My Doctor

[Chad]

Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good!
If you tell him you want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again!

~~~~~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years ..
Before he realized she was Chinese.

~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live.
At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill,
So, the doctor gave him another six months.

~~~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,
"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible."
The doctor said,
"Tell him I can't see him."

~~~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
"Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!"
The doctor calmly replied, "Well let's just wait and see what
develops."

~~~~~
One patient came in and said,
"Doctor, I have a serious memory problem"
The doctor asked, "When did it start?"
The man replied,
"When did what start?"

~~~~~
I remember one time I told my doctor
I had a ringing in my ears.
His advice:
"Don't answer it."

~~~~~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."
The doctor gave him some pills and said,
"Here, take these —
If they don't work, give me a ring."

~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought
he was a deck of cards
The doctor simply said,
" Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."

~~~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,
He told me to stop going to those places!

~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
Then he says,
"I wish you had come to me sooner."

[Ithoriel]

 

I went to my doctor and said, "I think I'm a pair of curtains" and he said "Pull yourself together!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then I said,"All my hair is falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in?" and he gave me a cardboard box.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I go to a private doctor not an NHS one, he practices from home. I said,"Doc I've got the flu you've got to give me something for it!" He said,"It's just a cold go home and get some rest. That'll be £250." I said,"250 quid for a few minutes and not even an examination, can't you be a bit more thorough?" So he gave a whistle and his ginger tom stalked in jumped up on the table beside me and looked me up and own, then strolled off. He gave another whistle and his black labrador walked in and barked at me for a couple of minutes. The dog walked out and the Doc said,"That'll be £500." I said, "500 quid what's the extra 250 for?" He replied,"The Cat Scan and the Lab Report!"


Coat please!

 

[Techno]

Doctor.....I keep thinking I'm Tom Jones.

Don't worry about it.......It's not unusual.