitty]

XXI: ii On the sixth day, the Lord spake unto Raphael, saying "Lo, I am knackered, for that I have created most of the human race. Do thou finish off, for I the Lord thy God am off to the pub for a quick one." And Raphael did speak unto the Lord, saying, "Behold, what Thou hast done, that is well done. But Thou hast not created the ABAC student in Bangkok, neither are there any Asian brains left, for Thou hast given them all unto the Japanese which Thou hast created." And the Lord shrugged and said "Use a pocket calculator, it'll just have to do. And it'll punish that unbeliever Hay-Whitton when he gradeth their presentations and goeth half mad with boredom and frustration."
XXI:iii And Raphael saw that there was much wisdom in this plan.
XXI: iv And it came to pass that the students did drop out after the mid-term exams like fruit from an untended fruit tree, and there was a sound as of lamentation in the corridors of that place.

[Hertsblue]

 

Think yourself lucky; you could be teaching English in the north of England....

[Techno]

XXII : i  And the Lord looked down on the land of the Kittites and was sore aggrieved.
XXII : ii And he turned to the Angel of the East and sayeth unto him, "Where is thy flaming sword, so that you may take vengeance upon the drop-outs."
XXII : iii And the Angel replied "I had it a moment ago, must have put it down somewhere.....Forget my own head next !

[burnaby64]

The main thing that I do not miss about teaching is the unrelenting grind of marking examination papers. Not even some Sellar & Yeatman howlers could relieve the tedium, though I have a soft spot for one first former's name for William the Conqueror's scorched earth policy after the Conquest: 'The Herring of the North.' This reminded me of the question, "Which do you consider was the stronger swimmer, [a] The Spanish Armadillo, or The Great Seal?'

[mollinary]

The main thing that I do not miss about teaching is the unrelenting grind of marking examination papers. Not even some Sellar & Yeatman howlers could relieve the tedium, though I have a soft spot for one first former's name for William the Conqueror's scorched earth policy after the Conquest: 'The Herring of the North.' This reminded me of the question, "Which do you consider was the stronger swimmer, [a] The Spanish Armadillo, or The Great Seal?'

My favourite, from many, many, years ago, was: "Martin Luther first came to the attention of historians when he nailed his 95 faeces to the church door at Wittenberg"   Now that would certainly grab your attention!   

Mollinary

[burnaby64]

My favourite, from many, many, years ago, was: "Martin Luther first came to the attention of historians when he nailed his 95 faeces to the church door at Wittenberg"   Now that would certainly grab your attention!   

Mollinary

Given John Osborne's emphasis in his play on Luther's constipation.......

[Ithoriel]

I've always liked the, probably apocryphal, schoolboy howler

"The early Britons made their houses of mud, and there was rough mating on the floor."