Blather, Waffle and Poppycock!

[FierceKitty]

Make sure you drink plenty of liquids. No while asleep, obviously. That would be silly.

If you can drink any solids, I'll be impressed.

[Last Hussar]

Post curry conversation:

After the curry, 4 of us went on to a local pub that opens late.  The bit we sat in had a table of teen boys (a dozen or so) next to us.  After them blaming me for bring us to a creche, and all feeling old, some one noticed that one of the kids looked like a teen version of someone at work. Then another one, and another one.  Within 5 minutes we had spotted 6 or so who looked like teen versions of various colleagues.

The conversation then went like this.
"Maybe the entire pub is a TARDIS, and we've gone back to the 80's, and we will wake up tomorrow with Simon Mayo on Radio 1, playing Wham's latest hit."
"Oh no. No smartphones. No all day opening!"
"Maybe we could stop 9/11"
"Sod that, we could make a killing at the bookies."

[FierceKitty]

Plunge into Microsoft with every penny you can raise.

[Last Hussar]

What got me was my boss went from 'No smartphones' to NO ALL DAY OPENING!, and she was born in the mid-80s so doesn't remember 3pm closing, and blokes wandering the streets looking for a way round it for 4 hours.

[nikharwood]

[Techno]

A new experience today. 

Mr Neck has been whingeing, on and off, for a while.
Nothing painful at all....Just pins and needles from the neck and into the shoulder from time to time.

"I know", thought I.....I'll slap the TENS machine on my neck, while I watch the tele.

(Pulls out instruction booklet.....checks where electrodes need to be stuck on.....Aha !......One pair here, and the other pair there..)

Switch machine on......Squeak loudly at a very low power......(About an eighth of the power, I'll use on my back, when I need it.)
Try and switch machine off with right hand.....Can't....Right arm has gone into complete spasm and is effectively paralysed.
Panic....Before remembering that I do have another hand, and use that to switch the power down to virtually nothing.

Does seem to have done some good though. 

Cheers - Mr Muppet.

[fsn]

You're not safe let out!


Or left in!

[paulr]

A new experience today. 

Mr Neck has been whingeing, on and off, for a while.
Nothing painful at all....Just pins and needles from the neck and into the shoulder from time to time.

"I know", thought I.....I'll slap the TENS machine on my neck, while I watch the tele.

(Pulls out instruction booklet.....checks where electrodes need to be stuck on.....Aha !......One pair here, and the other pair there..)

Switch machine on......Squeak loudly at a very low power......(About an eighth of the power, I'll use on my back, when I need it.)
Try and switch machine off with right hand.....Can't....Right arm has gone into complete spasm and is effectively paralysed.
Panic....Before remembering that I do have another hand, and use that to switch the power down to virtually nothing.

Does seem to have done some good though. 

Cheers - Mr Muppet.

I hope you are feeling better

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

Yikes!

[Techno]

I hope you are feeling better

So far, so good.  ....The TENS machine does seemed to have helped...Thanks, Paul.

I must have slapped one of the electrodes right on top of the nerve that controls the impulses to the arm....The muscles there (Well...the few that I've got) were having a right old spasm.

I damaged a disc at the top of my neck YEARS ago. (Shifting...or try to shift, far too much horse poo onto a trailer with a long pitch fork.)

At the time I thought I'd done some really serious damage, 'cos both my arms went completely white, my hands were completely 'locked', and went into paralysed 'claws'.
Mrs T and I sat there for about half an hour watching as the blood and feeling slowly returned to both arms.
Most peculiar sensation.

As I found out later, one of the discs at the base of my neck is 'degenerating/degenerated'...(Though it doesn't seem to have got any worse over the years).....So I can only assume, on that particular day it pressed on a nerve, but it 'slipped back' after a very short while.

You're not safe let out !
Or left in!

Well...That was just typical for me, wasn't it, Nobby ? 

Yikes!

Yikes mode over, Will. 

Cheers - Phil

[fsn]

So, I researched your situation with memes.


Wow, Techno! You must have so little weakness left!


I think this means you should now be able to push putty with your feet.




There is much wisdom in memes.

[FierceKitty]

As my Faith Healer told me, "Pain is just your body's way of letting you know that something hurts."

[fsn]

Gentlemen of the Forum.

My eyes have been assulted by something that cannot be unseen. My mind is filled with such horror as cannot be described in front of children, women or delicate horses. What I have seen would send priests to theuir prayer mats, stong men to the whisky bottle and weaker men to their service revolver. I am sure though, thet the constitution of Forum members is strong enough to bearmy story, but I suggest that all adopt a sitting posture, preferrably close to the whisky, and that all firearms be entrusted to your eldest son, or should you not have an eldest son, your least delicate horse. Are we ready? Then I shall begin my tale.

I was walking into work this morning. On reflection if I had not taken Monday off to attend to some personal matters then I would not have parked in the Blundell St car park, but the King car park, and so my route would have been different and so this tale would never have needed to be told, for it would not have happened. "Ah!" I hear you cry "why does taking  Monday off mean that you parked in Blundell St and not the King car park, and what were these personal matters of which you speak?" It is a pecliarity of Liverpool car park economics that the Blundell St Car park costs £3.50 per day, and the King £4 per day. However, the King car park allows for a 5 day charge of £16. The Blundell St offers no such discount, so my best option for a full week is to park in the King car park (saving £1.50 per week over the Blundell St Car park), but for less than a full working week, the Blundell St Car park saves £0.50 per day as compared to the King. The two car parks are closely situated, but the best route to work is along the Strand from the King, and by the Scandinavian Church from Blundell St. I hope this is clear, but it is not, however reflective of the horror of my tale.

As to the personal matters, thy must remain personal, but rest assured they do not involve unnatural practices. This time.

As I have said, before you forced me into a digression about the vagaries of vehicle storage in Merseyside, was that I was walking to work from the Blundell St car park. As I proceeded it was just coming on to rain I remember and I was considering whether to put up my umbrella or not. The winds along the Strand can wreak havoc with an inexpertly handled bumbershoot, but the route past the Scandinavian Church is largely free from cross winds and sudden eddys, so the umbrella users is largely free from peril, except for the stand of trees which sometimes impede progress. As the trees are quite sheltering, it is advisable just to lower one's umbrella when passing, which one can do with no diminution of shelter experienced.

I had not yet reached those trees, and thought that the rain was light enough for me to bear at present, but was strengthening. My best course of action was to strike out for the trees, and there pause to raise my umbrella and so continue in perfect contentment.

As I have said, before you gentlemen again distracted me from my story of horror, I had not reached the stand of trees, which are before the Scandinavian Church, which I am told offers in a small cafe around the back a select menu of Scaninavian delights. Since it is well known that people in those climes eat only cold fish, it is to be wondered at the content of this menu, but I have determined that I would lunch there one day, if only for the experience. And meat balls, they eat meat balls too. But the Scandinavian Church is a bit far to comfortably wander for lunch, so mayhap I must go there for tea. Though I'm not sure if they stay open that late.

But I hadn't even gotten to the Scandinavian Church, I was approaching the student flats, and coming toards me in the other direction was a person. Gentlemen, I try not to be offensive about a person's appearance, for we are all made in some Mad God's image, and yet I do think that there are some people who perhaps could try a bit more. This person was female. She was short, but made up for it in being wide. She wore black, all black, from the  neck to the above-the-knee skirt, but her naked pale gray legs matched the pavement so completely, that at first I thought I was being approached by a giant full stop. ("Period" to our less enlightened bretheren.)

Stay your hands from that decanter,  there is worse to follow. As I neared the creature, I noticed that on the inside of each multi-dimpled knee was a tattoo. As a person who is interested in these things, I assiduously read everything emblazoned upon chests fo example, I tried to make out amongst the nature of these devices. This job was made more difficult by the constant motion of the chubby joints, but as I neared I saw ... to my horror, and gentlemen, now is the time for that fortifying spirit ... that upon each knee she had a tattoo of a hand, in an instructional mode as if to say "push here".

The consequences of anyone of character placing themselves into such a position and the awful consequences do, I confess gentlemen, bring a cold sweat to my brow, a chill to my spine and surprisingly, a warmth to my ankles. It is not just the contemplation of the young creature that horrifies, but the thought that as she ages, those hand wil lbe forever parting her knees. Don't get me wrong, if ever there comes time for the creature to give birth, and the midwife is very inexperienced, such tattoes may be of some use, but imagine the 3 year old little creature fitting his hands wonderingly into those gruesome cartoons, or indeed the pensioner creature trying to persuade young men (or women) in the bus queue to "give 'em a go."

Gentlemen, I feel better having shared my experience, and I hope that none of you have gone hysterically blind, or indeed wrestled the service revolver from your oldest son (or least delicate horse). For you, the ordeal can now end, but for me, there are anotrher two days of walking from the Blundell St Car Park.

I bid you "good day".   

[Techno]

Well......

What can one say ?
It sounds like you've been scarred for life, Nobby. 

Cheers - Phil

[fsn]

I am scarred.

I may need to forgo the pleasures and small savings afforded by the Blundell St car park, and make every day a King Parking day.